Well this goes back a few moths ago. My husband and I got married little over a year ago. And at our 6month mark his mother came down to see us. Well to make a long story short, she is a big christian, and I'm not. Well I guess the way that the house was (it was a little on the messy side) she called me a bad wife and said that in the bible that I am a wife that means that I need to cook, clean and wait on my husband hand and foot.
Well I have no problum cooking and cleaning séance I have no job. But before she came down I did. A fulltime job I workd 35-40 hours a weeek. So it was little hard to do all that. Plus I worked the graveyard shift. My husband is in the navy so he works 40-50 hours a week. But the thing is that he bearly helped out. I thought that being married it's a team thing, I thought that we had to work together to make it work. But from what his mother yelled at me it is MY job to work, keep the house clean, and have dinner ready for my husband when he got home. I'm sorry, but I think that is a little much to ask from one person.

Well last night my husband and I got into a little thing again, and the bable came up again. Well now he wants me to read it... well I have never even opened a bible. To make him happy I opened it and read the 2nd page and it told me that I'm going to hell... lol like I didn't know that one already. But because I'm not a beliver and I have sined (like he hasent) I'm going to be put into the lake of fire.

Anyway, I read like the firist 3 1/2 chapters and now my brain hurts. I don't know where all these other wemen came from. I mean from what I read eve had 3 sons, one died. But the others had wives, and there onw kids... so where did these other wemen come from??

I don't know if I should keep reading or just stop.

See this is my husbands idea. He grow up around the bible. The only time that I have entered a church is to bapties my 2 cusens, and my aunt.

I grew up thinking that we came from munkeys. The whole evaluation thing... I mean I'm 21my whole life that is the only thing that I knew, and he knew this when we got married. So this is not a new thing for him, he said that was OK with him. He didn't mind, but all of a suden he does... what is up with that.

I love him to death, and I guess all I want to know is that should I keep reading or not.
I just don't feel comfrtable reading it. What should I do.
Am I in the worng??

If you are not comfortable reading it then you shouldn't feel obliged at least you tried and I'm sure your husband can see that - however - I'm sure we didn't really come from monkeys lol, evolution yes.

Also his mother shouldn't speak to you like that.

WOW! Well, religion is a very touchy subject in relationships specifically if two people can't agree. Your husband and his mom need to respect you and your beliefs as much as you respect them for theirs. If you want to be a christian and do as the bible says you should do so because you want to, not because you feel you have to. I would think any christian would want to see a person do what isn't in their heart, otherwise they are a hypocrite.

Unfortunately, this is also playing a part in your marriage and your role as a wife. What I mean is, if he and your mother-in-law are using the bible to say that a marriage is not a supposed to be a team effort then they are almost forcing you to do what they want or else. I am very sorry you are in this situation. Honeslty, some compromise has to be made between you and your husband. His mom is part of your family now, but this is not her marriage to dictate. She does not share a bed with you or him. He may be demanding you be a certain way partly because she may be putting the heat on him, but, as an adult he needs to man up and ask her not to complicate his marriage so that you two can sort this out on your terms, not hers.

Lastly, she needs to respect you. The house, work outside the house, religion, whatever, he choose you to spend his life with. She she needs to respect that, and he needs to back you up. If you and he have disagreements, then that's between you two. I get the feeling she thinks her son is perfect, and if she keeps getting involved in your marriage like this then he will have a hard time working out conflict is she is insinuating to him that he is and your terrible. In a way, she may be jealous, since you're the top dog in his life now. I think this is the "punk factor" if she pushes you around, she will do so so long as your married to him. I am not saying be confrontational, I just mean, don't let her make you a punk. What's next, telling you how to raise your children when you have some, etc. It will never stop unles syou both make sure to make it stop.



well this goes back a few moths ago. my husband and i got married little over a year ago. and at our 6month mark his mother came down to see us. well to make a long story short, she is a big christian, and im not. well i guess the way that the house was (it was alittle on the messy side) she called me a bad wife and said that in the bible that i am a wife that means that i need to cook, clean and wait on my husband hand and foot.
well i have no problum cooking and cleaning seance i have no job. but before she came down i did. a fulltime job i workd 35-40 hours a weeek. so it was little hard to do all that. plus i worked the graveyard shift. my husband is in the navy so he works 40-50 hours a week. but the thing is that he bearly helped out. i thought that being married its a team thing, i thought that we had to work together to make it work. but from what his mother yelled at me it is MY job to work, keep the house clean, and have dinner ready for my husband when he got home. im sorry, but i think that is a little much to ask from one person.

well last night my husband and i got into alittle thing again, and the bable came up again. well now he wants me to read it...... well i have never even opened a bible. to make him happy i opened it and read the 2nd page and it told me that im going to hell.... lol like i didnt know that one already. but because im not a beliver and i have sined (like he hasent) im going to be put into the lake of fire.

anyways, i read like the firist 3 1/2 chapters and now my brain hurts. i dont know where all these other wemen came from. i mean from what i read eve had 3 sons, one died. but the others had wives, and there onw kids..... so where did these other wemen come from??????

i dont know if i should keep reading or just stop.

see this is my husbands idea. he grow up around the bible. the only time that i have entered a church is to bapties my 2 cusens, and my aunt.

i grew up thinking that we came from munkeys. the whole evaluation thing.... i mean im 21my whole life that is the only thing that i knew, and he knew this when we got married. so this is not a new thing for him, he said that was ok with him. he didnt mind, but all of a suden he does...... what is up with that.

i love him to death, and i guess all i want to know is that should i keep reading or not.
i just dont feel comfrtable reading it. what should i do.
am i in the worng????

The Bible can be a pretty intimidating read, especially if you start in Genesis. As a non-Christian, if you really want to read it cold, start in the New Testament.

As for your situation, let me simplify... you're all correct. When two people are married and both work, both should help at home or the house will suffer. That's all. Typically, men still don't do ALL they could at home, so usually a two-income means a less-tidy home. And since it's your home, that's just fine.

As for a "biblical" home, mom is just being simplistic. When only the man works outside the home, it is already assumed by everyone, even you two I bet, that your job is housewife. This is actually a full-time job and usually much harder than the 1-thing job men have at their work. But this is still essentially a division of labor and works when everyone agrees this is the environment we are striving for.

In my home, we have had both. The years we had children, we were a traditional one-income family and my wife ran the household professionally. When they graduated, she went to work outside the home and now we split the work at home... or hire it out to 3rd parties.

Everyone is correct in this situation, all versions are "right". Mom's insistence that her opinion is right over all else isn't a Christian opinion, it's an over-bearing Mother's opinion. Don't blame God for Christians, He's trying to snap them out of their self-focus, too.

Evolution... this probably falls into the "who cares" category right now. You have to deal with your other exploration of faith before mixing things like this in. Ultimately, you seek to develop a world view that allows for the possibility of the existence of God before trying to test the mettle of any actual religions. Religions are OK, but religious people can be REALLY hard to take.

Even Jesus couldn't stand religious people. They wield their beliefs like weapons against people they should actually be helping.

For instance, that problem with her criticizing your house, Jesus faced that situation and told the busy-body cleaner-upper types to cool it, and spend more time focusing on goodness and the people... He had it right then and you will always succeed if you focus on "goodness" instead of reiligious tradition.

Anyway, you're married to a Christian. It is a loving thing to do to learn and understand the things that are important to your mate, so reading the Bible is a fine idea, but not from the beginning. Visit a Bible bookstore and let them know you want to read through the Bible but have no history in Bible study, they should be able to provide an easier to read translation of the Bible and some very useful study guides that bounce you around a bit as you read through it, but also make it much easier to comprehend and absorb.

Good reading.

If you are going to read the Bible read Romans, James, Corinthians and other things in the New Testament. You could also type in the search engine on the computer for bible studies on particular subjects you want to understand.
Maybe this site will help you some. Biblical Christian Teachings - Christian Bible Teaching - Christ-Centered Mall (http://www.christcenteredmall.com/teachings/index.htm)

I am not working at the moment. I am looking for a job. I do clean. Kind of. I do the deshes everyday and wash the close everyother day. There is just the 2 of us so there is not that much cleaning. I have dinner ready when he gets home, I make his lunch for work, I iron his unaform before he goes to work, when he asks for something I getup and get it for him. I don't know what else to do. He goes to work, comes home and plays his playstation. We have not had sex in a month. He does not even look at me the same way that he did when we got married. The first 2 weeks of my marriage was like a dream. 3 times a day everyday... OMG :P . Anyway, but now its like only when he wants it, and we have not done it in awhile. Its like he is a different person.
But what is going on between us goes a little deaper then just the bible, but I thought if I could get a little help on this prouble and we could just maybe agree on at least one thing. I talk to him yesturday about what some of you said ( I posted the samething in the religen part) and he sad that he was still upset that I GAVEUP reading it. And he would like for mw to give it another try. But after reading what you guys said I think that if he wants me to read it, I would want to go to the book stor and get a copy that I pickout, something that I can't read and understand.
Is it me am I just blowing this out of context?? Should I just give in and read it to make him happy?

Just be aware that some 'easier' translations of the bible have less attention to accuracy so ask yourself if you do decide to read IT, is it because you want to please your husband and don't really care what you're reading, or is it because you are genuinely interested in finding out what reflects Gods thoughts the most accurately?  Your motives will help you decide which translation to read.  I read and study the New World Translation as some linguists and scholars who researched the most common bibles used today have found this version to be the most accurate and non-bias.
BTW, sounds like he should be reading it too, properly!   Hope it all works out for you. :)

I don't you where you are going or really what you should do. As to your mother-in-law and her being "Christian" that is her issue not yours.

Of course you could always toss back at her that Christ ordered us to "Love one another, as I have loved thee."

Christianity, at least in my view (I'm Roman Catholic) is not meant to be a yoke of burdens to be suffered through. To me it is a freeing doctrine. It helps us to, "Fear Not."

Housewife, please try to understand that for some women, if they do not hand pick the woman for their sons they will forever flap their gums. I agree with "donf", do not allow her issues to become your own.

While you have the available time, try reading biblical stories for starters. Within them you will discover just how exciting life was in those times, as well as how current the troubles of those people are within today's crazy world. Go to 'biblestoriesforadults' web site. Even if you decide that becoming a Christian is not for you, you will have another shared experience with your man.

For your in-law:

Jesus said: "Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone".

This bible story was concerning a female prostitute who was caught in "the very act" of adultery and confronted by the men of the town in front of Jesus. He spoke these words to her accusers. They all walked away without saying a word. Some were probably her customers (smile). Jesus asked the woman, " Where are your accusers?" She replied they all left. He then told her, "Go and sin no more." (John 8:11).

This is what Christ has called us to do. Forgive and forget ( that's what it means to turn the other cheek), not beat each other down if they see us lacking on any level--looks, skills or understanding.

If your husband is really intereated in you reading the bible and knows you have no knowledge of it why don't he take time out to help you understand it because I'm pretty should he knows its confusing. I mean do your even, especially him, go to church anyway? His mother have too much of an impact on him and needs to butt off and is the root of your marriage being turn upside down.

He know before walking down the aisle what you were and were'nt so what's the big deal now. He needs to stand up to his mom, but most likely he won't otherwise it would not have gone this far. You two needs to talk fast and when that happen let everything out.

His mother is dipping her nose in business that is not hers. And if your husband was in to the bible that much, he would have know he it is not a wise thing to marry a non believer, but since he has, instead of giving you the bible to read, he should follow the bible himself, and as the spiritual head of the home, go to church and bible study WITH you and help you to understand.
He also might politely tell his mother to mind her own business.

Thank you for your advice.
He has not gone to church in years he told me. And I asked him about a few different parts in the bible when I got stuck and he said that he didn't know, and went back to his game. See that is all he does, goes to work, comes home plays his playstation for 8-10 hours, asks for a back rubb and goes to bed. I bealy get to talk to him. I really just don't know what o do anymore. I'm hurtting deeo inside and I don't know how to fix it. I talked to him last night and he told me that his mother is telling him to devorce me because I have not read the bible and I'm not a good house wife or what ever the she said. We have not had sex for a month, I have been so depressed that I have not done the deshs in 2 days, I just don't want to do anything. I love this man but if his mother just does not bud out I just think we might really get a devorce.
He told me this morning that she might be coming to viset around the 14th of this month. I mean damn, we need to get our strate before we bring anyone over. But I have no say in anything that goes on in this house, I just cook clean get yelled at and just I guess sit there and look purtty.
Like I said I don't know what to do anymore. 40% of me just wants all the pain to end, 55% loves him and I'm trying to talk to him but he will not lisen. And the 5% is that I want to go find a nice warm spot and cry for hours.

See if he will go to counseling with you, so that you can both work out the problem with an imparital party. Tell him it's HIS duty as a promise he made in front of God upon marrying you to work through the bad times.


thank you for your advice.
he has not gone to church in years he told me. and i asked him about a few different parts in the bible when i got stuck and he said that he didnt know, and went back to his game. see that is all he does, goes to work, comes home plays his playstation for 8-10 hours, asks for a back rubb and goes to bed. i bealy get to talk to him. i really just dont know what o do anymore. im hurtting deeo inside and i dont know how to fix it. i talked to him last night and he told me that his mother is telling him to devorce me because i have not read the bible and im not a good house wife or what ever the she said. we have not had sex for a month, i have been soo depressed that i have not done the deshs in 2 days, i just dont want to do anything. i love this man but if his mother just does not bud out i just think we might really get a devorce.
he told me this morning that she might be coming to viset around the 14th of this month. i mean damn, we need to get our strate before we bring anyone over. but i have no say in anything that goes on in this house, i just cook clean get yelled at and just i guess sit there and look purtty.
like i said i dont know what to do anymore. 40% of me just wants all the pain to end, 55% loves him and im trying to talk to him but he will not lisen. and the 5% is that i want to go find a nice warm spot and cry for hours.

You, reading the Bible because he wants you to.

You, feeling guilty and ashamed because his mother is a control person.

He, attending to his playstation and ignoring you.

Where do your needs and wants enter into this situation? They don't!

Read whatever you wish.

Ignore his mother. It is your marriage and your house.

If he wants to zone out and play with his game, fine, go out and find yourself a job. Let him get his own meals and wash and iron his own clothes. If he still doesn't know how, his mother will probably come to his rescue. If she attempts to tell you that you are a bad wife, tell her to please respect the fact that this is not her marriage, it's yours.

Adults talk about stuff, work things out. Children play with their toys and blame others for problems they should solve themselves. Ask him to take responsibility for being half of a partnership. Tell him what you need and want. Then the ball will be in his court.

simoneaugie, have to spend some rep. but you have it right.
Young lady, since you seem to be the only one looking out for you, I say do what makes you happy. Get a job, be around some sensible adults, and if this child and his mother decide he should divorce you, consider it the best thing, because staying in a marriage like this will not benefit you.
This man's mother seems to have him wrapped and tied. You will not be able to untie him. See if you can get him to go to counseling

I talked to my husband lastnite about her coming down and that it would be a bad time. We need to get our sh-it strate before we bring the monster-in-law back into my house. Yes I know I siad monster. He said that its is fine with him and he agress that we need to sit down and talk. He said that he would call his mother and tell her to wait a little longer before coming down.
My family agress with me. I have a mix of religen on my side. I have my mom and dad that are not religes at all. My aunt (moms sis) and there father that a cristens and they still agree with me. That she should not be forcing the bible on me.

And just to let you all now I'm still reading it. Or at least trying. It's a little diffacolt sometimes. I'm doing it for me and him. More for him, I'm also reading it to find virces to where his monster is worng and have her shut her yapper..

Bible study is a good thing. Knowing the word is good, but without knowing Christ, it is just head knowledge. Don't use you knowledge of the word to get back at your mother in law, you will be acting just like her if you do. It is not pleasing to God to use His word to debase someone.

Bible study is a good thing. Knowing the word is good, but without knowing Christ, it is just head knowledge. Don't use you knowledge of the word to get back at your mother in law, you will be acting just like her if you do. It is not pleasing to God to use His word to debase someone.

None of the scriptures are there to debase people but rather to help ones see where they can improve their lives and please God as Jesus demonstrated many times to those doing wrong. (1 Tim 3:16)
Anything that crazy picks up from the scriptures will be beneficial not only to herself but also her hubby and in-law.
Is there a father-in-law? What is his view? If he's still with his wife he should take the lead in telling her politely to back off and leave the young ADULTS to work out their own problems, not hers.
Those flippin video game consoles are a pain when immature adults get their hands on them. It definitely doesn't help with communication. I know of one wife who hid her husbands xbox for 2 weeks until he helped more round the house. Like some have already said, it's all about RESPONSIBILITY!
Crazy, read the scripture at Matt 19:3-6,vs 9 particularly. It's basically telling christians that the only grounds for divorce are if one has an affair. So if your MIL wants a divorce, ask her, is there something she knows that she's about her son that she's not telling you?
Homegirl has a good point though... you would find it less confusing if you studied the bible with someone with a fuller understanding of God's Word.

Take care C ;)

Haha, girllllllllllllll, find me a man who does.
see if he will go to counseling with you, so that you can both work out the problem with an imparital party. tell him it's HIS duty as a promise he made in front of God upon marrying you to work through the bad times.

Okay... religion seems to be your main issue here and you need some clarity. Stop with the specifics of the Bible and start with an overview of what religions are.

Some religions take the bible literally - "the world was created in 7 24 hour days" or contextually "God created the world in 7 units....referred to as days.....but days could mean 24 hours or 24 centuries"

Decide what is right for you. I am Catholic, and in my religion there is room to believe in both. I do not agree with everything Catholocism pontificates, for this I know I am wrong, but for me to be Catholic, I have to take the good with the bad. I am sure you can find a religion that fits your ideaology and will work for you and your husband.

I am sure you can find a religion that fits your ideaology and will work for you and your husband.

I am not so sure. I think the husband is making an issue of the Bible because CHW's given in on everything else. She already willingly cooks, cleans, irons his uniform and jumps to wait on him. But he needs an issue, so he's decided that now she has to think like he does too. Not only must she read the Bible, but she must read exactly the version he says and from the beginning, no matter how dull. (I too tried to read the Bible starting with Genesis and I never did finish it. :) ) His issue isn't about sharing something important to him, his religion (or he would have brought this up before they were married); it's about making "his" wife obey and do things she doesn't want to. If she appears to do things willingly, in a spirit of love--like cooking for him or reading a more accessible version of the Bible--that's not enough for him. He wants to be sure he's in control.

Of course, he will never be completely certain that she isn't entertaining independent thoughts, so throughout their marriage, he will periodically test her obedience by making unreasonable demands like this one. That's the only way he can be sure he's in control. As time goes by, he'll make more demands.

CHW, I agree with others that the mother has no business telling you anything at all, let alone how to take care of your house or how to be married. Her job, if any, is to be supportive of both her son and you, to help make your lives easier, not harder. Very few people have houses that are spic and span all the time. And, housewife, you are not crazy. Please don't call yourself that. Right now, you are obviously sane. Try to stay that way, even in this crazy environment. Read whatever you feel like reading, the Bible or not. I think it's very loving of you to read the Bible for his sake and if you want to do that, you should. But do it because you want to be a friend to him and make sure he knows that. If he gets angry because you are doing it for your own reasons instead of out of blind obedience, you'll know he's not in good faith and is just interested in controlling you. Keep us posted.

Good luck,
Asking

Well thank you all for your help. Nothing really has been going on at the house, I have been having a little bit to drink here and there before I go to be, and I have been derpressed so the house is a little bad. I just don't feel like doing . I wish that I could just snap out of it and things can be like it was the first few months of our marriage. Man when we were dating he was the best man there was. Opened doors for me, took me out to dinner, and the sex... omg.. sorry. Then when we got ingaged it was the same, he was wounderful, and the first 4 months of our marriage was just as wounderful. But till that woman came down.
I just have been crying the past few days. Like that un controlable crying.
I have been reading the vs's that you all have been telling me to read and they have been helping. I try to make cleaning a game, I play music (I have done that is the past to.) that seems to help. I do a little be at a time so I'm not over whelmed. But I love this man ans I don't want to leave him, but it just feels like the only thing to do sometimes.
HOW DO I MAKE THIS WORK. I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH ITS HURTS!!!!

Get yourself some counseling. It will help you work things out in your mind. If you stay with him, you will need it. You don't want to lose yourself.

Get yourself some counseling. It will help you work things out in your mind. If you stay with him, you will need it. You don't want to lose yourself.

I agree with Homegirl 50. Get counseling for yourself.

Also, stop drinking. Alcohol may make you feel better for a little while, but it will make things much worse in the long run. I understand you are feeling depressed, and I can sympathize. I think you have good reasons for feeling deeply disappointed and sad. It sounds like things were so wonderful at first. But you are turning yourself into a pretzel trying to please him and he doesn't seem to want to be pleased.

Spend some time taking care of yourself now. Take some walks or get some other exercise, read the Bible if it helps, and find a counselor you trust to help you deal with your depression and with your relationship problems. It's worth the money!

Also, can you get a job and go back to working? That would probably help you feel better about yourself too. I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. You deserve hugs for trying so hard.

Good luck,
Asking

Trust me if I could find a job here I would take it in a hart beat. But we have only one car had he has it. He said that he will find a secnd job, and see if that will make things better. I don't know if it will because that will be less time with me and the dog. I have tried a number of places to find a job. But we only have the one car so I am stuck doing app online. I can't only go so far as well because he does not want me working to far away. So I have put out like 15 apps to 15 different places. I don't know what else to do.
He said that when he gets home today that he is not going to play the PS3, that we are going to clean the house TOGETHER, and talk about why we can't talk. Well ican tell you why we can't talk... its because of the damn PS3. If he would spend like an hour with me I would leave him alone. The only time I get with him is wating him play, and giving him a back rubb.
What kind of marriage is this...
40% of me just wants to give up and go home. But I love him and I want to work it out. I love him sooooooooo much. But like he said we are going to talk tonight and I will see where its goes.

trust me if i could find a job here i would take it in a hart beat. but we have only one car had he has it. he said that he will find a secnd job, and see if that will make things better. i dont know if it will because that will be less time with me and the dog. i have tryed a number of places to find a job. but we only have the one car so i am stuck doing app online. i can't only go so far as well because he does not want me working to far away. so i have put out like 15 apps to 15 different places. i dont know what else to do.
he said that when he gets home today that he is not going to play the PS3, that we are going to clean the house TOGETHER, and talk about why we can't talk. well ican tell you why we can't talk..... its because of the damn PS3. if he would spend like an hour with me i would leave him alone. the only time i get with him is wating him play, and giving him a back rubb.
what kinda marriage is this....
40% of me just wants to give up and go home. but i love him and i want to work it out. i love him sooooooooo much. but like he said we are going to talk tonight and i will see where its goes.

I see. Being isolated like you are is making things worse, so you need access to some form of transportation, not just for work, but to get anywhere at all. In this situation, you are dependent on him for everything. The PS3 occupying his attention just makes things worse. I am glad he is willing to talk and I hope he can understand that your being so isolated from work and other people isn't good for you or him. I'm also glad you have the option of going home. Even if you don't go, just knowing you have choices is very important. You do have choices. Don't hesitate to act on your own behalf. :)
Take care,
Asking

Please be willing to stick it out for your own sake. Sometimes when things get tough, we focus in on finding faults of others as a way to escape dealing with the MAIN ISSUES--our own junk.
Men play those silly little video games for the same reasons--escaping reality + winning or top scores which are also a requirement for their male egos. Let him play the game. You get going on the things you need.

YOU MUST FIND WORK!

It is more than a requirement it is necessary for survival. If you think it's bad now, wait until he tires of the game and starts paying attention to how long you've been out of work. It won't be pretty. If you were paying for everything, after a while it would hit you as well. Where do you live where there is no public transportation. Catch the bus or train, jump on the back of a horse! Saddle the neighbors Calico cat!! Whatever it takes to give your man a hand. Feeding two on one income ain't cute! Sorry to be so straight but I'm thinking a dose of reality is what you might need to get you started.

WAKE UP Miss Lady.