Hey guys I just thought I would ask for some advice or maybe some reassurance because I'm pretty down right now.

Basically since high school I believe that I have not lived life. I never went to prom and didn't get drunk until senior year, overall making my high school career a very unpleasant one. I only had maybe 1 best friend and 5-6 good friends that hung out, and did have fun with them. I am now at a community college because I was lazy and applied to 1 school even though I had a 3.3 GPA from a very good H.S and 1800 SAT scores. I feel that I have missed out on the college experience, and it makes me depressed what I have and will miss. My friends who are at college are going to get houses/ apartments for sophomore year and I haven't even gotten into dorms yet!

Overall I think the thing I want most is honestly to have sex, which of course hasn't happened yet. I am a nice caring guy, but I am shy and I'm 6 foot and weight 190 so I am pretty overweight. I have no friends at this community college and honestly don't want to make any, I just want to go to school, take the classes and leave. I come home and do homework, watch some t.v, run, and then go to bed.

My social and educational life is uneventful, can someone give me some advice?

Thanks for reading if you did, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Do you work?

Try volunteering, going to a coffee shop with a book, or even going out with a few friends. You don't have to go for the sole reason of finding a girl, but you USUALLY find women at volunteer spots... and you're also doing some good for the community.

Get your stuff together straight... hit the gym a little bit, watch what you eat, and if you want, try to transfer to another college (if comm college isn't cutting it for you).

do you work?

try volunteering, going to a coffee shop with a book, or even going out with a few friends. You don't have to go for the sole reason of finding a girl, but you USUALLY find women at volunteer spots...and you're also doing some good for the community.

Get your stuff together straight...hit the gym a little bit, watch what you eat, and if you want, try to transfer to another college (if comm college isn't cutting it for you).


I haven't been working for the past year because I have been taking 18 credit hours at the community college. This is the max amount of credits, and I plan on transferring to a university for the next semester.

The major thing with girls is that I am really to shy, I feel like I am supposed to be commanding the relationship and all that but I respect women a lot so I feel like a deuche if I don't do what she wants. Its hard to describe my feelings on paper ( or online) but I have lost 17 recently so I am feeling better, but I think I need to lose another 20 before I would feel remotely comfortable with asking a girl out to a movie/dinner.

I wouldn't recommend losing weight for a girl... do it for yourself. There's more of a chance you'll succeed if you do it for yourself, and more of a feeling of success afterwards.

You can lose 20 lbs in about 4 months, if you do it right. I lost about 20 lbs since Dec of 07... you can read about what I did here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/fitness/fitness-calendar-208442.html

Also, don't try to change the way you are. There's being shy and then there's being insecure. Shy doesn't mean a bad thing. Just be secure in yourself (which means... don't be a doormat to women... ).

Also, try to volunteer (even during the weekend) at a local food shelter, hospital, pet shelter, etc. This will help you with your communication skills and help you make some new friends.

I think that I am both shy and insecure. I was bullied in elementary school and made fun of in middle school. I don't have a lot of self esteem so that definitely plays a part I think.

Oof. Girls dislike guys with low self esteem... not only that, with low self esteem, the relationship won't be successful and you'll always be "that insecure guy" in the relationship.

Get your insecurity worked out. Then find a girl.

Just be more confident in yourself and I think this will help you. There are a lot of jerks out there, girls are always looking for the nice guy! Part of the issue is your weight so keep trying to get in better shape - not just to find a girl, but for the sake of your health. It doesn't get any easier the older you get! Are you funny? A lot of girls love a guy that can make them laugh... take them to a nice dinner, a movie, girls love massages too (ok but wait until after the first date so you don't scare her off lol).
Good luck!

Thanks for the tips guys. I consider myself a funny guy and I am running 3-4 times weekly now and have already noticed an improvement. I really don't think I would be comfortable asking out a girl for at least another 15 lbs.

The longer you sit around the harder it is to get up, do you know what I mean?

It's time to get out there and enjoy life, when you are happy then people tend to be more attracted to you.

Do you have any hobbies? Maybe take a course that you've always wanted to take, like a cooking class, or an art class, or whatever you are in to. Don't talk to girls with the hope of getting a date, just talk to be friendly, you'll be surprised what will happen.

Chin up, everyone goes through weird stages were they don't feel right in their own skin, you'll get there and all of this will be a memory one day.

Take care and good luck.