I went out with this gentlemen a week ago for dinner. We met last year, saw each other here and there always just small talk, but I guess we both kind of liked each other. To make a long story short, we had a nice timeand did go to dinner, being the first time going out, we seemed to really hit it off. When he dropped me off that evening he said we would have to do it again. Me not knowing if he had text messaging thanked him for a nice evening, and he wrote back right away, he had fun too. A few days later I texted him and he text back just small talk, what he was up to at work, that was the end of last week. I haven't heard a word since do I panic and just wait, since its only been a week, or should I feel something is wrong?

If you real want to know then give him a call not text message. If he don't answer then leave a message and if he don't response then sorry to say this but he not interested. At least you tried and there nothing wrong with that because you never know he could have been busy.

Just give him a call and say "we had a great time, lets try it agin"

Stay busy with your own life, and take him at his word, he had a good time. You did nothing wrong, but the expectations of more interest, is not realistic so, deal with it if it comes. This is what casual dating is about. No strings and low expectations
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He may be busy with work, family, and friends so his interest is anyone's guess and not a goos subject for speculation and assumptions.

You could call, and see if he is free for dinner, show whatever. But if schedules conflict, they just conflict.

The last thing you need is to focus too much attention on a casual acquaintance, and make it a bigger deal than it is.

No more texts. Call him and invite him to a specific thing on a specific day. Wish him well, hang up.

Give him a call and see if he would like to go check out a movie coming out or something that will prompt an answer. If he declines, well then you know your answer.

I agree. Call him.

Some of you are familiar, went out with a gentlemen once, thought he was just so sweet and kind. Thanked him the next day, for a nice evening and dinner. I thought he was different from the rest of the men out there. We did hit it off nicely. He had been interested me in for awhile now but didn't know. Two weeks ago we went out, it was the first time. I texted him a couple of days ago, to see how everything was. He answered right away he was doing a function, which I knew about he had mentioned it to me before. But I know its casual dating as they say today to some people. I thought he would have called by now, and asked me out a second time. Or is two weeks not long at all, or should now I just count that he doesn't care? Just wondering is that the way men operate now, when they feel like calling?

Sorry to say it but to me it doesn't sound like he's that interested. You might want to move on. If a person likes someone they would make time for them. Don't tell me he couldn't get away from his busy life for 15 minutes to have a decent conversation with you in all this time. Yes it may be he's busy, but he could have at least called by now to quickly explain that he's busy but would like to spend more time with you as soon as this busy-ness is over. The only thing he may down the road wake up and realize that he does want to pursue this. I think you've done more than enough, you contacted him, thanked him, said you had a nice time, etc. and he was too busy to talk to you.

The ball's in his court. In other words go on with your life, it's up to him if he wants to get things going. And you may have changed you mind by then.

Sully, I think you are coming off a little to pushy. What I mean is you went out and then you seemed to hang on waiting for him. Texting him during a function is not going to be something he's thrilled about... especially when he told you in advance that is what he was doing. It sounds like he might not have been interested or was on the fence but you may have pushed too much to soon. I would back off and try to focus on something else for awhile, but don't have any expectations on this situation.

Thanks Chuff, for the reply, but I didn't text him during a function. I texted him at work that day, asking how everything was with him. Just as a friend, I would never think of pushing myself on someone. What I didn't understand, he was the one who pursued me, and asked me out, and told me how much he liked me and enjoyed himelf. That's why I found it odd not too hear from him. I know he is busy and has a lot going on. I was just trying to keep the friendship open. I won't do anymore, I am not like that..

Yeah, I read the OP to read that you text him during the function, sorry about that. But I can tell you I have pursued women and then gone out just once and realized I wasn't interested or they just came on so quick that it surprised me since they hadn't been interested before. I can't say for sure in your case but that might have been it. It also may have been, the feeling that once he got the date the chase was over.

Not to give you false hope but I went out with a guy a while ago and we hit it off great. We went out that Saturday and the date did end until Sunday. Neither one of us plan this. I knew a head of time his schedule because he works 3 jobs, I know sounds weird. He has no kids but working hard to archieve his goals and saving his money. I meet him through a friend and she told me everything about him and his busy work schedule intefer with his personal life. He was a gentleman because he never bothe me for sex when I slept over at his house and he slept on sofa and gave me the bed.

After the date he called me and told me what a good time he had and wished to do it again, I said fine Conversation was cut short because he was at work. We never got back in touch until almost 2 weeks later he called because he had death in his family but I knew this from my friend and her husband, her husband always took me that he was very interested. We hang out mor whenever he was free and sometimes he took time off to spend time together and every time was a blast.

The theory is you never know what a person is going through, sometimes people are truly busy. I at times meet guys and was going call but I never got around to it and when I do its too late in the night. After time I'm say forget it he probualry won't remember me and throw the number in the trash. If your that concern call, not text, one mor time. If he don't call back then simpy move on, there's mor guys waiting to meet someone nice.Sorry so long!

Chuff: "Sully, I think you are coming off a little to pushy. What I mean is you went out and then you seemed to hang on waiting for him. Texting him during a function is not going to be something he's thrilled about...especially when he told you in advance that is what he was doing. It sounds like he might not have been interested or was on the fence but you may have pushed to much to soon. I would back off and try to focus on something else for awhile, but don't have any expectations on this situation."

Chuff, it sounded like she just texted him once, this doesn't exactly seem like overly-keen behavior to me. And by texting, she probably thought would be a less intrusive than calling, so that he could get back at his convenience. I mean how else was she supposed to know what was up?

To be honest I think there is a bit of a double standard on this issue. Not accusing you personally of discriminating because I don't know you, but in general I'm just wondering... If the genders had been reversed... Would you have felt the same?

Chuff: "Sully, I think you are coming off a little to pushy. What I mean is you went out and then you seemed to hang on waiting for him. Texting him during a function is not going to be something he's thrilled about...especially when he told you in advance that is what he was doing. It sounds like he might not have been interested or was on the fence but you may have pushed to much to soon. I would back off and try to focus on something else for awhile, but don't have any expectations on this situation."

Chuff, it sounded like she just texted him once, this doesn't exactly seem like overly-keen behavior to me. And by texting, she probably thought would be a less intrusive than calling, so that he could get back at his convenience. I mean how else was she supposed to know what was up? .

I'll answer that with this from my second post.


Yeah, I read the OP to read that you text him during the function, sorry about that. .


To be honest I think there is a bit of a double standard on this issue. Not accusing you personally of discriminating because I don't know you, but in general I'm just wondering...If the genders had been reversed...Would you have felt the same?

Yes, I would have felt the same, and I'm sorry to have to admit I've probably been that guy that was didn't "see it" or wanted it more then she did so I sort of became to forward, to soon, or she just wasn't interested after the first get together. This isn't a bad thing, I'm not attacking her for it, some people just have an initial interest and after spending time with that person it just doesn't materalize into anything further.

Yes, I would have felt the same, and I'm sorry to have to admit I've probably been that guy that was didn't "see it" or wanted it more then she did so I sort of became to forward, to soon, or she just wasn't interested after the first get together. This isn't a bad thing, I'm not attacking her for it, some people just have an initial interest and after spending time with that person it just doesn't materalize into anything further.

I hear you, I've been there too, had the guy more interested than I was, but it wasn't his interest that turned me away, it was just that I wasn't interested.

The main thing I don't want the OP to believe that she's somehow 'done something wrong' or 'driven him away', by simply contacting him. I think if you've gone on a date with someone you have every right to make contact once or twice, if it's at an inconvenient time they can always get back to you in a timely manner. It's just basic civility. Seems healthy thing to do to me. Now it would be different if she were driving past his kids school or boiling bunnies on his stove, but that hardly seems to be the case here:)

I went out on date a few weeks ago, a dinner date with a gentlemen. We hit it off and liked each other.. The last few weeks we texted here and there. I should say I did inititate the text's but he always replied right away. Well this past weekend he asked me if me and this mutual friend or set us up would like to meet and get a bite to eat the following day. No he isn't after her and she isn't interested in him, she is happily married. Well I texted him back this text came on his own asking to meet us and eat and have a drink. I told him she couldn't make it, she was working, do you still want to go, and guess what no reply since Saturday. Was it up with this? He pursued me this time? I know I won't call or text him ever again, but why?

His phone is broken. Send an email or use your voice to talk to him. Texts are so unreliable.

Yeah, I really hate all this "texting", its so impersonal and I swear I don't trust that they don't get lost sometimes. Why don't you call him? Just once. If nothing, then just give up. Its just one guy. There are plenty more out there who will be chasing you down and calling you... not the other way around.

I am sure he got my text message just like I got his. There is no excuse not to answer me, and if he wanted to be with me and asked me out, then why did he not answer me. I am sorry I don't buy the phone bit, I feel something is up. I just think it shows me disrespect and it really hurt my feelings. I don't think at this point I should even chase him after this, its for him to get in touch with me, right?

The last thing you want to do is try and guess the motives of others, or read their minds. His actions are loud and clear though as you were a stepping stone to another. Don't dwell on him, just keep doing your thing.

I to hate texting, as it allows the mind to wonder, and assume all kinds of things, with very little information given.

As long as you're texting, you're attempting flat, emotionless, and non-interactive communication process. It's sad to rely on this so much. You say you're "sure he got it" and I say poppycock. Pressing SEND isn't some magical gift you're giving to someone that they must respond to. Yeah, I know, I'm sure he got it, too, but that's not my point.

But TALKING to someone IS a magical gift you're giving to someone they must respond to. And like Tal said, when you TALK to people and they answer, you are 2000% less confused about what's going on.

Pressing SEND isn't talking, it's like summoning someone out of their life into a "chat" and I personally think it's overrated. Look how much damage this one unanswered text has caused you?

Call him.

Hi Sully,

JB and Tal are both right. I think it won't hurt if you call him, and this way you can get a sense of what is going on by the tone in his voice. You can't from a text.

Was he a shy guy? Is it possible that he needed the 'mutual friend' to run interference for the two of you? Like a sort of ice breaker? Who knows...

I'm with everybody else.. call him... be sure... at least you'll have a little peace of mind about it all..

Two things:

First I agree with everyone that texts are unreliable, and that even if they were reliable, they suck.

Maybe the next great invention will be a mail system that carries our hand-written letters across the country by a series of relay-ponies. Or... we could simply use the telephone and talk to someone.

Second, this business about not wanting to date you without your friend... huh? (If you talk to him and confirm this of course) That sounds weird. He's that shy? Do you want to date someone who's so shy he can't date you unescorted? I wouldn't. Someone else mentioned in a different post that book 'Maybe He's Just Not Into You'. In that book I believe not wanting to have you all to himself in the early stages is a bad sign. I agree.

One skill to learn that will serve you well, don't dwell on the shortcomings of others, and don't waste your time on someone, that has no time for you.

Thank you everyone for your insight! It did help a lot, and Tal you right on it every time. You pull no punches, your right to the point.

I don't think texting is his problem. Don't give this man such a lame excuse. He is fully capable of using a phone. His problem is obvious. Lol. He's a loser. Seriously, he would only go out if you had a third person there? What the heck? Yeah... NEXT!!

Some of you are familiar, went out with a gentlemen once, thought he was just so sweet and kind. Thanked him the next day, for a nice evening and dinner. I thought he was different from the rest of the men out there. We did hit it off nicely. He had been interested me in for awhile now but didn't know. Two weeks ago we went out, it was the first time. I texted him a couple of days ago, to see how everything was. He answered right away he was doing a function, which I knew about he had mentioned it to me before. But I know its casual dating as they say today to some people. I thought he would of called by now, and asked me out a second time. Or is two weeks not long at all, or should now I just count that he doesn't care? Just wondering is that the way men operate now, when they feel like calling?
Yeah many men play game it may not be you men can be self centered and only when they need a friend that's when they will call you also they will tell u what you want to hear what ever word would make you stay around also if he has not called u he may be dealing with others and when he messes that up believe he will call you! Don't let it happen!move on to bigger and better things.when u find the one you will no it. Keep looking

I have been seeing this guy from my younger years at school, need some answers. WE talked a lot on the phone and saw each like once a month, we seemed to hit it off nice. WE use to like each other when we were younger. Well about a week ago, I had asked him after he got done from work, if he wanted to me up and go for a walk at the beach. Well called back a few hours later, and said he would have loved too, but made plans with a buddy friend to go over night on his boat and then head out in the morning to go fishing. Everything was fine. Haven't heard from him in a week, text him once during last week, he answered my text on Friday, and I am never the one to call usually, but did this past Sunday, and his ederly mom lives with him, also like I have the same thing with my mom. SHe said he wasn't home, she would surely give him the message. It's unlike him not to return my call, but this came out of nowhere. I know he had been off the past couple of days, his normal days off, but just didn't understand. Do I assume he doesn't care because he didn't return my phone call. We are both in our fifties and we go back from grammar school, didn't think he would be like that. He really liked me which I thought, am I wrong to assume something is wrong, after not hearing for ten days. Sometimes he calls like three times a week, then sometimes I don't hear from him for ten days. He has been divorced for like 20 years. Am I reading into things or its just a guy thing?

Not to sound harsh or anything but this guy doesn't owe you anything. I think you got used to his calls/texts and right now you expect it.

He might had been interest or he might be dated people. I think you should get out there and date instead of sitting around waiting for him. Life is to short but you tried time after time to make plans with him.

After all he has your number and I pretty should he got your text and missed call. You even left a message with his mother. How much more texting or calling your going do? He might be ignoring your calls because he is not interested or he's busy--only he knows.

Maybe your jumping the gun a bit and it sounds like your trying to pin him down. If you haven't actually had some kind of talk about being in a relationship or being exclusive then its really not your business if and when he calls. Like liz said, maybe you got used to him calling often and assumed it was more then it was. He might be interested but he might just still want to live his life. If he calls great but if not is it such a big deal? If your concerned about this have you talked to him? Maybe you should express how you feel and see if your on the same page. I think he is in a different chapter then you are.

You are expecting way too much, way too fast and he probably sensed that. I saw a phrase used last night on TV, it's called "stage 5 clinger" which means that one event or a few of them triggers someone to become overly clingy to another.

I have never clinged by no means to him, and we weren't in a relationship like that. I never ever pushed or chased him or anything like that. He always called me. I only text a few times, and every time he answered, which he has always done. I just asked if it was odd for a guy all of a sudden who called u and talked about doing things over the summer, and enjoying each others company would just disappear and not call. Last time I saw him a few weeks ago, he asked if he could see me again. It's not the case of breakup, I wasn't in that kind of relationship its way too early. I was just wondering do guys do that all of a sudden and their into themselves, that's it... He has always been the one to inititate, I just said one day about meeting up and he called me back saying he would love too, but he had made plans, and am fine with that. He had called in between up until 10 days ago, just asking not expecting the third degree...

Well maybe some things have come up and its taken up his time. Maybe you can just send a quick text and make sure things are OK. Maybe he just is finding things to get done with the nicer weather.

The list could be endless to reasons he haven't called you. Only he knows why--nobody else.

Thanks sunflower and liz for the insight...

As a man, I can tell you that we can have a short attention span when it comes to relationships that are as established as yours. Yes, we get distracted, involved, self-oriented. Don't hallucinate what is going on in his mind.

If you want to see him, invite him to something specific again, like a walk or a movie. If he says no, and doesn't reciprocate, he's not that interested. Then, it's up to you to decide whether he's worth going after or not.

For someone who knows they are not in a relationship, you sure go a long way on acting like it.

When someone doesn't give you the time and efforts, that match their words, take the hint and move on.

Even if he eventually calls you for a date or chat, his past speaks volumes, and shows he is not worth the time and effort on your part.

Read my signature.

Just a thought here, you said his mom was elderly? What are the chances she forgot to tell him that you called. I know plenty of older people that forget things. If you haven't tried contacting him in 10 days either, just give him a call. It's possible that you're blowing this out of proportion. It doesn't sound to me like you're clingy because you're not calling/texting all the time. It sounds to me like you're just confused. Maybe he is too? Good luck!

Thanks ZoeMarie, yes, I have always let him do the chasing. I did call him a few times over the few months, and a couple of texts here and there. But always he would call like three times a week, that's why I don't understand. He would always touch base with me and tell me what's going on with him, with his work and everything. Yes we both have the same situation our mom's living with us. She has her faculties his mom, and I have seen her the few times also. She hugs me when she sees me, we go back from our childhood years. We both enjoyed each other's company, and always enjoyed conversation and seeing each other. That's what baffles me, the last time we had talked I initiate it, and asked if he wanted to go for a walk, after his work, and he called me back and said he would have loved too, but he made plans with his buddy friend, and he always seemed truthful. I text him once during that week but now its been 11 days, since I talked to him, and I had called him on Sunday night and he wasn't home, but its not like him not to return my phone call. We had talked about making plans for my birthday a few weeks ago which is this weekend, and now just out of nowhere nothing. Their would be a few weeks in between we wouldn't talked but we always caught up, don't understand where this came out of...

Wow if you're in your fifties and he's taking things so slowly, chances are he only sees you as a regular friend. If he was more interested, he would look for you much more often.

I highly doubt that he's looking for the type of relationship that you want. It's time to go out and meet new people.