I don't really need relationship advice, but I'm more so curious of people's opinions because it's been a good year and a half since I've been in a serious relationship.

I've been dating this new guy for about 2 months now. We have been hanging out more and more each week, really bonding everything is going in the right direction. My gut feels it's right. Our chemistry is great on all levels. This past weekend I spent a lot of time with him, met his friends, and we opened up to each other more about our feelings (he intiated that). He makes references to the future, or mentions things he would like to do with me, take me to etc. So I guess I could say prior to this weekend I was enjoying spending time with him, and after this weekend - my emotions are now becoming involved. Which is a good thing. But what is everyone's thoughts of when is the right time to take it to the next level? I do believe the guy needs to bring it up, but I also think you have to know in your gut the feelings are mutual. We act like a couple, his friend mistakenly introduced me as his GF the other night, which I made some kind of cute joke out of. But yeah... just wondering everyone's thoughts on this topic.

Define "the next level".

2 months may be long enough. Truly, we can only guess, you should know better than us.

But be careful just how far you make "the next level". There is still a lot to learn about each other.

6 months is a great milestone for knowing you are definitely see each other clearly. 2 months it may be starting, sounds like it is, but there is still a lot of courting behavior even at 2 months. By 6 months, you two should have completely relaxed out of that behavior and are being more genuine.

Jusat exactually what do you mean by next level? I think that you should just ask him one day what he considers you guys as... and if he says just friends or something like that I think you should ask if he ever thinks it will be more. Yeah your right I think he should bring the dateing thing up so just leave it from there. Say ohk and if he still wants to talk about it he will go on with the conversation. At least with this you'll know what he thinks about the whole situation. I hope I helped

I have been dating this guys for 2.5 months but things are going really well. We are basically a couple, but haven't had a "talk" yet to validate that. We are both adults, and in my head I don't need a "talk" quite yet, but I am emotionally getting into the relationship a little more and more each time I'm with him, and I think he is with me too. He talks about the future etc, wants to show me his home town etc. All that stuff is there, but my question is... how do I let him know that I'm emotionally getting into this... I guess I don't want to come across as "hi, i want to be your girlfriend" just yet, but for now I just want to make sure we are on the same page with our feelings, where this might potentially go etc. Should I be the one to bring it up? Or should he? It's driving me nuts a little. I just want to know that when he is out with his friends, that I'm the girl on his mind and that 6 months down the line he want me on his side. I'm pretty sure I am in line for that, but I want to hear it! So guys, what's your advice? Go with the flow, or say something to him? I'm just curious on opinions, this is the first guys since my last long term relationship, that I've had feelings for so I want to play my cards right!

Go with the flow, in my opinion, it makes a woman look more self assured and confident about yourself.
Have fun and take your time while getting to know him.

Hm... here's what I would do.. but, keep in mind, I'm a bit sneaky.
Meet some of his friends.
Get him out in public where he needs to introduce you.
See how he does it.
"hey, this is my girlfriend..."
Or
"hi, this is..."

See where he puts you in his world.
That might help.

Yeah, just go with the flow.
But, when I think about it,
I am a quiet, nervous guy. My last girlfriend basically asked me out. She asked me, "do you like anybody." I said yes, she said "who?" I didn't say, but she asked questions like "what colour is her hair?" And yes/no questions like that. Anyway, we got the point, eventually, that I liked her and that she liked me. I asked her out at that time.

So, maybe this guy is like me, deathly afraid of rejection, nervous and quiet. Just do what my last girlfriend did. Ask questions about who he likes, and see if you can get him to say (admit) he loves you. Trust me, he does, he is just shy.

And by the way,
Its sooo refreshing to see a question about how to begin a relationship. All the questions here are usually like, "How do I get her back" and "I miss her." It's nice to see a happy one. So good luck, and be happy that you are at the beginning of what could be a wonderful relationship.

I would go with the flow too. I would drop little hints. It all depends on how brave you are. If I was feeling really brave I would come straight out and ask him if there was a future, but otherwise I would keep quiet. The relatonship is still in its early stages so keep going as you are for now and see where it takes you.

I'm in a similar situation. I met this guy I'm seeing now about a month ago. 2 months after the end of my long-term relationship (4 years). And I don't really know how to play this "game". For now, I'm just going with the flow to see where it takes us. He talks about the future and is very attentive and everything so I think not having the talk for now is the best thing. Just enjoy each other for now and see what happens.

"Johnny, a guy from work asked me out and I realized I wasn't sure if I should say yes or no? I mean, we're doing so well and all, but it occurred to me I don't know if we've decided to be exclusive or not. I think I might want to be exclusive, what do you think about it? Be honest, too, I'm ok either way, but I'm thinking we could give it a shot. What do you think about it?"

Why can't people just be content when things are going well for them?.

...

Because obviously she wants more. Although it is just a title it signifies a lot both in the relationship itself and to the rest of the world.

Personally I would straight up ask him but then again I like the brash kind of girls.

Why can't people just be content when things are going well for them?...

"The only constant is change"
"Everything flows, nothing stands still."
--Heraclitus of Ephesus, Greek philosopher

Thanks all for your opinions on my post about the "talk." I've definitely decided to just go with the flow and listen to my gut, which so far is saying things are going well. BUT... and this could just be my mind over matter... I feel like the past couple of days he has been distant. He's been the one to initiate hanging out and always calling, and the past couple of days he hasn't been as initiative. So I've been the one to initiate a little more, plus I feel like guys like that from time to time. I know he is really stressed with work stuff right now etc, but for instance... we talk everyday pretty much and Sunday I didn't hear from him, whatever I was doing my thing with my friends, but a girl get's so used to hearing from guy that I started to think did I do something wrong? And yesterday same thing, we talked early in the afternoon but the conversation felt akward, I was hoping he would ask to hang out at night but he didn't so then I got off the phone agrivated and wanted to see him so I sent him a little text just saying "if you're free later maybe we can hang" he said yes for sure but it would have to be late he has some stuff to do. So that did happen but we talked for a good hour last night, but at the end of the conversation instead of asking me to hang today or what my schedule was this week (he knows I'm the type of girl to not just sit around and that I have a social life with my friends), he just said we'll I'll talk to you soon. AM I going crazy? LOL. I guess I wanted to hear I'll talk to you tomorrow or I'll see you tomorrow. I hate feeling like I'm playing a game sometimes. It's like when I'm with him he does and says all the things to validate US and how he feels, but when we aren't together I feel like the vibe changes a little bit. I should just assume he's stressed and wants a little space right? I know I must sound like I don't know a thing about relationships, but that's not the case, I've just been out of the game for sometime since my last long term relationship. Thanks for listenting to me vent, if nothing else :)

Hi Brkf,

This has happened in my past relationship as well with my ex. I wish I could shed some light on this for you, but honestly? I don't know either. Thank you for posting this! I would like to see how other people respond to it, and what there insights are.

Basically I think he just has a lot on his mind.
In situations like this guys can be simple, he may just be focused on work especially if that is stressful. Since you clearly are a busy girl (like you said about your schedule) your BF probably isn't even thinking about it, he just thinks if he is busy you will go out and have fun with your friends. It's actually a good thing because he knows he can do his thing with work or whatever and sees you as confident enough to be OK and have fun without him.

Basically if he wanted space he wouldn't even bother to respond or talk to you OR he would just say it, he sounds like a mature enough guy who is just focused on something else right now. Doesn't mean you aren't important, that you did something, or that he doesn't care.. it just means something else has to be taken care of first.

That's all it sounds like to me.

"The only constant is change"
"Everything flows, nothing stands still."
--Heraclitus of Ephesus, Greek philosopher

It's funny you quote a fellow Greek..

"Τα πάντα ρει".

It's funny you quote a fellow Greek..

"Τα πάντα ρει".
I married a greek girl, so that makes me half greek.

She says it doesn't work that way. I don't care, I say I'm half greek now. Deal with it. (smug)

In my opinion you can't know until you've said something. Ask him what you are, and where you would like this to go. If you don't ask you'll never know.

I married a greek girl, so that makes me half greek.

She says it doesn't work that way. I don't care, I say I'm half greek now. Deal with it. (smug)

So if I bring up the Euro 2008 game today between Greece and Sweden, will you be offended? If you are, then you really are Greek! Haha, Go Sweden! Just joking JB, lol.

I would strongly suggest you no get overly emotionally invested, until you have know each other a longer time. Why can't you just enjoy the getting to know each other, and not get all caught up in future stuff just yet.

Whats the freakin' hurry, to define something that's in its early stages of development??

Guys - just want your opinion. I've been dating a guy now for 2.5 months, for some reason I still feel like he should be the one to call most of the time, make the plans etc. But after how long of dating do you think it's okay for the girl to start initiating plans etc. I personally feel like he is getting comfy in what we have going on and instead of making plans in advance like he used too, now it's kind of call last minute and see what's up. I started thinking maybe he wants me to call more and ask him what he's up too there is nothing wrong with that right? Man, I hate the dating game sometimes.
Also, what are your thoughts about not talking everyday? I am very used to talking to guys I date everyday when things are moving in the right direction and then sometimes I don't hear from him so I'll call him and he'll always call me back, so it's not like he doesn't want to not talk... but it's just odd to me. I always think why hasn't he called? He has time to watch sports haha.

At two months things are supposed to be changing. You calling him and making plans are just as reasonable a change as anything.

Also, pay attention. You're coming into the months where you are going to start seeing who this guy really is. The "honeymoon" months are ending and familiarity will tempt you both to start misbehaving.

That's fine, everyone does it. The key is to observe who you each are when that misbehavin' is going on. You want your guy to be attentive and creative, you want your relationship to growing, growing, growing. Too often, your FEELINGS are growing, but the relationship really isn't, and you just ignore it.

Don't ignore what's really going on.

Also, you DO have a lot of other "free time" activities don't you? THings that occur with regularity and don't include him? He REALLY needs to see you as a vibrant and involved woman who he can't just call on the drop of a dime and you're available.

You need to tell him, "I have plans tonight, (tomorrow, Saturday morning), but I'm free at 8pm? Want to buy me dinner then!?" This needs to happen with regularity, and no apologies. He should have stuff going on, too.

You guys be careful, you're a PART of each other's lives, don't let each other become THE PART of everything, not this soon.

Try not to be so conscerned with what you should and shouldn't do, if you live for him you don't live, for you can only make one person on this whole earth happy, and that is you. YOu can't control any one else, so don't let them control you. YOu may get angree with them for oyu trying to play to the please of their calling and forget your own...

Why not make plans with him, if he's not in to it, then that's your answer. No questions, because I don't think any one particular should be "calling the shots", or taking control. A relationship is the coming together of two, and a partnership. It only works if two are in it, giving and taking. I'm not saying every one should be like that right away, but being considerate of one another is one thing, but if one is calling all the shots then it seems a little one sided eh?

May love and kindness be with you.

I met the guy I've been dating (we aren't exclusive yet but so far things are going well) off an online site. We have been going out almost 3 months. Recently he seems a little distant lately, and I can't quite seem to put my finger on it, but my gut is telling me it's just because he has a lot on his plate, work,$, family stuff. So I've been trying to give him his space, but I'm a girl and girls tend to take "space" "im stressed out" personally. How do I let him know I feel like I want to spend more time w/ him without making him feel overwhelmed? I guess I just want to know if this is going to last or what. I think we both want that, but he has so much on his plate right now that it all gets confusing and I tend to go home at night frustrated. The second part to my post - how do I mention to him to see if he is still active on the dating site we met on? I checked it a couple weeks back and he was not active in a week or so, and lately when I check it everynow and then, he is on it every 24 hrs. He could just be bored and browsing, while I don't care that much about it, I'm starting to get a little curious since it has been a few months now.
Suggestions? I'm confused... damn emotions.

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

Thanks, I am going with my gut for sure. I guess I look at the dating site the same way I do when I go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys. I'm not necessarily searching as much, but until we make things solid I am open. So I feel like I don't really have a place to ask about the dating site, until we get to that point... and my gut says we are slowly getting there. Make sense?

OK.

The statement here that you too are still active on the dating site adds a new dimension to the situation.

As long as you feel you are moving in the right direction, then ride the wind towards your goal.

Given that new piece of information, heck no you can't ask him to get off the dating site that you are still active on too!

Good luck to the both of you!

To progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

I'm not still active on the site because my subscription ran out. I think you may have read that wrong. I was trying to say that when I go out with my girlfriends, because he and I haven't talked about anything exclusive, I too am open to meeting new guys until we make sh_t more exclusive. But you are right, my gut is telling me I'm still the main lady on his mind, so I shouldn't sweat it just yet.

The guy I'm just breaking up with after nearly 9 months we were in an exclusive (I guess.. ) relationship. We met elsewhere, not online. He had told me that he had tried dating sites before we were together, so of course I went and checked if he had taken them down. He had not. He had some profiles even with his picture on some dating sites. He was listed as single. Its weird to see your boyfriend on there looking for women. He never did take them down. I never mentioned anything to him that I knew they were there. I checked once in a while and he hadn't been active for a long time, so I figured if he had been 'active' I would confront him.

In our case though there were also lots of other problems, sad to say this was the 'least' of them.

Your man is actively searching for dates on a dating site. Well it's early on. But at three months it seems like you have a right to a 'heads up' as to whether you're exclusive or not.

to progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since im technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

I did read the reply rather quickly, I am guilty of that from time to time.

The original post sounded like this was supposed to be an exclusive relationship, at least in the posters mind, and she wanted to know if he felt the same.

While saying that "he" was still active on the site, to me indicated that she was not, and that while she may have found who she wants to be with forever, he "may" still be looking.

Now it is clear, neither one has made any indication to the other that this is an exclusive relationship, so as it stands right now, they are both free to see or date anyone they want to.

So, to the poster, if you want this to be exclusive, you need to let him know that.

If he feels smothered, and breaks it off, then you have your answer, and you can move on.

Better to really know where you stand, than to keep hoping and guessing.

If you feel he has too much on his plate right now, why do you want to be exclusive with him.

It seems that he is keeping his options open and so should you. Sometimes when people date they date more than one person. Also, for some people, those kinds of sites are addictive and they always browse to see who new or who else they can meet.

I'd say go out and mingle and meet someone who wants the same thing as you. Also,your intincts are always right so always follow it. Leave him on the website looking for girls.

Tend to agree with liz here, sounds like he may be keeping his options open. Wonder if you could casually ask him if he's still trying to meet people on that site? See what he says. If he's keeping his options open still at three months then yeah, he's not smitten enough. You need a man who likes you more than that.

If he's just been looking more from boredom, and says he's not interested in meeting other women and he stops it, then you can keep trying with him.

Just my opinion 3 months is much to early for making or defining a relationship. What ever happened to just having fun getting to know each other with no strings attached? If your hitting it off better in say 3-4 more months then it should be discussed and mutually agreed upon to be exclusive.

There is no need to put undo pressure on a young dating partner at this point in time though. What's the hurry to get to another level, when you haven't explored this one yet?

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm just really confused why men seem distant when they get stressed out.

I'm sure some of you have been following my posts lol. But I just have a simple question... why do men in the dating world tend to back away or seem a little distant when they are stressed out with stuff? What can us girls do to give them space but still remind them we want to be there? I have been seeing someone who I really want to continue seeing, but lately he has been stressed and I feel like I don't know how to react without taking it personally He stills calls me etc we talk daily, but we haven't been hanging as much and I think it's because he is so stressed. I'm confused. It's hard because I want to keep spending time with him, but I don't want to seem like that needy girl in the middle of his stress. You know what I mean? Help... opinions please?

How long have you been seeing him?

My boyfriend was like this initially, whenever he had a problem he'd get all down in the dumps and keep it inside. He still wanted to hangout talk etc but it wasn't the same because it was obvious there was something wrong with him.

When you care about someone I think it's natural to want to fix their problems to make them feel or get to a better place.

I noticed that my attempts of trying to just be joyful and doing things and going places didn't work depending on the issue so I learned to give him space... meanwhile I'd take a few days out of the week to show him that I was there for him whenever he wanted to talk or when he'd worked his problem out.

During this time we had breakfast together a lot of mornings but during his sad times I'd just cook his favorite breakfast take it to him and give him big hug and leave... or send a simple text message: "I'm pulling for you to get through this! I love You!"... also on the internet you can find or create the cutest e-cards some even allow you to put a music in it, this will surely put a smile on his face... my boyfriend sent me one recently and it was a nice warm starter for my day!

Anyway the small things mean a lot, don't press for to lean on your shoulder and vent if that's not the way he copes.

By the way my boyfriend and I are so much closer now, we talk about everything and he's finally comfortable enough to lean on my shoulder and vent... so maybe it'll take some time but definitely try the above.

Sorry So Long!

That's the way we deal with things, especially when it comes to feelings we have. You just have to be patient, and get to know us better.

That's the thing we haven't been dating that long - 3 months. But the connection and chemistry has been lining up great, until now, this he's stressed out/ I'm feeling a distance thing. So I don't totally know how to go about it because I'm not the GF yet, but I want to show I have those qualities in times like these so it's hard!

I don't think 3 months is too short of a time frame to do small gestures to cheer or support someone during a tough time... It doesn't take anything grand just a simple text message or email that says: Hope things are getting better! I'm here if you want to do something to get your mind off things... "

I wouldn't consider that being needy as long as you're making it about him and not giving the impression of --when are you going to spend time with me!--

But Do try to give him space if that's what he needs/asks for and when he's ready he'll come around. Things will settle down, Hang in there!

What would you do if he were only your friend and not a love interest?

Just curious as you seem to want to hurry things along, but do you have other things you enjoy doing? Its way to early to have a lot of concerns right now, and my worry is your to deeply invested, and he may not be. Relationships take patients and maybe your seeing things you need to pay attention to and evaluate. Regardless, I feel the first 6 months should be fun, while you get to know each other better. You make it sound like your moving ahead to fast, and expecting too much. Slow down, relax, and stop these high expectations. You could be getting a bit carried away for nothing. Does that make sense?

Story of a Guy and Girl sitting in Silence - by JB

Girl is thinking: "I wonder why he's not talking. What could the problem be? Did I do something wrong? He's not happy! Oh no, what should I do? I'm going to be alone! Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD!!!!!"

Guy is thinking: "Ah, this is the life, alone with a hot chick who smells great. Hey, my socks don't match!"

Moral of the story: Backrubs. Silent backrubs. (and change your socks)

LOL, Great post JB.

Thanks for that line - I think I will text that.you're right talan maybe I am getting too invested? I guess sometimes its hard not to when you start to fall for a guy and in my last relationship things were more solidified by now. It's also hard because he has been the one to openly express his feelings, and all of a sudden he has stopped expressing little things like you make me happy etc. So all that gets to my head in a negative way! But my gut tells me that things will be okay and he stressed so maybe I should stop overanalyzing. And of course I have other interests. I am usually always out and about doing something.

Then I would worry too much, just let it flow naturally, and enjoy the ride.

Thanks all. I sent him a little text message today saying hope you are doing better, and I'm here when you want to do something to take your mind off it, have a good day. I figured it was a sincere gesture, and now he knows I'm in no rush to hang out and to take his time.

As a man who has behaved this way, sometimes talking about a stressful issue with a woman may not make us feel better right away. Sometimes to even discuss the issue with a man prematurely (before he's ready) may even make him angry. A man is a "do-er" and to have a woman trying to "solve" your problems may make you angry. Of course we know that its not even like this, and that the woman is really trying to help us. But a man may want to feel secure with a grip on his situation before receiving outside help. Speaking for myself though, when given enough personal time and distance, I come around to my partner anyway, knowing that a woman can truly help you. Just be patient.

I'm back. So yeah, for those of you who followed my posts, my guy of 3 months that I have been dating has been very distant this past week or so. The last time we hung out was last Tuesday, he went 4 days w/ out speaking to me on the weekend or seeing me, and as hard as it was I held in there and did not contact him to give him his space (Thursday - Sunday). So sure enough Monday night he called me. Very brief message like usuall and said to call him back, I called him back the next day after work and while I know maybe I should have waited 2 days, I called him. Whatever. But get this he didn't call me back! I'm starting to think instead of him being stressed out (money issues,family stuff) , that maybe he is hinting to me without saying it that he doesn't want to date anymore? It just hurts to think of that because everything up to this point has been going GREAT, and he has been the one to initiate his feelings, etc. So guys, what is his deal - seriously? I just feel like I want him to communicate with me - whatever it is that is going on. If I don't hear from him should I call him in a couple days just to see what's up? I am very independent and have been doing my own thing, but come one now what's his deal! I guess I thought because we hadn't talked in awhile that he would have jumped at the chance to call me back and talk, like usual.

I'm back. So yeah, for those of you who followed my posts, my guy of 3 months that i have been dating has been very distant this past week or so. The last time we hung out was last Tuesday, he went 4 days w/ out speaking to me on the weekend or seeing me, and as hard as it was I held in there and did not contact him to give him his space (Thursday - Sunday). So sure enough Monday night he called me. Very brief message like usuall and said to call him back, I called him back the next day after work and while I know maybe I should have waited 2 days, I called him. Whatever. But get this he didn't call me back!! I'm starting to think instead of him being stressed out (money issues,family stuff) , that maybe he is hinting to me without saying it that he doesn't want to date anymore? It just hurts to think of that because everything up to this point has been going GREAT, and he has been the one to initiate his feelings, etc. So guys, what is his deal - seriously? I just feel like I want him to communicate with me - whatever it is that is going on. If I don't hear from him should I call him in a couple days just to see what's up? I am very independant and have been doing my own thing, but come one now whats his deal!? I guess I thought because we hadnt talked in awhile that he would have jumped at the chance to call me back and talk, like usual.


p.s. for the record, I have a lot of friends etc I confide in, its just nice to vent to people who are across the world and country and get your reactions!

So the guy I have been seeing has been distant for personal matters. Here how it has played out. He has been distant the past two weeks, because he has a lot on his plate. We hung out a week ago, and I could just see in him that he was really stressed, so we ended the night early. I knew I had to give him some space, as he indiscretely asked for it. He texted me he was just going through some sh_t right now and I told him I'm here when he wants to do something to take his mind off it. 5 days went by with no communication. It was hard for me, but I didn't want to be that needy girl, so I gave him space and did my own thing. Monday night rolls around after not hearing from him and he calls. I call him back the next day. Then 2 days went by and he didn't return my call! I was upset, because I felt like it was a double hit to me, and shouldn't he be excited to talk to me? I started to realize maybe its his way of letting me down easily, but my gut kept telling me to give the situation the benfit of the doubt. Keep in mind before all this, he has been awesome at calling when he says etc, everything was great. So today I get a text from him mid day, saying that he just wants to let me know he has been at home dealing w/ family stuff, and on top of that his phone has been screwed up. So I texted him back no worries, I understand I know how fam stuff can be, and that I'm here for him if he wants to talk.
I wanted to text him that so he doesn't think he will have to have a bitter conversation with me about why he has been distant etc. (even though I've totally been taking it personally) I wanted to play it cool. Do you guys think I did the right thing? Still kind of annoyed he hasn't called but I triust what he is saying, and I guess I figure when we do hang out again we can work on talking about the communicating part. What do you think?

At this point, with what you know, you are fine and doing the right thing.

Unfortunately that means not knowing what's going on.

I tend to, like many guys, think I can take care of things without help. Bear the weight of the world on my shoulders and deal with the noise of life.

As much as I like helping people, I don't like asking for help.

This means you are in an uncertain place. You can tell him you will be there for him. You can be patient. But you also need to be there for you. At some point... and nobody here can tell you when... you need to back way, way off if he is too consumed by his life.

You cannot save someone. And I've loved women I couldn't be with due to bad timing.

You know nothing at this point other than he is distracted.

Knowing what I know now, and having been in your place before... id tell him you are there for him as a friend, and you are willing to step back to give him some room... but at some point you will need to have the resolve to step forward if he isn't willing to engage.

Life happens and gets in the way sometimes. And sometimes its worth the wait to see how things play out.

If things don't change in the next couple of months... id rethink my commitment to him.

Thanks for your response. I agree with it. I guess I just keep thinking to myself it would be nice if he would reach out and ask me how I'M DOING? I know he has a lot on his plate, but there are 24 hours in a day... even if he is having phone problems. I'm holding out as best as I can, but when he does come back into town, if he is still interested in dating me, he better do some kissin up! I can't date someone who just drops off the face of the f_ckin planet every time there is a personal issue. This one is his freebie wild card since we haven't been exclusive yet... although I thought it was going there! It just makes me feel like he doesn't even think about me at all. Like a simple text "thinkin about u" would be nice. You know? Urgh men.

=)

I did something similar when dating my wife. We were at the "are we or arent we" dating stage... meaning we were, but id planned on leaving town after a different crash and burn relationship and wasn't about to change my plans for another person... so things were really mixed up.

She was going to have thankgiving dinner at her fathers with her brother and the family, I was going out of town to see cousins. So I disappeared and didn't call over the weekend. Just got wrapped up in the moment. Didn't intentionally mean to tick off an italian woman with a temper. But I did. And in hindsight, I was an idiot... even if it wasn't premeditated idiocy.

Man... did she ever have angry fire in her eyes the next time she saw me.

Anyway... eventually I removed my head from a dark place.

Sounds like you have your head about you. You decide what you need from another person and what noise you are willing to put up with... and usually there is some noise... what fights are worth picking and what things can fall to the side.

Haha well I guess it just goes to show in your case, things were worth the wait :-)
I have been playing it very cool with him this whole time, even though of course it's making me a little mad inside! So if you don't mind answering this one - how would you suggest I go about bringing this up ? I guess I have to wait until we talk about where we are and aren't and so forth and I will let him know I need a man who can communicate! He has told me before, he has problems opening up sometimes about personal issues/stress etc. I guess I just don't want to screw things up because I was starting to really like him, liked where it was going and then all of this, and of course right before the 4th of July holiday, but hey I have plans already w/ my girlfriends. Do you think any of this is his way of letting me down easily? I'm not sitting around all day wondering that, but I am curious but Somehow my gut keeps on telling me that's not the case.
Man, it's easy to vent on here... sorry :-)

Don't be sorry about venting here.

Uhm... I can't get in his head... could he be breaking up by letting it drift off? Well, sure. He could. And he could also be just flat out preoccupied with his little world and clueless. And I don't know the nature of what he is going through.

I honestly think, as much as its driving you mad, in a case like this its better to sit back and see what he does. That doesn't mean sit around and wait. I'm really glad you made the plans for the fourth... if he's shocked and upset just keep your cool and let him know he needs to talk to you sooner if he wants your time.

Even if you find time to see each other, id probably hold back a little, at least at first... not because you will "ruin" anything, because if talking about it ruins it... it wasn't right in the first place... id hold back a little just to see what he does. How he acts and approaches you.

You can get anybody to say about anything when you've got them pinned to the floor with your heel on their throat (theoretically speaking) but what does he give up or offer when he has the change without threats?

And like I said... I get a little of what he might be going through... by the time I ask for help I'm often waist deep... so while I can communicate pretty well and talk about a lot of things, I still internalize first... at least as a reflex.

You could always see what he brings to you the next time you meet... and if, given the time, he doesn't address the things you want to talk about... then you can bring it up. Even something like "you know i like you and i know you are going through a lot of noise... but if you can't talk to me and connect with me, im not going to wait around until you have a use for me. theres always noise around us. when its loud is when you draw friends toward you, not when you push them away."

Or there's always the heel to throat thing.

I don't know. I wasn't aware my wife was that mad until I saw her... he could be as clueless as I was/am/could be.

This is great.

Story of a Guy and Girl sitting in Silence - by JB

Girl is thinking: "I wonder why he's not talking. What could the problem be? Did I do something wrong? He's not happy! Oh no, what should I do? I'm going to be alone! Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD!!!!!"

Guy is thinking: "Ah, this is the life, alone with a hot chick who smells great. Hey, my socks don't match!"

Moral of the story: Backrubs. Silent backrubs. (and change your socks)

There was a comedian I saw a clip of who talked about men and women and how their brains worked.

He claimed women had an ability to connect anything and everything... like "he sure is spending a lot of time on the ps3 lately... i wonder if hes avoiding me... ill bet that hes still ticked about missing the game to go to my parents house... he didnt talk much at the table that night... i wonder if hes going to break up with me... theres that new girl at work he keeps talking about... the slut! the jerk!"... I know extreme, but you get the point.

And then men store their thoughts in boxes that are closed tight and never touch. No connections to other boxes. You go to the playstation box to think about video games, not to avoid a discussion about the relationship... and the mans favorite box? The one with NOTHING in it. He can sit and look in that box and be completely content and happy for hours on end.

There's some truth to that, at least on the guy side, in my opinion.

Anyone here watches DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? Notice Teri Hatcher (Susan) and James Denton (Mike) there. When Mike is quiet or less responsive, Susan freaks out and beat him to death to talk whats wrong when there's nothing really.

Doncha hate it fellows, when they want you to talk, and your mind is blank?

"talk about what?"
"How you feel"
"Hungry"
Wham!!

"I'm still hungry"

Well I don't think I'm at throat level yet lol. Thanks for your tips... hopefully he is just CLUELESS! Still totally annoyed he can't even write a simple text message that he's thinking about me, how am I doing etc, but I guess sometimes you learn about people. It just hurts after a couple months of building a genuine connection up, for someone to go so m.i.a. and not even really realize it. It's all starting to make me loose interest.

I think that you need to ask him straight up, what's the deal. If he says he still wants to be with you be honest and tell him that you don't feel like that is what he is cummunicating with his actions. And if he says he doesn't then obviously you saved yourself a lot of time that would have been wasted wondering

I know how you feel, I'm kind of in the same boat, was in a relationship for a year and a half.It was all fine then whack out of nowhere she starts being dead distant, then tells me she's mega stressed at work and isn't got time for a boyfriend, so I decide to do the right thing as I love her, so I finish her and tell her we'll still be friends cause that's what she needs, she says no we'll have a break, so that's how it is we're on a break.she phones me everyday, but never texts me back(which I find really annonying) an we still meet up on fridays... well until I stupidly tell her that my ex has been txting... which didn't go down to well. An is going clubbing on Friday instead.But I still think at times we'll be fine so I hang around.Sorry for the long rant but I guess I'm trying to say.. If you feel like the guy is worth it, then give him the time and space.. if it works out then you'll be glad you waited.. if it doesn't work out then at least you can say you tried and he's the fooker for messing with your head an emotions.. and you'll come out the better person.

Okay, some of you may have already read my previous posts. But I need some opinions!
Long story short, I was dating this great guy for 3 months, and we were quickly moving into what I thought was soon going to be something more serious, or at least it felt like it, we acted like a couple, communicated like a couple, etc. About 2-3 weeks ago, he went home to deal with some family issues, and day by day I stopped hearing from him. Or I would reach out to see how he was doing and it took him 3 days to get back to me, but then he stopped asking how I was etc. It just didn't feel right, and I'm not naïve. Long story short, I told him I wanted to talk and that I felt like I was lead on etc and I just wanted to know what was up, and he said we would talk the next day, well the next day came and he never called. (This was over a week ago). His actions seriously came out of nowhere, and never in a million years would I have thought he would be the type to cut someone out cold turkey.

Now, I know most of you will write move on he's not worth it, I know that myself - in most cases. BUT, looking on the brigher side, we never really took space a part, and because of it - I feel like I want to reach out to him and see if he is interested in talking and getting back on the same page. As in sometimes S-H-I-T happens in life, and it can sometimes makes things stronger. In most cases I would never even think about reaching out to a guy after he has dissed me, but I have been out on a few dates etc, and it really just re-iterated to me that I want him to be a part of my life on a friend level to say the least. You know how you just have a bond with someone, and you feel like you are meant to know them?Like maybe this whole thing has been a miscommunication? (okay that's really my optimism talking now).

So what do you guys think? Men? Would it be okay for me to very platonically write him an email (or call?).. I know he should be the one reaching out, but I think he probably knows he has messed up big time, and probably thinks I never want to talk to him again. When really I miss him a little, and if ANYTHING, feel like I would much rather things end on a cooler level then to never talk to each other again.

Help!

I would consider writing him and email, more to get closure for yourself than to rekindle anything. Who knows what is going in his life, but it does seem like he's disinterested. Maybe.
Some people may disagree with this, but for your own sake write the email. Say what you want to say (but don't accuse) in terms of your feelings, that you miss him, that you don't know what happened because you were enjoying the relationship. Be honest (but not crazy). That way you'll know that you made yourself clear to him, and at that point its his turn to respond in whatever way he chooses. He may not respond at all, which kind of makes him an a**hole and then you know you deserve better than that, or he may respond and open up to what is actually going on. Be prepared, he may not write back what you want to hear, but who knows.

Thanks maria. I've decided I am going to write an email, just for my own piece of mind. I'm not going to sound needy but I will be honest and let him know I was enjoying where things were going and I want to know for my own understanding what happened? Nothing wrong with that. And that's how I see it too - if he doesn't have the decency to write me back or the courtesy, then I will be SO GLAD I found out he is a major asswhole now instead of a year into it etc when I'm sure my feelings would have been a lot deeper.

I just want to say to the men in the world, I don't think us women will ever fully understand what you mean when you tell us how much you want to be with us, love us, like us etc... make us feel on top of the world... then to end it suddenly with admitting that "You aren't emotionally or mentally capable of maintaining a healthy relationship right now, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us if you tried." What is up with that? I appreciate the honest answer, but women will never get that. We want to be there for you and work through your problems and support you. I would rather take things slow with a man who I felt a strong connection with then just end it because you aren't ready... well what about our side? I guess it just proves you aren't men enough.

Any thoughts or comments on this - feel free to leave below! Haha

I think it is just one of those break up speeches that guys think sound easier to the girl to let her down. Sort of like the one girls use to use ''It's not you; it's me"
Still isn't fair though. I would rather hear the brutal truth. I don't want to be with you because you...

I agree with NOhelp. It is just a line. Not a good one, but the best that the guy can do at the time.

Lol You women are just as bad missy.
The hole "Break" angle seems to be the favourite for the Women.
Least when he tells you what he has it's over(I'm not taking away from the hurt).
But hanging around for weeks/Months on false hopes, Only to get the I've met someone else speech.It's just plain Evil!

Don't be sexist. Females also make excuses for breaking up.

I would agree with hjpan mentioned above. Women are just as guilty as men here. Also, the truth really hurts. I know people always say just giveit straight but I'm not sure all of them can handle that. If someone leaves you they leave you, do you really need to know why? Obviously the reasons are not going to be great so why go looking for trouble or negativety. Just my take.

I would agree with hjpan mentioned above. Women are just as guilty as men here. Also, the truth really hurts. I know people always say just giveit straight but I'm not sure all of them can handle that. If someone leaves you they leave you, do you really need to know why? Obviously the reasons why are not going to be great so why go looking for trouble or negativety. Just my take.


Good example: MY EX.

Yeah so I am getting over the guy who broke my heart a couple weeks ago. Things ended on such an odd note - over email, never would have thought that's how it would have went down with someone who I seriously thought could have been my sou-lmate. But I keep looking back and thinking maybe getting words out on email is better, because in person I know I would have yelled or cried and it would have got messy. I can't help to think though - do guys miss a girl when they break up or move on? We both decided we want to be a part of each others lives in some form, friends etc... but he has made no effort to reach out platonically or anything. I'm a strong girl, but naturally I wonder if guys miss their girls after they "break up?" because I sure as hell think about him from time to time and miss him... not even so much in a I want to re-kindle kind of way, but just doing stupid things like watching TV together.

Do you think he will come crawling back? Does he miss me? Or do guys just emotionally get over it right away? Our feelings were pretty intense. We broke up because he had a lot going on his life, etc and he felt he couldn't handle a "relationship" right now. Of course I offered to take it slow etc, but it didn't phase him like I wanted it too. I guess after watching a ton of sex and the city I want him to come crawling back...

I wonder if guys miss their girls after they "break up?"

I see it like this if he missed you you'd know about it.. guys don't tend to play games and I for one am pretty crap at hiding my emotions.

He's the one who broke up with you, that means you are a crowd to him so most likely he doesn't miss you AT ALL.

MR. BIG is a fictional character but you are in real life. He will not crawl back so move on.

He broke up with you in an EMAIL! Get over him, seriously! That's not mature at all! He should have had enough respect for you to tell you eye to eye. Why do men think its OK to do this to women... Or who ever to who ever.

My 4 year ex broke up with me over the PHONE! That's not respect at all.

Some men doesn't like the feeling of breaking up in person specially when they see "THE FACE" followed by the line "BUT WHY..????".


Just don't waste your time thinking what he thinks or do in future. You won't get an answer whatever you do besides there's no point and no need.

So the guy who I thought could have been my soulmate ( or I should say that's the closest I've ever felt to it), broke up with me a month ago. We haven't spoken since, we ended on a note of him saying that he definitely sees us going down the path of having some sort of relationship. In my head that meant friends, and I was content with that since he was breaking it off doing to him having too much on his plate, moving back home possibly etc. So it is what it is, and I have come to be over it dating wise, but I REALLY would like to stay cool with him and be friends or something. He hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted him in a month. I'm 27 years old, and I know there are a lot of fish in the sea. But he is one fish who I connected with so well, and it ended on a very honest level that I feel like I want to contact him or even send a little text saying "hey there, how's life." IS THAT SO WRONG TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON AND TRY TO SAY HELLO? He runs through my headspace often. I guess a part of me wonders if I run through his... in any way.

What can it possibly hurt... text first... if no reply.. wait a few days then do it again. If still no reply... then maybe rethink it.

Good luck

Yeah texting is a great way to not come off as to heavy... Since it has been a month I don't see anything wrong with playing catch up. But if he responds just don't read too much into it.

I say don't live with any regrets! If it is possible that you may regret NOT texting him, than do it. But if you feel that you can live by letting him go, than he isn't as important to you as you think. :o

Yeah just send him a message asking how you doing? Or what's up? Or miss talking to you.

Well I sent him a text just saying "hi there, how's it going" and all I got was 'hey,it's going" MAN! Men suck - seriously! For someone who told me how much they could see me in their life in some form etc etc, that i'm such a cool person to know blah blah, you know the deal ladies. . He could have at least replied, "how are things with you?" I wasn't going to bite! I don't think I will ever understand how men can have such low common courtesy to one day court a girl and have all these feelings invested and then bamb! Overnight sh-it changes. Like they don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. It was my last and only attempt to reach out in a platonic way. And no, I don't regret it, I have it in my head that he is total asswhole, where before I was hanging onto this hope of being friends, but now I'm over it all together. It takes two to tango. I just had to vent! Haha One day hopefully he will look back, or run into me while I'm looking fab, and totally regret it.

Guy's do tend to do this a lot... what's up with that!

Guy's do tend to do this a lot... what's up with that!


Honestly I think their man egos are afraid of us asking to hang out or something along those lines when really all I wanted to do was keep things cool with him. But it's like okay if that's all you are going to say to me, then I'm taking the big hint you really don't want to have anything to do with me, which really means you are a LIAR and it's probably best things happened the way they did! Haha

Time to back way, way off and start getting over him. You've spent a lot of time and energy on this, and its time to be done.

Will you ever be friends again? I'm on friendly terms with an ex, but I had to get away from her for a year or so and I had to move on.

Its only been a month. Even if he cut it off, doesn't mean its all that in the past for him either.

Stop spending time trying to get into his head. Let yourself be lonely and frustrated. Then get pi$$ed and distance yourself. If you are going to be friends, it's a long way off.

Well, you gave him an opening to show what kind of friend he would be to you & he did just that. Now it will be easier for you to move on to someone that will care how YOU are doing & act that way. They are out there & finalizing your grief over this situation will open your life to the better possibilities waiting for you ahead.

Many people think we only have one soulmate, that's not true. A soulmate is someone special who touches your heart, mind, body & soul in special ways but not all of them are going to or even meants be lfietime ones, some will be there only for a season.

You are not leaving behind the only soulmate that would enhance your life until the end of it or support & encourage you to be the best you can be. Instead, you are now available for the one that could be the lifelong one that would not have been able to make his presence known as long as you were attached to his one. Even if only mentally the way you were before you sent that text. You know can free yourself from what doesn't work in order to make room for what will in an intimate relationship where you can cherish & be cherished properly.

Good Luck!