Hey all,

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right arena, if not I apologize...

This isn't so much a question as it is a concern that I'm looking for input on...

Lately (and actually for quite some time now) I have been worried about my own self image. I am in a constant battle with myself, about myself. I am worried that I might have a self esteem issue, but maybe I'm just being a baby... I'll try to keep this as organized as possible as I outline some of the things that bother me...

First of all, I am a little overweight, but I wouldn't say terribly. If I were to lose 20-25 pounds I would be happy. This is probably the single largest problem I have with myself. For a while I was going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, doing cardio as well as lifting weights. I am very competitive and like playing almost any sport. All of this working out made me feel a little better about myself - temporarily. I am also very concerned about what I eat. I have stopped drinking soda (approximately 6-7 months ago) and drink mostly water now. I do not eat candy or hardly anything else with sugar in it. I do live at school, so my choices of food are not the greatest, but I try to stay away from fried foods and pizza.

It seems to me that no matter how little I eat, after I eat I feel as if I gained 5 pounds. I always feel "bloated" and I imagine that when I look in the mirror, I look larger than I am. I know it sounds ridiculous, and I need to use my logical mind to tell myself that I look exactly the same. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I have the signs of an eating disorder. The problem is this presents self image problems with myself.

When I stop to think, I know I do not need to be self conscious but its something I really don't think I can help. I am currently a 3rd year college student, I have a great internship/job and my GPA in school is very good. These are all things that I know I should be proud of, but I convince myself that I am less attractive as a whole person simply because of the way I look.

The reason this is becoming a bigger issue to me is that my girlfriend of 4 years and I have recently broken up. Now, these feelings are not new just because of the breakup. My girlfriend would often get annoyed because I would pull away if she wanted to touch my stomach, etc... I am just worried that these issues will prevent me from talking to new people (esp. women).

Over the past few months I had promised myself that I would be more outgoing as I think my shyness resulted from these feelings. I have come along a bit in that dept, but the image I keep of myself is still a terrible one.

I plan to start doing some regular running again during the summer to try and lose a few pounds, but I sometimes get nervous that even if I lose the weight I want I still won't be happy with the way I look.

Should I use the fact that I dislike how I look to push me to workout, or is it more important that I become comfortable in my own skin?

Sorry this post was so long, but there is obvious many different facets to this and I wanted to try to write as much as I could for now. I'm sure I missed tons and it will come up eventually - just looking for some insight...

--EDIT--

I wanted to add something. I know that undereating is very dangerous. I am very afraid of the supposed "starvation mode" which often comes along with dieting and am afraid that I have a terrible metabolism to begin with. But I wanted to add that the opposite of my eating feelings is also true. When I do not eat and am hungry the "burning" sensation in my stomach, I feel as if I am a little thinner and I feel like I look better...

It sounds to me like you are an intelligent person who needs to realize that you need to be happy with who you are. What you look like on the outside doesn't define who you are on the inside. If losing 20 pounds would make you happy then try working toward that.. you will probably gain more confidence in yourself.. though understandably it might take some time but just know that you are trying and that is the best anyone can do for themselves. You need to find a way to love the person you are inside and out.

What you look like on the outside doesn't define who you are on the inside.

I know that, and it makes me feel shallow sometimes to be so stupid about myself, let alone anyone else...

I know that, and it makes me feel shallow sometimes to be so stupid about myself, let alone anyone else....

You shouldn't feel shallow it just sounds like you are very insecure about the way you look on the outside. You need to find a way that you can work on that insecurity and be happy with yourself. Maybe talking to a councilor or a close family member would be a start. A lot of people go through not liking the way they look.. this is just my opinion but the person you are on the inside makes you beautiful on the outside regardless if you are a little overweight or not.

I think you are in danger of using your weight as an excuse not to be "social" with women... here is what you have to do:

1. Get a scale and weigh yourself once a week. Make you goal in college to *MAINTAIN* your current weight. Continue all your current good habits that you enumerated.

2. Focus on developing your relationships with the girls. Forget about your sensitivity about your stomach. Go to the gym and work out, but really, to meet girls. :D

Don't train yourself to be obsessed with your weight...

Choux I think you hit it pretty well...

I think I'm afraid that when anyone sees me, the first impression they get is the horrible impression I have of myself, and that's a social barrier for me. I need to actively tell myself that isn't true.

Yeah bird, don't make something a problem that isn't a problem.

Thanks for your feedback. :)

Right now you sound a bit self centered only worrying about your physical body. Lighten up a bit here with yourself. You are not overweight, you seem to be in good health enough to exercise regularly. I think your main problem here is that you don't have a girlfriend and are just being too introspective now. Live your life one day at a time and stop trying to be perfect with yourself. Meet some girls. Heck, they just might like you for what's inside your mind and heart and not the outside package. My mother used to tell me that some of the best looking guys were nothing but a pretty dish with nothing in it. Gosh was she ever right.

Well I've been doing some research online to find a more structure workout to follow during the summer. I'm going to do everything I can to stick to it and keep my diet healthy.

Somedays I do well, then there are other days when I'll see my reflection and it'll put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day and I'm sick of that, so I'm hoping this works.

Outside the mental side...

If you feel bloated after a meal, cut back. Instead of the traditional three big meals, aim for five smaller ones and cut back proportions at each meal. Its almost obscene how much food is pushed at you when you buy it prepared.

For ex... for breakfast, you can try half an english muffin with peanut butter, half a banana, and water. Sure... you can eat more, but you probably don't need it. Also, you could eat less, but starvation screws with your metabolism.

A late morning snack? Try a piece of cheese with a few pieces of lean lunchmeat.

Lunch... this is the meal I try to still be moderate with in proportions, but if I need to indulge I do it here... its middday... fuel your body.

Late afternoon... a handfull of nuts can stave off hunger and give you healthy oils... macademias, almonds, cashews, sunflowers... just watch the salt and get dry roasted.

Dinner... this is often the biggest meal for many... but why? How does that make sense? Your body is winding down. Use a small plate and make half of it veggies and fruit... the rest small portions of carbs and meat. In two weeks you will be shocked at what leaves you satiated... and if you feel bloated now after eating, it might be portion control is needed.

Also, try to work out in the morning... as in the ugly, early, I-dont-want-to-get-up-yet morning. Pound out 45-60 min of a workout in the AM and your metabolism is cranked until after lunch. Plus, the workout is done. Those who workout in the AM tend to be more disciplined than those who put it of until later... and then later later...

Seriously... it sucks getting up at 5 or 5:30AM to workout... but it works.

Also take a multivitamin and get good sleep.

Say your prayers and look both ways before crossing. Mkay... being a snot here, I know...

If you feel bad after eating can you work in 30 minutes before each meal for a walk? I know... the life of a student is sometimes rushed and mad. Just asking. If you can walk just 30 minutes (which is often 1.5-2 miles at a fast pace) a little bit before a meal you might feel better and eat better.

When in doubt.. if you've reduced or eliminated junk (soda, alcohol, junk food) assume you need to move your body.

The sad answer is as you age, your metabolism will take hits that require you to move your bod more. Its just the ugly truth.

So cowboy up and hit the gym or the road. You can be a powerful force in your life... so own it and do it.

Thanks kp

Lot of good info in there. I do try to pay attention to portions as I know how large they are. Eating in a school cafeteria also isn't the best place to be eating. All that grease :(

I was always raised to finish everything on my plate and that's probably part of the reason I used to eat more than I needed to. I'm pretty sure about 9/10 people (Americans anyway) are eating much more than they need to.

Thanks :)