My boyfriend and I just started dating a week ago but we've been at least friends for 5 years. Him and one of his other friends are visiting his brother this weekend and his brother is a bit crazy. I'm concerned that he will be okay but still really supportive of him having fun. Last night after he got there, he called me a few hours later already drunk (which is fine with me) and informed me how he is going to a strip club sometime this weekend. I felt really uncomfortable. I'm trying to be the cool girlfriend and let him do what he wants but I can't stop imaging him sitting there with some woman's breasts in his face. So I said jokingly I was jealous, but in all honesty, I think it would be hilarious to go and watch. I told my boyfriend I think it would be fun but I just am not comfortable with him getting a lap dance. He said he didn't know if his brother would pay for one or not and force it on him. I know force is a strong word, but he is his older brother and kind of forces my boyfriend into partying a lot. I don't know what to do, because the thought of him with some other girl on him makes my stomach hurt. I was thinking of just talking to him about it (when he is sober of course) and saying that I'm cool with it, I think it will be a lot of fun, I wish I was there to join in, but the idea of a another girl straddling him or whatever they do at strip clubs just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do, I just don't want some girl getting my boyfriend off or something. Should I try to put it in my perspective of lets say I go to a male strip club and I got a lap dance from a guy?

Honey, Unfortanetly if anyone is going to do something they will no matter how you try to prevent him or talk him out of it. You can't stop people from doing anything. If he truly cares for and respect you he will be respectable. Its normal to get jealous but think about it why are you intimidated by some insignificant women who probably has no physical attraction to your boyfriend who are just "doing there job". AS far as "forcing" no one can force him to do anything obviously, You can't force him to stay home and be with you and stop partying so that "forcing" is an excuse. As far as the whole strip thing is concern, fine once in a blue moon, is not a big issue but if it is a regular thing and it makes you uncomfortable express your concerns. I've been to strip clubs and honey I wouldn't be concerned in the least bit, They can't touch the women anyway it is against policy. Take a deep breath relax, and don't become too jealous this early in the relationship. BTW if you go to a male strip club never do it to get even or make him jealous it may backfire.

Save your money and sanity, its not that drastic.


But I can't stop imaging him sitting there with some woman's breasts in his face.

Stop doing that to yourself, or you will ruin this week old relationship. The thing is he won't even remember their names or what they look like, and you would have driven yourself nuts. Trust me, he won't get that close, or they will bounce him out of there.

I don't know if your BF has already been to the strip joint, but you should definitely keep your mind off the situation... go out with your friends to a club or a party. By the time you know it, the night will be over and you can call him and tell him you can't wait for him to get home. He'll appreciate that.

In general the main issue you should have, "been drinking" almost all of our bad posts start with, I was out drinking, so out drinking is often one of the worst things you can have. But that is between you and him.

The fact is, most likely for cheating he is more likely to pick up some girl in a bar than a strip club, the girls there are just trained to take every penny he has but just making him think they have an interest.

I don't know if your BF has already been to the strip joint, but you should definately keep your mind off of the situation...go out with your friends to a club or a party. By the time you know it, the night will be over and you can call him and tell him you can't wait for him to get home. He'll appreciate that.

Agreed... instead f sitting there worry about what he's doing and go out and have some fun yourself! I know its easy to be jelous.. im the same way, but its not worth it... go have fun!

Most girls at strip clubs are nasty looking. Not saying they are dirty just not the best looking girls I have ever seen. Since I turned 18 a long time ago I have been to strip clubs 3 times. And never once have I ever gotten a lap dance. I went cause I was out with friends they like going to them so I went. My GF laughed so hard at me for going cause she knows what they are really like. Don't get upset he probably won't even have a good time. I love money too much to waste it on some stripper.

The way you are on issues like this may or may not break your relationship endeavor with him. There are so many REAL pitfalls in a relationship (finances, fidelity, parenting, in-laws, OMG), adding fake ones like this may cause him to rethink moving you out of the friend zone.

Everything said so far is true. Add to that you actually NEED to be secure in your own sexuality so that the sexuality of others doesn't intimidate you. Being a girlfriend, you can actually reap the benefits of a healthy, sexually stimulated man, however he got to that point.

Having a g/f doesn't make a man blind to others. It's good to see his plumbing is all in order, especially a faithful man who brings that energy home to you once it gets fired up.

Go with him and enjoy the night, or let him go alone and leave him be. This can be good on many levels, and only bad based on your own attitude.

He is coming home to you.

I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling this way.. but honestly, at the end of the night he's going to be with nobody but himself and you, if you'll accept him.

Only a week together, I wouldn't call this yet a relationship. You just started to sort things out. OK you know him for 5 years, but not as partner. Perhaps he take sit easy due to this fact.
Drunk, going in a strip club and even calling you to tell this ? c.mon, when a men is in to cheat he try to hide it. I wouldn't be worry about that.

And I don't think that you should go in a men strip club to be even with him. My opinion is :

Try to organize for him a little private strip where YOU are the gogo girl. Let's see if he prefer this more then the club. If YES, then ask him a promise not to visit that club again or he will not get any special treatment at home. This can work wonders.

And if he don't agree you inform him that you will enjoy the same rights, going to men strip shows. Let's see if he likes that.

Try to reach a agreement to build a foundation for this relationship, or it's over before it really started.

G.

Casually ask him if it's okay with him if you make out with another guy while he's away for the weekend. If he gets piXXXd off and says of course he minds. Then say, "Good. I would not want it to be okay with you if I did that.And it's not okay for you to go to a strip club when you are seeing me." Let him know you don't plan on staying with someone who can't make choices for himself and that he better decide if he wants to go to the club and have a girl grind on him for money for one night, or if he would like to stay in a relationship with you. If he chooses the strip club, you know how you will be treated in the future.

staying with someone who can't make choices for himself
Sounds like your trying to make the choice for him.


He better decide if he wants to go to the club and have a girl grind on him for money for one night, or if he would like to stay in a relationship with you

Ultimatiums in a week old relationship?

Sounds like your trying to make the choice for him.

Ultimatiums in a week old relationship?

Yeah... after one week the guy would be "see you later, I'm going to the strip joint!"

I think this poor guy is getting a raw deal from you. He could have lied about what he was doing and instead trusted you enough to tell you. I think you should meet him at least half way and give him that same trust he offered you back to him.

Tal, don't worry, we don't really take what he says to heart ha ha. Not that you care, but look at his approval rating as compared to yours. I believe you're one of the most respected people on this forum.

But back on topic, its only a week old relationship and you are already trying to dictate it. Does he tell you what you can and cannot do? If you want an actual tit for tat scenario, that is actually the SAME. Ask him if he would mind if you went to a male strip club, that's when you can get angry if he says no you can't.

Casually ask him if it's okay with him if you make out with another guy while he's away for the weekend. If he gets piXXXd off and says of course he minds. Then say, "Good. I would not want it to be okay with you if I did that.And it's not okay for you to go to a strip club when you are seeing me." Let him know you don't plan on staying with someone who can't make choices for himself and that he better decide if he wants to go to the club and have a girl grind on him for money for one night, or if he would like to stay in a relationship with you. If he chooses the strip club, you know how you will be treated in the future.

Chill out trigger 76! This is only a week old relationship. She asked how to deal with it and your response was way out of wack! I feel a little weird when my man goes to the strip club without me, but I also go with him. An i do have respect for myself... on the other hand, I know how men think!

I imagine how you must feel, but he told you what his plans were, so that's a good sign... Just don't think about it, and all you can do here is trust him... U have known him for 5 yrs... You must know what kind of guy he is..

It think insecurity, and trust, are the real issues here, not the strip clubs.

I'm a little torn on this but I actually asked my b/f what he thought to get a male perspective and I came up with a conclusion... I believe in honesty, it's very very important to a relationship and that means being honest w/ your partner and yourself!

I think things like this should be confronted head on, you've been friends with this guy for 5 years, that's different from being his g/f but I think you have more insight than you would in a relationship where you weren't friends first. So, is this a regular occurrence for him (going to strip clubs). If so, You have to tell him where you stand on this. Then the ball's in court... he could chose to have you or have his strip club nights.

If this isn't something he does regularly then it may be something you can work out within yourself... Personally, I would not interfere with him going but when he gets back I would talk to him about it and let him know that it isn't something that I'd be comfortable with him doing on a regular basis...
But if him being there will nag you until no point of return: My b/f's advice would be to tell him... whether he goes regularly or not if you feel disrespected or uncomfortable you should let him know... If that's something he can't let go of for you it's better it (the relationship) ends now than when emotions are really deeply invested.

I would only go with my boyfriend if there were both female and male strippers performing at the same venue. That way, I would feel that he appreciated my feelings equal to his and we could share our sexual pleasure with each other.