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MariKwan
Jun 4, 2008, 08:13 AM
I have been dating this guy for about 8 months, but until now I have never met any of his friends. I'm a little bit concerned if he is really serious about me. He introduced me to his mom on our 4th date, but he didn't introduce me as his girlfriend. I'm not sure if this is normal, or what should I do in this case?

JBeaucaire
Jun 4, 2008, 08:28 AM
First off, rude question - how old are you two? What do you do individually?

Your 4th date was 8 months ago. You weren't his girlfriend then, you were the girl he was seeing. NOT introducing you as his girlfriend was not only normal, it was correct.

There is no substitute for direct communication. Guys are visual, not verbal. What is he DOING? How do his actions currently speak to you regarding his intentions to you?

You've dated him long enough that you should be able to read him clearly now. Meeting his friends is a non-issue. They may all be idiots and he's just protecting you.

Are you his girlfriend? Is he serious? Do you two talk about the future as if it were actually coming? Do you plan real events together or just glide through the dates mindlessly?

Meanwhile, you DO have a lot of other things going on in your life, too, right? The last thing you want to do is wrap your entire social calendar around a guy you are simply dating. He should see you busy with things that don't include him, don't need to include him, and he should be doing likewise.

Your best bet is to develop a life that doesn't need a man, but is open to it. To have goals, career, ambition, accomplishments, outreach to others, a giving heart, a playful spirit... all of that is going on... plus you're dating. You want to make sure you have left a place in your life for your boyfriend, but that he isn't THE PLACE in your life.

When boyfriend becomes husband, THEN you can wrap your all around him.

MariKwan
Jun 4, 2008, 10:30 AM
Thank you for your response JBeaucaire!
I'm 29 and he's 36 and both of us have a carrier.
We have never discussed our future together and I don't want to be the first one to start these kind of conversations, because I don't want him to think that I'm too pushy. I don't even know if I can call him my boyfriend.
I've asked him once, if we were dating exclusively and his answer was "yes", but I'm still feeling confused. Maybe I need to talk to him, but I don't know how to start that conversation...

liz28
Jun 4, 2008, 12:07 PM
You answered your own question, you need to have a sit down and have a heart felt talk with him to see how does he see you in his life and what you are to him. Of course marriage is too soon to be discuss, but it neve to soon to find at how he feel about you and then you decide what choices have to made after your talk.

JBeaucaire
Jun 4, 2008, 12:41 PM
Bah, you're doing fine. 8 months is the exact right time for you two to start pushing some of these thoughts around.

At your age, you know by now that just because something makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean it can/should be avoided. Talking about your life, your future, where you two each see your relationship heading... these are SKILLs. They have to be developed. You do that by practicing them, by doing it.

Uncomfortable, huh? Oh well, you do it anyway.

Not being pushy is easy. Pushiness is needing other people to agree with you, to "need" them to take your words and ideas as their own. So, just don't pursue that part.

You share your thoughts and what you think your needs are without demanding they be fulfilled or agreed to by those you are speaking with. You inspire them with your self-awareness and confidence. They see you know what you want but aren't raining your insecurities down on them to fix.

It's best to have that "full life" I talked about earlier.

Talk to him, our advice can be encouraging, but in the end it is just you two dreaming over coffee.

At 8 months it's time. Won't you KICK yourself for putting this off another 14 months only to finally get out on the table that he loves you, but has no intention of getting married? I don't ascribe to the idea that any time dating is "wasted", but spending 8-10 months on one guy and then moving on is better than spending 24 months... and still having to move on.

Do you agree?

MariKwan
Jun 4, 2008, 01:11 PM
Yes JB! You are absolutely right!

liz28
Jun 4, 2008, 02:04 PM
The response to my was made because she not even sure if he takes her serious, and actions speak louder then words. Before you secure the future your present must be in place on a firm foundation.

Talking about marriage is fine but acting on it will be to soon. You can talk about children, sunsets, fate, dreams, the person you seen in the streets, news,etc. Be awar then are some things that will be said, by him or you, that you might not like or agree on or hurt your feelings or make your spirits soar.

You should never feel unsur about your mate feeling secure and in a relationship one of the main component is communication and you should be any to communicate your thoughts/feelings.

Me and my boyfriend been together for 1 yr and 2 months I knew the things is wanted from the start ,we had our up and downs but stood strong and it only made our relationship grow. We already planned to be married by next year and I think of our experience as a growing one, just like someone planting a seed and watching the plant grow. I meet his parent in a month into dating and his whole family. By the second month I meet his friends gradually and he meet mines the same.

In closing you have your must needed talk like I suggested earlier. You can start with "I been thinking".