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View Full Version : Is he really in love?


toomuch30
May 8, 2008, 10:45 AM
:o well, I was dating this guy for about 3 weeks and then he asked me to be his girlfriend! I agreed but I feel like he's lying to me about his feelings.. he tells me he's already in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever... is it too soon? Oh by the way.. I'm 20 and he's 29.. does age have anything to do with it? I don't share the same feelings he does and he knows it to... but I do care and like him... help!

nova225
May 8, 2008, 11:29 AM
No, it's not love. When love is said too early in a relationship those four letters mean nothing to him or you.

L-Legs
O-Open
V-Very
E-Easily

If you really like him; try and make the relationship work. Ask him to stop telling you that he loves you until you're ready to tell him. Please take things slow... make up your own mind about any and everything.

maria16
May 8, 2008, 02:22 PM
Yep it's too soon- which is surprising considering he's older and probably knows the difference between real love and infatuation-
Sometimes people can get carried away in the beginnings of a relationship-
Maybe he's been single for a while and is happy to have someone- it sounds like he's trying to move fast-
But it also sounds like he likes you- so maintain whatever pace is good for you. Nothing wrong with telling him that things are moving too fast and that although you care for him, it takes time to really love someone and that you cannot be rushed into things. Three weeks is such a short time!

JBeaucaire
May 8, 2008, 05:50 PM
Stop mixing the concept of love and the concept of commitment. They are separate.

A person can feel "love" quite quickly if not instantly. That's purely a chemistry thing. In this situation, no one has done anything intentional, it's autonomic. That's why mature people tend to suppress expressing those feelings and youngsters don't. Usually.

Commitment however is all about intention. Commitment involves putting into action feelings or desires or perhaps simply goals. Commitment is ultimately much more powerful than love, though few people realize this or even acknowledge it.

Love is easy. Commitment is a pain.

So, nothing this guy has done is surprising. His feelings may be perfectly legitimate. That he expresses them so quickly may be a sign of immaturity, but not a sign of insincerity.

In the end, it doesn't matter. You accept these things as "nice to know" and continue to develop your relationship at a pace that is comfortable for you. His immature exclamations of love should not be allowed to manipulate you, nor should you need to put him down for it.

You two just keep being you.

Meanwhile, pay attention. Since dating isn't about love or feelings, it's about discovering compatibility, you may be discovering things even sooner than you'd expected. You may be discovering inherent INCOMPATIBILITY.

Be honest. Be aware. Be kind... but most of all, be yourself. Only stick around and continue this if you two are displaying greater and greater compatible behaviors. And saying/meaning "I love you" isn't a behavior. It doesn't count. But everything else does.

kp2171
May 8, 2008, 05:59 PM
Isn't love at this point... he might be infatuated, he might be playing you with words...

By his age he should be long past the "puppy love" days when the word love is tossed about like candy at a parade.

I'm not saying you might not be the best thing he's ever seen... but really... he's throwing around some heavy words awfully fast... which, to me, means he's desperate or inexperienced or a manipulator.

Unless he just seems like your cup o tea, id back off or at least watch for whether he's the smothering type who will be needy or pressuring you.