Multiple threads merged for entire story

Me and my boyfriend were dating for just about 2 years when we broke up.
Painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because I wouldn't have sex [18 and a virgin and I'm pretty damn proud of it.] so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. They had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. They broke up. He calls me up one night. And ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...

I don't know about you people, but I think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.

And if he lost it so quickly to someone he didn't love, what does he have to prove to me that he loves me, when I can offer him that? I feel cheated out of it you know? It sucks knowing that if we ever got back together sex will come up eventually again[we were sexually active, just not all the way] and I know that he can't give me something that means so much to me.

I just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didn't even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until I was ready. I get so very angry at him.

I just don't know what to do, because this is stopping me from being with him again. It proves my theory of him dumping me for sex, and that he really didn't care about what I had to say. I just don't think I can be with him after this anymore even though it's the only thing I want most in the world is to be happy with him

People, please take this seriously, I've spent two years of my life with this man, and I love him so very much, and I plan to go to the marines this summer, and I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..

Thanks for reading.

i just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didnt even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until i was ready. i get so very angry at him..

I'm a guy and I don't think you are Psycho. If what he did makes your skin crawl do you think you can ever get past that? Virginity is different to a lot of people and obviously it means a lot to you and that is a great thing. If you can get past that then I say give it another shot but if you can't you are going to be wasting your time. Good Luck in the Marines!!

painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because i wouldnt have sex [18 and a virgin and im pretty damn proud of it.]
If that was his reason, and know wants to get back together what do you think will change? He will still want to have sex and still pressure you. Bottom line.


so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. they had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. they broke up. he calls me up one night. and ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...
He got what he wanted out of that relationship and then decided he wanted to come back to the familiar safe relationship he had before. Did he maybe have some remorse, or feelings of loss. Probably that and more. Doesn't change the way thing will be once you let him back. Things will be great for a while and go back to the same.. You will probably end up right back where you are today. (maybe)


idk about you people, but i think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.
This is a very true statement but I think it's a must that I point out that you mentioned him and you where actually sexually active, "just not all the way". Not trying to be mean here but you must know that you shoot this statements validity down by being sexually active in any way. I think it's a common problem today that people (girls a lot of the time) think that if they don't have penitration they are still a virgin. Maybe in the medical sense but virginity is more about purity...

[we were sexually active, just not all the way]

Your feelings are valid. You need to think about what you want in a relationship. Do you want a guy who is going to leave you every time he does not get what he wants sexually or otherwise?

He is not worth getting back with.

You clearly stated that your virginity was precious to you and he obviously didn't repsect that.

Hi Lostin.. you are only 18years old so the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend is not the end of the world trust me. I am 26 years old and when I look back at my boyfriend when I was 18 I think to myself, what was I thinking?

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special. Don't give it up for a jerk off who left you because you valued your body. The guy I lost my virginity to at age 20 was a complete jerk and I wish I had saved my virginity for my now husband.
I am very impressed by your strenthe and ability to stand up for your morals. I admire that about you. I wish I had had the same strenth. I was pressured into doing it for fear of losing him but even after I gave it up he left me anyway. One thing you should know about sex is, it has nothing to do with love. A man does not have sex for love. Men (some women too) have sex for pleasure and fulfilment. They can meat a girl in one day and be in bed with her that night and that is a fact. So don't let this guy fool you into thinking the reason why he wants to have sex with you is because he loves you.If he really loves you he will repect your decision to wait.

So if he wants to work things out just let him know that he can but he must not expect you to give up your virginity. If he says 'no' to that then that means he doesn't really care about you, he is just interested in feeding his male desires.
It is very special thing don't waist it.

hope that helps :)

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special.



Amen, you are very smart and strong. Im 100% sure you will make the right decision ( you already did) Never lower your standards/values for a partner. It will always come up again. You need someone that respects you as much or more than you do.

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

What he did was dirty. From the sounds of it you can and should wait for a person that you will not have to question whether what you are doing is right.

And yes, Good Luck in the Marines, And Thank you for your service too.

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

Have to spread the ratings again, but totally agree with you dear.

Another thing, maybe one day you will meet a man who is not a virgin, but one who respects and cares enough for you to stop seeing other women and is willing to wait for you because he found that special someone in you. Don't put him down for it and give him a chance to prove how much he cares.. we all deserve a chance or two, and being human, we tend to make a few mistakes on the way to growing and finding out what really is of value to us. But this guy that left you because he could not wait is not worth it, in my opinion - and he certainly has not had enough time to realize how special you are nor has he had time for inner growth.

Bless you for joining the Marines - that's an exclusive military unit that not everybody can graduate in. We all know the world is not perfect and it's too bad that military is necessary, but making that choice certainly shows me you set your goals high and are very special.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..


You being a virgin has very little to do with his behavior, and if a guy breaks up because of no sex, then he didn't care about you in the first place. He went and got what he wanted, and now he's back? He doesn't deserve the time of day so don't look back, and focus on your life, and career with the marines. Good Luck!

I'm a virgin and I'm 19 turning 20 this year and I would NEVER give it up to anyone who would just up and leave because he's bored. 2 years doesn't seem like a long time to me, especially if you're doing other things.

Gee Talaniman, was the greenie you gave me suppose to be sarcastic?

I'm known for stating the obvious!

my rant about love/men
[ you are allowed to disagree but do not bash me for it. they are my opinions]
[fyi- andrew/conrad is my boyfriend.]

if he were to walk away i would be sad- but i know when to give up- especially if he told me that he hated me. i dont get why some girls wait forever and ever just to hear that they hate you, or that they never trully cared, and still take them back.

i bet whoever is reading this is like, ’oh but you took conrad back.’ did conrad ever say he hated me? he said he was happier, and you know what i did? i moved on. i hung out with my friends, tried to talk to another guy, and he apologized, and he cried about how sorry he felt. unlike some guys who just say sorry and expect to see everything okay again. and girls are stupid enough to just be like, ’he’s back with me and thats all that really matters.’

what about the nights you spent crying, waiting for him to call when you knew he wasnt? what about everyday you saw him being happy knowing that it wasnt you that was making him happy? why dont girls see that love isnt everything.

now i love andrew with all my heart, but if he had ever said that he hated me, i wouldn’t be with him.and we’re not technically dating, so, yeah.you could consider me as one of those stupid girls who waited, becuz i did. you could tell me ’you cried everynight too.’ thats right, i did. becuz i knew that something was still there in my heart for him. but once he said he didnt love me anymore, and that he was happier, thats when i got my fatass out of bed, stopped crying, and started to live life again.

time waits for no man, or woman, so idk what the hell you’re doing sitting in bed giggling on the phone with your boyfriend, happy, pretending that its all okay, when you should be grilling his about why he ed up, or why he said those things. im not singling out anybody, there are a couple of girls that i know who are happy just to have their guy back. but when did girls decide that men mean the world to us females? forget that!

like i said, i love andrew. with all my heart. but he knew he ed up. we spent quite a bit talking about it. and now i think in my heart, things are better again. and yeah, i might be a little soft because i love him, but that dont mean im gonna let him do that again.

girls:wake up and realize that he did use you, wake up and realize that that even if he said those mean things to his friends, he said it to somebody and meant it.you need to wake up!,this is the real world, there's no happily ever after and no prince charming. all you can hope for is get a good job, and maybe a nice house, and maybe a guy will grow up and realize that enough is enough and that agirl really did care for him.

like i said, i love andrew, and none of this has to do with me and him, but to all the girls who cry and wait, who should really move on and find themselves. but what are the chances of anyone reading this-actually listen?
shame...

I read it and I listened. I agree that break ups suck and but you can take the time to learn about them and move forward. It's times like this that began to challenge the core of who you are and allow you to change for the better.

I would like it if someone would message me and give me their AIM so I can get personal advice. Its about a boyfriend, and a horrible thing in the past. If someone could help me it would great.

Honey, this is a public forum, I doubt very much that anyone is going to give you their email address, heck, we aren't even willing to use our real names.

If you need advice then your best bet is to start a thread and ask your question. It may be hard for you to write, I've been there too, I wrote about my past, something I never wanted to tell anyone, but I did it here, and I'm so glad that I did.

We are here for you when you decide that you want to talk about it. I hope you do, obviously this is something that is weighing heavily on your mind.

Good Luck, and remember, helping people out is what we're here for.

:eek: Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and some months. During our whole relationship we've had only one major break up, and only a couple of 'breaks'. From the beginning his mother never really liked me for some reason, and the father just didn't seem to mind. I guess it because my boyfriend lived with her and spent all his time with her. I understand that she doesn't want to lose her child or whatever, but you know- he's growing up. And that was TWO years ago! During those two years she fought him on the phone threatening to call my parents to break us up, and called me a 'spic' when she was drunk one night [yes, I am hispanic, and my boyfriend is white.] its hard to forgive her, but I'm willing to keep my mouth shut for the sake of my relationship with my boyfriend. Its driving me crazy! I love my boyfriend dearly, but whenever I hear her voice on the phone I cringe because I know she's pretending to be nice just to get on her son's good side again. I feel horrible because I haven't done anything wrong but I feel like I'm tearing my boyfriend and his mom's relationship. What should I do?:eek:

Well honestly, you should not worry about your boyfriends relationship with his mother. He needs to figure out a good balance. It sounds like that the mother is hateful and possibly racist. It happens so often. Believe me it does, with different cultures it makes the stresses of relationships harder to deal with. Who cares what the mother thinks and focus on you and your boyfriend. Hopefully when these things are said, your boyfriend stands up for you. Have you tried being civil no matter what she has said to you, know its hard but you should also be truthful on how you feel. Confide in your boyfriend.

OP, do you think you can change the font back to normal font, I am having a really hard time reading your post. Thanks.

1) Could your boyfriend understand love, life, and you under the condition that he was raised by an ignorant and narrow-minded mother?
2) Do you really confirm your love to him?
Talk to his mother privately that "I love your son." And let her know she is a racist in your eyes. If the answers to my question are no, he doesn't deserve you for a future with your sacrifice.

At work i got out early, and i called my boyfriend so he wouldnt visit me [i work at a diner] and when i called he didnt pick up, so i called his house..and his dad picked up and when i asked where he was he said, "he said he would be with you all night." and i panicked. what if he gotten into a car accident this and that, bla bla. He finally called me and i asked him where he was, he said, " i was with my dad the whole time." that worry quickly turned into anger and i called him out , " i called the house. dad said you were supposed to be with me." he laughed as if he got caught and said that he went to see a movie with his best friend, who happens to be a girl. i was so mad at him because he always gives me white lies, and whos going to stop him from giving me a white lie- to a huge one. Which he's also done. So i admit, i did this out of anger i broke up with him. i tried to cal him back when i calmed down and offered to see him but he simply said, "you were the one to break up with me and i dont want to see you." he hung up on me and i started to cry, and i texted a friend and asked if i could chill at his house. he said yeah i was fine. well we were just watching movies and he held my hand and my heart was beating like crazy...and i knew something was gonna happen. because he asked me,"if i kiss you will you hold it against me?" and i just said no. and we started making out and eventually we had sex.twice. and when i woke up, i was in his bed and i was kinda shocked. i wasnt drunk or anything, but i never thought i would do that. ...but i did..and i dont really feel bad for doing it. my ex confirmed the breaking up, and said he doesnt want to get back with me for a while, but what i feel bad about is that now i may have two guys hearts. i know its horrible and im a bad person. ...but i just dont feel horrible, when i usually would. theres something wrong with me! im having random sex, i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, and i dont feel bad at all! whats going on in my head?!:( :confused:

Maybe breaking up with your boyfriend is more freeing than you thought and that confuses you. It is easy to stay in a relationship because it is what we know, it is comfortable. But consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you can not trust to be honest with you. He obviously not only has lied to you, but to his father as well. Perhaps a part of you is relieved to be out of the relationship, so that could be one reason why you don't feel as badly about the breakup as you think that you should. This is only amplified by the fact that you now know someone else is interested in you... so you really don't "need" your boyfriend.
Just be careful not to jump right into another relationship because it makes you feel better. If you are interested in the new guy, take things slowly, see whether something more is there that you want to invest your time and heart in. Might be wise to just take some time for yourself until you feel that you have your thoughts and feelings sorted out. Too easy to get things all muddled up if you add the excitement of a new relationship right away.
The truth shall set you free... you know the truth about your ex and his lack of ability to be honest, and now you have been set free.

what i feel bad about is that now i may have two guys hearts. i know its horrible and im a bad person. ...but i just dont feel horrible, when i usually would. theres something wrong with me! im having random sex, i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, and i dont feel bad at all! whats going on in my head?!:( :confused: [/B]
Don't worry, you don't really have either guy's heart. Your ex is a liar, and your new fu<k buddy is an opportunist. You aren't a bad person, you're just fickle and immature and drunk on hormones. It's normal, and you'll grow out of it eventually. In the meantime, use protection, or better yet, abstain until you're mature enough for a real adult relationship.

Sex it doesn't prove anything don't ruin your life now when you have sex it is a waste of like its not the awnser I really have to love a guy to have sex if you do it, it won't help you it dosnet make you happy at all forget the first guy... hes a loser I had guys like that you don't know how complicated my life is if you have sex with a guy he justs leves you right after to go do it with someone else!! Then your left with to jobs and a baby... its not worth it he's a loser don't go for him your really not a bad person you just don't know wats happing right now then by you know it you will start to find watz going on I know your going to turn out to be a strong person---tay :)

After two years(on and off) of being with my boyfriend, I decided I couldn't do it anymore.
In the past... 6 months, he dated two girls while we took a break. The first girl was barely two weeks, we got back together, the next girl was about two months, and we got back together. This time, we broke up over a lie about where he was and who he was with. (he said he was with his dad, his dad told me he was with me- he ended up watching a movie with his friend) so I called it quits. All I wanted was for him to just tell the truth, and to be committed. He said that's what he wants, but not right now.(he just wants to have fun. That's all he wants.) so again, he found another girl. He told me she meant nothing to him, but he just couldn't be with me. I told him that I couldn't be in his life. You know this is the guy I was with, my first everything, and I just needed time to get over that. But he just calls me immature and says it's a stupid idea. I think its because he needs my thoughts and advice, I was like a little thereapist. Just the other night he said that he was with a girl that meant absolutley nothing to him, and I was who he wanted to be with. And just yesterday he denied it, and was going to be with her. I told him that being with her meant losing me. And he seemed okay with it. I was/am heartbroken by it. I'm leaving for college in August and I just thought that I would have something or someone to come back to.. but at the same time if history repeats itself- this relationship will end and he'll find me again. But I'm tired of going through all this pain, but at the same time when we are together, he makes everything go away. I know that I just have to let him go for now, but at the same time, would it even matter if I just let him go forever? I'm at the point where if I move on, I'll miss him, or that if I stay here and watch him be happy with another girl, that my heart breaks. I don't have a great relationship with my mom (dad out of picture) and my friends don't give me great advice. I'd just like something that can just make me open my eyes and realize either "he was a jerk." or "he just needs some time" thanks.

You take him back, no matter what he has done, because you think you need him to be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth, as you must learn to do the things to make yourself happy, without him in your life. Once you realize this for yourself, you can move on beyond the dependence of being with him, to find happiness for yourself.

My advice is to go to college and forget this creep every existed. You will find new friends and great guys in college. And this is a great time to not be involved, there are plenty of new opportunities in college. He's not worth your time, end it for good, and don't look back.
He's a weight that you don't need.

You are welcome.

Looking for something to open your eyes and realize he's a jerk? Read your post. I'm not seeing anything there that suggest he might be good for you.
Go on to college, that first year will be difficult enough without having to deal with him. He is not making you happy or secure, he is just familiar and constant, but a constant pain.
Move forward and be happy.

Looking for something to open your eyes and realize he's a jerk? Read your post. I'm not seeing anything there that suggest he might be good for you.
Go on to college, that first year will be difficult enough without having to deal with him. He is not making you happy or secure, he is just familiar and constant, but a constant pain.
Move forward and be happy.Absolutely true.

I'm not defending him, but he has a lot of mental problems.. and I guess I was mainly there to play therapist for him. I want nothing but to be his friend now, if we ever could, but I'm not sure. Thanks though.

Then he really needs to go to a professional. But don't feel sorry for him. You could possibly be friends after a break up, but give that some time.

Yeah, I talked to him and I told him that I care for him but I can't be friends with him until I can finally put him as a friend level. He said he understood, and that he hopes that someday we could get back together in the future.

After two years(on and off) of being with my boyfriend, i decided i couldnt do it anymore.
In the past ...6 months, he dated two girls while we took a break. the first girl was barely two weeks, we got back together, the next girl was about two months, and we got back together. this time, we broke up over a lie about where he was and who he was with. (he said he was with his dad, his dad told me he was with me- he ended up watching a movie with his friend) so i called it quits. all i wanted was for him to just tell the truth, and to be commited. he said thats what he wants, but not right now.(he just wants to have fun. thats all he wants.) so again, he found another girl. he told me she meant nothing to him, but he just couldnt be with me. i told him that i couldnt be in his life. you know this is the guy i was with, my first everything, and i just needed time to get over that. but he just calls me immature and says its a stupid idea. i think its because he needs my thoughts and advice, i was like a little thereapist. just the other night he said that he was with a girl that meant absolutley nothing to him, and i was who he wanted to be with. and just yesterday he denied it, and was going to be with her. i told him that being with her meant losing me. and he seemed okay with it. i was/am heartbroken by it. im leaving for college in august and i just thought that i would have something or someone to come back to..but at the same time if history repeats itself- this relationship will end and he'll find me again. but im tired of going through all this pain, but at the same time when we are together, he makes everything go away. i know that i just have to let him go for now, but at the same time, would it even matter if i just let him go forever? im at the point where if i move on, i'll miss him, or that if i stay here and watch him be happy with another girl, that my heart breaks. i dont have a great relationship with my mom (dad out of picture) and my friends dont give me great advice. i'd just like something that can just make me open my eyes and realize either "he was a jerk." or "he just needs some time" thanks.

The more we hold on to something, the less it stays. More importanly, the more we try to gain the less we have. In other words, if you stay you will more then likely be unhappy, but there will be those moments when life seems perfect, in his arms. But be mindful that that is a lie for there is only the moment, and if the time before is good but the moment is bad, then you will feel bad. If the time before is bad, and the monet is good, the you will be happy. (or will you wonder and worry that the future is going to be bad?? ) The past is history, the future is a mystory, but the now is a gift - that is why it is called the present. YOu know what you must do, have faith in yourself, and take responsibility for your individualism, and freedom to act, think, and feel.

No one knows what the future has in store, for it is clouded by many unforseen things, but the now, is now, and is all that matters. Be mindful of the future, but not at the expence of the moment. You don't know that you won't meet a super guy at school, you've never bin there, in that momnet, for every momnet is fresh new, and full of possibility. Embrace it and enjoy the ride.

Peace be with you.

Me and my ex went through a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. I was wondering if I should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what I hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if I tell her my side she probably won't break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared though, because I still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. What should I do? Defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?

EDIT- thank you guys for the advice, I guess its more of the thought of making them happy, and them talking about me, makes everyone think I'm some depressed stalker when I'm not. He's the one to always text me, or tell me he still loves me. (We were together for 2 years). I know that if his new girl would find out she would leave him and he would get what he deserves. But I know that for now he's happy, and that's all that matters (besides my happiness which I will most definitely get. No matter what.) the only reason the people talk, is because they want to see us together rather them, but he won't listen, and the new girl has no clue at all about it. But again, thank you guys for your advice. I'm still really sad about losing him but.. it happens I guess?. I really am heartbroken by it all. He told me last Saturday that he loved me. And then maybe two days ago he wrote me that he still cared. He won't leave this other girl for anything and they've been dating only two or three weeks. He's told all my friends what happened, only his side. I'm just incredibly tired of the petty drama, and if I could I would want to get my boyfriend back, chances are its not going to happen, so I just got to move on. Right?

Reasons it is pointless

*Love is blind she will think you are making things up and exaggerating for spite
*He will continue talking his crap, she can't control his mouth
*He/They will probably harass you in other ways than spreading stories.

So telling her will not do any good

To defend your name when you hear the stories tell the ones you hear it from your side.

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?
Hey,
I see your point here but feel its best you don't say anything. I know this will hurt but in time you will feel better. If you speak to her she may feel you are making it up and make situations worse for you and as for him if he is bad mouthing you he probably will say worse if you talk out. In time I believe the saying what goes around comes around with have an effect. Hope this is some help. Best wishes x

Just let it go, it will make you seem like a pyscho stalker. Stop checking up on him, just forget he exists! He has a new life, new girlfriend just let him be. If you go around trying to set every rumor straight you encounter in your life you will spend all your time defending your life rather than living it. Rumors die down, they get old and new things come about to talk about. Just let it all die down

Tell his new girlfriend that he's a double-face jerk who talks trash about everyone behind their back.

Tell his new girlfriend that he's a double-face jerk who talks trash about everyone behind their back.

It's not stooping down. It's to clarify that you're not what the ex says you are.

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?
You should give one rats fat cats... about what he say about you! If you think for one inkling of a second that SHE is NOT going to "let him talk so badly about you", you are setting yourself up for failure. Let him run his mouth, who cares. It might be a good idea to tell your source of information that you care not what your ex is saying or doing because that MIGHT be a ploy of your ex. Just know, Silence is Golden!

Michelle

Why should you care what they talk about, its none of your business, and you can't control what others say and do. Really just move on, and do your own thing.

I bet if he's talkin' smack a lot of it is that you are supposedly some 'bunny-boiling psycho stalker' (lol).

The best remedy for that kind of smack-talk is to ignore the heck out of him/them! Except that if you do have to run into them/her, just be nice, not at all hurt, and sooo happy for them.

You think the make the perfect couple. In fact he was a nice guy, but, unfortunately you felt that the two of you would make better friends instead of bf/gf.

Best thing to do in this situation is definitely to just stay quiet about it. Let him run his mouth all he wants. Believe me, what goes around does come back around and he'll get what is coming to him. By trying to defend yourself, you are only stooping to the level that he's at & is that really what you want for yourself? You know who you are, those that know & care about you know who you really are... isn't that what really matters? I absolutely 100% agree with RomeFalls' statement: "If you go around trying to set every rumor straight you encounter in your life you will spend all your time defending your life rather than living it." You can't stop people from talking about you but you can make a decision not to give them the satisfaction of responding. That's what he probably wants - to see you get riled up and question your identity. Don't give him that power. He doesn't deserve it. This new girlfriend will eventually see his true colors, just as you did so there's no need for you to tell her because honestly, she won't believe you anyhow. It will only make you look bad and believe me, you'd regret that decision to get involved somewhere down the road. You live your life and let him live his. Anyone who believes his lies aren't worth your time anyway - always remember that. And this ex, he definitely isn't worth your time if he's such a jerk that he has to badmouth you to get attention from his new girl. Stay away & know that you deserve so much better.

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?
Don't say anything. Move on with your life. YOU know the truth, YOU know who YOU really are and that's all that matters.

Just let it go , she won't believe you anyway. The truth always comes out in the end anyway.

Since me and my ex broke up... I miss him horribly. He has a new girlfriend, and I've started talking to another guy... my ex knows exactly how I feel and just last week he said he still loved me, and just a few days ago he said he still cared. His girlfriend comes home from vacation tomorrow, and I just feel like my world is going to come crashing down. I have fun without him and I just hang out with my friends, and when it comes to resting my head on my pillow, I have dreams. All night about him.. .
Is there any advice that could make me just move on. I KNOW I don't need him to make me happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when I gave it up to him... I know it was stupid of me to believe him but we were together for 2 years, and I thought maybe he could just make it work somehow after high school , etc. I miss him, and I still love him. I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt about him still and that I would always be by his side when he needed someone to talk to, but he never wrote back...
I'm heartbroken... help?

Lgo life goes on got me threw all my problems and you spent so much time with him you will never forget him I say you should do this try to become just friends which probably lead to relationship so that way you can slowly work from love to a great friendship

This is going to be tough to hear, but you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are going out, hanging out with your friends and keeping busy. This is the best way to get over anything that is bothering you. Keeping busy keeps your mind off him and allows you to keep yourself feeling better as time goes on. It will take time after 2 years, be patient.

I do think you need to rethink your situation with this new guy. It isn't fair to him for you to be talking or whatever your doing with him if you aren't totally committed, unless he is fully aware that you are still hung on your ex. It is understandable, but there is no reason to lead someone on...

Its only been a month, and believe me when I tell you that after 3 months my ex is still on my mind every day, at one point or another. It all takes time.

I've had a similar problem. If you having feelings like that don't write a letter you should go talk to him in person. I mean there's no telling if that letter even got to him!!

Thanks you guys, but he says he doesn't want to talk to me right now... but he wants me in his life, and if some time goes down the road, we can be together again. I told this other guy that I was talking to, that I still loved my ex completely and that I'm not looking for anything, he totally understands, but we've somewhat stopped talking. I thank you guys so much for the advice, but.. I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate. :(

I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate.
I can believe that, and that's exactly why you must be patient with yourself, as your trying to heal from a very devastating loss.

Hard as it is, you must keep moving on, and build a life that makes you happy, without him in it. You can do this.

You have to keep on the path that you are on, hanging out with friends and doing what it is that makes you happy. There is nothing you can do to convince this guy of his feelings, so move on and start healing yourself. The road is long and hard but the result is well worth the trials and tribulations.

Thanks again you guys, but lets just say he comes back, should I take him? Like I wrote before, it felt like I found a soulmate... so if he were to come back, should I take him back? Was he worth all my sadness? But at the same time why would I let the one I want walk past me again? I'm just lost. -.- thank you all anyway.

In time, he won't be the one you want - you'll come to realize that he isn't your soulmate, your feelings will adjust.

Its easy to see everyone for the best right after the breakup, but as time goes on, your emotions will stop clouding your judgement and you will realize that its not the end of the world.

And - for the record - don't worry about things that haven't happened :)

Since me and my ex broke up...I miss him horribly. He has a new girlfriend, and i've started talking to another guy...my ex knows exactly how i feel and just last week he said he still loved me, and just a few days ago he said he still cared. his girlfriend comes home from vacation tomorrow, and i just feel like my world is gonna come crashing down. i have fun without him and i just hang out with my friends, and when it comes to resting my head on my pillow, i have dreams. all night about him. ..
is there any advice that could make me just move on. I KNOW i dont need him to make me happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when i gave it up to him...i know it was stupid of me to believe him but we were together for 2 years, and i thought maybe he could just make it work somehow after highschool and etc. I miss him, and i still love him. I wrote him a long letter telling him how i felt about him still and that i would always be by his side when he needed someone to talk to, but he never wrote back...
im heartbroken...help?

"The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when i gave it up to him" What do you mean by gave it up to him?? And to help you out, I have a book you may want to read. Its called, " THe Brains that changes it's self" It talks about the way our brains influence our thoughts. BY that I mean how the chemicals in our minds influence how we learn, act, and feel.

It talks about how when we are in "Love" our minds will over look some things that normally would repulse us, and that we can be in a eurphoric state, but when we break up, we are depressed. Upon reading this book I've realised that most people will stop seeing some one and rather than be alone for a time, get to know them self again, they will try to end the depression by filling that viod they feel, by dating or hooking up with some one else. If you ask me this can be a very destructive thing to do, becase you don't learn or grow, and as the book says, you don't learn to let go of the person you first loved. The book says that to let go you have to sit down and recall the times you were with this person, and try to take each memory and let it go, tell your brain that its' not going to be like that again. "Look at each memory, revealing it, and let it go." This is a very Hard and painful process. But to know if you love some one, you have to first know you are not in love with your first love any more, or at least love them, but know that it's over.

The book also says that "Nuerons that fire together wire together." In other wrods for your and my case, our happiness is tied to the person we loved, since love blinds us or dulls our sense of displeasure, or so we believe. It's as if we can't behappy with out them because our happy nuerons are wired with the nuerons firned in the thought of that person, but we can't be with that person. So our brain doesn't get that feeling of eurphoria it used to when we were around that person. In this state our minds releas dopamine, a chemical that helps the mind reward its self for doing pleasureable activities, thus making us "addicted" to a specific activity, such as running, looking at porn (the books example.), being with some one and manny more. (I"M sure i may have messed up in there and missed some key points, i'm a little rushed, but I sugest you read this book.) At any rate, we have to train our minds to let go of the person buy facing the memories, revealing them and letting go.

Now for the dreams, i'm having a simular problem, but that i believe is causeed by the lack of my own self disapline, see i too have not faced my memeories of all the good times, and bad, the make ups, and all i'm left with is the break up, reliving it over and over in my head. It's bin just over a year now, and i keep dreaming strange and futile dreams of us being together then her leaving me. This hurts soo much but i know what it means. It means i need to go through my memories, and let them go. Also i need to forgive myself for choosing to be with her, and doing all the things i did to try to make things better for not only her but myself as well. Keep your friends close, but dont forget to learn to let go of the past, and forgive yourself.

Always remember you "ARE" a Beautiful, intelegant, independant women. (no matter what your age is, time can always reveal that there is this inside of you. As it can reveal the oposit as well, but you can learn to recognize when you are heading that way and prevent it.)

The books name is "The brain that changes its self." Read pages, 93 - 131, or chapter 4 Acquiring tastes and loves. It has opened my eyes to a whole new way of understanding people. Especially myself, and how I think.

May we both find our way through the seeming ley never ending dark of our dreams long since past. Time to stop tormenting ourselves eh? Peace be with you my friend.

Feel free to contact me for more info when I have more time, so I can answer more questions, or just to chat what ever works for you.

Peace.

Thanks again you guys, but lets just say he comes back, should i take him? like i wrote before, it felt like i found a soulmate...so if he were to come back, should i take him back? was he worth all my sadness? but at the same time why would i let the one i want walk past me again? im just lost. -.- thank you all anyways.


You feel like you found a soul mate because of the eurphoric state you were in. I asure you he is not the only good guy out there. Give it time to get to know yourself, and thus you'll be more confidnet, and you'll know weather he is the one, or not.

Peace sista.

Give it time and allow yourself to heal, you will realize there are much better guys out there for you

With my ex, just made me want to not wake up in the morning. We've been through so much, and now that he has a new girlfriend I asked him if he loved her, and he said he honestly did... they've been dating for only 3 weeks. 3 weeks compared to our 2 years? I asked him if he still loved me, and he wouldn't answer me. I told him to tell me that he didn't love me anymore, and he kept asking why.. I was already crying by then (I get emotional), and when he finally said it. He said it in a low voice, "i dont love you anymore, and im sorry for that."

... I lost it all. His love, warmth, and I KNOW that I don't need him, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.. but I just can't help but love him, and I just can't help but cry for him, and... as I type this he's still texting me.. he's being so supportive of me, saying that he'll always be there for me.. but.. not in the way I want to. And I know it sounds selfish, but I hate his new girlfriend for having what I want...

I just need some advice to help me move on.. I already hang out with my friends, and I'm busy with work, and I run on a daily basis, but just these thoughts and memories.. kill me.

Someone help?

Cut off all contact with him. Period. That's the only way you will ever heal.

I know it's hard, it's very hard to lose someone that you love so much. Especially when you don't understand why they stopped loving you, and how they could possibly move on so quickly. I clearly remember thinking it would be easier if my ex husband had died. Not that I wished him dead, just that I thought that would have been easier to deal with than having to see hime move on with someone. ( I feel guily for feeling this now, because we were just plain old young, and now he is in the hosp with terminal bone cancer, and only has a matter of days to live)

Although, I think saying he is "in love" with another girl after only 3 weeks is either a cop out, to make it easier on himself to say that he has fallen out of love with you, or he is just in lust, or the whole excitement thing, and fooling himself. I don't believe ANYONE can have REAL "love" in 3 weeks. There is no way of fully knowing someone after that length of time. Even two yrs is pushing it, as you found out.

The best thing that you can do, and believe me, I know this is sooooo hard... but the better you treat yourself, the more he may realise he made a horrible mistake. It doesn't sound like he is making it any easier on you by texting you all of the time. He may think he is letting you down easy, but he shouldn't be keeping you a part of his life this way, by constantly reminding you that he has moved on to someone else.

Cry to your good friends and beat up your stuffed bear, or your pillow if you have to, but don't cry to him. The most attractive thing, and the thing that confuses ex's the most, is when you look like you are confident enough in yourself to move on. Then actually do it, and he just may regret his mistake. Don't hold out for that though, do it for yourself.

Good luck, and I really do understand, and it hasn't happened just once to me. In fact it has happened 3 times, with the shortest being around 7 yrs, and the longest being more than 12 yrs,. the other one somewhere in between. I've gotten through them and come out on the other side, and you can too.

Don't torture yourself. Why ask questions that you already see where the answers are going. You are putting yourself in the position to let yourself down. Its not worth it. Like they say if you don't like the heat get out of the kitchen.
Tell him N0 more calling, texting or talking to you in any way.

Cut off the contact, and stop toturing yourself.

Why did you want to know the answer to a question you knew the answer to in the back of your mind? Then the second question, why do you care if he loves you or not. Love yourself first because you are a beautiful lady. Cut off all contact with this guy as it's only putting your recovery on hold

He's like an instrument you never learned to play, like a saxophone. No matter HOW much you love saxophones or sax music or any of that, you still can't play the instrument. You can't.

Comparing his fledgeling 3-week relationship to your 2-year one is you missing the point. A more accurate comparison is "They're dating and we're not". The time spans are completely irrelevant. Harsh, I admit, but true.

If you press him in any way he will have no choice but to hurt you. And that will be your fault. Stop giving your feelings control of you. They're just urges, instincts. Your MIND and strength of will is supposed to be in charge.

You love(d) him. Fine. You can't control that. Don't bother trying. But don't sit there listening to your heart strings all day about this junk either. Get up and go find something to DO with your time and mental energies. He has.

If it helps in any small way, the truth is he still has some feeling for you, too. And that is also irrelevant. This chapter has closed, time to focus on the new one that is trying to start for you now. Pay attention.

Thank you everyone. But here's a little more drama to add.. I went to the doctors and she told me that I was pregnant. And I just miscarried... it was his... this happened today

... and If you hadn't gone to the doctors and been told that?

Cut off the contact, and stop toturing yourself.

Ur pain is understandable but just understand that Its not you. U did ur best, it didnt work. so move on.Crying over a spilled milk wont have any use. Making urself better? a BIG YES!

When I first joined here 2 months ago, i was heartbroken too.Out of my 200 posts, i posted more than half of it advising other brokenhearted.Dont get me wrong but Im kinda fed up advising same thing over and over. Do what I did, come here often and u'll be amazed. Others might be worse than what u go through. I hope it wont take months for u to realize what u've been missing and overlooked that u should be thankful for.

Thank you guys again.. losing my baby wouldn't have changed anything, we weren't together.. and still aren't.. but I just want to thank everyone again. I tried my best, and I'm starting NC all over again. In time, when I'm not so hurt, and he's realized what we all went through... maybe we can talk again.but I seriously doubt it.

Yeah sometimes you have to pick up the pieces and move on and it is rarely easy.

For those who read my posts, I had a problem with an ex..
Long story short, he's with another girl, but we had sex last week, he said I can't tell his new girlfriend because she's suicidal,after about two days I wrote her the truth. She hasn't read the message yet, but his best friend starts calling me asking me why I'm trying to break them up, I'm not! I swear I'm not! But I don't want him to continue what he's doing. He's a liar and a cheater and he doesn't deserve a girl like me, or his new girlfriend. I asked his friend if his new girlfriend was suicidal and she said not even close to it. And I got mad, because my ex lied again. He told me that I would be responsible for her death, and that's what kept me from not saying it right away. Whatever he told me, he told his best friend the oppisite. If he said he loved me, he hated me. If he wanted to be with me, he wanted nothing to do with me.

IM GOING CRAZY!

And now his other ex is calling me, threatening me to fight me at my house, and some bad words.. and said that he wouldn't touch me with a 30ft pole, when he actually touched me with his, just last week. If I'm just sex, then I am, but not when he still says he loves me, but he's with her. Im trying to move on, and I'm thinking about putting restraining orders on them both.

What do you think?

Don't see this guy anymore. He's nothing but trouble. And don't contact his other girlfriends anymore. I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. I can understand wanting to warn her. But this is way too much drama. Whatever else is going on in your life, focus on that and forget this man asap.

Good luck!

You know he is a conniving liar so why do you allow him to sleep with you??
What was the point in telling his girlfriend he will just deny it and who do you think she is going to believe?? Definitely not you. Love is blind and she has to come to see what he is like on her own.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by sleeping with him when he is just using you for some sex?

You know he is a conniving liar so why do you allow him to sleep with you????
What was the point in telling his gf he will just deny it and who do you think she is going to believe??? Definitely not you. Love is blind and she has to come to see what he is like on her own.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by sleeping with him when he is just using you for some sex?


I didn't accomplish anything, that's why I'm so angry. Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me, I was stupid and believed him.he said that his girlfriend was nowhere close to his feelings for me and that he was just with her for the sakeof being with someone...

Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me,

Yeah, like I said, way too much drama!
This guy is a total manipulator and drama king.
Keep clear of him.

I didnt accomplish anything, thats why im so angry. Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me, i was stupid and believed him.he said that his girlfriend was nowhere close to his feelings for me and that he was just with her for the sakeof being with someone...

And I hope you won't fall for that again will you??

For those who read my posts, i had a problem with an ex..
long story short, he's with another girl, but we had sex last week, he said i can't tell his new girlfriend because she's suicidal,after about two days i wrote her the truth. she hasnt read the message yet, but his best friend starts calling me asking me why im trying to break them up, im not! i swear im not! but i dont want him to continue what he's doing. He's a liar and a cheater and he doesnt deserve a girl like me, or his new girlfriend. i asked his friend if his new girlfriend was suicidal and she said not even close to it. and i got mad, because my ex lied again. he told me that i would be responsible for her death, and thats what kept me from not saying it right away. whatever he told me, he told his best friend the oppisite. if he said he loved me, he hated me. if he wanted to be with me, he wanted nothing to do with me.

IM GOING CRAZY!

and now his other ex is calling me, threatening me to fight me at my house, and some bad words.., and said that he wouldnt touch me with a 30ft pole, when he actually touched me with his, just last week. if im just sex, then i am, but not when he still says he loves me, but he's with her. Im trying to move on, and im thinkin about putting restraining orders on them both.

what do you think?

What do I think...

I think that was a stupid decision to sleep with him, you really think he loves you? He loves knowing he can come back to you and you will be there with open arms and open, well you get the point. Why sleep with someone who broke your heart and is with someone else? You have become "the other women" and you wonder why you're hated? How would you feel if your boyfriend slept with another girl? You would be pissed too! You are just sex, nothing more, when will you realize that? You are someone he can just call, sleep with and then be thrown aside until he needs you again.

No you aren't trying to move on or you wouldn't accept his calls or anything. A restraining order on them both? Goodluck with that one, because it won't happen with just words. I have tried that road with my present girlfriend and her ex. JUST IGNORE HIS CALLS or have fun being in heartache for the rest of the time until he gets tired of sex with you. And yes, save yourself the reddie, I know this is harsh

You always see and know that this guy is no good and having sex with him was a bad call, so I not going touch that subject. Instead I would advise you to change your number and make a report to your local police station. I don' know how many times you contacted her, but she might use it against you stating your harassing her for her man but on the flipside if she threating body harm, it's worst for her. Go file your report and don' entertain these people no more, move on.

A month and 20 days since me and my ex broke up.
Maybe 6 days since we last saw each other.and spoke to each other.

I still feel that little feeling that it will never be okay, because I found out recently, that he always told his best friend that he wish we would break up, whenever they hung out, but when he was with me, all he did was be nothing but grateful and glad that we were together.

Just last night, I received my ex's girlfriend's cell phone number, (she gave it to me, and asked her to text her. That was at 11pm) she was extremely friendly, when I figured she would be mad at me for still seeing my ex(For those who read my other posts, the ex had recently spent a few nights in my house... ) and she was very understanding because she's still having second thoughts with my ex because she still loves her ex.(we then stopped talking at like 2/3am that night)

My problem is, that I don't know if I should trust her, because no matter how unhappy she says she is, because she misses her ex, she's with my ex regardless.

I remained my NC to my ex since I last saw him, and I enjoy talking to his girlfriend, because she's in my situation, and she advises me like I advise her. We've become friends in some weird way. But at the same time I feel that I can't fully trust her with all that's going on, her dating my ex, and all. So... what should I do?

The chinese have a saying similar to this "The lion and the wolf can co-exist until the food supply runs low" I would never advise you to be friends with your ex's girlfriend, just doesn't sound like a good situation. I would cut contact with both of them, it's for the best. And stay away from the bloody cancer of an ex

If you could ever write a letter to the person who hurt you most what would you say?

Been there, done that, got no response... hell, I don't think he cared. I basically told him that he did me wrong and mentioned all the things I did for him and I also let him know how he hurt me and that karma will come back on him. Again... I got NADA! I saw him 6 months later and we spoke but briefly and slightly akward but I felt like I had the upper hand.

Goodbye... and good riddance!!

I wouldn't waste the paper, my physical appearance and happiness speaks louder than any amount of words could ever begin to describe

I agree actually... that letter is good for you to get everything out on paper but in the end the exes do not care. ( most at least)

I have written letters like that, but only for myself, never sent them, it helped.

Spewing venom towards someone, even if they deserve it, only does you an injustice, it doesn't affect them at all, so why bother?

I've written letters, too. Maybe they don't actually get to see him but it feels so good to get it off your chest!

See "letters to our exes."

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/letters-our-exes-154321.html?highlight=letters+to+our+exes

Its been two months since we last broke up,
nine days since we last had sex,
and six days since i last saw him. ..
...

his new girlfriend, who happens to be a real close friend, assures me that she's not in love with him, and that she is in love with her ex (they had a rocky relationship, and she's just with someone for the sake of not being alone - i'd rather have her date him, than someone else...) she tells me that he just has to realize that he made his mistakes...but just today he wrote me a letter ( i previously wrote one, asking for closure - how do you get that anyways?) saying that he hopes i find happiness , like he has. and then he wrote that he finally found the perfect girl.

i couldnt help but feel a bit hurt by it all.

i couldve sworn that i was a little moved on, but i was okay with the fact that i loved someone else, but i was still happy because of friends/work/etc. but today was just another brick in the big wall that im tryin to climb over -.- so yeah.. i post whenever im sad, and today im just out of it...advice?

You need to just walk away and no contact. He seems to enjoy rubbing how happy he is in your face and you know she is not happy with him. Leave it go, leave him go, find someone you can be happier with

You need to just walk away and no contact. He seems to enjoy rubbing how happy he is in your face and you know she is not happy with him. Leave it go, leave him go, find someone you can be happier with


I agree, the new girlfriend is one of my closest friends (recently) and she says she wants to make us get back together, because all he does it talk about me (reminsicing etc) and today he tried to "advise" me to find someone else, and I told him (truthfully) that I was talking to a guy at work, and things might lead to a relationship, and he wrote "i didnt know you were seeing someone..." well what choice do I have? You have a new girlfriend and your not worth waiting for, of course I'm going to find someone. He didn't write back, but its okay, he texted me saying that he was always there for me. And I can't help but laugh, last week he avoided me, and now he's trying to snoop on my myspace(its private) and texting me all the time.

What do you think?

Its been exactly 3 months since me and my ex broke up.
He called me three or four days ago. I wouldnt have picked up
but i was already sleeping, and i just picked up. he called me complaining
about how his life was so miserable, and that why his girlfriend chose me (as a friend)
than him (as a boyfriend) i felt horrible for him, i trully did pity him. and i told him
calmly that he couldnt blame me simply because i was the ex. his mother called my
father, saying i was harassing him--threatening to kill myself--getting pregnant on purpose--etc--etc. My father is furious, my mother slightly amused (she likes the drama life) and im angry as well. My ex hasnt called me at all, and it was his friends doing.
(she left me 7 text messages when i was at work) his new girlfriend is very angry and she called me to apologize and she broke up with him the very next day.


so...even with this, whos wrong? for me picking up half asleep anyways? the friend texting me (she called my exs mom to begin with) or my ex for being completely off the wall?


and even with all of this? why can't i help but feel sad about it all?
and still somewhat miss him??
--*sigh*--

I think you must still miss him

Missing him is a normal thing, you will always remmeber you ex ans exs, some obvisouvly more than others (example first love... ). I think you feel sad because deep down you care about him and even though you are not with him it s still affects you. Now it doesn't change you in the way that you might maybe want to see him again and talk to him again, doesn't it ?

I would love it if we could talk again, and even be friends, but with all the drama (texting/calling/family involvement)it seems impossible. The only reason I won't talk to him, is because if one of us call/text each other our parents will turn this into a legal battle... (harassment--when that's none of us have never harassed each other)but I really do miss him, and I really do care for him, but I honestly don't know what to do

I started college today, which was pretty awesome, but for some odd reason.. I felt like my ex would pop out of the hallways and try to ruin my life. He's still in high school. For those who have read my previous posts, I didn't have a very mature ex during our break up period and he really did make me miserable for the most part. I called a friend today and she said she ran into my ex and asked about how he was and he said, "i hope __(me)__ doesnt ruin my senior year." my friend asked why, "cuz that thing ruined everything." when I heard that from my friend, my heart crumbled, its been about 8 days since I last talked to my ex, month and a half since I've last seen him.. but I still really hurt... I know it sounds weird but for some reason I feel as if he left a huge scar running down my face(or very noticeable limp), and everyone knows that I'm still hurting, or that I did. I have friends who keep me busy, my new college classes, work, and I've kept NC... but I still feel so robbed, I know that in the end I'm the one who will gain everything, but for now, I feel so empty/defeated. I went to an amusement park today with my mom and sister and cousins, and I was terrified that he would be on the same ride as me (when he was at school -- I got out early --gotta love college) I'm absolutely petrifried to go anywhere. I'm so angry at the thought that I can't go walking without having to do double takes all over the place. I'm so angry at the fact that I can't defend my name when he talks about me to other people... im so angry at the fact that as much as I want to, I just can't let it go... I feel like I have to run away and start fresh as my last resort, but I love my family, and my school and job. I had such a rough past, and I don't want to relive it any longer, can anybody help me??

Hey, "lost"

You spoke to him 8 days ago? That is definitely not NC.

Anyway, these things take time. Now that you are in college you should quickly find a college counselor/social worker/advisor. The college can help you find help. The "roughness" you speak of in your past, needs to be addressed. So, you can embrace your new environment. College... this is the biggest chance of your life... trust me on that. Take advantage of all the great people and things around you...


Hang in there... your ex will fade over time... if if if if you respect NC. You have kind of not done that...

My ex and I have been broken up since June.
Found out about a miscarriage in July.
And we've stopped talking since early August.

My mom is trying to kick me out of the house, but since I give her money, she lets me stay... my ex found out from a person that I work with who shares a class with him. He was desperately asking for my number(I changed it, and never gave it to him). The person gave it to him.

He asked if there was anything that he could do, bla bla.
But I just told him a pack of cigs would saffice, and didn't write anything else.
Next month will be 4 years since his stepfather passed away (car accident).

He claims that I'm the only one he could ever talk to about it.
I hear from our teachers(that are like parents to us) that he hasn't slept or ate well in weeks, (he dreads for October 29th to come). I feel bad for him. After all the drama, I still care and wonder if he'll ever be okay.

We don't text each other, but when it happens, its just a awkward-but polite-and quick conversation. I know he wants to say more, because he always puts a lot of "..." after every text. Sometimes I just don't want to bother anymore, but I know he's reaching out to me for help. A shoulder to cry on.

What should I do?
(I still care for him very much, but when it comes to being in another relationship... that ship has sailed... )


Edit-- my mother situation has gotten better, but I just wanted to add that as to why my ex has contacted me.

While your ex could be going through some serious torment I would still say that you are number one... Sounds selfish I know but especially after my break-up that's how I have come to look at things.

It all depends really, how do you think it will affect you to help him through this time? If you can see it being detrimental to your own happiness and well being than I would suggest you not do it. He will be OK and life will go on for him.

However, if you do think you can handle being there for him, then I say why not. If it won't hurt you than why not do something to help someone out who you (like you said) still care about deeply.

So that's my advice... if you can't handle it don't (you are number one) but if you can than I say go for it!

After reading your other threads it best to stay away from him. You can say a few words with him but you very need to watch yourself and keep your feelings in check because your old feelings might get mix in while your helping him out but I think it good you want to be there for him because no one likes to see a person down. Btw, sorry about your miscarriage.

I think its time to focus on you, and leave everything else alone. I have read your other threads, and can't see how you go from here

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/marine-comes-home-259523.html,

To this post.

Hey guys! Its been a while! Let me fill you in!


got my license! finally!
working everyday
bootcamp jan12
saw my ex =/
my boyfriend is coming home in december


Its been pretty hetic, but I love it.
With my ex, we talked and I kind of cried a bit because I still had so many feelings left over. He's never going to grow up, and unfortunately, when he does, ill be half way across the world... or married to my boyfriend...

Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend, and these are true feelings...
But I'm still caught up on my ex. Its only been four months, but its time to move on don't you think? We've been doing NC since we saw each other (we saw each other on the 1st.) and he texted me on the 18th saying "for what its worth, it was worth all the while." I asked him what he was talking about and he wrote "its a song, i thought about you."
And that was it. We stopped talking again.

He drives me crazy, because he knows I'm with my boyfriend, and he flaunts his girlfriends around, why text me things like that?
This isn't the kind of stuff that I need to have before I leave for bootcamp.. >.<

First I don't think you are being entirely fair to your current boyfriend if you still have feelings left for the ex.

Second, can't you block phone numbers to receive texts from him. If you allow him to keep in contact with you then you are only going to prolong the emotional issues.

I would go as far as changing your phone number... it pretty much needs to be like you are erasing him from your life, and vice versa.

I would go as far as changing your phone number...it pretty much needs to be like you are erasing him from your life, and vice versa.

I did change my number, but a mutul friend of ours gave it to him. =/

For the shake of your current BF stop and prevent further communication from your ex. Be careful with your feelings.

First I don't think you are being entirely fair to your current boyfriend if you still have feelings left for the ex.

Second, can't you block phone numbers to receive texts from him. If you allow him to keep in contact with you then you are only going to prolong the emotional issues.

My current boyfriend knows about our long past, and understands that. He knows I won't leave him for anyone else. I love my boyfriend.

I don't really think your current BF is the most important person in this situation right now... YOU are. You have got to find some way of deleting him from your life! I know you have had a long past and I am more than versed on what boot camp will do (you will not have time to think of anything then). For your own good, and for your own development you need to literally pretend like he is dead for now. I know it sounds harsh and I don't mean to be that way, but it is the only way to emotionally get over someone. Compare it to drug adicts going through detox. Four months is not a long time either. It takes A LONG time to get rid of the emotional baggage of a long and loving relationship. You NEVER want to try and commit to something when there are some leftover feelings still lingering.

Haven't we learned, that talking to exes for whatever reason, brings confusion, and question we can't answer?

Get real with the NC, and given your new found happiness, hang up on him, when he calls since you can't just tell him leave you alone, and make it stick!

Its about what you do, not what he does.

I don't think you love your boyfriend. I'll be the first one to say it and you may disagree, but if you did you wouldn't be struggling with these feelings about your ex. I love my fiancée, very much so, and I still talk to my ex. She texts me every once in awhile(once a week?) and never do I have to post it on here because I have fully healed from that heartbreak, I don't think you have and until you have I can't see you giving your all to anyone else and that isn't fair.

Change your number, be more careful who you give your number to and go NC, think about your boyfriends feelings.