I really need some advice. I am 21 years old, and I've been with my boyfriend (23) for a year and a half. When we first started dating, we had no sexual problems. We have been long distance for our entire relationship, but when we saw each other on the weekends, we had sex everyday, usually more than once a day. Lately, there has been a HUGE decrease in our sex life. I see him every other weekend, and we usually have sex once during that time. We both have webcams, and we used to.. well, we used to make use of them. But now, that never happens. He does have a problem with premature ejaculation, and I know because we've talked about it that that has contributed to his decrease in drive. But nothing has changed in the month or two since we discussed it. Its always the same thing.. a little bit of oral for me, and then same position intercourse that lasts a few minutes. I can deal with and be patient with quick sex and doing things to help him improve. But I can't deal with him just not being interested. In the past, usually when I am the one to try and start things up, I haven't always had a very encouraging response, so I am very reluctant, and haven't tried anything really different - like lingerie for example.

I just don't understand it because we are both young and haven't been dating that long and we aren't around each other all the time. There's no reason for it to be this bad. He rarely ever says or does anything anymore to even hint that he's sexually attracted or interested. Half the time that we DO have sex, I feel like he's doing it because he knows he has to to prevent everything from falling apart. When we discussed his problem, he admitted that sometimes, sex just feels like more work than enjoyment because he has to try so hard to last. And that has honestly taken some of the enjoyment away from me. All I can focus on now is having an orgasm before he loses control.

The thing is, he is an amazing boyfriend in every other way, and we are so meant for each other. I KNOW he's not cheating on me. He is at the office pretty much all day, and we are connected on the webcam pretty much 24/7. We both know (as much as we can right now I guess) that we want to get married one day. And I know that when relationships stabilize like that, the sex life normally dwindles. If I feel its this bad now, what is going to happen in the future?

Please help... advice on talking to him about it, being the initiator, ANYTHING would help.

Thanks,
Sexually frustrated

I've no idea what the 'treatment is' for Premature Ejaculation...

As a guy, I'd suggest performing oral on him until he ejaculates... and then letting him pleasure you until he 'gets some life back'... and then seeing how long he lasts; it SHOULD be a lot longer.

Also, he could use a condom to decrease the sensitivity. Or drink a shot or three of whiskey. (I'm serious).

If you do love him, then get him to :
a) read your posting - IF HE IS AN IDIOT he'll get pissed off. If he's smart, he'll realize you love him
b) go with you to someone to talk about what's up. What's spending a couple hundred bucks to have a great sexlife?
c) is he doing oral on you? Giving a girl oral is the best... he should get into that. Buy a few books. Nothing freaky (at least to start)... try joy of sex.

You should figure out the physical BEFORE thinking of getting married. Sex is part of a relationship... and it's TERRIBLY important because MAKING LOVE is done between 2 people who communicate really well.

At this time, you can't say that you and he communicate well in EVERY ASPECT of your lives.

Good luck.

You said you were young... I think you need more life experience with men and sex. More mature men who know how to please a woman; a man with male confidence... no fetish guys or weirdos. There are lots of guys out there who are "normal" and edifying to sleep with, I should think. Make an effort. :)

Live and learn!

Best wishes,

Inexperience and distance is killing you here, as the pressure to perform at a set time is making a mockery of whatever feelings your having for each other, and not knowing each other well enough to develop that communications, has you both falling short of pleasure and enjoying each other. Next time you get together get an old book, the "Joys of Sex" by Alex Comfort published in 1972, and read it together. Then you can learn to relax and pleasure each other in a much more mature loving way, and won't have to be frustrated by teen age humping. Don't blame each other for not knowing, but learn together. Let him guide you to yours, and then he can have his own. Communicate your needs, and work together to solve your issues.


And I know that when relationships stabilize like that, the sex life normally dwindles.

It changes from quantity to quality.