I was in the mall the other day and saw a mother spanking her daughter in public and I wonder is there no other way to discipline a child (im not saying anything against parents who spank it's a real question) my mom says if you don't spank your kids they will be ill mannered and disrespectful. She got upset when I said id rather not have any kids if the only way to get them to behave is to use physical punishment. So here's my question how many of you parents spank? And if so why? Also how many parents don't spank? If you don't spank why? Also I read several parenting books that say that spanking does nothing to help a child learn ong term they just learn to be smarter at not getting caught is this true? Im asking because although I have a bs in psych and want to pursue a masters in child psychology but nothing compares to having kids of your own since I don't have any unless cabbage patch kids count lol I want parental responses.

I use spanking as a last resort. I have one child that is 7. As she has gotten older, taking things away - such as computer time, etc. works effectively.

I am not against spanking - but if I don't have to, I don't.

This subject has been discussed extensively here. As it is a very heated topic, I will post the other thread(s) so that you can read what has already been written.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-member-discussions/should-spanking-child-illegal-150826.html?highlight=spank

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/sp-nk-not-sp-nk-112781.html?highlight=spank

Personally I don't spank. I use reasoning with my children (ages 21, 19, 14 and 6), and they are 4 of the most respectful children you will ever meet.

I remember being spanked as a child (I was spanked until I was 13)with belts switches an extension cord even and it was usually about grades but its kind of hard to concentrate on school when you are getting bullied and teased daily... and then to come home to mean cousins and a hateful grandma so my grades were bad throughout middle school. We have talked about it now that I'm older and she says why didn't I tell her what was going on and I told her I did but she just didn't pay me any attention thinking I was just exaggerating... I don't think I could bring myself to spank just because I still tear up thinking about when I was getting spanked... but that's just me

I was spanked as a child and look at me now! LOL! I don't have children, but I would think it's a LAST resort. I remember my mom telling me to go into the yarn and pick the greenest most flexible "switch". The whole time I was crying, thinking MAN THIS IS Going to HURT. I'd bring it back, then she'd just spank me with her hand. Why all the mind tricks, I was just a kid!!

I remember picking out my "switch". That was the worst!

I remember getting spanked, mostly, for lying. Now, I am honest to a fault. Everyone knows that unless you want the God's honest truth - don't ask me.
I also got spanked for grades and things like that.

I am one of four, we are all respectful - honest people. We contribute to society, etc. I think my parents did a good job. We are all close and love our parents.

I don't have a "what will get my kid a spanking" list. It is a rare thing when she actually gets spanked. I don't like how I feel, I know she doesn't like it. So, if it can be avoided, it is. But, I have done it and probably will again.

Myself and siblings were spanked as children... My mom tried every form of punishment with us from writing sentences, standing in timeout, giving us licks in the hand and finally taking away toys, playtime, and cars when we were older...

I'm not sure how I feel about spanking because I don't feel as if it harmed me in any way, I'm not a violent person, I think I handle stress/bothersome issues in a fair and mature manner... but I do have concerns about spanking...

My mother used spanking if we did something terrible or disrespectful and usually there was no talk which I think is important, It was just a quick -you made me upset, now you're getting licks- type of situation... of course, we knew what we'd done to get to that point but it kind of made me feel like if something goes terribly wrong it's okay to hit... but maybe not because I don't live by that rule now...
Also as time went on my brother and I realized being on punishment and having our things taken away were much worse than a spanking that would only last a minute and be over with... so we came to prefer spankings as a punishment

As you can tell by my response I really don't know where I stand on this issue but I don't think I am pro-spanking but I'd just hope if other's do spank they don't do it when they are upset and they explain to the child why they are getting that punishment so that the child can associate the spanking with their bad behavior instead of associating it with their parents anger.

Spanking younger children (under 14) is legitimate for willful, direct disobedience. Not for mistakes, never as a first or second line of reprimand, and never in public.

Spanking is NOT a form of public humiliation. It is private sad moment. The child should know the spanking is coming for quite some time, and why. The "waiting and thinking about it" is the really effective part of the spanking process.

Spanking is NOT about causing injury or pain, it's about providing final direct punishment for continued unwillingness to obey some specific important rule. The real world will physically punish your adult child, so they MUST learn to control themselves and live within the bounds and rules of authority.

Spanking should never occur impulsively or reflexively. The child should know what correct behavior is needed, be given multiple opportunities to comply. The spanking then wipes the slate clean, and you begin the process again.

Children should see that spanking is as uncomfortable for YOU to be doing as it is for them to be receiving.

I'm doubtful spanking teens 14-15 and older has any significant benefit. There are a LOT more effective luxury restrictions available by the time they reach that age.

IMO... If you feel you have to spank a child who has reasoning capabilities, they have not learned right from wrong, respect, and responsibility from an early age. Different things work with different children... for some, just knowing you are disappointed in their behavior is enough to turn things around... for others, they could care less if you spanked them... taking away a privilege or opportunity for fun would be far worse. I much prefer logical consequences for known expectations, and letting the child make a choice when appropriate. If the consequence has to be carried out, they know it upfront and will likely make a different choice next time. No arguing, no further discussion, matter-of-fact.

I remember having welts for days sometimes... another thought/question do you feel uncomfprtable seeing kids get spanked like when you are in a store?

i remeber having welts for days sometimes ...another thought/question do u feel uncomfprtable seeing kids get spanked like when u r in a store?

I do, but then I don't always know what led up to that situation... so, for some people, it might be justified. I also see a difference between leaving welts and a quick swat on the bum for emphasis.
I do get uncomfortable when I see parents use a spanking in a situation that should never have come about in the first place... where the parent really is to blame, which happens more than most parents probably realize. They tend to set up the situation, having higher expectations of their child's coping abilities than they should in different situations... then they get angry with the child when the child has a melt down. Parents can do much to avoid these types of situations in the first place if they were more aware of basic child development, and didn't put their own wants ahead of their child's needs. This isn't necessarily done maliciously, although some parents probably don't really care if they do it or not, but just from not knowing better.

I remember, years ago, I was in a store and there was this dad with two toddlers (barely) and one was sitting in the front of the cart just crying. The dad was visibly angry and hit the child and told him to stop crying. I thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever seen. The kid is crying (don't know why) and then gets swatted to make him stop crying? Children cry, a lot of the time, because that is how they show their emotions. They don't have the words yet to explain what is going on. So to inflict more pain in the hopes that he will be quiet? That was just crazy.

So, yes, I feel uncomfortable seeing a child getting spanked in a store. I have left a store with my child because she was acting out. She knew she was in trouble and apologized the entire way home. When we got home, she got sent to her room with privileges taken away.

Yes, I spanked my boys, but only after other things were tried, and only when needed.

Quote :and didn't put their own wants ahead of their child's needs

I don't understand why people have kids if they want to be selfish and just think of themselves... example I know I'm wayyy too selfish to have kids and I'm in my mid 20s lol so do I have any children no because I know I would end you being a selfish crappy parent at this point. Sometimes I really wonder do people think before they do things especially BIG things like having babies and getting married

Just read in the dating, sex and pregnancy boards here, many younger how no idea how to properly use protection not to have children, others just don't want to use protection. And for some reason they appear to have no idea what having children is going to be like.
So no, the largest majority most likely put more thought into buying a new pair of shoes than to have sex without protection

Fr_Chuck its just sad my old college roomie was 21 and said she couldn't use because because it cost too much money and when I told her she could get it free at our schools health clinic she seemed shocked now these are girls in college who in the 21st century doesn't know you can get because and condoms free at the local health clinic?? I use because I know you have to take it everyday at the same time and it is highly recommended that you use a back up form of bc(like a condom). I have known this since before I was sexually active and I lived in a very strict religious household. Have they stopped teaching sex ed since I left high school in 2000 lol

Fr_Chuck its just sad my old college roomie was 21 and said she couldnt use bc because it cost too much money and when i told her she could get it free at our schools health clinic she seemed shocked now these are girls in college who in the 21st century doesnt know you can get bc and condoms free at the local health clinic ???? I use bc i know you have to take it everyday at the same time and it is highly recommended that you use a back up form of bc(like a condom). I have known this since b4 i was sexually active and i lived in a very strict religious household. Have they stopped teaching sex ed since i left highschool in 2000 lol

No, they still teach it... they teach it even younger in many schools.
We even talk about it at my school in fifth grade "growth and development". But, as with many things in life, some choose not to listen, don't think it will happen to them, listen to their friends about preventing it instead of someone more knowledgeable... ie. can't happen the first time, won't happen if you stand up, etc. get swayed by their boyfriend or girlfriend to not use it for various reasons, are "in love" and think they won't mind if they become pregnant (until they get a scare of it actually happening), or truly do want to have a baby at a young age.
Some schools are better than others with what they teach... some offer the very basics, leaving many to not have a real understanding of how their body works inregard to reproduction.

That is why I am so glad I at a young age loved 2 read whenever I had questions and was too embarrassed or afraid to ask my mom ( I didn't want to hear her say "why do you want to know about because you having sex) id check a book out about it

i remeber having welts for days sometimes ...another thought/question do u feel uncomfprtable seeing kids get spanked like when u r in a store?

I don't. I think to myself the same thing as the parents who have their kids on a harness... "good for you for parenting how you think is best, and not caring about what everybody is thinking about you"

My mom would put me on my knees in store and church aisles and spank me in public too. I don't see anything wrong with it either.

Spare the rod, spoil the child does not give a parent free reign to whip or beat a child. One needs to only look at the unruly children of parents today and see what the "no spank" policies of the late 60's and 70's has produced. A bunch of out of control self centered brats. When I was growing up it was not uncommon for a school principal to spank an unruly child. Not today, some lib lawyer would sue them out of a job. Children need and in fact want discliplin from their parents.

I have two children, 11 yo girl, 2yo boy. My daughter almost never got a spanking, I think I can count on both hands all the times before now. My son however, is much less mature than she was at the same age. He has no impulse control as of yet and does what he wants when he wants, but he's 2. He does get a swat for doing something he's been told over and over and over and over not to do. Like turning the dishwasher on, pulling the cats tail, turning on the computer, whatever. It works for a few hours, or the rest of the day, then he's right back at it. I think it depends on the temperament of the child too. She's 11 and as big as I am, spanking just isn't going to work anymore. I do think it is acceptable for children to be somewhat afraid of their parents. We are the caregivers and the lawgivers, respect goes hand in hand with a little fear.