I was wondering is it normal for my husband to go online porno 3 times a week or whenever I'm not home?

I was wondering is it normal for my husband to go online porno 3 times a week or whenever I'm not home? Or does this means that he is cheating behind my back mentally

I personaly think that if he is looking but not touching then that's fine as lonng he don't start going and ing other women behind your backk...

I was wondering is it normal for my husband to go online porno 3 times a week or whenever I'm not home?
Who can really say what is normal? Has he always been like this and you just now found out? Is it a recent development? Is you activity level the same? I am the wrong person to ask if it is normal or not, I have a problem with people looking for crying out loud. If it were me though, the only way it would bother me would be if he was choosing it over me. Otherwise I would look at it as him using a device, of sorts, as an aid to a high sex drive that is not relieved because you aren't there. If he is choosing it over you, or it's affecting his desire to be with you then I would say it's a problem.

If he was just going a few times a week, OK, normal for men who look at porn ( a lot of men never look at porn) the issue of looking at it every time you are gone, like he is asamed to see you looking at it.

It can give him a bad idea of women, if he is masterbating to it, there can be issues there if it is excessive. And finally, if he can not stop, then it is a serioius problem

Its normal... and its not cheating.

However I personally draw the line with personal interaction. If he is in chat rooms on the porn sites that can get into a grey area or cross the line.

Thanks you guys, it makes me feel a lot better after reading your quick input regarding this situation.

He is a porn addict, in my opinion.

You may want to read a book about porn addiction to famaliarize yourself with how porn addiction effects men.

3 times a week is an addiction? Seriously?

I thought an addiction was defined by how it affects the REST of your life, not by how often you do something. I thought an addiction was something you couldn't give up, not something you choose to do for whatever reason.

My god, I can't believe how often "porn addict" is thrown out there blindly. That's like saying that anyone that has a beer a couple nights a week after work is an alcoholic. Maybe SOME of those people are, but certainly not ALL of them.

Get a grip, folks.

Not starting any crap but I feel that is an addiction too. If he does it every week three times a week that's not for fun its an addiction. That's 144 days a year kind of a bit for someone who is not addicted. I know how you feel cause my boyfriend does it too. It makes you feel rejected to an extent, like why the heck doesn't he wait till we get home. Anyway did you ever figure out how to handle your situation?

Well... how is your life in the bedroom?

If it makes no difference, and all seems well... then it isn't hurting the relationship other than you might have some issues with his hiding it.

If things in the bedroom are off, then he is distracting himself and likely self stimulating to satiate his own body, while neglecting you... then it's a problem.

I tend to feel that if the couple can't share it, and its hurting the union, then its an issue, an addiction, or at least its more important than a healthy, happy union.

But you don't state how your life is in the bedroom, so only you know if you are feeling neglected.

I agree with you and "topladyj" among others. The amount should not dictate an addiction per se, I mean, if someone drank booze 10 times a week, then we're bordering a gray area at least. I mean, I have known alcoholics to function and work just fine, drive just fine, etc but are drunk all the time ,just because they were fine and it did not affect other areas of their life sort to speak does not mean they didn't have an addiction. So, while I agree the amount in of itself should not dictate an addiction, it may be an indicator of one at least. I agree with you that it's how if affects the rest of his life. Does he hide it from you, does it affect your personal relationship, etc. If not it may just be a high sex drive and that's a good thing if you do to.
Pornography addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction)


3 times a week is an addiction? Seriously?

I thought an addiction was defined by how it affects the REST of your life, not by how often you do something. I thought an addiction was something you couldn't give up, not something you choose to do for whatever reason.

My god, I can't believe how often "porn addict" is thrown out there blindly. That's like saying that anyone that has a beer a couple nights a week after work is an alcoholic. Maybe SOME of those people are, but certainly not ALL of them.

Get a grip, folks.

I had confronted him before and he said that every guy does it and that it is normal. I even threaten him that I too will be lurking through playgirl myself and he said I hope you really get horny and do me well. What am I suppose to reply after that comment:mad:

That's gross, to me anyway. I mean, if I am all hot and bothered it should because of the person I am intimate with, not someone else, this isn't a three way. If I were into someone else then I wouldn't be with him. That's just me though. So, I can't say what he does is right or wrong. A lot of people will tell you that he is normal, a few people will tell your normal. In the end you have to decide if you can handle it.

Whatever your choice, you can't be crazy about it. For example, if you decide you want to stay with him, as it's not so big to want to leave (?) then you can't beat him over the head with it for the remainder of the relationship. That being the case, you may find yourself turned off by him, so then, you have to decide to leave. You can't ask him not to do it, in a way, because he will anyway and then just lie about it and you don't want that. Maybe take some time to think about all of this. Separate for a while and clear your head. His response tells me he is not very sensitive to how you feel, so, right or wrong if a person cared they should want to find a way to work through it.


I had confronted him before and he said that every guy does it and that it is normal. I even threaten him that I too will be lurking through playgirl myself and he said I hope you really get horny and do me well. What am I suppose to reply after that comment:mad:

I sense some tension here... I want to make it clear that my interest in the harmful effects of pornography, and porn addiction ONLY APPLIES TO YOUNGER PEOPLE... that would be teens up to folks in their 30's.

Many older people, usually married, use porn as a regular part of their sex lives, and they both enjoy it. They report no sexual dysfunction or inability to perform without it.

Also, I have no problem with those who cannot get a partner using porn... some elderly, handicapped, and so forth.

Most of the questions here are from younger people... they need good advice, and I think based on research and reports, that excessive porn viewing(porn addiction) is harmful to them.

Enjoy life!

He is a porn addict, in my opinion.

You may want to read a book about porn addiction to famaliarize yourself with how porn addiction effects men.

I agree! I have been with a porn addict. You may only be seeing the internet porn. Nothing says there is not more. Pay close attention to detail. Sex is a private matter but if you feel uneasy then trust your gut. Women are usually right!

He is a porn addict, in my opinion.

You may want to read a book about porn addiction to famaliarize yourself with how porn addiction effects men.

I cannot agree with this statement. You do not have enough information to make a general statement like that. If I were to read the Bible three times a week , would that make me addicted to the Bible?? Same premise. If a person has a drink three times a week , does that make him an alcoholic?? I could go on and on.

I agree! I have been with a porn addict. You may only be seeing the internet porn. Nothing says there is not more. Pay close attention to detail. Sex is a private matter but if you feel uneasy then trust your gut. Women are usually right!



WOW! How sexist is that statement?? Who do you worship . Gloria Steinem??

3 times a week is an addiction? Seriously?

I thought an addiction was defined by how it affects the REST of your life, not by how often you do something. I thought an addiction was something you couldn't give up, not something you choose to do for whatever reason.

My god, I can't believe how often "porn addict" is thrown out there blindly. That's like saying that anyone that has a beer a couple nights a week after work is an alcoholic. Maybe SOME of those people are, but certainly not ALL of them.

Get a grip, folks.



I am glad I am not the only one who shares this opinion. If a man wants to have sex with his wife three times a week does that make him a sex addict?? GEEZ people get a grip!!

not starting any crap but I feel that is an addiction too. if he does it every week three times a week thats not for fun its an addiction. Thats 144 days a year kind of a bit for someone who is not addicted. I know how you feel cause my bf does it too. It makes you feel rejected to an extent, like why the heck doesn't he wait till we get home. Anyways did you ever figure out how to handle your situation?


So you are saying the 1/3 of the year makes him a porn addict. What is he the other 2/3 of the year?? I cannot believe these answers on this subject. I guess it would be politically correct to say that anyone that does anything for more than once in a lifetime is some kind of addict?!

I am glad I am not the only one who shares this opinion. If a man wants to have sex with his wife three times a week does that make him a sex addict????GEEZ people get a grip!!!!!
I'm a happy camper with sex three times a week with my wife. More is even gooder... (yes I know that's improper word use)... where do I get the addict badge?

I also shower daily. And I brush my teeth more than once a day. Often before sex. Or after. Or both.

WOW!! How sexist is that statement????? Who do you worship . Gloria Steinem????
Well number one my personal relationship with who I worship has nothing to do with this. If ANYof you had read my statement in it's entirety you would have seen I have experienced a partner with a sexual addiction. You often do not see everything they are into only what they want you to see. Second if you commit to a monogamous relationship- and especially if you have taken marriage vows to "FORSAKE ALL OTHERS" this also means printed and film media. If this person is not happy with the mate viewing porn then that is her right to press the issue. With all due respect handyman you sound like you may have a skeleton in your closet you are defending.

So you are saying the 1/3 of the year makes him a porn addict. What is he the other 2/3 of the year??? I cannot believe these answers on this subject. I guess it would be politically correct to say that anyone that does anything for more than once in a lifetime is some kind of addict????!!!!!
Spoken like a true man who thinks he can do no wrong. If a woman's emotional feelings are in any way compromised by her mates actions and he won't stop what he's doing or can't what word do you suggest we use. OH maybe selfish. No I am not sexist and yes I have been married 27 years to the same man who respects me. And if he was a porn freak or disrespectful as some of you are he would be out of here.

Second if you commit to a monogamous relationship- and especially if you have taken marriage vows to "FORSAKE ALL OTHERS" this also means printed and film media. If this person is not happy with the mate viewing porn then that is her right to press the issue. With all due respect handyman you sound like you may have a skeleton in your closet you are defending.


I have to disagree with you.

I'm married, and have no problem with my husband viewing porn, nor does he have a problem with me looking at pics of hunks in my girlie magazines. I also don't have a problem reading my girlie magazines to look at the pictures of the models, and he doesn't have a problem with me reading romance novels (which are at LEAST as unrealistic about sex and love as porn is).

What you vow in your marriage is between you, your partner, and your god. Period.

The people who are IN the marriage are the people who DEFINE the marriage.

Same thing with relationships.

Look--it comes down to this: when you get into a relationship, you need to define YOUR boundaries. The other person needs to define THEIR boundaries. Then you work on compromising. What you define as cheating, someone else could define as flirting. What they define as cheating may be nothing but intercourse.

The PROBLEM is that most couples don't have this conversation. Like... ever. It just becomes one of those understood things between the two of you that gets defined from a series of comments, suggestions, conversations, etc, that you've had over time, and then we hear back from all these people that think their significant other is cheating when their significant other doesn't SEE it as cheating because it was never DEFINED as cheating.

You're right that if she isn't happy about porn viewing, she has the right to press the issue. However--if it wasn't talked about EVER before this came up, HE also has the right to tell her she's crazy and that porn is nothing more than a quick release that means nothing. THEN the fight starts.

PD--what are you supposed to say to that? You're supposed to say "I guess we should have defined boundaries before this. Let's work TOGETHER to define what's acceptable and what isn't as far as viewing porn and how far flirting with others can go and reading romance novels and all that other stuff so that we can both find a middle ground on this"

If you're asking him to give up porn, though, when it's not affecting your sex life, then you'd better be prepared to give up romance novels, or Sex in the City, or Disney movies, or some OTHER unrealistic portrayal of love and romance--that would be only fair.

Since you haven't defined your limits BEFORE this (and I can't believe that you're married, and had to have been in a relationship BEFFORE getting married, and you never, ever once talked about porn and your feelings on it), you're probably going to need a marriage counselor to work through it together. Your husband has every right to be annoyed with the fact that you're changing definitions (since there WAS no definition before) without consulting him on it, and has every right to be angry that you want him to give up something you hate that to him isn't an issue, especially since you aren't giving up anythign yourself here.

What suprises me are the women that think viewing porn 3 times a week or more is an addiction, yet they own more than 10 pair of shoes, or handbags, or can go a week without spending a day at the mall shopping or they think the world is ending but That's not an addiction because its what THEY like to do..

When I hear this I see a relationship in serious trouble because of an insecure, controlling woman. This is the #1 thing that can drive an otherwise faithfull loving man to look for another woman.

Look then man isn't out fooling around... he isn't at the bar getting drunk. He is at home doing nothing harmfull.

I go to the mall about once a year and I have to be dragged there. I don't comsume myself with shopping as I hate spending the money I work hard for, I read. I think it's safe to say everyone has their something as a person, not just male or female.
I agree with you, though I think what she is trying to say is that, the couple does not share clothes...


What suprises me are the women that think viewing porn 3 times a week or more is an addiction, yet they own more than 10 pair of shoes, or handbags, or can go a week without spending a day at the mall shopping or they think the world is ending but THATS not an addiction because its what THEY like to do..

When I hear this I see a relationship in serious trouble because of an insecure, controlling woman. This is the #1 thing that can drive an otherwise faithfull loving man to look for another woman.

Look then man isn't out fooling around.....he isn't at the bar getting drunk. He is at home doing nothing harmfull.

Synnen

Your absolutely correct that I should have confronted him before marriage but while we were dating for about 1 year he show no signs of this matter. He have no internet where he was living(renting a room with no phone line). He dosen't even have playboy magazine or any pinup of any female. My bedroom sex is still great but I get turn off sometime during sex because not knowing if he is excited about me or thinking about other girls on porno site. My friends think its I the one with the problem. As of last week I told him if I ever catch him watching porno when I'm home, I will smash that computer apart. Its okay for him to watch when I'm not home and I also indicated to him that no sex until I say so.( I know I'm evil but if he continue on watching porno then he might as well marry his right hand for I'll be gone) Is this too harsh on him?

Smoothy

Controlling no, bring my husband back to reality yes. I have plenty of friends that let their significant other view these porno site without rules regulation and soon they start contacting each other and now the men start paying these women to do whatever he want them to do on these site. I have to admit it very addicted. When a man think with his bottom head that when a woman cue to come in and put it back to where his head suppose to be. I strongly believe that a woman need to let the man know that there is a fine line between right and wrong. My feeling is being hurt and he ignore it? No way would I stand for that nor should any women. If my husband should leave me because of this well I guess there is nothing I can do but say hooray and live an extra 10 more years.

So you've effectively told him you don't want him to pursue you, to chase you, or to initiate sex. That doesn't seem like a good time to me.

I'm not sure its progress forward... mostly acknowledging the situation and holding back sex. You've given him some "room" to indulge in this fetish, but you've made sex about when you say so. I guess it happens all the time... seems harsh to read it on the page, see it in writing. This is an attempt to punish him? Take control? Change his behavior?

Maybe it'll work out. Your life, your bedroom, your choice. And his choice too. I'm not saying he is right or wrong. I just don't think the issue is solved.

Giving him a "green light" to indulge in a fetish you see as destructive, and then barring sex until you are interested doesn't leave the situation resolved. Maybe in time he and you can find a better way to meet in the middle.

I agree, there has to be some compromise that can be reached.
so youve effectively told him you dont want him to pursue you, to chase you, or to initiate sex. that doesnt seem like a good time to me.

im not sure its progress forward... mostly acknowledging the situation and holding back sex. youve given him some "room" to indulge in this fetish, but youve made sex about when you say so. i guess it happens all the time... seems harsh to read it on the page, see it in writing. this is an attempt to punish him? take control? change his behavior?

maybe itll work out. your life, your bedroom, your choice. and his choice too. im not saying he is right or wrong. i just dont think the issue is solved.

giving him a "green light" to indulge in a fetish you see as destructive, and then barring sex until you are interested doesnt leave the situation resolved. maybe in time he and you can find a better way to meet in the middle.

I think there is something he is attracted to by watching it frequently and watching when your not home. He probably doesn't want you to feel bad that he is taking so much interest in it. I think if your open minded do some of the stuff they do in porns and excite him just as much, so he doesn't find that more interesting than you. Either watch it with him and take interest or show him a side of you in the bedroom that puts those tapes to rest :) If it doesn't eliminate the problem maybe he will do it less. Guys like excitement no matter how they get it! I think? As far as cheating depends on your definition! But definety not normal.

It matters not where you get your appitite as long as you come home to eat.