Hi.. Im 33 years old and just about 5 or 6 years ago I finally began to come out of the weird slump I had been in since I was 19. Some of you may have read my something about my story in response to a young lady who is pregnant and does not want to keep the child. How ever, I feel the need to put this out there anyway just in the off chance there might be someone out there who not only can but also will help me. Maybe someone will connect with me. So here is my life.. I open my life to all of you.
You see when I was just 19 I was pregnant and it turned out it was going to be twins. I was scared, believe me, but I was also very excited at the thought of being a mother. Unfortunately my boyfriend at the time(the father) was a real piece. But I still had made the decision to cut him out of mine and my babies lives because he was unsafe to be around. Some how I found strength in my situation. Then something's began to go wrong with the pregnancy. I continuely lost a severe amount of weight and could not keep any food down. I had absolutley no strength and barley got out of bed, usually just to go to the restroom. It was a few days away from the third trimester and family were insisting I abort the pregnancy. It all came on so quickly I thought. Everything was great up to just a few weeks before this. The doctor at the Planned Parenthood had said he was waiting for the results of the blood tests and this could take a few weeks up to even maybe a month since I had no insurance and he had to send it to some specialists. My family and a good friend of mine convinced me to go and get an abortion. I didn't want to but I thought to myself, something IS wrong I can deffinetley feel it. I just knew. I didn't know what but I knew. I went ahead with the abortion, which in the end played a huge huge part in saving my life. When the doctor was done with the ( I don't want to get to discriptive it may be quite offensive for some).. After he was done, he looked at what was supposed to be two fetus and was concerned with the fact that one was completley consumed by a tumor and was in no way even still a partial fetus and the other was a partial fetus. They were attatched to each other by this tumor like thing. He immediately sent this out to Stanford University Specialists for examination and tests. To be possitive of his assumption. In the mean time he had to go back in and scrape the walls of my uterus thoroughly. Unfortunately it didn't help. The test came back and it was for sure cancerous, and had already attatched itself to the inner walls and lining of my uterus. The nest few years were extremely torturous for me. But I was fighting for my uterus, for my chance to still have a baby in the future. This point of my life was so painful, I was not strong, I was weak and vulnerable. The father of the babies had comforted me in some way, and I allowed him back into my life. This was a mistake. I was in the hospitol in SF,Cali. For 4 days a week every week for about 2 years getting non stop chemo treatments all day and all night.. I was out of the hospitol speding my only 3 days out being beaten, teased, lied to,cheated on and tortured.. emotionally,phsically,and mentally. The last straw, the straw that broke the camels back so to speak was a winter night at his parents house in an upscale neighborhood, we were argueing about the burger king sandwich that I got for him, I got the wrong one. He started to get violent and then kicked my head into the tailgate of his blazer... mind you I am weak, full of cancer and chemotherapy 2 years long, and only weighed at this time 73 lbs. I ran, got it my little car and sped off, but he was behind me.. at the stop sign he drove his blazer up over the rear of my car to stop me fro going anywhere. As soon as he pulled off I drove off again.. he chased me for miles, trying to run me off the road into the trees and creeks.. as we crazily pull into a gas station him fallowing me like a maniac with a crazed look in his eyes hanging out the window staring at me as he drove past and saw the cops sitting there watching it all.. he pulled out and tried to drive home but the cops pulled him over.he had no license and they towed his truck.. how this for a stupid and weak person.. I... yes... I... go and pick him up to give him a ride home feeling like it was my fault that his truck got towed.. phhhht.. we get to his house after he screamed and yelled and hit me all the way there.. once we got to his house I meant ot only drop him off but he had stolen all the money I had... we fought for it.. and he cornered me into his garage.. it got worse from there.he tore off most of my clothes and hosed me down in the garage for what seemed like forever until his neighbor heard me screaming and crying and called the police. About a week later I ended up with a bad case of pnemonia and they couldn't continue my treatments... I only got sicker and sicker.. I was unconsience after they stablized me because I had starting choking on my tongue or something.. at least that's all I remember... they and my parents made the decision to remove my uterus in hopes to save my life.. My body wasn't able to fight the cancer or the chemo... so I woke up and the fight was over.. after many more blood tests and check ups they determined that the cancer was comletly gone.. but I still can't have children.. I fell into a rut for a long period and just chose not to think about the whole thing.. that is until I couldn't help it anymore.. my body and mind were just feeling the need for motherhood more and more and so I made the decision to begin schooling for a good career and saving money to try to afford a surrogot mother or an adoption.. however after learning how much it is going to cost.. my fiance' and I are feeling a bit descouraged.. we have heard so many horror stories.. not to mention all the stuff on the news about girls just delivering their unwanted babies and leaving the new borns in the back of trucks or in trsh cans and stuff.. I wish they knew how badly I want those babies.. any of them.. I will take them off your hands.. legally or open adoption.. how ever you want to do it.. I just need a kind hearted willing and caring person to be my miricle and help me out... now I am not trying to talk anyone into anything they aren't sure if they want to do.. this person will know for sure that is what she wants to do just as sooon as she read this and connects with the life I have lived.. she will connect with me.. if she is out there even.. because I know I am asking a lot of someone.. I do.. I really really do.. but if it was reversed.. I would do it for someone else.in a minute.. and I am not saying that I wouldn't think of the baby.. (this is in respose to another woman's statements) because I would have course I carried it and gave birth to it.. however.. I would be helping someone who is less fortunate.. someone who was born just the same as me, but who came across an unfortunate experience in there lives.

SO... I ask.. is there anyone out there that can help me?just give it a thought.. and let me know... answer me here and if you want to chat about it I will give you my address...
For those of you out there so frightened that you have thought about just leaving a baby somewhere after birth.. to be found.. I want to find it.tell me where..
Thank you all for listening.. n please.. dont be too harsh.. this is a very touchy subject for me.and I am embarrassed believe it or not.humiliated.. if fact.

Okay, I can't say that I completely empathize with your situation, because I've never been in it. I do, however, know what it's like to long for a child and to know that affording something other than giving birth to my own child is beyond me. At least insurance will cover childbirth! Very few will cover IVF or adopting - I don't know about whether they will cover surrogates, because Iv'e not looked into it, but I'm sure that most don't.

But--adoption is expensive for a reason. You're not buying a baby with adoption--you're paying medical and legal fees so that the birthparents don't have to. Unfortunately, because most insurance won't cover those medical fees, it becomes out of pocket stuff. So instead of paying a $25 co-payment for doctor's visits, you're paying the entire cost--which can run pretty steep. Instead of paying 20% of a hospital visit, you're paying the entire bill--when I gave birth 16 years ago, just to be checked in and give birth--not the stay, not the tests they give newborns, not the doctor's fee, nothing but those two things--was $1300. And I had an easy delivery with no problems, medications, etc.

The legal fees wouldn't be covered by insurance anyway, but there needs to be a lawyer representing you, one for the baby, and one EACH for the birthparents in most states. That doesn't even look at the court costs!

To top that off, most agencies have a fee as well. And, depending on the state, post adoption counseling for birthparents.

I'm not trying to point out the obvious, or be harsh about this at all--I'm just trying to point out WHY adoption is so expensive. Even a private adoption will usually run several thousands of dollars, because how could you POSSIBLY expect someone else to pay the medical bills for the baby YOU get to bring home?

I have a couple of questions for you, too:

1. Have you received any counseling for dealing with your past? Abuse alone requires some sort of counseling to get past, and the loss of your uterus, especially in today's baby crazy world, is an issue that I'm sure makes you feel isolated and misunderstood. I know that many couples facing infertility issues usually need to go through some counseling to stop blaming themselves and to stop feeling as though they are "flawed" in some way. I really suggest that if you have not already, that you talk to a professional and make sure you are dealing with these issues in a healthy manner.

2. Did you press charges against the jerk that put you in the hospital? That lawsuit alone (if you could actually collect on it) should be able to pay your medical bills and for an adoption, or so it would seem to me. While you may have already been battling cancer, HIS actions are what put you into the situation of losing the ability to bear children. I would think that you could find a lawyer willing to hold him at LEAST financially accountable for that.

3. Do you have friends or family that would be willing to be a surrogate for you? I know that several of my friends, my sister, my sister-in-law, and my aunt have offered for me. Something like that may be more financially within your ability, because then you would really only be out the legal fees for the whole thing.

4. Have you looked into foster children? There are more kids in the foster care system than could possibly all find homes, many as desperate for a loving family as you are for a child to raise. So what if it's not an infant? If you truly want to be a mother, what difference does age make, as long as love is involved? Adoption through foster care agencies is generally MUCH less expensive than a private or agency adoption, as well--sometimes as much as 1/10 the cost of a "normal" adoption.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that what I've written here is actually a help to you, and not taken the wrong way or as mean. I really do hope that you find a way to have a child to love.

I would love to help, your story touched me. For awhile now I have wanted to help someone else have a child. I can't imagine how hard it would be to want a child and not be able to have one. I have looked into surrogacy a lot and feel that it is what God has laid on my heart to do. Is this something you would want to do?

Oh yes for sure! can I ask you if you could email me personally at EMAIL REMOVED FOR PRIVACY so we could chat easier.. I also have my Yahoo I'm if you have windows or msn or Yahoo I can chat with you instant messenger style!my same id for I'm...
I'm excited to hear from you!what is your name and how old are you if you don't mind me asking?
I am samantha and I'm 33 years old now.

Also I want to thank you for your post and support synnen...

Email where? I think that it blocked it out. My name is Ashley. I am only 19... I know it is young but I don't think that it should really be a problem. My Yahoo id is EDITED FOR PRIVACY. I have wanted to do this for as long as I could remember. I am currently going to school do be an elementary teacher. I love kids! Still interested?

Yes.. I would like to talk with you.. we would have to find out the laws about that as well.. I think you have to be a certain age to do this kind of thing.. im not sure.. maybe someone here knows the details we may need to check out.. :)
I wish I could just walk out my front door and find a baby on the porch.. lol then I wake up right.. hehe.. alright well here it is again septerated by spaces, c h I l l e y g I r l 7 7 7 a t y a h o o d ot c o m..
Looking forward tohearing from you
My name is samantha
:) its very nice to meet u

Samantha. Your story touched my heart. I hope that you find your miracle and your baby, don't give up hope. I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through, all the trials, all the heartache. I hope you find your joy soon.

Take care.