I am a college grad who since returning home has found her self disgruntled with the way the house hold cleaning has been split up amongst the three of us (my mom myself and stepdad). I for some reason got stuck with the duty of cleaning the whole kitchen meaning I have to sweep,mop,and clean ALL the dishes. I also got stuck cleaning up the front room a room I don't even go into because I have no need to since I've got a TV in my bedroom. Now I have no problem cleaning up after myself but cleaning up after two capable healthy adults is a little much in my opinon. I have tried to discuss this with my mom but she refuses to budge saying "we are all family and have to contribute" I just don't see why we can't all clean up after ourselves. Why is it so wrong to suggest that everyone be responsible for their own messes that they make? Ill give an example my mom gardens and mud got on her shoes and she tracked mud all over the kitchen guess who got stuck mopping it up?. thats right me! My stepdad is the worst hell eat and then leave the plate on the counter for someone else to clean. His excuse is he shouldn't clean because he works (so if you work you get out of housework hmmmm even after college you learn something new everyday). I want some advice on this from some parents : Am I being unreasonable because I don't want to clean up after people who are more than capable of doing it themselves? Yes I know part of the answer is to get a job and move BUT I am in the process of doing that but until I can get a job and save up to move(hopefully not to long)im stuck at home(or the street) trust me I want to leave and get out on my own.

Stop griping and just do it. I would take pride in doing the kitchen to the best of my ability. Those floors and counter tops and stove and fridge would just shine and the dishes, my god, the dishes would be done and polished too. Thank god you don't have to do the whole house!

I did my fair share golng to school (my parents supported me) and I did it gladly because of that. I am where I am today because of all the help I got at home. I was glad to repay it when I could. Now both my parents are gone and you never have a chance again to repair old arguments, twinklet, my dear,

My son put in his time, didn't like it, didn't complain and that was on top of cutting the grass and walking the dog.

FROM A PARENT

Wait... you're living there for FREE and you're griping about a little cleaning?

Sounds like it's fair to me. If they're working and supporting you, how bad is it to clean up two measly rooms?

I have to agree with you to an extent, there should be some responsibility for cleaning up their own messes... HOWEVER, you ARE living there RENT FREE. I would be more than happy to clean in exchange for a roof over my head. However I pay half the rent and have to clean the entire house as my share of living there. Including all dishes, vaccuuming, cleaning up after a fully capable person, bathroom, 2 bedrooms and cleaning up after 2 cats... I would seriously count your blessings until you find a place of your own. There are people that would do anything to be in your situation.

Yes, I would ask, how much rent are you paying them, how much of the food bill are you paying them. Are you helping with the electric bills or the insurance bills.

Actually it would be more than fair if you did all the cleaning most likey and even maybe the laundry in exchange for living and eating free.

Ok let me rephrase my question maybe you guys are misunderstanding me.Here we go: I appreciate my mother for all that she does and has done I do... I DO NOT MIND CLEANING AND DOING MY PART but it gets a little annoying when I am recuited to help with the cleaning whilst my stepdad gets away with doing nothing. The mud example was me venting (I was having a bad day)disregard that so here's a new example : My stepdad refuses to clean up after himself,make himself a lunch , or iron his own clothes. He lived in a house full of sisters who did everything for him so when he married my mom he was so use to stuff being done for him he felt like we (my mom and I ) should pick up where his sisters left off. My mom irons his clothes(hes a 58 yr old man and he can't iron?! ) and Im stuck having to make his lunches for work. I don't make lunches for my own father(cuz he's a deadbeat dad) much less my stepdad whom I'm not all that close to (to me he's just the man my mom married)hes not MY husband(thank GOD!) so I flat out refused to make his lunches when he is perfectly capable of making them himself. Now before anyone ask my stepdad has not contributed one penny to any of my expenses (school clothes food ect) my mom did all that. My stepdad is just my moms husband nothing more (no me and him don't have a good relationship lol)My stepdad will sit and watch me and my mom clean the whole house and not offer to lift a finger. This angers me especially since my mom has heart trouble and diabetes and can't bend over (again I love my mom and don't mind contributing especially since she's she's sick :( ) My main issue is with him if I can contribute and its not even my house why can't he ? My stepdad is the laziest,ignorant (once told me my boyfriend was just dating me to see what being with a blk girl was like),most selfish person I know. Like I said I have talked to her about it and all she says is "we are all a family and we all have to contribute",but my stepdad does not contribute he doesn't do anything once my mom had to scream at him to get him to take stuff out to the storage house in our backyard! So finally my rephrased question : Am I being unresonable for resenting the fact that my stepdad refuses to help clean anything while I and my mom clean the house? (thats where the two measly rooms comes in) :) So yes I'm griping but not just about two rooms but about everyone not doing their part.I hope you guys understand what I'm asking I wasn't say "arrrrrrrrrg i should clean" lol I'm not that horrible

Twinklet, I wish you luck finding the job you want and congratulations for graduating. Life isn't an easy street anymore and expenses have gone up. Find yourself a reasonable place to rent and don't get over your head.

I don't know. I hear a little venting here. My philosphhy would take into consideraton abilities before assigning tasks. It might not be a good idea for mom to mow the grass.

So, for starters each should be responsible for their own room and everyone should clean up after themselves. It doesn't mean wash the dish after they had lunch, but does mean wash the dish when they had a snack and the dishes have been done for the night.

Now take the household chores and assign it a level of difficuly and put a time to it.
Let everyone participate and average the responses. Probably the level of difficulty would be the same.

Now determine the average time it takes to do the tasks. Now lets assign fake money to it.

1. Empty the wastepaper baskets and take the trash to the curb.
2. Dust the living room and dining room
3. Do the bathroom weekly
4. Iron Dad's clothes
5. Each should iron their own if at all possible
6. Wash shhets
7. Wash towells

Each then does a specific $ amount of work per week, They can exchange with others and there is a rotating inspector assigned each week. When a potential violation occurs, collecively you vote on a $ fine. The fine would be paid doing an equal amount of work for the other parties. Fines could accumulate until a particular task can be preformed.

Best way would be to have the fined person also finish the work and to pay a fine by doing an equal amout of someone else's work.

If mom says she will cook 7 days a week, put a value on that. Include all household tasks such as shopping, paying bills etc. Mom may pay the bills for say mom and dad and sometimes the kids pay their own.

You could even make this fun or part of a school project.

You could create a position description for all the hats with a list of required duties etc.

Earning money for the household counts too. Just have to place a value on it.

So Dad works, mom doesn't. She makes all the meals and washes the clothes and does the shopping. Dad does the lawn. These could equal out.

I feel as though those who answered before think that oh well I should be happy that I'm living at home rent free yes its free money wise but you never get something for nothing try being in my shoes for a week and ud see what I mean. Having a mother who because she's sick has to have help with most things BUT that when I'm there when I was away at school she had to clean cook iron etc by herself my stepdad does absolutely nothing (im not kidding). My mom isn't working because she's a retired school teacher and she had to retire early because of her high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. Even when she was working my stepdad didn't help out because "men work and women take care of the house" see what I mean by ignorant... then he has the gall to tell me I won't get a husband because I refuse to pick up after a full grown man. The bad thing is my stepdad thinks that he's a real catch. I wouldn't feel so disgruntled by the division of the house work if it were a true division. Now that he lost his job its worse he lazies around the house even more than before.When I'm finally finished cleaning I get to have fun with friends right?? no I don't this is where I vent about my mom . Its like I'm 12 again I can't just say "im going to the movies mom" I have to fight argue and give details as to where I'm going and who I'm going to be with (and I'm a woman in her mid 20s) and if that's not enough I have a curfew (1200 sharp) so excuse me for venting but I get sick of being treated like a maid / child

so excuse me for venting but I get sick of being treated like a maid / child
The only thing that will change things is getting a job, and living independently. As a parent, my house, my rules and you can vent all you want. Now do your chores.
I think your parents are right to make you contribute seeing as how you pay no-
Rent
Utilities
Water bill
Don't work
Cook??
Honestly what else do you have to do? Do you think your going to sit on your butt while everyone else humps for you? Reality is such a..!

Most 50 year old men don't iron their wife or the dry cleaner does their ironing, In fact most 50 year old men do expect their wife ( or grown children living at home) to help with their laundry and in cleaning the home.

Might make a good poll question if anyone would be honest, for men do you do your own ironing. ** I will give a hint, I have ironed maybe 4 things in well over 50 years.

I will give a hint, I have ironed maybe 4 things in well over 50 years.
Never iron, not even for fun.

Quote : Honestly what else do you have to do? Do you think your going to sit on your butt while everyone else humps for you? Reality is such a..!

HMMMM I don't know maybe finish my resume,look 4 employment,look for a new apt... again you act like I said I don't think I should do anything I NEVER SAID THAT I'm saying that my stepdad (who is also unemplyed because he lost his job) should contribute to cleaning. No I don't expect everyone to "hump" for me but I do expect that everyone should do their fair shair is all I'm saying. Im so sick of responses full of people just assuming I mean that I shouldn't do anything. My stepdad thinks HE shouldn't do anything and he should want to help out around the house more especially since his wife is sick and I won't be around for long to pick up his slack what is so wrong with this someone explain?

Honestly, twinky, I get what you are going through. Some of us are a little too quick to judge. I did at first.

Im so sick of responses full of people just assuming I mean that I shouldn't do anything.

What do you expect when you don't add some pertinent info? Like your step dad is unemployed, and your mom is sick? We can only go by what you wrote.

I explained that when I rephrased my question I'm not some horrid lazy monster just a daughter who not only is sick of her lazy stepdad but is also concened because I'm not going to be living with them forever (unless the economy continues to be as bad as it is lol) and what's going to happen when I go ? I highly doubt he's going to get off his bum and help her out

I view this whole situation as everyone just being themselves. Period. Your mom and stepdad have a dynamic that works for them. That you don't like or apprectiate that dynamic is irrelevant. But it certainly is the source of much of your anger.

Even you complaining about it. I hear that as perfectly normal, too. Feel free to complain.

I'm not going to defend your stepdad's laziness or your mom's meanness. I'll just say it sounds like they know who they are and are happy at home with it.

If you aren't happy with it/them/the rules/the unfairness of it all... your options are simple:
1) live with it and complain (your current method)
2) live with it and don't complain (more respectful)
3) move out and complain
4) move out and don't complain

It won't matter how much time we spend on this issue with you here on this forum. Nothing WE discuss with YOU will change THEM. Accept that first and foremost.

So you have your options. These are the things YOU can do.

Time to get a job and move out. They have been dealing with their life together long enough to solve their own problems without you.

Working on it I just got a nice interview outfit yahhh... I just hate for my mom to be cleaning and have a heart attack or something

When you are ready to go, can you all get together and talk about getting a house cleaner? It doesn't have to be expensive for just the basics.

I've suggested a cleaner for when I leave and my mom said she doesn't need one... I just don't understand why she's happy with such a selfish oaf...

ive suggested a cleaner for when i leave and my mom said she doesnt need one...i just dont understand why shes happy with such a selfish oaf...
It's not your place to understand. It's your place to show mature restraint and only give advice to mom and stepdad when it's asked for. Their relationship dynamic and division of labor (even if mom is doing 100%) is only your business when they invite you to comment.

If you really MUST continue to voice your dissatisfaction over things that aren't your business, make sure you are safely situated somewhere you can live. If you keep this up mom may get a backbone and stick up for herself... and not by punishing stepdad, by punishing YOU. It's a very real possibility.

It's not your place to understand. It's your place to show mature restraint and only give advice to mom and stepdad when it's asked for. Their relationship dynamic and division of labor (even if mom is doing 100%) is only your business when they invite you to comment.

She does invite me to comment when she comes to me w/her problems with him... and its also my place to not want my poor sick mother who now has a hurt knee to have to over exhert herself because her oaf of a husband won't help. Im sorry but when it comes to my mama I will comment if I feel she's being mistreated.

I think this topic has gone for long enough and should be stopped. Twinklet has already enough advice from people coming at the last minute, and NOT READING ALL THE POSTS THAT HAVE GONE BEFORE.

Sorry, twinklet, but as an ultra member I really have to try and put a stop to the advice at this point, otherwise, you will be reading it like for the next year ! I stand by my moniker, "when life hands you scaps, make a quilt'. Think about that one. I had too, many times. PM if you have too, love.

Tickle
The proper way to close a thread, would be to stop posting, and let it die. If you notice most are never closed for a while, and open to comment and or opinion. That's the purpose of an open forum, and especially this one. Others who come behind you later, can also benefit from the comments, and opinions as well. If the OP has had enough advice, then so be it, but its customary to leave them open. If others make mistakes, and don't read the whole post, tell them so they may learn, but to say close it, because you as an ultra member deem it so, may be your opinion, but not your authority. There are other ways to defend the OP besides assuming authority you don't have. Sorry I was assuming that's what you were doing.

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/tickle.html)tickle (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/tickle.html) agrees: thanks, point taken,
(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/tickle.html)
I appreciate your open mindness. thanks.

It can be very annoying the way people do things, like not rinsing dishes or picking up after themselves, but it is true that if you aren't paying rent that you might as well just deal with it. It is OK to vent and it is even nice sometimes when you are at your wits end. Just wait till you have little kids around who can't pick up after themselves at all.