Hey guys,

So for my history about my boyfriend please read my other questions that I've posted. So, as you have learned from reading my posts I have been very frustrated with my boyfriend and things have been very tense these past couple of months.

He is not a good decision maker and it harms me in the process. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 3 years. He has an addictive personality and knows this and goes to AA meetings a lot and sees his sponsor often..

But he's been short on money the past couple of months and asked if he could borrow $200 dollars and I said OK and gave it to him, and a couple hours later his friend calls him up and say "let's go play poker" and my boyfriend says no no I don't have any money to spend, but eventually his friend convinces him and they go and he blows, ALL his money.. so his goes and sees his sponsor and feels horrible and doesn't answer his phone the whole night when I call, and I intuitivally felt like something was wrong and called him today asking what was wrong and he told me to meet him at work

And he told me what happened.he felt horrible and said he would NEVER let it happen again and he's so angry at himself and so on. I seriously feel like this was the last straw, I starting crying, I just basically left the mall and went to my car without saying much.

I really felt like in the past couple months that if anything else happens and if things don't calm down we weren't going to make it. And this happens today.. Im so devastated, I love him so much and without all his baggage he is the most amazing man I've ever known and I would marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.

He wants to marry me, he's already bought me a ring (I found out) and I told him to hold off asking me, because I needed to see things get better... well things haven't.. I don't think he know that I'm really really close to breaking up with him.. he's going to be beyond devastated..

I'm going to go away this weekend and spend time with the family to clear my head.. what are your guy's thoughts on this? I feel so hurt... he's the love of my life and I never wanted this to happen, he's really his on worse enemy, he just practically let the love of his life slip out of his fingers.. Im so lost.

Please help.

For those interested...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/family-doesnt-like-him-214974.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/so-much-drama-our-relationship-211219.html

My short answer...

He's your first big love. He's not in line with all you need. You don't need to feel bad cause he wants to marry you... if my wife married the first man she loved and who proposed she wouldn't be with me.

Don't let fear of being alone keep you with him.

I don't think you are quite ready, and I don't think he's quite right.

And that's OK.

When I lost my first big love I thought "am i ever going to find someone?"... and I did... and lost her... and then another... and lost her... and then found my wife.

Doesn't sound right for you.

Its OK. It sucks. Its scarey. Welcome to the human race. Most of us have been through this before. Honestly.

He needs plenty of time and space to deal with himself.

I love him so much and without all his baggage he is the most amazing man i've ever known

That's a bit of a loaded statement. The thing is, you can't separate him from his baggage - that's part of who he is. So you either have to take him with that, or without. There is no other choice.

I agree with the others that say he needs his space to deal with his issues. He doesn't sound like someone that you can spend the rest of your life with, at least not at this time. He needs to solve his problems and become a healthier individual before he is ready for that. I commend you for seeing this and not jumping in prematurely.

One last thing, don't make your decision because you are afraid of how he will handle it. If you are contemplating breaking up with him, you need to do what is right for yourself and he needs to be able to do what he needs for himself. Just be honest and straightforward with him, no lies, no games...