Okay. So now that I have warmed up to this place a bit, I figure its my turn to spill my heart out onto the floor to see what you guys can decipher of it...

My current girlfriend and I started dating back in march. Introduced by a friend that she knew personally and I knew over the net, we started talking over the net and having those late night phone calls lasting until the early mornings. She then visited for the first time and we hit it off and became a couple. It started as a long distance relationship (3.5 hours driving distance), but things moved rather fast with us, typical golden light of a new relationship.
She moved in with my parents, my brother and I mid-april and things were going great. She was upset (had to leave her family) but excited at the same time (She was in a stalemate at her previous location, paying rent, not being able to save any money for college).

So the first month goes by and she's unhappy with the way I am conducting my daily routine. I'm working close to 40 hours a week, trying to save money up so I can go back to college, and expects me to come home and clean the room after a long day.
This was the first bump in the road...
We talked about it and I said I would do some of it but with her sitting at home ALL day long and not touching a thing is unacceptable (oh... she disagreed with that one... ) and as she is a CNA, she could have a job by now. (again she disagreed).

All while this is happening, her best friend and her started talking again...

Another month goes by(mind you, still no job), and now she points out that when I play my xbox360 and something happens to me on the game (I get shot and die, or I'm playing hockey and someone just scores 6 Bull**** goals on me in a single period... flukes happen its sad... that me, being as competitive as I am, not to react emotionally and be somewhat pissed off). She knows I would never intentionally do anything to her but she is AFRAID(keyword, as she states she no longer feels safe) of what I would UNINTENTIONALLY do to her. (still trying to understand that one... )

Now at this point I feel horrible because I've just been doing my thing and not realizing it was bothering her... especially with her saying she doesn't feel safe, I feel like I have failed miserably.

She said she needed some time and space to think things through and went back where she lived to visit her best friend that she hasn't seen in a while due to a falling out. (there really was no reason she could pinpoint previous to talking to her why they stopped talking)

I take her up to the airport(which has the bus she is taking) and she promises me it won't be for more than a week, and that she'll call me when she gets there and that her and I will talk at night before going to bed. Sounds reasonable... even though this whole entire time I didn't like that she was going up there and I didn't want to take her.

Here's the part where I started freaking out a bit...

No call that night, and I'm trying to call and getting NOTHING, just voice mail.
I end up resorting to a forum that her and I are both members of and sending her a PM because she was online... I asked her why she was ignoring me and to please talk to me.

Her response(edited for privacy): I am taking the space I need right, I am at my friends house and I am safe... but atm... I am trying to clear my head and do not want to talk. When I am ready I will contact you. So please don't send me anymore pm's...


That was Tuesday night, after taking her to the bus. I told her I would call her every night... I did wednsday and got voice mail, so I stopped doing that.

It is now Friday and I have yet to hear from her. If she is to not be gone for more than a week, she has to talk to me so I can get her from the bus station.

I feel extremely disrespected by all this, especially when I told her I am willing to work on any bad habits to make things all right for us, and she kind of shrugs it off.

I'll stop here and take responses now...

Thanks in advance
-Sik.

p.s- And to make matters worse, I went a saw a dentist on Wed. All 4 wisdom teeth are coming in and I am in quite a bit of pain. Going for surgery consultation next Wed.
Doesn't she just have the perfect timing with her little vacation? :(

Anyone who sits around all day and does not even tidy up or clean one room has problems. Anyone who does not go out and get a job when they could has problems. You may enjoy the physical side of this romance, but what are you going to do when that gets old and stale? Seems she is a user whether you have figured this out yet or not. I've seen these people in action both males and females alike. I am sure you can do much better. Please give yourself some space from this leech moocher and find yourself a worthy girl for you to be with. If you are still with her in say two years from now you will be more than just plain miserable, you will be miserable with probably a few toddlers to deal with as she's too busy doing nothing to take proper care of them. Consider her gone looking for a greener pasture to play in. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh - but better I give you the "Dutch uncle" speech now before you have too much money and emotion invested in her.

Sounds like she is not coming back, the sneaky sly break up and NC. Possibly she wanted to avoid a big scene with you, that's why she didn't officially say she was breaking up with you, once she boarded that bus she knew she was free and clear. Time to accept that she probably isn't coming back. Wait for her to make contact, until then, you are single as far as I'm concerned, you can't be expected to wait around while she decides what she's going to do, especially since she hasn't even given you a clue as to what she is deciding.

Good luck.

Sounds to me that you are much better off without her. If she calls you I would let that call and all her other calls go to voicemail. If everyone was living at your parents house and she sat around and did nothing all day who did her and your laundry?

Sounds like she is not coming back, the sneaky sly break up and NC. Possibly she wanted to avoid a big scene with you, that's why she didn't officially say she was breaking up with you, once she boarded that bus she knew she was free and clear. Time to accept that she probably isn't coming back. Wait for her to make contact, until then, you are single as far as I'm concerned, you can't be expected to wait around while she decides what she's going to do, especially since she hasn't even given you a clue as to what she is deciding.

Good luck.

First off... Twinkiedooter, Id rather you and anyone else not hold back from the most honest of advice for me. Much appreciated :)

Altenweg, We did have an argument over it Monday night, which led to her saying she needed the space and timef and leaving on Tuesday... seems planned out if you ask me...
However... all her stuff is still here! She didn't take anything with her besides some essentials, her laptop, and a weeks worth of clothes. She has to come back, and that's what I am really waiting for. I am sure she is going to say whether she is staying.

Spitvenom, I manage to do the laundry... heh... shes done it -thinks hard- 3 times in the past 3 months? O_o

As you guys can see, I was freaking out a bit say the first couple days, but now I am smiling. I know to expect the worst and I have actually already talked to my dad (whos like my best friend) about all this.
You know what his answer was? "Get that lazy b**** out of here if she keeps it up."

As hindsight is 20/20, and with a little outside input, I've been able to see that this girl is quite flawed and not bothering to fix it...

Am I saying I am perfect? No way! But I have a job, I have hobbies, I have games, and I still manage to do some around the house work.

Where she sits on the Laptop ALL DAY and just chats...

Please feel free to ask questions if you are confused/unsure about ANYTHING.. I want to be as clear as possible with everyone.

-Sik

p.s- You have to also think what that friend of hers is feeding her thoughts... Shes never met me before!

You jumped into this way too far, way too fast, and got way more than you bargained for. End it before she gets pregnant and you have to deal with her for the rest of your natural life because of the kid. I think your dad's got it about right. Next time, think twice and go slower.

So I expect I'm not going to get a call until she actually comes back, should I answer when she calls?

Should I just let all calls go to voicemail, because I'm sure she will tell me when I need to pick her up from the bus station in a voicemail message.


You jumped into this way too far, way too fast, and got way more than you bargained for.
I know and I was willing to take the risk and if it doesn't work out, then guess what... it doesn't work out. Things are meants to be if they work out and I realize that...

Am I a little sad about the whole situation... yes
Am I a littled pissed about the whole situation... yes

But am I going to act like it's the end of the world... NO..

You guys have been great, keep it up... :)

Don't pick her up, let her take a cab, jeesh, she left, she can find her own way back. She wants space, give her space, and plenty of it. Heck, I'd even pack up her stuff, send her an email asking for the address, and send her stuff postage due. But I'm just a vindictive B*tch. ;)

I am unsure what I am going to do...

I just know as far as her calling me, I am not answering the first couple times... see what the voice mail says..

and like I said before, I am going to be quite pissed if she waits to contact me until she needs a ride from the bus station..

x.x
-Sik

I Will keep you guys updated as to what happens...

its 3 pm Saturday and still NC
this just gets better and better everyday :P


-Sik

I am shocked, and stunned, anyone would go for her crap.

Throw all her stuff away, and act as if she never existed, and put this behind you. How can you even consider talking to someone who played, and used, your whole family?

You guys and girls do realize that she has to come back... ALL of her stuff is here...

What am I to expect when she gets back? That she's going to leave? That's the worst that can happen as far as the relationship can go and I am ready for that. I am cleaning today and I will be putting all / most of HER stuff together... not necessarily packing it up, but I'm going to put it together.

Since I am not the lazy one, someone has to clean this damn room :P

-Sik

Its now Monday and still no contact...

I guess its really starting to sink in that she's going to break her word (not to be gone longer than a week) and it hurts... a lot..

I have to work today so I won't have time to do anything but tomorrow I have off (was expecting to have to get her being a week from when she left).

Looks like tomorrow is going to be a packing day...

-Sik

p.s- Meds are making me feel a lot better as I am not in much of any pain anymore. Consultation is on wednsday and I am really impatient, both for her and for my teeth.. Just want to get all this crap done with. I hate drama and I hate being uncomfortable and both as the same time is QUITE aggravating.

Looks like tomorrow is going to be a packing day...



Well done.. pack her S*** & when she comes back tell her to get the F*** away from you... She doesn't deserve someone as good as you and your family... Her loss.. :eek:

Its just funny... im not so much sad as I am annoyed / angered by her childish behavior. I don't have time for this s*** in my life.

I avoid drama like the plague, there's just no time for it anymore. Between working and just plain living, if you spend your life worrying about stupid stuff, you end up missing out on good times... and I feel that is exactly what is going on here.

If we end it before the end of July (which at this rate, it will be clearly done before then), that's a birthday present I don't have to get... heh.

I feel like I'm dealing with an immature child rather than a loving girlfriend right about now... ugh

-Sik

well done..pack her S*** & when she comes back tell her to get the F*** away from you...She doesn't deserve someone as good as you and your family...Her loss..:eek:

Well said Damaged.

Sik, if she doesn't contact you, I would seriously leave her stuff at the curb. You don't need her, and you especially don't need to be treated like this. I know it's hard... try and stay strong. She doesn't seem to have any respect for you, your feelings, or your family. I suggest you let her go, and find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve to be :)

I agree with damaged... Pack that B*tches stuff up, put it outside. Hell toss a freakin bow on it with a thank you card "Thank you for showing me I deserve better" This girl is a basket case, you two moving in together only a month in? I don't care how great things were going, that makes no sense. No wonder why you got on each others nerves. Just let her go man, you're better off

I know it was fast Rome, I was willing to take the risk.

So I shouldn't wait to see what she has to say at all?

-Sik

Let's see if I have this correctly... She hops on a bus, doesn't tell you. You find out that she will be home in a week? Has made NO contact at all to let you know what's going on. And you actually want to hear what she has to say? As far as hearing what she says, all I would want to hear is a car door shutting. No excuses, no apologies, nothing at all, if you like being played around with and your feelings not being considered, then by all means continue waiting for her and listen to her sob story of how she needed space and time.

Let's see if I have this correctly... She hops on a bus, doesn't tell you. You find out that she will be home in a week? Has made NO contact at all to let you know what's going on. And you actually want to hear what she has to say? As far as hearing what she says, all I would want to hear is a car door shutting. No excuses, no apologies, nothing at all, if you like being played around with and your feelings not being considered, then by all means continue waiting for her and listen to her sob story of how she needed space and time.

No. We had an argument Monday night (of last week). She says she needs time away to think things through. Her best friend says she can stay up with her for the week. Meanwhile Im telling her that all this is a bad idea and we should work it out, but she insists she needs to clear her mind and think things through.

The next day (my day off), I take her up to the bus station and she says she won't be longer than a week and that she will call me when she gets there safely and everything. (im a bit uneasy with traveling, you never know what can happen).

That night, I hear nothing from her, she doesn't answer my calls as I repeatedly get the voicemail. I go on to a forum that we both are on and she's on there chatting and posting as if nothing ever happened. I send her a message and she replies with the statement that you can see in my original post (its quoted, can't miss it).

This little vacation was for her to think, I didn't know all this crap would happen...

-Sik

EDIT: and my question again, So I shouldn't wait to see what she has to say at all?

How long have you been together?. +1 month.. You guys had an argument and she left... its not right...
Did she tell you she was leaving?. I don't think so...
So any ways she left.. your calling her to see if she's fine, your worried and she doesn't answer the phone...
Do you think you deserved this?. do you think she deserves you?.
You may really like her( we can see) but think with your head, and let her go...

I thought I answered you're question in my last post. But NO! Nah, Eff that, forget her, and any other way you can say no in this language. Why would you care what she has to say? You want to pursue a relationship with someone that everything you get into an argument she runs for the hills? That sounds like a healthy relationship right there, PULL THE EJECTION HANDLE NOW!

Is it a bad thing that I would like things to work out?

-Sik

No, it's not a bad thing but you have been dating for +1 month... had an argument and she left... It's not a good sign..

Is it a bad thing that I would like things to work out?

-Sik
Yes it's a bad thing. Its like trying to catch a ship that's sailed, your too late.

That means catch the next one.

Should I break no contact and try to reach her to tell her we are done?

Talking to my mom earlier and she says that I don't talk about her the same way I used to.

Maybe that's a sign I should end it. I feel like I have had enough maybe I should start acting like it
-Sik

I agree to with Tal, it's a month relationship... If I chased every girl that walked away after a month I would be so screwed and miss out on great girls

No, you should not break NC.. wait till she gets back, and when she does give her S*** back and move on with your life

All right...
Ive decided that this is my plan of action:

-Remove her from Facebook
-Remove her from myspace
-Remove her as a friend on the forums

But without saying a word to her.
I feel good about this plan because I don't break NC with her and at the same time, I remove myself from her social networks that she can find me on.

What do you guys think?
-Sik

Hey Sik,

Pretty crazy story. Glad as I read through the thread that you have decided to get rid of this dead weight. I mean, I am sure I don't have to repeat that this was a pretty fast relationship... but if she is that bad after that long than can you imagine how much worse she will be if you try and stay with her. You and your family opened your hearts and your home to her and she has done nothing but on all of you. Have any of your family mentioned what they think of her? I think my family would have kicked her out a long time ago.

I think deleting her from all those things is a good way to get your message across. She will know you are fed up without saying anything. Let her come crawling back to you, only to find out that you want nothing to do with her.

I can't wait to see how this plays out. Good luck

Oh its playing out NNG, Ive removed her from everything.

As for my family, I talked to both of my parents while we watched the hockey game together (was a lot of fun and just reinforces how much they care for me even though they could care less about each other.. )

My dad thinks I should take the lead, and just make contact with her to tell her how I've had enough crap from her and she needs out. My mom agreed. Because when she gets back and I tell her, she will have to stay here while she arranges plans to get her and her sh** out of my house.

Like I said earlier in the thread, ASK QUESTIONS, I may be clear to myself when I'm typing something but it may not read right for any of you.

-Sik

My dad thinks I should take the lead, and just make contact with her to tell her how i've had enough crap from her and she needs out. My mom agreed. Because when she gets back and I tell her, she will have to stay here while she arranges plans to get her and her sh** out of my house.

Yea I might have to agree with that. I think breaking contact is a lot better than having to deal with that mess. Just call her (leave a voice mail because it sounds like she isn't going to answer). Just say that you are not feeling this relationship any longer and would like to arrange a time that she can come and pick up her stuff at.

There is a part of me that wants you to put it in a box at the curb though...

This is just messed up...

It makes me so angry that she doesn't want to work for anything

All while my family and I provided her with food shelter and love!

I don't understand it, its like putting a mouse in a maze and all the walls are actually just lines on the floor of the board and it just scurries across to get the cheese. How can you not succeed??

She sure managed to...

-Sik

p.s. - I like cheese. :)

She's just not the girl you thought she was. She's definitely a user, and extremely selfish. I think you found this out a lot faster than you would have because she moved in with you so quickly. Just be thankful you won't be wasting anymore time with this one.

I know you have that feeling of it wanting to work out because you did share some really good times. Just tell yourself over and over that this is the very best thing for you in the long run. You will find another girl who won't do this to you, and you will be so happy you ended it.

That's what I am looking forward to with my situation, can't wait till it happens.

You know what I am afraid of... the time in between...

I had finally found someone in march after what seemed like the longest drought of being single and its now June 3rd... wow... 4 months... on the dot we've been together... talk about awkward days that don't help at all..

She's only lived with me since around April 21st give or take a day...

So 4 months and I already have a relationship slipping through my hands.

Now I just need to tell her to get out... still unsure about how or when I should do it.

-Sik

As soon as possible would be nice.

My dad thinks I should take the lead, and just make contact with her to tell her how I've had enough crap from her and she needs out. My mom agreed.
I think your parents are right. I think she should have fair warning, but would like to add a deadline date to get her stuff, or lose it, just to make sure she gets it, and doesn't leave it until she is good and ready, or keep coming back in your lives. She is a user all right, and will take advantage of you any way she can.

June 16th is my brothers graduation... is setting the deadline for the 15th too soon?
That's about 2 weeks.

-Sik

Hi Sik,

Honestly, I think the sooner the better. Perhaps as soon as this weekend? I don't know if you want to be around or not for when she picks her stuff up, I would think that you probably don't. If not, tell her to come pick up her stuff when you aren't there (you don't have to necessarily tell her that you aren't going to be there), and let your parents know the date, and she can get it, and be done.

I don't think you should wait any longer. The sooner the better, and then your healing can really begin.

I'd say give her a week, she's already had one to sort her stuff out. Now give her another week to sort her stuff off the curb

Rome you are cold but right. The sooner the better. If she should be home this week, another week is all she deserves.

"its been a week now and you still haven't said a word to me. this isn't helping at all really so I've decided that I can't wait here forever for you and that this isn't going to work. Your stuff is here and you need to do something about it within the next two weeks. You know how to reach me, bye"

Give or take a word or two, that is an approximate quote of what I left on her voice mail.

I guess now I wait for the response :P

-Sik

Works for me.

So she has contacted me after I left the voice mail.
Altenweg you were right, she isn't coming back.

She's SENDING HER DAD TO GET ALL HER STUFF!!

From what she told me in her email, her dad is going to be coming to get all her stuff fathers day weekend (what a nice present). And if that's the case, I want to be with her even less... just shows how much of a user she is!

Funny though, I signed onto aim and she was on as well... I messaged her asking what's going on as far as details go for picking up her stuff and got no response, so I'm still getting the silent treatment...

-Sik

p.s.- on the bright side, I have my surgery date for the Jun 9th and I'm excited and somewhat scared (pissed off at her for not being her for me when I really need someone).

Why blame her for what you allowed her to do. Being honest. You had plenty of warning. Not to be harsh, but its better to act when you have facts than react later and be mad.

You expected something from her she was not capable or willing to give, and that something to remember for the future.

That's why life throws things at us, to teach us, and that's why its important to remember, and learn.

Nothing was very clear until she left. Her being gone gave me time to think and I was able to put my emotions on the backburner to be able to see how she truly acted.

I put up with her for a while because I wanted things to work. I think that's understandable considering how I felt, its just unfortunate that it wasn't mutual between her and I.

I finish packing all her crap up on Friday.

-Sik

... why are you packing up her crap? Just put them in the corner.

As far as you "needing" someone, some day in the future, roughly 3 - 5 months from now, you'll look back and laugh at the idea that you needed her.

By the way, tal's being very reserved lately with his criticisms. You should have seen him when I was going through my breakup. He pretty much slapped me in the face left and right.

... I needed it though :)

I'm not asking anyone to hold back, in fact I thanked the first response to my thread for being outright blunt.

Sneeze, the timing just sucks for all this to happen at the same time.

I am excited to be single though for the summer, it might even give me the chance to go stay abroad with some relatives in Greece (something I've always wanted to do!)

-Sik
Current activity: Looking on the bright side of things

Sneezy! I know what you mean, I think they caught tal after his coffee, because he used to be harsh with his advice. Harsh but it was the truth that we needed to hear. Sik, time to chalk this one up to experience and a lesson learned. You will find someone a lot better, well pretty much anyone is better than a liar and a user. I would be a lot more ticked off at the fact she disrespected my family. I wouldn't pack her stuff up, that's why we invented the GLAD bags. If you're ever going to be around the Trenton area of Jersey, let me know I'll buy you a beer for getting over this pyscho.

Hi Sik,

I am glad that she is finally getting her things. She doesn't deserve you Sik, you deserve someone so much better. And of course, good luck on your surgery!

Heh, talk about bad timing. My ex dumped me 3 days before finals week. Romefalls was there for it. Needless to say, I didn't sleep for 65 hours, and I STILL didn't do too hot on my test.

Yea, we went through our break ups at the same time which is why me and Sneezy can relate so well to each others turmoil of right before christmas

Wow, get this...

She's telling people I hit her!

Talk about disrespectful, I never did such a thing and I never will!

-Sik

... you sure you're not me from the past?

About 3 weeks after we broke up, there were rumors around campus that my ex and I broke up due to me hitting her.. . ex denied claims. Apparently these were spread by her new boyfriend + his friends.

... I'll be hitting him next time I see him. Just kidding.

I want her stuff out of my house, she doesn't even live here anymore!

I am trying to find laws on this stuff so that I don't do something illegal...

In NJ if anyone knows where I can look.

-Sik

So I called her father and he was his normal self.

For a girl who's telling everyone I beat her, he is either extremely apathetic or he knows she's lying. Im pretty sure it's the latter.

Anyway, he's coming next Saturday to get everything. Im just going to pack everything up (keep a few things that I want to keep for compensation) and be on my merry way.

Just glad things are finally resolving themselves. Just too bad this couldn't be done between her and I instead of her father and I.

Heh
-Sik

So i called her father and he was his normal self.

For a girl who's telling everyone I beat her, he is either extremely apathetic or he knows shes lieing. Im pretty sure its the latter.

Anyways, hes coming next saturday to get everything. Im just going to pack everything up (keep a few things that I want to keep for compensation) and be on my merry way.

Just glad things are finally resolving themselves. Just too bad this couldn't be done between her and I instead of her father and I.

heh
-Sik

Hi Sik,

GOOD! The sooner she is out of your life (including her stuff) the better off you will be. You are going to be fine!! :)

(keep a few things that I want to keep for compensation)
Bad idea. It plants a seed for more contact and conflict. Let it ALL go.

Ordinaryguy is absolutely right, as you are setting the stage that gives her an excuse to be back with a righteous vengeance. Don't go there. You already know what she is capable of, so make a clean break of it.

I Threw some of her crap away anyway. She'll deal with it, not like she planned on coming back to get any of it (hence why her dad is getting it.)

And talking with my mother, I'm finding out she's been lying to my mother about me being more violent around her than I was.

I contacted her father and he's coming on fathers day weekend. I have confirmed the date and time and just need to email him about how big the bed is.

At least he's being respectable and sensible and TALKING to me about all this.

-Sik