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View Full Version : My ex wants to still be friends.I'm confused


yacoops
May 21, 2008, 02:28 AM
I met my ex 2 and a half years ago. She was in a relationship of 3 years at the time and we had an intense affair for 4 months until she finally ended it with the other person. I gave her the ultimatum and she said there wasn't even a choice, she chose me and said she'd never been so happy in all her life. We continued an absolutely beautiful relationship for the next two years in which we lived together, did everything together as if we were a married couple. She went overseas on a working holiday and I met her over there and we travelled for a few months before I had to head home for work reasons. 5 weeks after I had left, she called me to tell me that the'd met up with their ex and they were getting back together and moving to the states. All these decisions over 1 cup of coffee apparently! I was devastated because the whole time we were together, she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and that she would marry me but her being overseas was going to impact the relationship since we wanted different things.
what has killed me is the fact she has got back with the person that they swore they never thought about while with me and she told me if she couldn't have me, then she had to try and move on with their life. She texts me and emails me saying how much she is still in love with me and she only got back with the ex to get over me, and that its nothing like we had but she wants to see where it goes. She wants to stay friends but every time I talk to her on the phone or read a text it kills me. She always calls me babe and ends it with Love you x x x. Her partner has no idea about the original affair and has reunited under false pretenses. I think things would be different if he knew what she had done to him in the first instance but he doesn't and I think this relationship is based on a lie and I can't be a part of it anymore. He had no idea that she came to see me and stayed at my house on a recent trip back to Australia. Its all lies. I feel like she has just taken up where she left off with him and that our 2 years together meant nothing. I had only been gone for 5 weeks when this all happened. How can it happen so quickly? How can you get over someone so quickly? She says she loves him and is happy but is still in love with me. Can that be?
I need to cut contact with her but I am scared because I genuinely have feelings for her. I don't want to get back together, but she obviously still loves me and I can't understand why she is in this new relationship now when she hasn't got over me completely. Plus she says she has the guilt of the affair hanging over her head and has trouble looking him in the eye when he says he trusts her. I'm finding it very hard to move on in other relationships and feel so angry at myself because it only took her 5 weeks! We shared amazing memories and a bond that is unmatched. Its been 6 months now and I am getting nowhere with myself. Please help?

nickshehe
May 21, 2008, 04:32 AM
To begin with, I'm sorry for your loss.. but you still need a slap across the head.
She skipped from relationship to relationship - AND WENT OUT WITH YOU.
To a relationship from her relationship with you - AND WENT BACK TO HER EX.
She was in a relationship with her ex for 3 years and cheated on him for 4 months WITH YOU behind his back... and he has no clue POOR UNSUSPECTING GUY...
But suddenly! She dumps you out of nowhere when you're in a 2 year relationship.. and she got over you OUT OF THE BLUE...
Hmm do I see a pattern here?
But wait, it's impossible that she cheated on you with him.. right? -wrong
She loves you? She doesn't know what love is..
And to be fair my friend, I would blame this on karma.. You should NEVER be fooling around with another girl while she's with someone - and then go OUT with her none the less. That's an immediate sign that she's CAPABLE of cheating on you.
Don't be shocked if she was capable of cheating on a guy she was with for 3 years, when you went out for two..
The only thing I can tell is to get over this girl, she isn't worth it.. She's obviously skipping from one relationship to another.. Start no contact. She can't support that she loves you when she ditches you for her ex "out of nowhere"..

ordinaryguy
May 21, 2008, 04:42 AM
I need to cut contact with her but I am scared because I genuinely have feelings for her. I don't want to get back together, but she obviously still loves me
She's a user and a cheater and a liar who's addicted to the thrill of the forbidden. Your relationship started as a lie and nothing has changed. She doesn't love you. She never loved you. She loves only her own thrill, and she's using both you and her ex to get it. Cut all contact and work on healing yourself. I'm sorry you got sucked into her vacuum, but take a lesson and next time don't get involved with someone who is cheating on an existing relationship. If she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you. Now you know.

ladieedee21
May 21, 2008, 05:40 AM
Wat dah HecK YO!
ARE YOU FOR REAL.
GEt OVER THIS CHICK!
How could she say she loves you when she goes back to her ex??
Sorry but whatt a $lut

Oh yahh... and she leftt her ex and stayed with you..
Meaning she cheated on him and went to you.
What makes you think she didn't cheat on you?>?

ladieedee21
May 21, 2008, 05:49 AM
Find someone who is real and knows how to love and not be a player.
How could youu possibly be in love with a chick like her! She played with her exs, having you wit her!
You sound like a nice guy, so get someone who would love you for who you aree.. nd woont lose you by goinq back to another guy. SHE SAID SHE LOVES YOU AND SHE LEAVES YOU... YAH SOME REAL CHICK THERE... SHE KNOWSS LOVE! PSHH!

And besides, I mean if you continuee wit her, you think you have the guitss to trustt her? What if she cheats on you? Didn't she cheat on heer ex?
What makes you think your going to have a good realationship?
Isn't dere so much that happened between you and her?

Many questions from you aren't gettinqq answered... your not understanding thinqzzwit her... I KNOWW... cuzz shee aintt getting thingss right witth her.. shee don't know shytt... and noww she actinq likee she likess you...
Dudee find someone else!
Get over dah chick!
Your wasting your time!

talaniman
May 21, 2008, 11:11 AM
How can it happen so quickly? How can you get over someone so quickly? She says she loves him and is happy but is still in love with me. Can that be?

She loves the one she is with, not unusual at all.

I need to cut contact with her but I am scared because I genuinely have feelings for her.
Her feelings are genuine also, for you, and him, and whomever she gets with at the time.

I don't want to get back together,
Who are you kidding??

but she obviously still loves me and I can't understand why she is in this new relationship now when she hasn't got over me completely.
That's easy, she doesn't have to get over you at all as you are here and she is there, with him.

Plus she says she has the guilt of the affair hanging over her head and has trouble looking him in the eye when he says he trusts her.
Can't you see how funny that is and soooo much a lie?

I'm finding it very hard to move on in other relationships and feel so angry at myself because it only took her 5 weeks!
Obviously that was long enough for her.

We shared amazing memories and a bond that is unmatched.
Only in your own mind as obviously she matched it with some one else.


Its been 6 months now and I am getting nowhere with myself. Please help?


Because you can't accept that you fell for a cheater and now she is doing what she does best, moving on and cheating some more. What the freak did you expect from a cheater? Undying loyalty? You got what you went after. You want help, stop all contact and regroup and rebuild your life around some solid and honest motives.

JBeaucaire
May 21, 2008, 12:41 PM
Its all lies. I feel like she has just taken up where she left off with him and that our 2 years together meant nothing.
See, you understand perfectly. Next chapter...