Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months he's a nice guy we work together but I rarely see him at work since I work nights and he works mornings. And when I work mornings I am not on top of him checking on him. Anyway ever since we started everything was great we would go out and rarely call each other but , I've gotten a little possessive that I sometimes want to know every step he takes. One day I called him about 8 times and once at home and I got this text message from him saying that he wanted a girlfriend not a parole officer I got butt hurt. Then he told me that he is a groomsmen for he's cousins wedding I was all excited and I asked him so that means that I'm invited and he said no ! I got mad and said what? He's excuse was that at the time we had barely started talking and he wasn't sure were we were heading but, also that he's cousin wasn't paying for the wedding and there was so many people he's cousin could invite but I was still mad saying that I was sure he could take a date and why didn't he want to take me. So I got over it! 2nd for the week of mothers day! He's brothers had planned to take he's mother to vegas for that weekend I was okay ! With it with the condition that he would call me from vegas. He called but rarely the last day he was in vegas I got mad because the previous night he hadn't called me so I left him a voice mail saying that I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't keep his word in calling me when he said he was. He apologized but called a day after because he was upset at the fact that I always do the same thing over and over. Now the 3rd thing finally Wednesday of last week I saw him and he told me was going to he's boys sisters graduation on Friday I said OK! But ill see you after the graduation and he said yes! So that night I called him about 3 times on he's cell phone and he didn't pick up then I called once at home and they said he wasn't home around 9pm I got mad and furious again but this time I didn't leave a message! The next day I saw him at work and he tries to give me a hug in front of he's friends and I pushed him away and told him I left a letter in my car for you! Then 10 min later I called him the reason I called him was because he has a spare key 2 my car and I wanted to know were he was going to park my car then I told him why didn't u pick up your phone and he said I fellasleep while watching that game but I was so mad so I told him read the letter and if you agree to do what the letter says keep the key if not put my key in the back trunk. 30min later I get a text message "ure key is in ure trunk". The letter said it seems like you plan things and you never invite me are you embarrassed of me if you like me like you say you do should take me with you this Friday so I can meet your friends if not just let me go! Then I text him asking if he had broken up with me? He didn't reply till the next day saying he had also wrote me a letter and that he would give it to me soon! I text him back and said I didn't want to know anything he had made he's decision and that was it. Then Monday he text me asking if I was willing to meet to talk and I ask y? He said he wanted to tell me how he feel. So we meet Monday at a park he told me he liked me and cared for me a lot. But I get mad to fast and that he is not ready for a relationship were he has to check in so often and when it comes to he's friends and family it takes him time for him 2 introduce someone to he's family. And at this point he just needed time and he didn't want to let me go and regret losing me. But also he needs time to reflect and see if he can be the man I want him to be. The only thing that I want is for him to call me or text me and show he likes me and of course I want to meet he's friends and family to be sure he's taking me serious I like him so much that I agreed in giving him time and space but I don't know how much time and space should I give him?? My mom tells me he's not worth it people at work hait him cause I choosed him and many guys wanted to date me and I choosed him they tell me I could do way better and to just move on! I do want to move on , but there's something about him that attracts me to him. I really do need help ! He needs time while we are still in a relationship but what does it mean I shouldn't call him or hangout with him ? I also don't want him to get use to and take me as a friend with benefits just call me or hangout when ever he wants I want something serious. Im not that type of girl. Help! Please!

HARSH FIRST ANSWER - I wouldn't date someone who acts like you, not for more than a couple of those conversations you forced on him. Inviting yourself to events and punishing me for not taking you... texting and calling obsessively. I'd give you your key back and wish you well.

Your guy gave you plenty of warning to cut it out. You didn't listen. You both "like" each other enough to keep this fiasco going long enough to really piss him off. That's too bad, he let you keep it up just long enough that he may be permanently off you.

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE - you actually can learn from all this. But I see only two courses of action:

1) Start working on your own self-confidence and self-esteem so you are not in need of approval of, inclusion in and obssessive connection to the guy(s) you are dating.
- - OR
2) Realize you can only date guys who like needy girls like you. That's honest, at least, and there really are guys out there that enjoy the drama. There are MORE that don't, but you can find them. Try not to punish too much the ones who can't handle you.

Wow! That is true I'am a needy girl and I'm working on it because I don't want to lose him. I had never realized that till now! But trust me the calling and texting just happen once , but I know it was too much. Well now ! I'm just going to give him he's space and make him realized that I will change and it will be for good and not call that often or also hangout when ever he calls and focus myself on other things so he can start missing me also.



Thank You! For your advice... very smart and straight to the point.

I agree with JB, you sound very needy and almost controlling.

It sounds similar to some of the situations that I went through with my ex and it was very trying. Some of it the reason we broke up. Telling someone they MUST do this and that, or getting angry with them when they have a reasonable excuse (a phone call is a phone call, don't get angry if it doesn't last as long as you'd like) is a quick way to have them headed for the door.

From my experience it was one of the toughest things to do. I was blind to it in the beginning as it was my first relationship (is it yours?) so by the time I realized, I was too deep in.

You need to realize your faults and try not to blame others for everything. I'm not saying that he is perfect, but being pushy and controlling is a sure way to lose anyone.

Okay! Cool! I'am needy I know that its why I'm making a choice and changing the way I'm being. And no this is not my 1st relationship but most of them I failed. But since I'm getting a second chance I want to make everything better for good! But I just want to know how much time should I give him we are still together and that's what I am confused about?? HELP!!

If you are opting for my #1 above, then this is NOT something you are doing to get him. Yo are not working on your self-confidence and independence and eliminating you man-neediness to get the guys to like you more. You're NOT.

You're doing all those things because doing so would MAKE YOU a self-confident, independent, non-man-needy woman. Don't you see how important that is for your mental health in the next 50 years?

You really must be fully capable and happy without the approval and accountability to a man in any way, and YOU have to be able to function without putting those same stresses on men.

THEN, when you ARE that person, HAVING a man in your life will be a joyous, less-stressful process all the way around.

I hope that is clear.

my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months
I always thought the first 6 months were for having fun getting to know each other, this does NOT sound like fun for either of you.
Leave him alone to decide what's best for him, and what he wants... with absoluely no pressure from you.

Your Mom is right - drop the bum and don't look back!