Romefalls19
May 30, 2008, 07:49 AM
This is what I wrote as my 6 month update for my jealousy course. It's about how I feel since the break up happened. I just thought it would provide help to anyone who reads it. I'm hoping it will show the new comers to the NC corner and recently broken up people that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So here it is..
So my online instructor sent me my 6 month break up reminder to put into writing how I am feeling and if I feel as though the break up was good. While the time seems to have passed very quickly, it did take some time and soul searching. I would hate to be cliché and use a song lyric so early on in my writing but Gary Allan said it best "I wouldn't say I'm doing great but I think I'm doing well." Since the break up I have bettered my life in a multitude of ways.
First and most important were my jealousy issues, which have seemed to be taken care of. After the break up I took some time and thought I could change on my own, which ultimately failed. I would simply mask my issues underneath and hope that they stayed there. While this sounded like a good idea, inside I knew that I would need to get to the route of all my issues. So after about a week or two of masking myself, I decided it was best to seek professional help. I went and saw a therapist which not many people knew. The therapist knew right away some of the issues and the reasons behind them. From fear of loss to infidelity suffered in previous relationships. Being an internal person made this difficult to overcome without help and ultimately caused my jealous and possessive behavior. Through counseling, reading countless books and taking several online courses on the subject I do believe I finally have the upper hand on the situation, while there still is room for improvement I have come a long way.
Second was to work on some problems that plagued the relationship, some minor things that I knew I would have to work on if I wanted to have a successful relationship in the future. The first one being, compromise, it seemed as though no matter what it was or how small it happened to be, it was my way or no way. A relationship is a two way street that needs to be understood by both parties or it will never work. Taking a deep breathe and looking back on my relationship and watching how other people's relationship crumbled around this same issue, I knew I had to change. Second was laziness, while it may seem small and not a big deal, constantly suffering from the same routine every week will take its toll. You can't simply watch a movie every night you see your spouse, it doesn't promote a healthy relationship. You need to go out, try new things, and maybe eat at that restaurant you haven't tried before. Going for a walk in the park, a museum or every once in awhile go and hang out with friends. Hanging out with friends, the seemingly death curse for every relationship, but believe me, going out with your own friends is a good thing. You don't need to see them everyday to know that they care about you, they made a choice to be with you that should be enough. Be happy for the time you get to spend with them, one to two days a week seems to be good. This is perfect as it gives them time to miss you and still understand what they have in you.
Third, while I could very well have sunk down into a depression and mourned the loss, I instead did my best to turn a negative into a positive. I started to realize that you get one chance at things so jump at every opportunity. I started going to the gym a lot more, started feeling better about myself because of the shape I got into. I've also got into things I didn't think I would do before, whether it was small things like try Chinese food or bigger things like making appointments to get my certifications for IT. You've got to make a choice when something changes your life, you can either let the moment define you or you define the moment.
Now for the hardest question, was the break up for the best? I sat up for the better part of the night pondering this question as it is a lot to take into account. While losing my best friend was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I have matured and learned a lot from it. We both have grown into different people; we have both made new friends and realized what we want out of life so in a way it was the best. When it first happened I was incredibly angry at her, but at this point in time I can look back and see that it was no easier for her to end it than for me to accept that it was over. I now know that it took a lot of strength to do what she did. It's never easy to end something with someone you love even when you know it's for the best. Even though me and her do not speak, I hear that she is happy and doing well so that makes me happy as I have no ill feelings towards her. I still have rough days, but not because of losing her but because of the confusion it set my life into. While I wait for the dust to settle I know that everything happens for a reason.
A friend recently asked me, if you and her had met each other at a different point in your lives do you think things would have been different. Had we met after my jealousy issues were ironed out, and we both matured as individuals, one will never know. I can't really speak of that or what the future may hold as that is not my ability. Life will always throw you curve balls to see how you can change and adapt to a situation, its then that you define who you are. Sometimes you're going to miss but then again sometimes you're going to knock it out the park, the trick is never stop swinging.
So my online instructor sent me my 6 month break up reminder to put into writing how I am feeling and if I feel as though the break up was good. While the time seems to have passed very quickly, it did take some time and soul searching. I would hate to be cliché and use a song lyric so early on in my writing but Gary Allan said it best "I wouldn't say I'm doing great but I think I'm doing well." Since the break up I have bettered my life in a multitude of ways.
First and most important were my jealousy issues, which have seemed to be taken care of. After the break up I took some time and thought I could change on my own, which ultimately failed. I would simply mask my issues underneath and hope that they stayed there. While this sounded like a good idea, inside I knew that I would need to get to the route of all my issues. So after about a week or two of masking myself, I decided it was best to seek professional help. I went and saw a therapist which not many people knew. The therapist knew right away some of the issues and the reasons behind them. From fear of loss to infidelity suffered in previous relationships. Being an internal person made this difficult to overcome without help and ultimately caused my jealous and possessive behavior. Through counseling, reading countless books and taking several online courses on the subject I do believe I finally have the upper hand on the situation, while there still is room for improvement I have come a long way.
Second was to work on some problems that plagued the relationship, some minor things that I knew I would have to work on if I wanted to have a successful relationship in the future. The first one being, compromise, it seemed as though no matter what it was or how small it happened to be, it was my way or no way. A relationship is a two way street that needs to be understood by both parties or it will never work. Taking a deep breathe and looking back on my relationship and watching how other people's relationship crumbled around this same issue, I knew I had to change. Second was laziness, while it may seem small and not a big deal, constantly suffering from the same routine every week will take its toll. You can't simply watch a movie every night you see your spouse, it doesn't promote a healthy relationship. You need to go out, try new things, and maybe eat at that restaurant you haven't tried before. Going for a walk in the park, a museum or every once in awhile go and hang out with friends. Hanging out with friends, the seemingly death curse for every relationship, but believe me, going out with your own friends is a good thing. You don't need to see them everyday to know that they care about you, they made a choice to be with you that should be enough. Be happy for the time you get to spend with them, one to two days a week seems to be good. This is perfect as it gives them time to miss you and still understand what they have in you.
Third, while I could very well have sunk down into a depression and mourned the loss, I instead did my best to turn a negative into a positive. I started to realize that you get one chance at things so jump at every opportunity. I started going to the gym a lot more, started feeling better about myself because of the shape I got into. I've also got into things I didn't think I would do before, whether it was small things like try Chinese food or bigger things like making appointments to get my certifications for IT. You've got to make a choice when something changes your life, you can either let the moment define you or you define the moment.
Now for the hardest question, was the break up for the best? I sat up for the better part of the night pondering this question as it is a lot to take into account. While losing my best friend was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I have matured and learned a lot from it. We both have grown into different people; we have both made new friends and realized what we want out of life so in a way it was the best. When it first happened I was incredibly angry at her, but at this point in time I can look back and see that it was no easier for her to end it than for me to accept that it was over. I now know that it took a lot of strength to do what she did. It's never easy to end something with someone you love even when you know it's for the best. Even though me and her do not speak, I hear that she is happy and doing well so that makes me happy as I have no ill feelings towards her. I still have rough days, but not because of losing her but because of the confusion it set my life into. While I wait for the dust to settle I know that everything happens for a reason.
A friend recently asked me, if you and her had met each other at a different point in your lives do you think things would have been different. Had we met after my jealousy issues were ironed out, and we both matured as individuals, one will never know. I can't really speak of that or what the future may hold as that is not my ability. Life will always throw you curve balls to see how you can change and adapt to a situation, its then that you define who you are. Sometimes you're going to miss but then again sometimes you're going to knock it out the park, the trick is never stop swinging.