Hi my dad was hit by car on January 5th 2007 he was killed
He was crossing the street in a crosswalk when he was hit the lady who hit him said she didn't see him it was dusk and drizzling the state charged her with vehicular homicide but she was not convicted because they couldn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she should have seen him I understand that it was an accident but I am having trouble forgiving her for killing him I am not sure how to feel but I also can't get over this without some sort of closure I feel like everything is standing still and I need to move on and don't know how
If you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated thanks

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like it was an accident ( you did not mention if she was drunk or anything) People have to deal with things there own way. I am sure it is killing her inside to, knowing she took someone's life. I know you said you were having trouble moving on. This is understandable, Would it help if the two of you could talk, if she is willing. If not maybe writing her a letter. There is also support groups for family members who have lost loved ones and also therapy could help. You need to talk to someone in the support field. They could help you the best. You have to remember that your dad is still with you in your heart and memories. I am sure he would not want you upset. He would want you to get past this point of your life. I know this is hard, do you have friends or family you could talk to and remember him with, this may help also. You will never forget him, but the pain will ease over time. Each day will be a little easier. I hope this helps and please remember this is just my opinion. Also talk to God, he is there for you and he can help. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

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tjplayer offered some good help below, in my opinion.

Allowing feelings to surface and have expression seems to help some people. Acknowledging the anger that is present in spite of your understanding the facts of the accident may be helpful.

Talking with someone or a group on a regular basis for at possibly a year or more might help with healing and growth through the grief.

Doing something helpful for an individual, a family, a group, or the community in appreciation for your father could be a way of giving yourself even in your own time of need. Giving seems to be therapeutic for some folk.

Have you considered a skilled pastor, pastoral counselor, or other counselor who knows how to be supportive to persons who are grieving?

May I say that allowing yourself to cry, to express your feelings and thoughts verbally and on paper, and just meditating on the memories of dad might be special during this time. If you are a person of faith, reading inspirational materials and praying can be a part of your "recovery," if you so choose.

Finally, laugh when you remember the funny things, and when you begin to feel better, be alert to feelings of guilt about that. Sometimes our "craziness" tries to interpret improvement as our not loving the one we lost enough. Accept improvement, and rejoice in it!



And through it all...

I am sorry for your loss. It can take time to first deal with the loss before you can deal with forgiveness

Listen I didn't know your father, I don't know what kind of a man he was, but I bet he wouldn't want you to grieve like this, I bet he wants you to keep living life. I know its hard, but you just have to keep going, I know how sad it can be, and its OK to be sad but you'll be making him happy by being happy, living the life that was taken away from him, do this for your father.
It was an accident you need to forgive her, she didn't want to kill him, and maybe she did see him. But you need to go to her and say "i forgive you" then let it go, she'll move on and so willl you. You don't have to die because your fathers died, you need to keep going for him. And once you forgive her you'll feel so much better, and your father (if you believe this stuff) will be happy.
Sorry about you losing dad.