Hi all I would like people's input here on what you all think the chances of this relationship succeeding.

The woman I am seeing is 21 and me, well I am 36. Throughout my life I have always prided myself on keeping away from ladies who are significantly younger than I. I have always lectured my friends on the dangers of dating younger men/women etc etc.

She (and I shall call her Matilda) and I met in class. I left the military after 10 years and am finishing my degree before going back in the military as an officer. Anyway I have always been polite to the younger women in my classes and nothing more. On the last day of class Matilda asked why I was leaving and then asked for my number. Since then we have become romantically involved.

I have no children, have never been married(although I have been engaged) and do not feel the need to have to be in a relationship.

Matilda and I get along well. There is not the intense animal passion that I experienced with the woman I was engaged to. My ex-fiance and I had a very intense, long term relationship. The good times were great but the arguing was horrible. It was extremely passionate and we had much in common. It even seemed as though we could read one anthers minds. It was an amazing relationship in so many ways. It was also a ride on an emotional roller coaster.

Now the relationship I have with Matilda does not have the passion of my former engagement but what it does have is honesty, trust and respect. We have been together about 3 months and we have never argued. We communicate well and can talk about everything from sex and what we enjoy to politics. The relationship with Matilda seemingly takes no effort. She has her own life and friends as do I.

We do, in my opinion have all manner of differences. We do laugh together but it does not have the intensity I experienced with my former fiancé. Matilda and I do talk but it does not flow the way it did with my ex.

We do have things in common and both of us are willing to compromise on our likes and dislikes. She and I both like the military, she goes to law school next year and I will be back in the active military working on my graduate degree.

She loves sports, me not so much. But I do watch sports with her as it is something we can do together. We both love politics but we are not in the same party. She is conservative and I am liberal.

We read to one another and spend a lot of time together. I am worried about the age difference but she is not at all concerned.

I am only the second boyfriend she has ever had or slept with. That is different from my past.

She will be moving into a new apartment with two long time male friends of hers. That does bother me a little but I feel that is none of my business really. If she cares about me she will not do anything to hurt me. It is impossible to control people and I do not even bother trying. She never tries to control me either which is nice. She totally trusts me.

Overall I feel good about the relationship I guess it is the age difference that bothers me most. So what say you all? I am interested in what you all have to say.

I don't think this has as much to do with age as it does she's just not the right one for you. She doesn't give you "THAT" feeling.

It doesn't really seem that you are into this relationship. You said that you aren't really wanting one right now.

And beg my pardon, but your girlfriend moving in with two guys IS your business. If you are uncomfortable with this, voice what you think. Otherwise you will become a doormat and she will have no respect for you.

I suggest focusing on yourself and your career at the moment, because that's what it seems like you are more interested in at the moment. She has a huge maturation period coming up that I think will change things between the two of you eventually.

CM may be right, but on the other hand, I don't automatically suspect your relationship either.

Are you just asking us for a blanket "go, no go" vote on you two? Why do you need it?

What you describe is a comfortable, mutually beneficial, calm, interactive friendship with sexual benefits. You both care for each other deeply and don't seem to be experiecing lot of stigma from others regarding the age difference, or at least you don't mention it.

You are right also that you DON'T describe a very heated nor passionate relationship. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, I can argue for it either way and paint it as awesome or horrible. I bet you could do the same.

My questions are: "Is the the kind of relationship you want for the next indefinitely?"

"What is it that brings you here to the forum of strangers to discuss your relationship? What are you leaving out?"

My questions are: "Is the the kind of relationship you want for the next indefinitely?"

"What is it that brings you here to the forum of strangers to discuss your relationship? What are you leaving out?"

Good questions.

Hi guys thanks for the responses.

CM I may have given the wrong impression on relationships. I do enjoy being in a relationship but I never have the feeling that I must be in a relationship. I enjoy who I am. Being in a relationship is nice but not a must have in my life. Definitely agree with the need to focus on my career at the moment.

JB I am not certain what I asking for. I suspect it is simply my own insecurities coming to the fore. The relationship I am in seems great. But I would never have thought that a relationship between a 21 year old and a 36 year old could have a chance of working. Granted it is early days but it does seem to be working.

Any previous relationship I have been is has been intensly passionate and heated. This one is much calmer and right now stable. I prefer it so far.

JB in answer to your question yes I would be comfortable with this relationship lasting indefinitely. I don't think I am leaving anything. It is simply my own worries coming out.

Not very open minded for a "liberal" there are many many relationships between older men and part of it is that younger men are very immuture and also they are not sure of who are what they want in life.

If anything many of these work a lot better.

The only problem is the one you beleve there could be.

Also she is not moving in with two men, she will be renting a room and sharing an apartment with two roommates who happen to be men.

This is very common and in fact often in some areas it is hard to advertise rooms that is gender specific any long, can't discriminate you know

Not very open minded for a "liberal" there are many many relationships between older men and part of it is that younger men are very immuture and also they are not sure of who are what they want in life.

If anything many of these work a lot better.

The only problem is the one you beleve there could be.

Also she is not moving in with two men, she will be renting a room and sharing an apartment with two roommates who happen to be men.

This is very common and in fact often in some areas it is hard to advertise rooms that is gender specific any long, can't discriminate you know

I am very open-minded. What did I say that reflected I wasn't? I've dated older men, the man I am with now is only 3 years older than me and that's the smallest age gap I've dated.


Moving in with two men and sharing an apartment with two men is the same thing, different wording. If he is uncomfortable with this, he needs to let her know.

Thanks Fr Chuck for your response. Certainly a lot more reasoned and less emotional than my way of thinking.

But this is why I came here. I wanted the input of outside people. So thanks to you all.

Well, if you have nothing to add and no issue to present, and there is no stigma in your relationship nor environment, then there's nothing here for us to comment on. At best we can offer personal worldview speeches, and I don't think that's helpful for you.

Enjoy your relationship. Your worries seem to have no foundation. If they ever take on a real substance, come back and we can talk some more.

Well, if you have nothing to add and no issue to present, and there is no stigma in your relationship nor environment, then there's nothing here for us to comment on. At best we can offer personal worldview speeches, and I don't think that's helpful for you.

Enjoy your relationship. Your worries seem to have no foundation. If they ever take on a real substance, come back and we can talk some more.


JB I like what you have to say. Good and reasoned answers. Thanks. As usual the issues are always in my own head.

First, stop comparing this relationship with the last.
Second, have fun getting to know each other, and don't forget you do have a life.
Balance them both. Did I mention have fun? That's the important part.

First, stop comparing this relationship with the last.
Second, have fun getting to know each other, and don't forget you do have a life.
Balance them both. Did I mention have fun?? Thats the important part.

Your right in all that you say. I just suck at relationships and always have. In most areas of my life I do rather well but at relationships I need lots of improvement. Thanks for the input.

If your problem is mostly her age and she lack the passion that you want/desire then that's the problem not her age. I'm currently dating an older guy and everythings fine. Relationship takes work in order to last and build on communication, so you should always be able to talk openly to her and expression your concerns in a civil matter. If you feel you can't do that the chances of it working out is slim to done.

Secondly, you stated you suck at relationships, why? What issues do you have, is it insecuries? Maybe you should focus more on what you want and need and then it will work.