View Full Version : Original poem, would like your feedback, thanks
thinkinabouthim
May 27, 2008, 11:00 PM
i wrote this poem not too long ago. it was supposed to be a simple poem for my english class, but then i started looking at poetry sites and it's getting published. it'll be a collection of poems by various writers. i was just want to see if anyone can relate to this poem, and if you even like it. thanx everyone
Support
Wow, how do the years go by?
Seems like only yesterday when I knew of this new life
Yes, I suppose, I reply
But those nine months of being so close are long gone
Day and night, night and day
Not a single moment without the sweet whisper of love
Hush now the lively voice would sing
Who’s this angel above me?
An angel? No, not exactly, but it is Strength
Strength is always there pushing the tiny one
To take that first step
To say those first words
Strength is the one who was there to pick up the tiny one
But now that the thirteenth year has come a new bond has grown
The tiny one wants to know what Strength knows
Strength teaches the tiny one
How to color her face in beautiful shades
Strength is there to give the tiny one the strength needed
To put together the broken heart
The time to leave the nest has come
The tiny one must face the cold world
But Strength is there to offer warmth
Strength will see the tiny one leave
But Strength knows that the tiny one
Will always be oh so close
The tiny one in white will soon walk down that aisle
And with tears rolling down
Strength will say goodbye
Goodbye to the tiny one
But hello to Strength
frangipanis
May 27, 2008, 11:53 PM
My daughter is 11 and a half, so I loved this poem. Especially the last line...
thinkinabouthim
May 28, 2008, 12:03 AM
my daughter is 11 and a half, so I loved this poem. Especially the last line...
I'm so glad you loved this poem, I guess I was hoping moms would actually like it and feel that they play an important role in a girls life. I'm not that close with my mom so it was kind of hard writing this poem. I was hoping that by writing it I would feel something that's been missing. I'm only 18, maybe there's still time to get close to my mom... not sure though. Thanks for reading
frangipanis
May 28, 2008, 01:48 AM
i'm so glad you loved this poem, i guess i was hoping moms would actually like it and feel that they play an important role in a girls life. i'm not that close with my mom so it was kinda hard writing this poem. i was hoping that by writing it i would feel something that's been missing. i'm only 18, maybe there's still time to get close to my mom...........not sure though. thanx for reading
I'm sorry you and your mom aren't so close at the moment and you're not sure it can change, so what you wrote is more of a yearning for what you want your relationship with her to be like... can you shown her your poem? As difficult as my relationship with my daughter (and my mother) gets at times, and it does, there's still a lot of love and plenty of time. Your poem made me feel closer to my daughter for the moment, which is why I loved it so much.
My son is 18 and composes his own music on piano by the way, and whenever I hear him play, I know everything's okay with him. Please continue nurturing yourself and your talents the way you have been, as it's wonderful your poem is being published for others to read :)
thinkinabouthim
May 28, 2008, 04:13 AM
[QUOTE=frangipanis] can you shown her your poem? As difficult as my relationship with my daughter (and my mother) gets at times, and it does, there's still a lot of love and plenty of time. Your poem made me feel closer to my daughter for the moment, which is why I loved it so much.
QUOTE]
I'll probably never show my mom the poem. It's too personal I guess. Writing makes things better for me. I'm honestly very happy that my poem could make you feel closer to your daughter. I really hope you get to be extremely close to your daughter. Take it from me, I would have really like if my mom would have shown some sort of interest in having a good mother daughter relationship with me. By the way I saw one of your drawings that you posted and I must say I was amazed. You have incredible talent. I hope to see more of your drawings.
templelane
May 28, 2008, 04:36 AM
That was a lovely poem - I really liked it :)
bushg
May 28, 2008, 05:14 AM
Beautiful, and a little sad. What all caring mothers hope for is to give our children a strong foundation to face lifes challenges. This would be so fitting to recite on that special day.
I am 45 and have a much different relationship with my mother than I did when I was 18, Hopefully you will come to understand your mom and take comfort in the fact that she is who she is for many reasons and it has nothing to do with the type of daughter or person that you are. Thank you for allowing us to read such a lovely poem.
thinkinabouthim
May 28, 2008, 10:06 AM
Hopefully you will come to understand your mom and take comfort in the fact that she is who she is for many reasons and it has nothing to do with the type of daughter or person that you are. Thank you for allowing us to read such a lovely poem.
thanx for that, that means a lot to me. i'm glad you liked the poem.
ChihuahuaMomma
May 29, 2008, 02:21 AM
Beautiful... I can't wait to enjoy this myself!
Clough
Jun 8, 2008, 12:57 AM
I really like your poem! It is well organized as well as thought out! I think that with some certain changes, it could also apply, be reused and be given as a gift of remembrance for an occasion of moving on or graduating from a certain way/point in/of life in some way to a mother or father, sister or brother, daughter or son.
Just my thoughts... I really like yours! :)
Sonador101
Jun 12, 2008, 10:00 AM
I am thirteen I loved it! I loved how you called youtself strenth, that was coool, anyway I loved it.
HistorianChick
Jun 12, 2008, 11:06 AM
Your poem brought tears to my eyes. Breathtaking words, thinkinabouthim. You have a rich talent; keep writing! :)
thinkinabouthim
Jun 12, 2008, 11:16 AM
i wrote this poem not too long ago. it was supposed to be a simple poem for my english class, but then i started looking at poetry sites and it's getting published. it'll be a collection of poems by various writers. i was just want to see if anyone can relate to this poem, and if you even like it. thanx everyone
Support
Wow, how do the years go by?
Seems like only yesterday when I knew of this new life
Yes, I suppose, I reply
But those nine months of being so close are long gone
Day and night, night and day
Not a single moment without the sweet whisper of love
Hush now the lively voice would sing
Who’s this angel above me?
An angel? No, not exactly, but it is Strength
Strength is always there pushing the tiny one
To take that first step
To say those first words
Strength is the one who was there to pick up the tiny one
But now that the thirteenth year has come a new bond has grown
The tiny one wants to know what Strength knows
Strength teaches the tiny one
How to color her face in beautiful shades
Strength is there to give the tiny one the strength needed
To put together the broken heart
The time to leave the nest has come
The tiny one must face the cold world
But Strength is there to offer warmth
Strength will see the tiny one leave
But Strength knows that the tiny one
Will always be oh so close
The tiny one in white will soon walk down that aisle
And with tears rolling down
Strength will say goodbye
Goodbye to the tiny one
But hello to Strength
Thanks everyone for reading. I'm glad that you've all liked the poem and that it has touched some of you in one way or another.
momo2324
Jun 12, 2008, 11:22 AM
i wrote this poem not too long ago. it was supposed to be a simple poem for my english class, but then i started looking at poetry sites and it's getting published. it'll be a collection of poems by various writers. i was just want to see if anyone can relate to this poem, and if you even like it. thanx everyone
Support
Wow, how do the years go by?
Seems like only yesterday when I knew of this new life
Yes, I suppose, I reply
But those nine months of being so close are long gone
Day and night, night and day
Not a single moment without the sweet whisper of love
Hush now the lively voice would sing
Who’s this angel above me?
An angel? No, not exactly, but it is Strength
Strength is always there pushing the tiny one
To take that first step
To say those first words
Strength is the one who was there to pick up the tiny one
But now that the thirteenth year has come a new bond has grown
The tiny one wants to know what Strength knows
Strength teaches the tiny one
How to color her face in beautiful shades
Strength is there to give the tiny one the strength needed
To put together the broken heart
The time to leave the nest has come
The tiny one must face the cold world
But Strength is there to offer warmth
Strength will see the tiny one leave
But Strength knows that the tiny one
Will always be oh so close
The tiny one in white will soon walk down that aisle
And with tears rolling down
Strength will say goodbye
Goodbye to the tiny one
But hello to Strength
This is an awesome poem its truthful and relevant to life