I wouldn't say it was love at first, but there was definitely something.

My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

We got out, and walked up to the club, and stood in line waiting to get in. And when I turned around to get something from my sister, who was behind me, I saw a guy who I've met before named Ryan, whom I met through a guy who dated one of my friends, and so I said hello.

With him was this handsome young man, I had never seen before, and if you know me, I am automatically interested because I like to see new faces, and he was also extremely attractive.

I instantly get giddy, turn to my sister and whisper "that guy is cute" and she looks at me in agreeance.

So, we go inside, and we dance, and do what we always do, and at some point, I separate myself and start to dance alone. And I see the Ryan, and his cute friend (the ones who were in line) so I go up, and I start to dance... and before I know it, I'm dancing with "the cute boy"

We ended up hitting if off very well, and dancing together practically the whole night... and I don't dance with ANYone, haha.

SOOO... it starts to get late, and the club starts coming close to an end, but it's not quite over, so I start to walk upstairs to say goodbye to all my friends, and "the guys" WERE right behind me, but when I turn around, they were gone.

So I get sad... (overwhelming drunken emotion, haha) and start to look around for them, but they are nowhere to be found.

So, my sister and I say our goodbyes, and start heading back to my car.

At this point I'm almost like running, because I want to call my friends ex-boyfriend to find out out Ryans number (because I don't have it), so I can get "the cute boys" number.

Once I get to my car I see that there is something stuck in my door.

So I take it off, and almost throw it, because I thought it was just a flyer, but it was a torn piece of paper, and it had handwriting on it, so I read it.

And sure enough it was Gavin "the cute boy" =D

I instantly get giddy, and yell to my sister who was well aware of how much I was freaking out because I thought I would never see him again.

"OMG mia, he left me this cute note saying he wanted to dance with me again, and he also left me his number. But... how did he know which car was mine? Ryan must have remembered my car, and told him which one it was. Should I call..."

But before I could even finish my sentence I called him... "Hello, Gavin??" "Hello, it's me Gavin... what's up?" "OMG hey... uh, so you left a note on my door... how did you know which car was mine?" "I saw you get out of your car earlier... Ryan and I were parked right behind you guys" "No , haha. That's bad ..." "Yeah, I just remember telling Ryan that I thought you had great legs, and then you happened to be the one who I danced with all night. We should do it again" "Oh definitely...."

Ok, so that was the first night.

Then my sister and I ended up going to the guys house (Ryan, and Gavin) and we had drinks, and just had a blast.

Gavin and I ended up messing around, and it just felt SOO right.

Now, he's showing me signs that he's like REALLY interested, and I want to start showing them back. But I'm afraid of the whole age thing, and I'm afraid of what people are going to say.

Should I pursue something that could possibly be amazing. Or should I definitely take caution with his age, and keep it as just friends??

I don't see the age as the issue, I do see the drinking as a issue, most of all of the sad stories here start with the words, we were out drinking

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

So I get sad... (overwhelming drunken emotion, haha)

Then my sister and I ended up going to the guys house (Ryan, and Gavin) and we had drinks



Flowerchild sounds like a boy is the least of your worries... your not being responsible with your drinking .

Pictures of Drunk Driving Victims. Drunk Driving Victims Memorial. (http://www.duihope.org/pictures_of_drunk_driving_victims.html)

And here are some stats for you

- Mothers Against Drunk Driving - Victim Services (http://www.madd.org/Victim-Services/Victim-Services/Statistics.aspx)


Here's one of the deadliest bus crashes in history that happened not to far from where I worked. A bus load of children died this day.

Carrollton bus collision - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrollton_bus_disaster)

I have to agree with the above posters.

Sure it's fun and I'm not going to say there is something wrong with drinking in general, but if you are planning a night out, it isn't hard to plan to have someone drive you home.

Is a night out with "a cute boy" worth ending your life?

Glad to hear you enjoyed your drunken night out, and the hookup, but trying to build something solid is something done sober. Especially messing around with a stranger at his house, right after meeting him.
Your ages are not the issue, its your drunken judgment you worry about. Sober up so you can see what your doing.
Even I know a 19 year old wants willing easy sex, and very little more.

I'm going to chime in here as well. I could understand if you went to the club and drank in the club. At least that's social drinking. But you, my dear are an alcoholic. You drink for the sake of drinking, you drink for the buzz. You are an accident waiting to happen and my only prayer is WHEN it happens you don't take some innocent person with you.

You need help and you need it NOW!! But I fear the advice from myself and the others here will fall on deaf ears. Normally I do not answer questions that have already been answered, but you need to hear from as many people as possible that you are heading for disaster. Maybe then it will have an impression on you.

As for Gavin, You said you "ended up messing around, and it just felt SOO right". How could you tell? I'm sure your feelings were highly impaired by your drunkenness. You don't define what messing around meant, but I'm assuming it referred to some level of sexual intimacy. So Gavin now thinks you are easy, that you gave away so much on first meeting and it wasn't even a real date. If you have had some level of intimacy then you are beyond "just friends".

While I don't see a problem with the age difference, I do see a MAJOR problem with your lack or morals. I think you have to clean up your act a good deal before you foist yourself on someone else.

Um... drinking aside (btw, I don't think a night out clubbing with drinks makes automatically an alcoholic) the age gap isn't so huge as to warrant not giving it a try.
See what happens. If you feel that he's less mature than you really think he ought to be, don't keep it going.
There's a rule for dating that I quite like. 1/2 + 7 = OK. BAsically, get the age of the older person, divide by two and add 7. If the age is less than or equal to that of the younger person, then the gap's too big. For example, a 14/2 + 7 = 14, meaning that nobody younger than 14 can date, and 14 year olds can olny date people their own age. 24/2 + 7 = 19, so a 19-year-old can definitely be with someone your age.
I'm 19, so according to this rule I can date anyone from 17-24 (though I wouldn't go under 18... it'd just be too weird for me).
Of course, this is just my opinion.
But what's the worst that can happen?

Kal

Um... drinking aside (btw, I don't think a night out clubbing with drinks makes automatically an alcoholic)

Excuse me, but did you bother reading the OP carefully? She wasn't describing ONE night! She was describing her habitual behavior!


My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

They "go" to the club, not "went" which indicates a regular occurrence. "This particular night" also indicates a regular occurrence. Nor did they drink IN the club, they drank BEFORE entering the club so they got there with a buzz on.

These are clear signs of alcoholism. Where alcoholism is concerned its best to err on the side of caution and treat it before someone gets seriously hurt.

In my opinion trying to minimalize the drinking issue here is irresponsible.

As to the age gap, I do agree with you, but I'm wondering where you got this rule? I've never heard of it before.


But what's the worst that can happen? Kal

An unwanted pregnancy!

Scott I agree...

The line about drinking in the car before going into the club - not a great sign. A club or at a friends house/party is one thing...

Excuse me, but did you bother reading the OP carefully? She wasn't describing ONE night! She was describing her habitual behavior!

[/quote=flowerchildnea]My sister and I go to this club on tuesdays nights where we dance, mingle, and meet up with friends.

Before we go in, we drink either at my house, or my moms (where my sister lives), or in my car.

This particular night, we were running late, so we ended up parking down the street from the club, and we drank in my car.

They "go" to the club, not "went" which indicates a regular occurrence. "This particular night" also indicates a regular occurrence. Nor did they drink IN the club, they drank BEFORE entering the club so they got there with a buzz on.

These are clear signs of alcoholism. Where alcoholism is concerned its best to err on the side of caution and treat it before someone gets seriously hurt.

In my opinion trying to minimalize the drinking issue here is irresponsible.

As to the age gap, I do agree with you, but I'm wondering where you got this rule? I've never heard of it before.

An unwanted pregnancy![/QUOTE]

Meeting in a club regularly does not necessarily mean drinking regularly. And a lot of people drink before they go out because it's cheaper than buying alcohol in clubs. If I drink, I'd usually do it before I go out (although I'm usually the designated driver, so rarely drink at all). It's cheaper to buy a $15 bottle than to pay $8 per drink if you plan to have more than one.

And yes, an unwanted pregnancy is a possibility. Regardless of age or alcohol content. It's always possible where sex is concerned. It's a risk people have to take if they plan to have sex. - So, to the OP: Use protection!

Meeting in a club regularly does not necessarily mean drinking regularly. And a lot of people drink before they go out because it's cheaper than buying alcohol in clubs. If I drink, I'd usually do it before I go out (although I'm usually the designated driver, so rarely drink at all). It's cheaper to buy a $15 bottle than to pay $8 per drink if you plan to have more than one.

Again, the OP's note indicates a clear habitual behavior. I did take into account the cost factor of alcohol in and outside a club. In my opinion ANY drinking outside of a social situation is a bad sign. If the OP or you or anyone, needs to get a buzz on BEFORE they go to a party or a club or whatever, that's a bad sign.

Wow... seriously?

Ok to start, I am DEFINITELY not an alcoholic.

My dad was an alcoholic for the first 10 years of my life, then he quit drinking for 4 years,
Which led him to find other interests (in other woman) and he left my mom.

I actually cannot stand drinking, but if I'm GOING to, I'm only going to do it when I go to a club. And I drink "before" I go, because it is WAAAY to expensive nowadays to drink at a bar or at a club.

I only go clubbing once a week, if that, and I only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little so I can dance and mingle without thinking too much about my insecurities.

I am very much an adult, and I make sure I don't drink for an hour prior to leaving the club, so by the time I leave I'm sober.
I also only live 5 minutes from the club, and I could walk if I wanted to.

So it's not like I'm driving half a hour on the freeway, and through tight residential streets to get home while being heavily intoxicated. I never get to that point anyhow.

And if I'm drinking at someone's house, the same rules apply... don't drink for at least an hour before driving home. Or better yet, don't drive before I'm sober.

Also just so you all know, the night I "fooled around" with Gavin was the SECOND time I hung out with him, and it was very much a double date with me, Ryan, Gavin, and my sister... we just didn't go OUT.

I was with him for about 4 hours that night before I even kissed him, and by the time this happened I was already sober, because I only had one gin and sprite when I got to his house.

The fooling around was only light petting, and making out. There definitely wasn't any sex involved, and there wasn't even any oral sex.

I'm not that kind of girl.

And IF I decide that I'm ready for sex with him (it's been 6 months since I've had sex with anyone, and the last time I had sex was with my ex boyfriend, who was my first and only boyfriend for 5 years), protection would be the first thing I'd make sure either he or I had.

I only told the story I told to explain how I met him, and how even though we met at a club, it still managed to some how be very romantic.

And for a guy his age, he definitely is charming, and adorable in his way of flirting, and showing me he's interested.

My only question was if it was wrong for a 23 year old woman to date a 19 year old boy, and I got my answer... so thank you everyone.

Feel free to respond to anything, or to answer further.

More feedback is always appreciated.

To answer your original question, no it's not wrong for a 23 year old to see a 19 year old. I am only 21 and was dating a 25 year old, so age once you're legal, doesn't matter.

I'm not surprised that you are in denial. If what you say is true, you may not be in as bad shape as first appears, but the key point was your saying; " only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little". If you need to drink to let loose, you have a problem.

I'm not surprised that you are in denial. If what you say is true, you may not be in as bad shape as first appears, but the key point was your saying; " only drink before I go to the club, and that's just to allow me to let loose a little". If you need to drink to let loose, you have a problem.

Of course you're going to tell me I have a problem, and it may seem like I do.

But how can I defend myself without seeming like I'm in denial?

No matter what I say unless it's that I AM an alcoholic, you'll tell me I'm in denial which definitely is not the case.

I only drink ONCE a week... if that. And I NEVER EVER drink alone.

There's also nothing wrong with drinking before going to a club. It's the same as drinking at a bar, or drinking at a club... the only difference is how much I paid.

The way you're making it sound is like just because I drink before I go somewhere where there's a bar that I'm an alcoholic. But if someone drinks at the bar or the club they're not??

I know people who drink before, during and after they leave a club/bar. And I also know people who drink right before they go to bed.

But that doesn't make them an alcoholic. An alcoholic is someone who is physically and mentally addicted to alcohol. Not someone who just wants a little buzz before going out, so that they can have a little more fun.

Even when I drink in my car, or at my moms before I go out... I'm still drinking WITH someone.

I'm not pounding back shots alone before I even leave my house.

Drinking is and always will be a social thing for me, and once I start drinking alone, because I can't stand to be without it... then I'll openly admit to being an alchy.

Until then I will stand my ground. I know what I do, and I know who I am.

I also know what I'm not... and I'm far from an alcoholic.

Comments on this post

KalFour (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/kalfour.html) disagrees: You're making biased assumptions.


First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

Whether I'm making biased assumptions or not, those assumptions are mine to make. I disagreed with some of your comments here, but I did NOT give you a negative comment because the comments were based on opinion not an issue of fact. Just as my comments were. Therefore, your use of a negative comment was inappropriate and seems to be a retailiation because I disagreed with your views. Such behavior is not acceptable. Here.

Drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but not the only one. I will say I am much less concerned about you from your followups then I wasa from your initial post. I am still bothered by your need to get a buzz on before going to the club. If you are not going to be hanging at the club without a drink in your hand, then why drink at all? The fact that you seem to feel you need that buzz still concerns me. You may not be an alcoholic now, the seeds are there, In my opinion.

Drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism but not the only one. I will say I am much less concerned about you from your followups then I wasa from your initial post. I am still bothered by your need to get a buzz on before going to the club. If you are not going to be hanging at the club without a drink in your hand, then why drink at all? The fact that you seem to feel you need that buzz still concerns me. You may not be an alcoholic now, the the seeds are there, IMHO.

Had to read that twice. The first sentence reads as "Drinking in itself is a sign of alcoholism". After I figured it out, I agree. Just wanted to clarify for anyone else who thought that... (Meaning: Drinking by yourself)

You should be careful with how much you drink, and when you do it... especially with a history of alcoholism in your family.

"I can dance and mingle without thinking too much about my insecurities."

Potential problem because the next thing you feel insecure about are you going to have a drink and the next and the next...

"I am very much an adult, and I make sure I don't drink for an hour prior to leaving the club, so by the time I leave I'm sober."

I was raised around people that were alcoholics and of course I married a binge drinker.
I can tell you for a fact... your making excuses because if you have a good enough buzz going on an hour is not going to do crap for your judgement.


"I also only live 5 mins from the club, and I could walk if I wanted to."

But you don't walk, you drive and 5 minutes is enough time for you to kill someone or yourself, hell you could do that in a few hundred feet. It would be awfully sad if such a young girl ruined her life or even worse ruined someone else's life because she was insecure and needed a few drinks to feel comfortable mingling.

When people indulge they all have their reasons they do it your no different. It can be once a day or all day, if they are not responsible or they need it then that says to me there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.

My problem with your post was not that you drank, that's your business, my problem is you DRINK and DRIVE. I hope you took a look at the links I provided. I bet those people thought they could make it home safely without killing someone.

Well then everyone I know, and everyone they know should be hearing this.

Because we all do the same thing, and we are all around the same age.

And we all drink before we go to the club.

Point I'm making is, I'm not the only one doing it.

Doesn't mean it's not a problem, just means that it's not to uncommon... it's just that no one else talks about it.

My dad was, and probably still is an alcoholic. I'm 23 years old, and know I don't want to be like him, or like that.

But that doesn't mean that I'm going to stay away from alcohol altogether. Drinking for me isn't a necessity, it's a social thing, and I drink socially.

If drinking and driving is the only problem, then I'll carpool with someone who isn't going to drink.

But that's unrealistic unless someone's mom drives us, and picks us up.

That kind of stuff doesn't happen, and not very many people WANT to be the designated driver.

Anyway, this is pointless... I'm glad this turned into me being some careless, drunken hussie.

That's exactly what I wanted.

Thanks.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't care if you give it up to everyone that you see.Thats between you and them. I also don't care if you drink until you fall over.

If you have enough money to go out clubbing you have enough money for a taxi... try paying a retainer fee for a lawyer because you are up on charges of manslaughter, I bet that is more expensive than a taxi or more inconvient than getting a ride. Go back to my first post and write Larry Mahoney a letter and see how good his life has been since he killed that bus load of people. I wonder if he cares(or thinks jeezes its not fair )about how many people before him or after him got tispy and drove anyway. Think girl, Think


Carrollton bus collision - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrollton_bus_disaster)

Well then everyone I know, and everyone they know should be hearing this.

Because we all do the same thing, and we are all around the same age.

And we all drink before we go to the club.

Point I'm making is, I'm not the only one doing it.

Doesn't mean it's not a problem, just means that it's not to uncommon... it's just that no one else talks about it.

My dad was, and probably still is an alcoholic. I'm 23 years old, and know I don't want to be like him, or like that.

But that doesn't mean that I'm going to stay away from alcohol altogether. Drinking for me isn't a necessity, it's a social thing, and I drink socially.

If drinking and driving is the only problem, then I'll carpool with someone who isn't going to drink.

But that's unrealistic unless someones mom drives us, and picks us up.

That kind of stuff doesn't happen, and not very many people WANT to be the designated driver.

Anyways, this is pointless... I'm glad this turned into me being some careless, drunken hussie.

That's exactly what I wanted.

Thanx.

If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too? The everyone does argument never works.

The problem is that it isn't uncommon. Too many young people feel this type of thing will never happen to them. Yet the papers are full of it happening.

As for drinking socially, from what you have told us, that's not the case. Getting your buzz on in a car or someone's house before you go to a club is not drinking socially.

Each time you go out, someone should be the Designated Driver. You can each take turns, but it should be someone.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't care if you give it up to everyone that you see.Thats between you and them. I also don't care if you drink until you fall over.

If you have enough money to go out clubbing you have enough money for a taxi...try paying a retainer fee for a lawyer because you are up on charges of manslaughter, I bet that is more expensive than a taxi or more inconvient than getting a ride. Go back to my first post and write Larry Mahoney a letter and see how good his life has been since he killed that bus load of people. I wonder if he cares(or thinks jeezes its not fair )about how many people before him or after him got tispy and drove anyway. Think girl, Think


Carrollton bus collision - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrollton_bus_disaster)

Now that was completely uncalled for.

You have no right to say the things you said, or to say them the way you said them.

I don't pay to get in the club, it's free if you're on the guest list, and I get on the guest list every time I go.

Money isn't an issue, and if I needed to take a taxi I would. But I'm not going to take a taxi when I live 5 miles away from the club... I'm better off walking.

My father hasn't been in my life for 9 years, and my boyfriend... the only one I've ever had moved to the philippines for business just 6 months ago after a 5 year relationship.

So FAWK men like you who think you can play the daddy, or the boyfriend role... I don't need you, and I don't need the men who left me.

I never said I was invincible, and that getting in an accident while being intoxicated would never happen to me. I think about that every time I go out, sober, or not.

So do me a favor and stop telling me things I already know... and better yet, stop being an A-hole about it.

Get over yourself.

If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too? The everyone does argument never works.

The problem is that it isn't uncommon. Too many young people feel this type of thing will never happen to them. Yet the papers are full of it happening.

As for drinking socially, from what you have told us, that's not the case. Getting your buzz on in a car or someone's house before you go to a club is not drinking socially.

Each time you go out, someone should be the Designated Driver. You can each take turns, but it should be someone.

Did I or did I NOT make sure to say that I'm not using that as an excuse, or even as part of my defense?

My point was that I'm not the only one doing it, so it's not that uncommon. Doesn't make it right, doesn't mean I should do it too, but... it's going to happen whether I do it or not.

Btw, I'm SO sick of cliques... how many times have I heard the "if everyone jumped off a bridge" speech.

Can't you be a little more creative than that?

Also, you act like I don't read the news, I know about all the drunk driving accidents. That stuff scares me, and I don't know what I would do if I lost someone I loved to a careless drunk driver.

I don't want to be that person, and I hope I never will be.

I'm going to make a few changes because it's the right thing to do, not because you jerks are trying to play daddy, or A-hole boyfriend.

I hope that when or if any of you guys have kids, you don't talk to them the way you've talked to me. You DEFINITELY need some new tactics.

Also, you act like I don't read the news, I know about all the drunk driving accidents. That stuff scares me, and I don't know what I would do if I lost someone I loved to a careless drunk driver.

I don't want to be that person, and I hope I never will be.

I'm going to make a few changes because it's the right thing to do, not because you jerks are trying to play daddy, or A-hole bf.


Obviously it didn't scare you enough. But now you say you are going to make changes so maybe our tactics are working, despite your not wanting to admt it.

Oh and by the way is clichés, not cliques.

Your right I was too harsh and crass with my statement. I apologize.

Just please stop drinking and driving .

So FAWK men like you who think you can play the daddy, or the bf role... I don't need you, and I don't need the men who left me.

Now, I don't want to get involved in this argument very much but I have to say something...

Up until now, I was on the fence about this issue. I felt at times the advice was a little harsher than it needed to be, and I understood some of the points you made. However, I feel the message behind the advice is hard to ignore - don't drink and drive.

When I read this response from you, I got the impression that you take the rebel/independent image a little too far. I understand, and respect, independence - however I don't think you should throw away good advice for the sake of pride.

That's about all I'll say on this issue, as I'm not jumping into no-mans land.

Bigbird... I am not one to say I am sorry very often. I don't apoligize for what I said but how I said it.
I can relate with her. I am a female whose daddy left when I was 7 and popped back in when I was 30 so I can understand the man rage thing... but hopefully that will tone down with age and understanding.lol a Little displaced with me as I am a woman.

I also understand how your dad walking out and not being there for you can cause some insecurities. But drinking is not a good way to deal with them. Being the daughter of someone with a drinking problem predisposes her to have a problem and her adamant denial is a huge sign the problem has already started.

I'll leave this thread alone now. I know she heard us whether she takes our advice or not is up to her.

bushg... I wasn't questioning your advice at all, I thought it was on the mark to be honest. I just wanted to make the observation that I hope she isn't throwing away good advice because of pride.

Now, I don't want to get involved in this argument very much but I have to say something...

Up until now, I was on the fence about this issue. I felt at times the advice was a little harsher than it needed to be, and I understood some of the points you made. However, I feel the message behind the advice is hard to ignore - don't drink and drive.

When I read this response from you, I got the impression that you take the rebel/independent image a little too far. I understand, and respect, independence - however I don't think you should throw away good advice for the sake of pride.

Thats about all I'll say on this issue, as I'm not jumping into no-mans land.

Just because I REFUSE to take e from people who aren't approaching a situation in a respectful manner doesn't mean I refuse to take their advice.

I KNOW that what I've been hearing is true, and if you read the conversations I not ONCE said that they were wrong, nor did I deny that I was doing something wrong.

My problem doesn't come from the advice, it just comes from how it's being presented to me.

I feel as though just because I drink and drive that people are perceiving me as this wild child rebel who drinks, fawks, and parties all the time.

That's not me at ALL, and it's prejudice for anyone to think such a thing.

I am who I am, I'm not perfect, but I obviously care about the opinions of others, and I obviously have some moral values. If I didn't I wouldn't be here asking for help from strangers.

Please don't get so defensive with me. I didn't accuse you of anything, I was simply offering my opinion on the situation - which is, after all, why you are here.

I never claimed to be right, and I even prefaced my statement by stating that "I got the impression that". I have no idea what you are like in real life, I don't know you.

If I was way off, I didn't mean any disrespect, but I won't apologize for offering my impressions.

bigbird...I am not one to say I am sorry very often. I don't apoligize for what I said but how I said it.
I can relate with her. I am a female whose daddy left when I was 7 and popped back in when I was 30 so I can understand the man rage thing...but hopefully that will tone down with age and understanding.lol a Little displaced with me as I am a woman.

I also understand how your dad walking out and not being there for you can cause some insecurities. But drinking is not a good way to deal with them. Being the daughter of someone with a drinking problem predisposes her to have a problem and her adamant denial is a huge sign the problem has already started.

I'll leave this thread alone now. I know she heard us whether she takes our advice or not is up to her.

I've already said that I appreciate the feedback, and that I am willing to do what it takes to make some changes.

Sometimes we know there's something wrong, but it takes an outsiders perspective to put our OWN thoughts into perspective.

Like I've said before, my problem wasn't with the advice, it was just how the advice was presented, but in the end, I got the point.

I know it sounds like I'm a man hater, and that I'm against all men... yadda yadda, but I'm not. I happen to love men, and the way they "can" be, haha.

I still talk to my dad as often as letters and telephone calls will allow. And my ex boyfriend and I remain very close friends.

The biggest issue I'm having here is that I know what an alcoholic is, I see alcoholic traits in my siblings, and in my friends... and I know for a FACT that I am not an alcoholic.

I don't need alcohol, and I don't even like to drink.

I know I said before that I drink to help with my insecurities, but that's not the case. That may have been the case when I was 18... but I am very secure with who I am now.

Do you see my profile pic? Well that IS me, and someone who is insecure wouldn't put a pic up like that.

I honestly only go out once a week, and it's because it's something for me to do with friends after class. Like women who grab a cocktail with friends after work.

It's no different.

I'm not drinking until I am passed out in the mens bathroom. I just drink to get a slight buzz, because it makes dancing that much more fun.

I know it sounds like I'm changing my story, but this is the story I should have told in the beginning, I was just so wrapped up in defending myself that I wasn't able to speak my mind clearly, and I was just fumbling over my own thoughts.

Thank you all for your time, and advice.

And for the sincere apologies.

Please don't get so defensive with me. I didn't accuse you of anything, I was simply offering my opinion on the situation - which is, after all, why you are here.

I never claimed to be right, and I even prefaced my statement by stating that "I got the impression that". I have no idea what you are like in real life, I don't know you.

If I was way off, I didn't mean any disrespect, but I won't apologize for offering my impressions.

Sorry you took my response as me being defensive.

I'm just standing my ground, and letting people know who I am, because it's clear that the only thing people know about me are my party habits.

Which are only about 5% of who I am as a person, and in my every day life.