My teen has had every opportunity to get "credit" points over the past FIVE years towards an expensive trip planned with the school for next spring. She has earned close to 0 points for her effort because she doesn't like to sell things during fundraisers, nor does she participate in other money making functions for credit towards her trip. Now she thinks that we should foot this very expensive trip for her. Right now I am feeling like she is a very ungrateful, lazy, full of attitude teen. She is well behaved, above average student, yet lazy. Her Dad and I both work from 45-60 hours per week and she does have a part time summer job lined up. I want her to have to earn some of this with blood, sweat, and tears to teach her something. Am I being too hard?

No, you are showing her that she must be responsible.

It's not an either/or scenario. My children were required to earn their way to virtually every special event like the one you describe. Some were 100% their responsibility and others were fractional.

Contact the school and find out the value of those "credits". For instance, if the trip is $2000 and the credits would've equalled $1000, then remind her that her "portion" of the trip is $1000.

Write a check for the other $1000 and an additional check for $100 for "spending money" and show them to her. Let her know they are hers to use for the trip, the rest is up to her.

Also, consider providing additional opportunities to earn more money from you (if you can actually afford it) towards the trip. The opportunities need to be very difficult and appropriately priced.

SPRING CLEANING
$100 for washing clear inside/out every window in the house including the window sills
$100 for clearing out the garage, sweeping and de-webbing everything, then putting it all back in order for the summer
$10 for taking all the rugs out and beating them clean
$20 to wash/wax/clean out car (a smart girl would take the $20, spend half having it done at the local car wash, my daughter figured this one out, made me proud)
$20 to sweep/wash off all walkways and concrete, front and backyard
You get the idea. Notice none of these qualify as normal chores, nor should they.

Lastly, let her know you consider this a team effort. You're willing to pay, and if she's willing to work, you'll even network through your friends and neighbors to find other tasks and money-making opportunities.

This is completely doable. She needs to see you totally geared up to help HER. You never say "no", you say, "yes, I'll help you make it happen."

Good luck.

Laziness , is a another way of wanting what you can get for nothing. I have a son , who is
Lazzzzzyyyyyy, and then when it is time to get something , he wants it , but cannot understand why he does not get it. I have taught well , but the new generation kids,
Want it all , like we did, but god forbid they have to do anything for it. If you give , after
They had a chance to get what they wanted by simply doing minor team events, then the
Next time , they will not even think about doing anything for what they want and they will know , mom and pop , will GIVE them whatever it is they want ( deserve)...
Try their thinking on for size , to see how they operate. It will answer your question,
And let you know, you have raised your child to be smarter than you think!!
Good luck , work before pay, and excuses are for lazy kids ( like mine )...

I guess I was lucky, as my husband did not allow me to work during our marriage. The first three years of my daughter's life were influenced by me and I am grateful that I got this opportunity. Not all mothers are that lucky. But ground rules should be set as early as possible and if you had to use daycare, your values should have been made clear. I know it's too late now, but there is still hope and JB's suggestion is super.

I know that we parents have a right to expect certain things from our children, but they also need to know that their efforts (right or wrong - even if they don't push a broom the way we are used to) are noticed and that we are proud of them. If they don't receive appreciation for a job well done (even though we think it's not necessary), they will feel that no matter what they do it will not matter to us.

My grandson is almost two and he has his own toy cleaning cart from me. Every time he gets his broom and sweeps, I clap my hands and tell him what a good boy he is. You should see the look on his face - he beams and continues to sweep and when finished, he puts his cart away and feels good at his own achievement. When I start picking up his toys, he jumps right in and helps me and we both are happy when finished. His mother works and uses a nanny, so she sometimes feels she is failing in helping him learn values that she learned.

But as kids get older and problems bigger - we should never forget the simple gesture of showing our pride and appreciation - it's a give and take situation both ways.

Puberty was hard on both of us since by then I was a single parent having to work but we still had that bond and we always communicated and she understood that sometimes she could not get everything she wanted without working for it. I was fortunate and very grateful for that fact.

I don't envy your generation or the teen of today - too hectic for my taste. Expectations and peer pressure can really be frustrating for all.

I sincerely hope you find a comfortable solution for this current issue and those coming up in the future.
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In my opinion, laziness is selective, no matter at what age and can be worked on.

Am I being too hard?
Not hard enough as the ground rules for this trip should have been in place, and the rules clearly made aware of so she knows what her responsibilities are. She has a summer job, she can pay for her own trip. If her efforts are legit, then you can offer help. If they are not, oh well!

Well Cherry we have to have a long talk about the term, my husband did not allow me to work, I hope that was, he supported my choice to stay at home.

But yes, while I hate the idea of teens selling things, should be banned for other fund raising, even just asking for donations is better. But yes, if they want it, they have to work for it, if they don't work for it, they don't go.

Well Cherry we have to have a long talk about the term, my husband did not allow me to work, I hope that was, he supported my choice to stay at home.


Will PM you to fill you in as subject does not fit here.
One thing positive about it was my being able to raise my daughter during the impressionable years of her life.

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