flowerd2004
Apr 11, 2008, 02:17 PM
We got engaged a few months ago, which I felt totally ready for but was surprised that he felt it was the right time (I expected him to wait another 6-12 months). We were both very excited about getting married and he was helping with some of the wedding planning.
Then disaster struck. I have previously been married and it was an abusive relationship. About a year and a half ago I started experiencing episodes that my therapist says are due to post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of that previous experience. I was working on this problem with my therapist about 2 months before we got engaged and the problems seemed to have cleared up. The episodes have caused a lot of stress in our relationship because they involve arguments that turn in to full blown yelling (on my part) in which I don't remember what I've said (disassociating, a common PTSD syptom). These episodes are painful for my partner because I say many things that I don't mean, but are also very difficult for me because they leave me so confused only knowing that I have caused extreme hurt to someone I love deeply. Anyway, another episode happened about 3 months after the engagement (the first since I had sought therapy when previously they were happening once every 2wks-2months). My fiancé was so troubled and hurt by the episode that he called off the engagement. He also spent several days trying to decide what he thought his next move should be (ie. Break up or not).
It is hard to consider breaking up because we have so much of our life entertwined after having been together for 2 and a half years. We own property, have pets, have business partnerships together, and have some of our finances together as well as living together.
However, I have had a knot in my stomach about this situation because I feel like he has been pulling away from me. We have always had awesome communication before and it seems that it has decreased somewhat. I know that he is hurt so he is putting up a shield, but I am concerned that I will never be able to repair the trust that was lost. In addition, I feel hurt by the fact that he called off the engagament when he knows that this is something I am working on and I told him that we can postpone the wedding as long as he wants. Knowing that he was taking back such a serious commitment he made to me just a few months before was very painful (even though I know I said I didn't want to marry him when I was having my episode which must have hurt him deeply).
So, while I am working on this issue, I keep feeling like our relationship (although it is fantastic in all other ways), may not be able to survive this. All day I have been feeling like I just want to pick up and run away. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?
Then disaster struck. I have previously been married and it was an abusive relationship. About a year and a half ago I started experiencing episodes that my therapist says are due to post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of that previous experience. I was working on this problem with my therapist about 2 months before we got engaged and the problems seemed to have cleared up. The episodes have caused a lot of stress in our relationship because they involve arguments that turn in to full blown yelling (on my part) in which I don't remember what I've said (disassociating, a common PTSD syptom). These episodes are painful for my partner because I say many things that I don't mean, but are also very difficult for me because they leave me so confused only knowing that I have caused extreme hurt to someone I love deeply. Anyway, another episode happened about 3 months after the engagement (the first since I had sought therapy when previously they were happening once every 2wks-2months). My fiancé was so troubled and hurt by the episode that he called off the engagement. He also spent several days trying to decide what he thought his next move should be (ie. Break up or not).
It is hard to consider breaking up because we have so much of our life entertwined after having been together for 2 and a half years. We own property, have pets, have business partnerships together, and have some of our finances together as well as living together.
However, I have had a knot in my stomach about this situation because I feel like he has been pulling away from me. We have always had awesome communication before and it seems that it has decreased somewhat. I know that he is hurt so he is putting up a shield, but I am concerned that I will never be able to repair the trust that was lost. In addition, I feel hurt by the fact that he called off the engagament when he knows that this is something I am working on and I told him that we can postpone the wedding as long as he wants. Knowing that he was taking back such a serious commitment he made to me just a few months before was very painful (even though I know I said I didn't want to marry him when I was having my episode which must have hurt him deeply).
So, while I am working on this issue, I keep feeling like our relationship (although it is fantastic in all other ways), may not be able to survive this. All day I have been feeling like I just want to pick up and run away. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?