Okay so here's my story. My boyfriend (currently age 29) and I (currently age 27) have known each other for 8 years, and been really serious together for the last 5 years. The first 3 years of knowing each other, we were just really good friends. We were both in and out of other relationships and just hung out as friends and helped each other through our break-ups. After 3 years of being friends we realized that we were meant to be together and started dating each other.

This past February (about 4 months ago), we bought our first house together! A beautiful little townhouse in a beautiful city and we'd been saving for sooo long that we were so excited about! I lived on my own for 3 years prior and my boyfriend was moving out of his parents house. To go along with our house, we also bought a brand new 2008 sports car to share together - things were finally coming together. We moved in and talked about having kids and getting married and we would go into the spare room in our new house and be like "this is the future nursery"... things were perfect... or so I thought...

Last week my boyfriend told me that he doesn't want to live together anymore. I was completely shocked and heartrbroken. And I asked him why (like any typical chick - I wanted to know), He said and I quote "I don't want to move out..I HAVE to move out". He went on to say "I use to live with my parents and now I live with you and your building this nest and I'm not ready for that" He continued by saying that he feels he never really got to be a 'bachelor' because he never had his own place and yada yada yada. I bascially thought it was a lame excuse - but we are still living together and it's very awkward.

He said that he wants to move out on his own but that he still wants to be together. He said that he only needs "a year" to "get it out of his system" and then he wants to move back in and get married and start a family. I told him that if he leaves, he's not to come back... our relationship isn't a game.. you can't just take a time out! I've cried so much to all my friends and families and thrown myself some pity parties... I just can't understand why he needs "a year?"

I'm so scared to see him go, and I feel that he doesn't really want to leave, I think he thought I would say "Sure babe...take your year I'll be here" but I'm stronger than that. He hasn't left yet, we have to get the mortgage all settled and figured out before he actually can leave but this guy is the love of my life. What would cause him to think this way after only 3 months of living together? Should I try to talk him into staying, or should I use the I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me theory? We were suppose to be getting married, start a family, and now he wants space for a year?
Should I think that he's just scared of commitment, or is he really looking for a way out? I'm crushed and heartbroken and I just don't understand... can anyone help me?

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There's a million threads (and some stickies) about how to get over a breakup and deal with situation like these. I'm going through something similar to you. We were together for 4 years, lived together, started talking about getting married during the last couple of months, he was all into it, and then suddenly "bam", he says he wants to be free and single and can't deal with a relationship and commitment. He was 21 when we started dating, he's 26 now.

The best thing you can do is give him exactly what he wants and that's to let him go. Really let him go. Don't let him dangle you on a string. If he doesn't want a relationship with you, then he needs to experience life without you so he can determine what he wants. Don't wait around for him. He needs to feel like he's really losing you. He needs to understand that once he leaves the relationship, you're life and actions are no longer any of his business.

Wait around for a year? Come on, now. How can he expect you to do that? You're better than that. If he wants to be free and single, then YOU get to be free and single. It'll hurt a first, but just let it happen. There's nothing you can say right now to change his mind. The best thing you can do is just make yourself scarce and unavailable and let him see how life really is without you. And you need to see how life really is without him. It'll be hard at first, but it does get easier.

A few things to say about this:

Just because he isn't ready to live together doesn't mean he doesn't feel for you. You said that he wants to stay with you, just doesn't want to live together just yet. It is your prerogative to tell him to get lost if he moves out, but you sound angry with him and I don't think you should be.

Also, I think you need to be careful when you assume what he is thinking. You say that you don't feel he really wants to leave, but nobody knows what is going on inside his head but him. Make sure you don't put too much stake in your assumptions of his feelings.

The last thing I want to say is that you seem angry with him and I'm not sure if that's fair as he is being honest and not telling you that he wants to go out and sleep around or find other people. He wants to stay together, he just wants some time to himself for now. I don't know if you should be angry with him.

Just my opinions...