Entire story merged

So my boyfriend of 9mths broke up with me 1 mth ago. He said its because I pushed him too far and didn't give him the "guy time" he kept asking for. Ill admit I did get mad when he wanted to go out with the boys but he kind of broke my trust by texting his ex. He said she meant nothing to him so I let it go. Throughout our whole relationship he told me I was one and that he wanted me to be the mother of his kids, we were even going to move in together in July. Now he said he's second guessing everything. I did all the bad stuff like crying and begging but I let it go and he kept texting me he missed me and stuff.

We went out for my birthday in April he talked about getting back but he said he wants to take it slow. I agreed but everything became completelty on his terms. Since the breakup we've only gone like 2 days without talking him being the one to always text me. I went to jersey for 2 days and didn't respond to any of his texts. When I got back he screamed at me saying he thought I was dead and that I was playing games with him. He said he thought we were getting back and that his feelings were starting to come back for me but after the whole jersey thing he said he lost them again. He said it seems like I don't even care about the breakup because I've been doing all these things with my friends and stuff. Ive been doing that to show him that I have my own life and won't smother him anymore I even told him that. He said he loves me but its too stressful to talk to me so he thinks we shouldn't talk anymore. I agreed and left.

The next night he called me 18 times at like 2 am I knew he was drunk and I did nt answer .The next day he apologized for calling. Sunday he text me again and asked how my weekend was I told him it was fine and he said he's glad I answered. He said he would call me after softball but it wasent till like 12 n I was asleep. The next day I didn't text him he text me again and I missed it. So today he texts me if you don't want to talk I understand but ignoring me is rude told him I was just busy and sorry he's like whatever ill talk to you some time. Why is he doing this? Hes the one who said its best that we don't talk but now he's mad that I won't answer his texts and stuff. Once I show him any kind of interest he pulls away. I just don't get it. Do you think he wants to get back with me or is he just playing mind games. I try no contact but he can't even go 2 days without talking to me. He even said he knows he going to regret his choice. Sorry for the long post I'm just so confused. I know I need to let go but I don't want to if there's any chance of getting back with him

You're EX has a false idea of what communication is. He sends texts because pressing SEND feels like he's communicated with you. And you allow it. He puts you on the defensive the next time you interact over TEXT MESSAGES, and you allow it.

There is nothing to argue about here. Texts are not meaningful methods of communication. Further, his immaturity allows him to get "pre-angry" with you using them as a basis. If you're seriously going to date this guy (you called him an EX, so what is it here?), then I would eliminate all texting.

Tell him the only method of communication acceptable is verbal. Texts, voice mails, emails, all of that are to be considered non-starters. You will never again engage in a discussion about or defend yourself concerning any of them.

Call, if I'm available, I will answer. When I call you, if you are available, then answer. If we don't answer, leaving voice messages does not entitle us to any specific behavior back at all. We can assume the messages may never be heard or received. That's safe and will eliminate the need to fight about it later.

And it's fair. You are NOT at his beck and call 24 hours a day. He should stop acting like you are.

Now you can only argue about the things you actually SAY to one another's faces. And based on what you've written so far, I fear you will still be arguing quite a bit over just that stuff. At least this eliminates the dumb anger over texts.

He's an "ex"... I would encourage you to honestly think about WHY he is an "ex" and perhaps decide that the best thing he could be... think about it.

Good luck.

What are some signs your ex boyfriend broke up with you wants you back?

He broke up with me 1 month ago but calls every other day. Hes always the one to bring up the relationship but says he wants to take things slow. Now he's telling me he wants to take me shopping. Why? The reason he broke up with me is because I never gave him "guy time"

Sounds to me like he wants you back. In my experience guys tends to do the call and lets chat, lets hang out, and if you do hang out with him he might even act like you guys never broke up. So now you have to decide if you want him back or not

I agree with the other person,
Sounds to me like he wants you back.

:)

Hey may want you back or he may just be in that phase where he misses the love and attention. You have to be strong and think carefully. Don't make it easy for him to get you back, analyze and make him earn you back.

It sounds like he wants you back. However, like spion_kop said, he may just miss you/want attention. When it comes down to it, he may not want to get back. Be careful and figure out what he wants before you consider anything.

I only say this because he sort of sounds like me in my last relationship. :T

I agree with the others, he sounds like he wants you back. Some men are too macho to come right out and tell you they want you back so they'll call and ask to see you.
I remember a few years ago I lent my then boyfriend a book that I couldn't get back from him no matter what. As soon as we broke up all of a sudden he kept calling me to collect it. When I finally went to his house to collect it we started talking long and hard and decided to get back together... I never got the book back.

When an ex wants you back they often look for any reason to contact you.

My boyfriend of 9mths broke up with me like a month and a half ago. Hes been texting or calling every other day. I stopped calling and everything he's always the one to do it. At first he wanted to take things slow he broke up with me because I didn't give him his guy time. Then he got mad at me for not answering for 2 days- I forgot my phone I was away. So he said that he didn't think we should talk anymore because I Stress him out. He said he's never felt like this about anyone and he doesn't know why this break up is so hard for him. So I agreed but ever since then he's been calling or texting everyday. We talked on the phone like nothing happened laughed and stuff. I told him maybe on sat. we should get food and hangout and he's like maybe so I played it off cool by saying whatever its fine and he's like no we will blah blah. Then he's like maybe Sunday we'll go to the mall and I'll take you shopping. So I told him we'd def. talk sometime this week. I don't get it do you think he wants me back. I never bring up our relationship he's always the one to do it. I just don't get it he's so confusing

I think he wants you to give him guy time and he felt that saying breaking up would get the point across. Sounds like he either wants to be with you or he is having a hard time in doing a clean cut break off with you.
If you want to be with him discuss compromising and giving him guy time. If you don't then either see him as a friend or just tell him it is better if you don't see each other again.

What exactly is guy time and why won't you give it to him? How old are you both?

From what your saying I think he is caught in two minds. Like I mentioned above, he doesn't want to be alone because you two have been together for 9 months. But at the same time he's trying to make himself feel like the victim so that u can dump him. Just be careful and take a step back and think about it for bit. Has he always done something like this in the past where he has tried to manipulate situations?

Is it normal for a Virgo man who broke up with you to keep contacting you every other day since the break up? If they were completely done who they just cut you off for good? Help please

I don't think it matters that he is a Virgo... It sounds to me like he wants space and to be able to do his own thing, but he is making sure that you are not doing anything.. Try not answering, it'll drive him batty.

As is that case with many breakups, he is probably a little nervous about being on his own. Many of us have been through that and your best bet is to stop contact with him.

One possibility is that he is using you to ease his guilt/keep you on the back burner while he is looking for someone else and trying to feel better. More often than not, the continued communication leaves the dumpee hanging on and looking for signs of hope when he/she should be moving on.

Is it normal for a Virgo man who broke up with you to keep contacting you every other day since the break up? If they were completely done who they just cut you off for good? Help please
I was with a virgo man for 3 yrs and a half he thinks I cheated on him so we broke and now he talk to me barely ever and acts like I don't exist my advice to you I just think he's really hurt

This is perfectly normal for guys with hair.

Also for guys who wear jeans.

It's extremely common in men without cousins living in the same city.

It is rare for men who ever appeared on a game show.

And for men who actually even KNOW their astrological sign, I'd say it doesn't matter, you should be running for the door anyway.

Doesn't matter what his sign is, he wants you as a friend, and standby in case he can't find some one else.

Me and my ex boyfriend of 9mths have been broken up for 2 months now he's 25 and I'm 24. He broke up with me because he said he said I never let him do the things he wanted to do like go out with his friends. I always did the reason I would get mad is because he would make plans with me then break them last minute. So ever since we broke up we've talked every other day and hung out a lot. I did all the stupid things like asking if we would ever go back out and stuff and he just told me I kept pressuring him. I went to a family bbq with him last weekend, we had a great time and he kept telling me that he loved me but he got mad at me because I talked to one of his friends which I find so ridiculous. After that we all went out to a bar where he sat and talked to this girl all night right in front of me to get me back for talking to his friend. The next day he apologized and told me he did it to be spiteful. He said that he never loved anyone like he loves me but I get him too stressed out. He said he's afraid to go back out because he thinks the same thing will happen again. Anyway I told him I loved him one last time and left. The next day he called because I left clothes at his house. We ended up fighting about me talking to his friend again. I flipped out on him and told him he was the one who was disrespectful for talking to that girl in front of me. I called him a lot of nasty things which I think he deserved. He said he doesn't care anymore and that we're not going to talk. I agreed and told him to grow up. I picked up my stuff and that was it. I know he loves me I just don't understand how he can go so hot and cold like this. He knows he's hurting me but refusing to think he did anything wrong. He acts like everything is my fault. I just don't get it I know I'm stupid for even wanting him back but I really do love him. Do you think he'll ever try to contact me again? Sorry for the long post but it feels like even though we've been broken up for 2 months we broke up all over again- do you think no contact will work

I think NC would work for you. It would at least help you to move on. I think you are in the worst possible stage. Can't move on, can't stay back. Move on. Hold your head up high and go.

If he cares for you at all, he will come back. If you really want him back, make him work to get you back. If he doesn't work, he doesn't want you back. This doesn't mean him buying you flowers once or twice. It means him putting in weeks or months wooing you back.

Brian you have some good points but I don't think she's going to properly heal if she has the thought that he will come back to her..

You need to move on completely.. doesn't seem like this guy treats you well anyway.. you don't need him girl, you can find someone that treats you better.

Brian you have some good points but I don't think she's going to properly heal if she has the thought that he will come back to her..

You need to move on completly.. doesn't seem like this guy treats you well anyways.. you don't need him girl, you can find someone that treats you better.


I can attest to that thought that she won't be able to heal if she expects/wants him to come back.

If he loved you, would he do this to you?

You two don't work together, and his actions don't match his words at all. I think its your decision as to what to do next, but you must make up your mind, or else he will do it for you, and may not be in your interest.
He may come back talking love, but acting like a zip darn fool, like before, remember?
He may not come back, and you'll have to accept it for yourself. Which may be the best thing since it doesn't sound like much of a relationship, and you don't sound happy.
So what is it you really want?

Hey sorry one more post about this guy and I'm done lol. Well me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for 2 months after being together for 9. We've talked and hung out all the time since the break up. Recently he's been getting so mad at ever little thing I do. I talked to one of his friends last weekend at a party he had and he got so mad at me. I was talking to his friend just like I would any other person no flirting or anything like that. Well he flipped and went to a bar and talked to some girl right in front of me to get me back for talking to his friend. He said sorry the next day. I talked to him one more time about making things work and he said he doesn't know and he just wants to take things slow. Anyway he got mad at me for saying I didn't want to its now or never he ended up throwing a bag of food at me and I threw and iced coffee at his head( I know very mature lol Im 24 and he's 25) Of course he apologized again. I ended up calling him very nasty things he said we're not going to talk anymore I agreed and told him I didn't want to talk to someone who has such a on and off personality like his anymore. Now this is a person that's been telling me all last week that he's loves me more than anything and I'm the best part of his day. He also said he never wants to loose me forever. Its been 3 days now and no call yet. He did this to me once before and he called the next day. I think this time he's prob. Pissed and is going to be stubborn. I refuse to call him after he did all that. But of course like an idiot I'm still hoping he calls. I really love him and I know he loves me I just think his friends have had a very big influence on this whole break up. Do you think he'll call or he's done with it?

If you've been fighting a lot, why do you care if he calls?

I guess I just feel like since we've broke up we've been fighting more then when we were together. I know in his heart he doesn't want to be apart I think he's just listening to his friends and being stubborn. I just love him so much and it sucks not talking to him

Why do you have to wait for him to call, you call and see what's he feeling break out being stubborn and make the first move, its would hurt. He will either answer or won't,but chance it.

I really love him and I know he loves me I just think his friends have had a very big influence on this whole break up. Do you think he'll call or he's done with it?
Ask his friends. Why would you even want someone like that? Not healthy, and you sound like you depend on him to be happy. You don't have to settle for his crap you know.

I was with my ex boyfriend for a yr and this past May he broke up with me. He said he thought we fought too much. After the break up I kept talking and hanging out with him like an idiot because I thought there still was a chance. Just recently like a month ago he started asking me to hangout after a month of nc. He said wanted to go back but take things slow. I basically told him I'm sick of him always doing that and its either we are back together or not. He got angry and said fine I guess we are not. Anyway he then meets this older girl actually my best friends ex and is now dating her. The part that sucks is all my friends know her and my best friend lives right up the block. Every time I pick her up I have to pass his new gf's house and see his car there. He still calls me on and off asking how I am and stuff. I'm so heartbroken I try to be strong and move on but I think I really love him. I've never been this pathetic girl before and its really bothering me that I can't shake this off. I just wondering did any of you girls have your ex try to come back to you after having a new girlfriend?

Most deinitely. I had this done tonz of times, but I really think you should just move on he will realize what he lost.

Go back to not contacting each other, that's a start. Be patient with yourself. The healing process takes time.

In my opinion I think he's becoming a LOT more appealing to you because he's less attainable now that he's seeing someone new. The less we can have it, the more we want it. First and foremost, you should know that rebound relationships rarely ever last. And second, if you want to regain his interest in you, you need to appear less attainable to him too. No contact is one way and the other is pretending you're indifferent. He'll think you don't care about him as much as you did (kinda like what you think now in regards to him dating) and he'll want what he thinks he can't have.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me May of this year because he said he though we fought too much. I did all the stupids things like crying and begging. I even continued to hangout and talk to him until July ( which I regret now). He kept telling me things like he loved me and was going to marry me and I foolishly believed him because I loved him very much. Finally I talked to him and told him we are either back together or not and if not then you need to stop contacting me. He told me I was pushing him and he wanted to take things slow and saw what happened but after I gave him a choice like that he said he doesn't want to be with me because he thinks there might be someone better for him. This crushed me because just days before that he was telling me I was "it" for him.

I found out he started dating this older woman (hes 25 she's 30) who is also my best guy friends ex. She actually lives right in my neighbor hood and his car is there every night. That kills me because I don't know how he could go from sleeping at my apt every night for a year to sleeping at her house every night so soon after he ended things and after only seeing her for around a month. He recently called me 2 weeks ago to see how things were with me I acted like everything was fine he asked if I was dating anyone and I told him right now Im happy being single I asked him and he told me he didn't have a girlfriend and only saw that girl like once a week. I know that's a lie because I see his car there every night.

I just don't know why he would lie about that. I thought for a while I was fine but lately I find myself breaking down and crying all the time. I seriously haven't cried this much since the initial breakup. I wish I could get over him I just don't know what to do I tried everything to get my mind off it. I just don't think its fair he was the one who was a complete jerk to me and now he's in this happy relationship but Im the one still alone and crying. Like really what ever happened to Karma, why does he get off so easy? Sorry for this pathetic post Im really not like this at all that's why this bothers me so much. I just need to know how long Im going to feel this way and if there's anything I could do to get rid of this feeling. He took away all myself worth I know it sounds so dumb but it just feels sometimes as if Im never going to be able to be in another relationship. How do you get through it?

He sounds like a real jerk. Be happy that he is out of your life. Do not answer the phone when he calls - he will only bring you down again. Do everything you can to ignore and avoid him.

Stay busy. Spend time with family and friends. Exercise - you will feel better and look better. Join a club or sports team. Volunteer with a local charity.

There is someone so much better for you out there. Be open to meeting new people.

I know it sounds cliché - but time heals.

Let go... It will hurt... It has hurt but its for the best. Find the one who will want to be there with you and will not lie.

He won't get off easy chances are this "rebound" won't last it will fall apart because what ever caused yours to fail will cause his. The difference is you can look back and see what happened and learn from it.

Karma does happen. Don't be vindictive or vengeful. Let this new girl take the baggage of him on.

For the Dumper its easier. They left go by leaving you. But as the dumpee has to slowly move on but you do have an advantage, you can step back and learn from it. Truly look back and find out what happened to gain the experience from this relationship.

In order to get "through" this (as one never truly gets over a loved one is my feeling) you have to let go. Know there is someone out there who is willing to be with you.

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Great song. Speaks truth if you listen to it.

Mm... I had 2 bad break ups too. And I was the same.. crying all the time.. then I went to a psychiatrist. He told me, I have to remove him from my mind, never think of him, never keep anything around that might remind me of him. Listening to this advice was quite useful, so it would make your healing quicker.

The other thing was I had become badly depressed, that's why I was crying all the time, lost lot of weight.. looked sad always.. so he gave me some pills and its about 3 months that I'm quite HAPPY & I love my life and I prefer to be single... since every relationship has a start and an end.. and I feel I can't stand the "end" easily now... so I don't want to start a new one soon.

Hope my experience helps you. :)

He won't get off easy chances are this "rebound" won't last it will fall apart because what ever caused yours to fail will cause his. The difference is you can look back and see what happened and learn from it.

"what ever caused yours to fail will cause his" You know I really do believe that!

You're rid of him,and all the emotional baggage he brought into the relationship.
It won't be long before he's wanting you back again,but be STRONG

He's the one who will suffer when the "rebound" doesn't work!!

I feel your pain, and know the feeling of loss sucks big time. Have you read the stickies in this forum?? There is a link in my signature. Read them, and put some of the suggestions they offer, INTO ACTION! be patient, healing is a long process, but you will like the place it puts you in.

I think you have been awfully lucky to get rid of this jerk!
In my old days, we used to say that love is "blind" and when it hits you, you are bound to suffer.
I guess this is still so, and will always be, when you are really in love. And this is applicable to both men and women.
This is why I say you have been lucky. For, obviosly, you still love him though he does not share that feeling.
On that premise, my own advice as a man who despise that kind of behaviour, would be:ignore him, no matter how hard it may be at the beginning. Go out with friends. Stick to your family and just consider him as a disease you have been able to overcome.
If and when he calls you tell him you are dating someone else and that you do not want to hear from him anymore...
It will be tough on you, I know. But removing a cancer it is also difficult and painful. And he is just a cancerous tumor you want to get rid of.

"Old love is a cancer." Not sure how I feel about that as an analogy, but it does have teeth, doesn't it?

As I think about it, I guess I would have to disagree. Love isn't bad, and old love neither. I would have to say "Obsessing over old love is like a cancer." It think that's more accurate.

I've been married 23 years and can still clearly remember and access the other three big loves in my life... the first most of all. They are part of my character. They are part of how I view the world. I have no need to get over them, and the TRYING would be the source of so much misery.

People are advising you to "let it go". I agree in that you need to stop obsessing, but you can't control your heart, so just work on the response. An "'idle mind is the devil's torture chamber"... if you don't get some things going on in your life and keep yourself distracted, you WILL think about whatever your mind chooses, and your heart will keep bringing up this recent love.

So, busy busy busy. This includes pointless, nonspecific dating, as well. Just have some fun. Fun is good. Tears are good, too.

You'll feel this pain for as long as you need to. Feel it. Don't fight it. And when you're done crying, put it away and get back to your other things. The tears will end, the pain will abate, and new love will take center stage at some point.

All of this is true and normal. You are actually growing stronger through it all. Remember that.

You will feel like this until you really truly realize you deserve better. Everyone will tell you "you deserve better, screw him," but it is not going to be better until you believe it yourself

One day you will wake up and see. My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up last week and it is awful. I took me a week of terrible morings and days to be a little bit more at peace. I still cry randomly, but the faster you realize these things YOURSELF. Then it will come together.

Hi Fiona84,

Try to do all the simple activities that can make you happy. Be a bit more selfish. Share fun time with your best friends and your familly, practice sport, enjoy the life as you did before him. After about 2 months, you can start to figure what went wrong in your previous relationship.

Be strong and happy ;)

Thanks to Talaniman for his comment. Quite undeserved, too! As for Fiona, let me just tell her I have been married with my one and only wife (still by my side) for 58 solid years. As you can imagine, we have gone through all kind of ups and dows, but we have managed to raise 4 children and help raising 7 grandchildren. Love IS a very difficult game to play with.
Particularly, when one tend to confuse -as so often happens now- love with sex. Sex does not last long. Only until your curiosity is fully satisfied... But love can last, through fair and stormy weather, as the song goes, for as long as you live! I know... And with this kind of love sex can be just a touch of her hands or a light kiss on your forehead! As little as that, as simple as that and as much as that...

Hey I just want to say thanks for all the advice I've gotten from everyone hear. If it wasn't for this site I don't know how I would have got through my horrible breakup. I just want to let everyone who is going through it I completely know how you feel. I never thought I was going to get over my ex boyfriend. I cried all the time even up to as little as a week ago. I was hurt angry upset I thought I was going to die and never get over him. My life was obsessing with ways how to get him back.

It was the weirdest thing but one day I woke up and was over him. I don't know how it happened really but I just didn't care if he had a new girlfriend or what he was doing or if he was ever going to call me again. In fact I hope he never does! I realized caring about someone who doesn't care about you is not worth the energy. He moved on so why should I be sitting around wasting my time crying over him. I started working out and got a really great job and I couldn't be happier. I really think a big part of me not letting go was because I wasn't happy with myself. I made him the reason for my happiness and that is just stupid. I got my confidence back and that made me see what a good person I really am, and Im worth more than settling for someone who treated me like that. As crazy as it sounds I'm thankful to him for hurting me like that, if I was still with him I never would have had the drive to turn my life around like I did.

Sorry for rambling on like an idiot, but basically no matter how much you think you can't live without that other person you can. If I did it I think everyone hear can too. Every time you feel yourself getting upset just think about your ex, they are prob not obsessing and crying over you so don't give them the satisfaction of doing it for them. Also I know everyone says it but NC is the best way to go I wish I would have did it since day one of my breakup. I think they know in the back of their minds they are not going back with you, but they use you to get over the breakup until they find someone new to replace you. Good luck to everyone and just remember you are worth more than what your exes are giving you.

Good for you Fiona :)

Good post too!!

Excellent advice, and well done.

Ramble on, you do a great job at doing it :). You are absolutely right and it is great to see that you are doing fine. It is funny how you sometimes forget what you are truly worth and realize that you are worth more than your so called "other half". Once you do it is easy to move on and every now and then when you have that moment of weakness, just like you said remember about your ex and how they don't care or remmber a particular moment when they would drive you crazy and you couldn't take that anymore.

Bottom line, Good stuff Fiona ;)

Great post, and glad the healing is making your life better.

My boyfriend of 4 months has just become legally divorced, as of last Friday. I didn't cause the divorce... and it was going on long before I came into the picture... he says I fell out of heaven and landed in the seat behind him... We met sitting to close together, in an old town bar...

He took me on our first real date after his divorce was final... Saturday night, and he seemed distant... went to a dinner and a movie... and still a bit distant... and we went back to his house... fell asleep on his couch with him, he got up and went to bed... didn't ask me to come, he said I looked comfortable there. I came to bed, he was reading... thought that was weird.. but maybe not. I couldn't sleep at 4 in the morning (his earlier behavior perplexed me) so I went back out on the couch. He fixed me breakfast, and we made love, and he made me cry during it because of what he said! I am so close to this man, yet feel he isn't there... with me... but then I do... he says I make him crazy... I have given him the chance - numerous times... to go get space, date around, says he doesn't want too... he told me he would be on my doorsteps... if I did that.

I want the fairy tale, he is the fairy tale... He can't give it to me at this time - I am very impatient at times... He just called me... he calls all the time. And he seems so awesome at times, is it me? Am I not handling myself well? Help...

Maybe he might be feeling down due to his divorce. You never know and he might need time to cope. Maybe you should him some space and not expect too much for him.

He just got divorced. He doesn't really want to jump into something new, but at the same time he wants to have somebody around so he isn't alone.

The man is newly divorced. It SHOULD have him rattled and off balance if marriage means anything to him.

Give the guy a break.

It could be very well that he thinks highly of you AND that he isn't ready to jump with both feet in.

I get you like him.

But if you cannot give him some room to get himself centered, there's no future here.

I agree with kp here. Be there for the guy but let him be... I'm sure he is a bit down and maybe even a little confused at the moment. It sounds like he genuinely likes you, so don't sweat it. He will appreciate you NOT pressuring and questioning him at this point in his life.

Red Flags- He is a stranger, and your investing too much, to fast, into someone you don't know, and by your own words, you have some very unrealistic expectations of this stranger..

The kicker, he is still freshly divorced and needs a lot of time and space, to heal and get healthy.

I sure wouldn't advise putting all your time, and attention into this, nor let him solve his fear of being alone, with you either.

You need to keep it casual, and not stop living your own life, without him in it.

Thank you for your responses... I will pay heed. I need to be cautious... maybe even back away. How do you do that graciously?
He said he'd be on my doorstep, if I did... any advice? Thanks again so much for the help... :)

Just don't be available, and be busy with OTHER things in your life.

If he shows up on your doorstep, that's not good, nor mature, and is a red flag as to hios character and behavior. I mean healthy, well adjusted guys, talk to people honestly, not act like they don't have good sense.

But why does he make me cry so easy?? We are doing wonderfully... he is taking me out... on dates.. coming to see me when I show homes... we are so close... his divorce was final 2 weeks ago... we are so close! It's wonderful... wine at night with popcorn, watching football games to old movies... he even invited me over to be with his friends... to be with his other buddies and their wives Saturday night.. that was huge. Sunday we spend the evening together.. he said he thinks about me non-stop... from morning till night... Then... this morning... out of the clear blue sky... after we spent the evening together last night... we had so much fun... this morning he said Julie, I don't know if I could ever live with you, or get married again... I started crying. Help. It's honestly all about timing. He isn't ready... I am. He probably can sense this tremendously. I maybe said the wrong things... he said to me driving to KC, Julie what are you thinking... I told him... I only want to be with him... that I've turned down 4 men to be with you... because I believe in you. Did I mess up? I do believe we will work this all out... he loves me, but hasn't said it yet. Someone please tell me to chill, and to stop crying!! lol
Help.

Just give it a little time. He just got divorced. I completely understand what you are going through. My boyfriend just recently passed. We were together for four years. When we got together he was legally separated for a year. The divorce wasn't final until February of '07. We shouldn't have jumped into a relationship, but we couldn't stay apart. There was so much baggage on his end with the divorce and all, but he never wanted to let me go. You can see that he cares for you by his actions. He may be just saying these things because he is scared of falling in love again. Just remember a divorce is not an easy thing. He is probably an emotional wreck. Be there for him, comfort him. He will come around. You do say he loves you. Remember that.

I am so sorry your boyfriend passed... that is horrible. God Bless you... thank you for your kind words. I feel so bad about today, but he just wrote (text) me a bit ago, and said he made it home... he made a day trip to KC, he wanted to take me but I am so busy with my business, he decided another time. So I guess I am still in his heart. Thank you again for your kind words... am sorry for your loss...

Relax, and give the guy time to get his own feelings straight, and celebrate his divorce being final.

Stop crying, as what's the hurry?? Now the real fun can begin.

Don't ruin it by getting ahead of yourself, or carried away by your feelings.

But why does he make me cry so easy??? We are doing wonderfully...he is taking me out...on dates..coming to see me when I show homes...we are so close...his divorce was final 2 weeks ago... we are so close! It's wonderful...wine at night with popcorn, watching football games to old movies...he even invited me over to be with his friends...to be with his other buddies and their wives saturday night..that was huge. Sunday we spend the evening together..he said he thinks about me non-stop...from morning till night...Then...this morning...out of the clear blue sky...after we spent the evening together last night...we had so much fun...this morning he said Julie, I don't know if I could ever live with you, or get married again...I started crying. Help. It's honestly all about timing. He isn't ready...I am. He probably can sense this tremendously. I maybe said the wrong things...he said to me driving to KC, Julie what are you thinking....I told him...I only want to be with him...that I've turned down 4 men to be with you...because I believe in you. Did I mess up? I do believe we will work this all out...he loves me, but hasn't said it yet. Someone please tell me to chill, and to stop crying!!!lol
Help.


I agree with the others give him time, he just got a divorce you are still getting to know him, don't cry but appreciate what you have now with him. You don't want to ruin that. Also do not let a man know what sacrificies you made for him, next time leave the part out about you turning down guys to be with him that was your decision. Relax, take it easy don't put too much pressure on him or yourself.

Thank you - you all are right... need to just have fun.. relax..
Not worry so much.. I worry about everything... again thank you!

Chill out girl :)

He is still with you. Just take it slow and when is ready.. I'm sure you will be the first to know.

Try not to plan everything out. And just take it day by day

Good luck

I haven't met my man's son yet. He wanted to give it some time, since his divorce was 3 weeks ago - doesn't want his son to think he was jumping into anything. Last night, I was suppose to cook supper for my Doug... hadn't heard from him since the morning, when we talked about supper. He called me at 5:30, I was at the door - returning a dog, from dog sitting... for a family, who's son had died from Lymph Cancer - to make a long story short, they were over to pick up their pooch. I couldn't talk to Doug, and so when I was done, I called and asked where to have supper... so on. He didn't answer. I tried several times. So I thought I'd go over to his house and fix it... or surprise him... he surprises me all the time, when I am bowling or to bring me coffee in the am...
I went to the door, and his son answered, I was shocked... said I would come back another time. It was terribly awkward. Doug's son was not suppose to be there, it was his mother's evening per Doug. I went over to a girlfriend's house who lives close by, and spent the evening with her family and a bunch of kids from the same school his son goes to! He texted me later stating his son was disturbed.. and asked me why I did that. I felt so bad, but my girlfriend said I handled the phone call really well, and defused the situation by inviting them both over for supper, at her house... she encouraged it since she knew them. He was not happy at all. Val said I handled it great. He hasn't called me at all. He is mad at me apparently. She said I don't own this problem, he should have communicated with me he was interviewing over drinks...

What do I do next? I haven't heard from him since last night... and I know he is mad.
I haven't called him.

Thank you...

You had no way of knowing what was going on, so don't blame yourself at all. The whole thing could have been avoided with some honest communications on his part, as a phone call, would have explained he was busy, and see you later.

So take his anger, with a grain of salt and see how unfair it is to you. Given its okay to "surprise" you whenever he feels like it, his being mad is unfounded and unfair.

Don't be so smitten that you put up with him being angry over his mistakes. Stand up for what's right, and fair, for yourself.

Could this be just a preview of his true character? Pay attention, and don't let love blind you!!

Thank you so much... for the advice... it was just weird... he could have text me, or said he had an appointment... he hasn't called me all morning.. but he is in a meeting this am... should I let
Him call me? He called last night, when I was at my girlfriends house... funny thing about this is my confidence got shaken. Feel a bit insecure about this... hate that.

God bless you for your response...

Carry on with your life, and balance yourself with things that you enjoy.

He will call if he has something to say that makes sense.

Why should you be insecure, and lose confidence, because of his lack of clear, honest, caring communications?

That's no good, so chin up.

Thank you so much...

I wrote him and said hope you are having a good day... he wrote me back and said I thought you were home last night, didn't know you were gone. He immediately responded Hey blonde, when I talked to you on my way hone I went home and laid on the couch and watched TV, I dozed off. I was home alone Zach went to his moms house before I got home. He didn't want to come over with a bunch of HS kids over at the house... It's all good.. he said he had the day from hell yesterday... I asked him if he missed me... he hasn't responded... again... I hate the texting...

STOP the texting!

For the first time in my life I was hidden yesterday, in a bathroom.

My boyfriend and I are getting very close... his divorce was final 3 weeks ago. I stayed the night at his house, which I never do, and we've been spending tons of time together... I love him. We are like glue. He hasn't said those "love" words yet, but his actions are there. He calls me a lot and wants to be with me.

Right now I am terribly confused, can't talk to him, so here I am again, wondering what to do.

He picked me up for dinner, it was wonderful... we went to his house and I spent the night. Things were great. In the morning, we were both getting ready for work, and all of a sudden he said someone was at the door, it was his son - no warning, his mother just dropped him off without a phone call, my boyfriends immediately told me to go back in the bathroom. I stayed there till the kid went downstairs, then made me run out to the car so he could take me home. My shoes and purse were visible... He hasn't introduced us yet, because he doesn't feel the kids ready yet. But he has told him about me. We have been dating 5 months and his divorce was final 3 weeks ago. My boyfriend says we are going to meet, but then it doesn't happen.

To top it off, and in a state of shock after being hidden, felt almost comical - he calls me around 10:00 am and ask me to make him chili for his work. They are having a cook-off today. I tell him sure. He keeps talking about this accountant woman who is going to be there as well, who he says he's not attracted to, because she is not good looking and heavy set. Talks about her a lot. I am making the chili, because all of his employees want to know how good he cooks.. he knows I am a good cook. 8 other people are cooking as well including this accountant.. he will get all the credit for the chili I make which is weird, but I don't care. I had plans with Val, my girlfriend, and her family that evening... her son is teaching my son to play the guitar. My boyfriend has a cigar and wine tasting event to go to... Val asks me to bring over all of the ingredients and cook it at her house, My original plans were to cook it after I spent time with Val... around 8 at my house.

He calls me mid-afternoon and I told him at this time it bothers me he's always talking about this accountant woman.. I ask, is there something I need to know about? He said no, and gets mad, I could tell, and said this conversation was over... yet he is so jealous, I can't look at a man... he then states he will pick up all the ingredients I bought, and cook it himself... tell him no, I will cook it, Val wants me to bring it over, so they can have some.

I am at Val's house, and she thinks it's ridiculous he won't tell the boy, that it's time. That I had every right to ask about this accountant... Val's daughter was upset, she goes to school with his son, and doesn't say anything, she knows how delicate the situation is.

I cook his chili over at Val's house - his company food, and he calls me, and I said I am just bothered by today, just don't want to be hidden again, and he said it won't happen again. Val heard the whole thing, he then said he wanted to come over to my house and cook this when I got home, together, for his work. He sends me mixed signals. Thought he wanted to pick the food up... I try to tell him my feelings on the accountant, and he said if I saw her, I would understand... so we drop this... and I tell him today just didn't feel right... I try to ask him how he's not going to hide me anymore from his son, and he said I won't come over anymore, again until he tells Zach, and he doesn't know when that will be, and he says this several times, and then he tries to take it back, it was tooo late, I was devastated and hung up. He never gives me a time frame.. and makes it sound it's going to be a while. So I can't go to his house...

Val said the expression on my face was priceless when I hung up, he should have seen it... I was so hurt... He text me twice, after I text him stating I was putting the chili on the front porch. He wanted to come over. Val and I took a bunch of kids to a spooky bridge, he came over and put some prints of paintings on my kitchen table, stating he wanted to thank me, and give me money for the chili. No I'm sorry, we will work this out... or anything.

I can't talk to him, and I love him... His actions confuse me, is he embarrassed of me, am I not worthy to meet his son? I have been very understanding, loving and caring, never get mad. I don't know what to do now. But I can't talk to him. I want to but my mind says no.

How was the chili? Lol Not trying to be flippant, just sounds funny being locked in the bathroom and making him chili for the cook-off day at work.

If he was going through a divorce he may have had a few reasons for not wanting his ex to know about you until after settlement. His son is probably going through a lot at the moment too and being so young, your boyfriend is probably not wanting to put him through any more emotional upheaval than is necessary. So maybe you could be a little more patient?

Chili is great. His divorce is over... the settlement is too. He isn't wanting him to know, thinking his dad just got out of a relationship and into another. I have been VERY patient, my point is this was a very awkward situation for me, and as much as we are together, it could have been a lot worse.

Your mighty pushy for ONLY 5 MONTHS. His relationship with his son is his and you need to back away from that, but having said that, hiding in a bathroom because of a surprise visit is... UNACCEPTABLE, but that's just my opinion.

Another thing is let go of this jealousy over his co-worker, that is also UNACCEPTABLE, dumb, and distracting, to make that an issue. I think either you need a lot more patients, learn some communications skills and work together to solve these issues you have without an attitude. Yes you do have one, and I suspect its you pushing for more to fast, rather than letting things progress naturally.


Is he embarrassed of me, am I not worthy to meet his son?

Your skipping some important steps in this, and may not see things you need to know. The most obvious is the relationships, and obligations, he already has, at home and work,


He says he's not attracted to, because she is not good looking and heavy set.
you need to stay out of those, and your hissy fits at the wrong time,


After I text him stating I was putting the chili on the front porch.

Too much drama for 5 months, which is the get to know period, and having fun doing it. Given the ink is still drying on his divorce, you should be a lot more patient so he can make adjustments to his life, which may take longer than you think.
If I were him you wouldn't be meeting my kids for a year, but I wouldn't hide you in a bathroom either.

Pay attention, and learn, before you get carried away, and make too much of an investment, on something so very new.

Temper your emotions, with some rational thought, and don't let impulse guide your actions.

Thank you...for giving me this perspective - it was hard to hear...but I already knew it. He is very possessive of me...and I never get this way...jealous. We are so very close. He always says we gel.

I wrote him this this morning...

YOU are so awesome to me - the way you are - old fashioned, caring, loving, intelligent, leadership qualities, and so handsome to me, even old you are so handsome... lol We gel.. You are a good man to me XXXX XXX.. the qualities I look for in a man to be with, a soul mate. It took 48 years to figure this out. There are things I've done with you, that I've never done in my life with another man, believe it or not... laughing is one of them! I love to laugh.

BUT I am not a kicking post. Handling situations by punishing me (like saying I can't come over to your house anymore) simply is not going to work for me. I have feelings too. I couldn't talk to you the rest of the night, I wanted to, but I couldn't. It's so hard... I just couldn't. That was so very hard to hear these words from you.

I know Simon is your #1 priority, I expect to come 2nd to Simon and only want the best for him, my kids are my #1 priority too. You are so good with my kids and I want the same relationship with Simon. Understandably, it will take Simon a while to adjust to the idea of you seeing someone.

We don't need drama in our relationship and I'm not into this. It's just wrong. I've never put chili on anyone's front porch! Lol I couldn't see you... but I miss you. I want us to be so so happy. I am trying so hard to be patient. I understand your position I think. I am sorry about being jealous yesterday, it's so not me - it's probably what happened with Zach - that set the stage. It just makes me wonder, why you don't want me to meet him, but I trust you.

I hope the chili is good -

Your girl...

Dear Clown face, (or whatever you call him.)

We are obviously on different pages, so we both should back off, and go a lot slower, so we can learn to communicate, and work better together, to define our boundaries which at this time is unequal, and unfair.

I have issues that make me impulsive, and jealous sometimes, and honestly your actions magnify those feelings, but I'm trying to handle them, so for now, since I can't visit you, then you should not visit me. I think it best as we need time to make things more equal, and enjoy getting comfortable with each others ways, and habits. If you agree we can talk, but if not, I understand, And wish you a good life.

Your girl, if you want,

P.S.
Hope you enjoyed the chili!!

So apparently I handled the letter all wrong, but it was basically what you said... but different. Softer.
You know how to write, but you seem a bit harsh, yet very realistic. What is your story?

Tals story is one no one really knows. It's a legend that pre-dates us all. I have once heard a rumor that you can go to the ancient caverns of Rome and his story is told on the walls of the room.

*Sorry Tal, way to easy*

Why is his communication with this ex wife such that he wasn't expecting his son to come over? Or did he just forget about that? You should not have to hide in the bathroom. And saying he's not interested in his coworker because she is fat is not particularly endearing either. And hurting you by telling you you can't come over any more. What's that about?

I see redflags. Good to take a break.

but you seem a bit harsh, yet very realistic.
Not trying to be harsh, just realistic and to the point, so there can be understanding and not false signals. That probably comes from being married more than 30 years, being close to my kids, and grandkids, and the dog, and working in the field of helping people in crisis, from addictions to being jobless, and homeless, but I made my living basically being Joe the plumber, but with a license, and a degree.

What is your story?
You'll have to read the cave walls, to get the details.
Thanks Rome :)

The only thing I'd slip into the mix is that although it feels rude and insensitive the way he treated you about his son coming home, it is also understandable.

Divorces are touchy things. You don't indicate why you divorced, or if his wife knows about you. If not, then discovering you in his bed 3 weeks after the divorce might reveal the affair you were having prior to the divorce. (Yes, it was an affair, he was still married, right? I'm not judging, I'm using the terms that are accurate and will be used against him.. ) No way you want to risk his custody arrangement, right? Right?

So, his first priority is and always will be to his son. Even if you two get married, his responsibilities to that boy come first. Keep that in mind. It should make you love him all the more if you view it properly.

You coming second isn't a demotion. It's a promotion over all the other things he would spend time on except his son. View it correctly.

Now, having said all that, I know you're hurt, but you have to get in line with his decisions about his son and since you've been kept secret, you do what you're told regarding getting introduced. OK?

This stuff will work out. But you HAVE to be able to stand in your guy's shoes when you're angry at him. You MUST.

You guys are funny... dating at this age really sucks... cave walls are good to read sometimes... look at. See how other people live(d). Especially for those of us who try so hard, TOO hard.

After I wrote the letter, this is the response I got...

"Julie the chili is awesome. Not sure why u blew me off last night I made several attempts to see you so we could talk, oh well!
Thanks for making the chili. "

"Oh, well!" ?

Weird answer.

Yes, dating at this age really sucks. :)

Oh well? I don't know if I should respond... that summed everything up. Like he could care less.

Funny thing, he never did say he was coming over to "just Talk" he was going to pay me,
And give the paintings back to my friend... he still has my shotgun, and other stuff over there of mine.

Oh well? I don't know if I should respond...that summed everything up. Like he could care less.

I think he's trying to pretend it was just some minor misunderstanding and everything is fine. I think the best response is no response.

That is how I feel too... but it made me cry... it was very insensitive... thank you so much for your advice... I pray he will think about what he just wrote.

3 months ago, he started comparing me to his wife, who he hated... I had to pay for the sins of his wife... she stole from him, cheated on him 4 times and never worked, he totally supported her. I wrote him a letter, telling him to never compare me again to her, or I will have to let him go. I told him I have worked hard all of my life, every day I worked, raised 3 children by myself, with no child support or help financially, bought them each cars, helped them with college, and there father wanted nothing to do with them, never came to their birthdays or anything. The newspaper wrote a story about me a while back... because I started my own business stating all of the work I do for others, to help their businesses grow and give mine a name. He apologized and he's never compared me to her again. He wanted to break up with me, because he said I didn't deserve what he was doing to me, to wait till the divorce was final. He did for about 3 hours, then he called me back and said he couldn't.

This was again, very insensitive. It really brought me down, and I believe no response is the best answer... Thank you for being so kind.

I think you are over thinking, over analyzing, and being way too over emotional here.

Everything he seems to say even an "oh well" you are dissecting out.

My guess is that this all went down and 1) he didn't realize you were looking at every word and action so closely and taking it so personally and 2) he probably doesn't think this whole event where he hid you is a deal breaker. He has so much on his plate right now this is one of those things couples look back on years after as remember that silly thing. It may hurt now but I bet that he just didn't see it that way. He got caught in a bad spot and did something dumb, it happens.

Instead of communicating how you feel effectively you are spinning in your head on his every move, just stop. Dating is hard at any age but it gets 100 times worse if you over analyze every step of the way. Just relax and go with the flow, he didn't say he'd not have you come over anymore he said he wouldn't till he told his son. You have to respect the way he is handling this because as much as I hate to say it the divorce and his care for his son is way bigger then anything you can provide right now other then your understanding.

Pushing too hard or being too emotional is just going to find you on the outside looking in because he won't have time to manage all of it at once. Guess who will be the first thing cut off that big old plate of stuff he's dealing with?

Thanks you for the comment.. you are probably right. Got any advice on what to do next?

Like what JBeaucaire said, divorces are touchy. Being introduced to my dad's girlfriend less than a month- I don't even know if it was that long after my mom died was REALLY hard. Yeah, they were getting divorced but I didn't know that my mom and dad were divorced, just knew that my mom was in a nursing home the last year of her life. Obviously your situation is different, but I was 11 and I don't know how old your boyfriend's son is, but it takes time to warm up to a parent's new boyfriend/girlfriend and probably the best way to meet them is not by finding out they he/she spent the night.

thanks you for the comment..you are probably right. got any advice on what to do next?

I would try to slow my feelings down and take a deep breath. Relationships need to go slow but due to extra added circumstances yours needs to go even slower. You're so wrapped up on the feelings and trying to figure it all out when what you should be doing is just trying to enjoy what happens and let it grow. Just reel in some of your emotions and don't get so worked up over things.

He likes you, you like him that should be enough for now while he deals with his divorce. Give him some space to get it all straight and I think you will feel better, instead of spinning wheels wondering about where you fit just do your thing and let him figure it out.

I would try to slow my feelings down and take a deep breath. Relationships need to go slow but due to extra added circumstances yours needs to go even slower. You're so wrapped up on the feelings and trying to figure it all out when what you should be doing is just trying to enjoy what happens and let it grow. Just reel in some of your emotions and don't get so worked up over things.

He likes you, you like him that should be enough for now while he deals with his divorce. Give him some space to get it all straight and I think you will feel better, instead of spinning wheels wondering about where you fit just do your thing and let him figure it out.
Well said!:D

You are right. That is a terrible way to find out... but he was suppose to introduce us all Thursday night, my kids were excited... my guy changed his mind...

I agree with much of the advice given. It never makes sense to me and may never will when a person gets into a relationship and instead of enjoying it we find ways to complicate it. Nothing in the story is worthy of starting fights for. Just enjoy, we all need to put a perspective on things.

Imagine Tal is guilty of each and everyone's mistakes on this thread? Not just one or two but ALL of them. Perhaps that is why the advice is so bang on, been there done that:) What a hellraiser you must have been lol.

Sorry, not thread but site.

I think I know why your over reacting to meeting his son. You probably think that if you met his son, someone who is important to him, it means that is is serious about you and that's why you got mad that he made you hide instead of introducing you. Him not doing that or him not letting you met his son, to you, means he isn't taking what you have serious.

I have a daughter and she didn't met my fiancé until almost 6 months into the relationship. I very cautious who I let around him and I keep my dating life separate from her. She doesn't met everyone I go out with and even when she met my fiancé we meet to amusement park. Vise versa with my fiancé, I met his son around the same time. Even though you was with him for 5 months, he was going through a divorce and the divorce was only final for 3 weeks.

Give it time and focus more on where your two are heading. Relationships are a gamble and unpredicatable. There ar other things that needs to be iron out and once that happens then everything else will fall into place. He have things to overcome and so do you. Make the bond stronger and secure and once that happens then worry about meeting his son.

Thank you... he did introduce me to some of his college friends, two weekends ago, at a party. That was huge... He is emailing me today, stating he is in meetings - and I told him how beautiful it is outside, there was a bunch of guys golfing on the course... so I am making it lighter... I appreciate you helping me. I am just not real good with the relationship thing, and this man is awesome. I hope he can put up with me. I have so much to offer...

It was awesome. He invited me over for dinner, to meet his son, he cooked steaks. I didn't plan to bring my daughter, but did, and they talked all evening! It was great. I was so nervous. But we had a lot of fun! I am so happy.. So any advice about how to keep this
Very light? Lol I am just so happy...

Um... try keeping it light?

Hehe, what are you asking? Sounds like you're doing fine. As soon as you start stressing over something, assume YOU'RE the problem and stop stressing over it.

Other than that... life can be bearable and fun if you just keep it simple.

Go with the flow, and enjoy the moment.

What do you do when you go up and down in a relationship...when the person you are dating, is just one day doing so awesome, then the next he is treating you badly without thinking...on a phone conversation- again without thinking he says something very degrading, belittling - my only reaction was I said the FU word and hung up...I was sick. Since this happened, I haven't heard from him. He tries to cover up his actions, yet he gives me a sorta apology.
He went hunting for the weekend...with buddies.

I wrote him this below. Just gotta stop being a punching bag for him...I need to stand strong..it is very hard, at the risk of losing him though?

Thank you for admitting you don't always say things the right way...

I cannot be compared to your "X" or "Anyone else" I am special to you... so I hope, I am Julie... I am different. Please don't punish me for the constant conditions you and your X wife had together that were so negative. I am here because I love you. I am happy, and loving, caring and know what's right and wrong, I don't steal and cheat or take money from people, or scream and yell or write bad checks, or abuse people... and am so honest it hurts... I have feelings you. You and your X fought all the time, because neither of you could give in and apologize for hurting each other, or sit down and talk about issues that come up. I won't get in that rut of not talking things out with anyone who claims they care about me and can't apologize when they are wrong, issues of the heart need to be worked through. When I am wrong, which I am not perfect, I apologize and want to talk it out and move on.

Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. How we react to those feelings is what is right or wrong. I don't always handle my passionate feelings correctly, especially when I am directly insulted... but I will never say FU again, and I am sorry I said this. The FU is not really the issue here. I was in such shock about your words, it was my only reaction. It was not an attitude, but a genuine reaction! An attitude is a settled way of thinking. I don't believe I have an attitude. You insulted me when you pointed out that I don't have much of a studio but the other guy did, with a couple of guys working under him. That made me feel inept like you thought he has to be so much better then me. You told me you were taking out a graphic designer to YaYas to do your brochure. I reacted because I was insulted by the person I care for with all of my heart. I don't care who the hell you hire, but the way you said it... insulted my core, my talent, my being, and made me think you don't believe in me. It was personal, and it hurt enough for me to react the way I did.

My little tiny business without employees and a studio yet... is very serious, and I work very hard at it, and take pride in the work I do. Becoming a realtor is something I've always wanted to do, but being a graphic designer, is my heart.

My feelings and yours matter and if you are going to downplay them, this won't work. We are both special and deserve to both be treated with respect. I want a relationship with you, where we don't shut each other out but where we can work things out together... by sitting down and talking. Not by email or texting. I shut you out last week and I am sorry. Now you are doing it to me with this issue. We need to sit down and talk, when we have issues come up. I want us to be able to share our successes and failures with each other. Communicating our feelings is important...

You haven't seen me since Tuesday. You say you miss me so please take time to see me before you leave.

xoxo

He wrote...

Julie, I in no way had intentions to hurt you. Sometimes I don't say things the rigjt way. It isn't the way you think it is. Sometimes I have to let my partners see the light first before we do anything.

I thought it would be best just to leave you alone and not talk to you because you would just jump back in this whole ordeal. My X would say f u to me when she was angry with me and I have decided I don't have to deal with that atitude anymore from her or you or anyone else.

I had a bunch of the guys over tonight that are going hunting and we are heading out Saturday morning.

Have a good weekend.

Miss you too.

Abusers remorse and women seem to always come back for more. Why is that? If the guy is abusing you whether verbally, emotionally or physically why do people insist on staying in the relationship/ Is it fear? Is it worry about money? Ladies, if you are in a relationship and the other person is abusing you GET OUT! There are lots of caring,loving people in the world who would enjoy your company. They may not be Joe Atlas, but so what. Looks finally end and you are then saddled with the real personality. Which might not be such a bad thing if he is loving and kind.

Thank you... for your words... time and effort 450donn... I never thought of this as a sign of abuse. He insulted - hurt my feelings so without even thinking about what he said. I was so so hurt.
AND he won't apologize, and compared me to his Xwife...
Sucks.

The good thing about a roller coaster ride is, you can get off anytime you want.

me and my boyfriend fight all the time about random situations and sometimes it doesn't even matter.
I love him so much but frankly I think your staying with him cause you don't know what you want and I don't think he does either that's why he tries to create distance between the two of you...
I know it's hard but follow your heart

Thank your for your responses... what bugs me is... how I responded and how he downplayed my feelings. We are very very close. He tells me everything, and this bothered me. We are together almost everyday. This is the longest we've been apart!

Yeah it sucks, and takes a lot of getting use to.

Its also a good opurtunity to balance your life by finding out what you like to do without him.

Having your own friends and activities, is a good way to feel better about you, and your life.

Alright, Well to be honest i was in a relationship like this for 10 months... Im going to be straight up and tell you im only 15 but i know what youre going through... I was completely deicated to this boy. Everything i did, i did for him. I went out for our 6 month anniversery to TIffany's and bought him a promise ring type deal that had our names engraved on the outside and 12-21-07 on the inside. And everyone was so angry i spent all that money on him cus all ha ever did was treat me terribly. Like there were times when i was trying to be so sweet and show him how much i care about him, and i kinda got the sense that he was pushing me away when i did that... Kind of like he was scared to hold on to anyone, because of his previous relationship... The relationship he was in before was awful... I stood by him through it though. The girl he was with cheated on him all the time... Just completely made him look like a fool all the time... And he stayed with her for 7 months and it was then that he looked at it like "Whoa, There are so many other people out there for me. I dont have to deal with this. I can move on and be happy with someone else." In your case thats kinda like you're getting a bad feeling while youre on that roller coaster so you think the best thing to do is get off... And once you do get off you can look around and see there are so many other roller coasters around. Ones that dont have such terrible corners and straight up and down drops. Life is full of bends and twists.. you have just got to follow the road that leads you where the least of them are.... Your heart is normally the key thing leading you there too. Do whats right for you even if you decide to back off for sometime.. If he comes back around than you kno he cares about you. If not move on... Thats what im doing. And it seems to be working out well. You are a person, a human being... Not an item. Good luck... I hope it goes well.:)

Talaniman, thank you for your response. It's been since Tuesday since I've seen him and my daughter and I got to meet his son that day! That was awesome, it was a great evening, he cooked us supper. Everything was perfect. But Wednesday, when I got mad about what he said in regards to my business.. which it takes a ton to get me upset, he downplays my feelings. He thinks I should be left alone and it really bothers him I said FU to him (which I would never say to anyone - it was just so painful to hear what he was saying- I had to say something and that came out) like his X did! I wonder why she said it all the time.. if he treated her like he did me! He avoided the real issue - of hurting me. He is hunting this weekend, with a bunch of guys, Guy time. I am trying to find things to do. It is hard when you are use to centering your life around him. I know I will not contact him, he gets back today, see if he calls me, see if he wants to see me. Funny, he hasn't talked to me either.

Chey1221 thank you for your response! For being 15 you are really smart... keep your head on track.. love can make you think in the box sometimes too much. That's why I come here. It helps me go out of the box and see things from different perspectives... which is so hard to do when you are so in love. I am going to let him call me, chase me - We are crazy about each other, he has a lot of bad habits from a BAD 20 year relationship. I met him when he was going through a divorce, in July, and his divorce was just final 4 weeks ago. His X and him fought all the time, and it was horrible, he had the sheriff remove her from the house.. 10 months ago. He and I met, we've been like glue, we can't stay away from each other. BUT I don't know what to think about what happened. It is hard, cause I love him, and he won't apologize, he needs to learn to apologize, I did for saying FU and hanging up the phone. I've never done that before but what he said about my little business, my life was so so painful... This was so not me to do that. I don't know what will happen next other then we are a match. He needs to get out of his bad habits. You keep up the good work, and learn from others Chey1221.. God Bless you.

How long have you guys been seeing each other?

We've been seeing each other since June 26, 2008. He came out of a really bad relationship, of 20 years.

I think you need to leave this dude alone for your own good. He is still living that 20 year relationship, only now with you... hence the reason why he is treating you good one day poor the next.

He is still trying to deal/heal with the last relationship. That's why he keeps comparing you with his ex. Notice how he keeps referring to his ex...if he was really over that relationship and fully healed he would not compare her with you. His last relationship is being projected and carried on to this one. He has some issue he still needs to fix with himself.

Don't put yourself through needless torture because someone has not taken the time to fix themselves. Your obviously a very successful single mom. Don't settle for someone who does not make you happy, when your happy with yourself.

I would leave him alone for a while and give him time to think about what he has done.

Thank you... JMW0713 that's what I am going to do... God Bless you for re-enforcing my feelings exactly. I miss him terrible... maybe someday, he will come back, and I hope it's not to late.

It really hurt - his words... his Xwife never worked, and I have worked so hard to make this little business work and grow.. he doesn't even notice this. Even after I tell him bits and pieces.. he doesn't seem to really care. He has a huge business here, and is building a plant. I started with nothing and made the paper for Entrepreneur of 2007 - they wrote about my little studio out of my home. I am thinking about starting a studio, away from my home in Old Town, and one in Dallas, TX. It has been my dream. I am trying to get funding but it is so hard. I've done graphic design for 25 years and I just won International Web Award for 2008 out of Boston, MA, out of 2400 entries, 45 countries, one of the little websites I created won. I was nominated. I do branding for a lot of realtors, small businesses and doctors offices. I do my own writing and photography but the most successful attribute to my business has been my web site design, it is very personalized. They are unique. If you want, email me through this site, I will send you some samples! I love what I do with a passion.

I wish he would just notice me. He says I am so special, beautiful and loving. But he doesn't see my heart. I can't believe I said the FU word to him though, it just came out.

Have a good Sunday.

Glad I could help! Good Luck!

Hey just wondering have any of you gotten back with an ex-bf after he dated someone else? Details please :rolleyes:

It happens, occasionally. More often the guy will take the girl back then vice-versa. But it's not a result I would ever place a bet on.

I never did. Unless you broke up with him than he's open to dating whoever he wants. I wouldn't get back with someone who dumped me than got with another girl than tried to get me back.. but hey that's just me lol

Ill try to make this short. My ex boyfriend broke up with me this past April. He said he wasent ready for a serious relationship (we were just about to move in together). So basically for months after he strung me along and I was dumb enough to go along with it. He met someone new at the end of August and stopped talking to me completely. Ive seen him out but I pretend like I don't see him or anything its just too hard for me to talk to him.

Well anyway last Friday he was out and he told my cousin he really needed to speak with me. I said hello and he went into this whole thing that he misses, he thinks about me all the time and that he wanted to apologize for everything he put me through. He kept saying that all his friends and his family misses me too. He asked if I had a new boyfriend and I asked him how his relationship was. He told me he hated her and that they are basically over and he misses the way we were and all that crap. I told him everything that I always wanted to say to him like how much he hurt me and that I thought he was a jerk. The whole night he kept bringing up old times we had together and he took the cab ride home with me to make sure I got home safe and stuff. As I said goodbye he asked for my number, I gave it to him and around 20 minutes later I get a phone call from him. He said he just wanted to let me know he got home OK. Then he started getting into the whole I'm sorry thing, and I miss you. I told him I had to go it was late and if he wanted to call me.

Well I haven't heard anything from him since. I just don't get it why would he go out of his way to say all that and call me just to act like it never happened. It wasent like he was drunk or trying to hook up with me or anything like that trust me. Why do you think he did this, do you think he wants to get back together or what? Its just so confusing-should I contact him? Do you think he'll ever try to contact me again?

He did it to make you think. He of course cannot go overboard, so the ball is in your court. In my opinion, perhaps he was having a tiff with his current girlfriend, and started to really think about you two and what you had... then he dumped his feelings onto you, but perhaps didn't get the response he was looking for, and went back to his girlfriend. I don't know. Now, he has the power, as you are the one thinking about this and confusion is filling your mind. He seems confused as well. If I were you, I would blow it off and leave it be. He seems to have thought the grass would be greener on the other side, but now realizes it wasn't. His fault. Do you want him back?

He was just trying to hook up with you!

The sick part is I actually would like to give the relationship another chance. I just feel like all everything is is a big game. I wish people could just be honest with each other, everything would be so much easier. I def. felt like there was still such strong feelings between the both of us, I just don't get it

His immaturity seems to be messing with your mind. Move on... if he really was serious, he would break up with his current girlfriend and try and date you again... he clearly hasn't done that.

How old are you?

Do you really want this guy(who wouldn't commit) to be in your future? Really?

There are too many other good people to get to know who don't have this 'past' with you and maybe they are worth the time of day.

He seems to be just as kctiger said,seeing if the grass was greener,and he didn't get in bed with you that night,didn't want to kill off a future bed time with you and called back to make sure you would be responsive or not.

Kick this baggage to the curb,find a guy who will be there for you,one with a little more maturity than the last one.

Also I know everyone says it but NC is the best way to go I wish I would have did it since day one of my breakup. I think they know in the back of their minds they are not going back with you, but they use you to get over the breakup until they find someone new to replace you. Good luck to everyone and just remember you are worth more than what your exes are giving you.

These were your words before, and they are so true. You have been through this so many times with this fellow let this be the last time.

I think he went to you because, his g/f was PO'd.

In the grand scheme of things, you repeat your mistakes until you get it right, so strict NC as you said is the way to go.

He is playing games to see if he can get you back. That's all.

First of all, he has a girlfriend. So you will be the side dish and not the
Delicous main course you deserve to be. So forget about him.

Secondly, you gave him too much information when you talk to him. He
Did not deserve to know all that about you. He left you.

Third, I have been through this and it is hard... so so hard but this guy does
Not have your best interest in mind. He is only thinking about himself.

You need to use NC for the intent it is originally for and this is to
Get over him. He still has control over you.

Until you can look him in the face and not be phased by him. Fallback

You are most likely the rebound because he doesn't like being alone and you are convenient. Even if he seriously wants back with you you need to look at his past record of 'why things didn't work before'. Don't jump into this all that glitters isn't gold.

Sounds like to me that even though you love this guy, he is not good for you. He is the rollercoaster ride. It is going to destroy you if you keep playing with this guy. He is inconsiderate. Stop wasting your him. I know you love him but you have to come to grips with truth that he is not really concerned about you. It is very hard but look at how he is treating you. NOW it is on you... It is not how he treats you, it is how you treat yourself.