I just need someone to listen to me...


I cry day and night... and I can't hold it any longer...


You know those police movies... when a cop work under cover to get some information and data from some one... in order to do this he has to live with them and be one of them... then he get in love with this family,. and can't do his business any more...

and he will be between tow fires... TWO FIRES... the fire of his job losing,. and the FIRE of being a liar to someone as pure as rain drops... and you can't say any word to him... because you know deep inside that you are a LAIR...


I am like this PERSON...
I lied to someone... to make fun of him... BUT NOW I am becoming his best friend... and he is everything to me... I never imagined that it will be like this...

it's a dirty game I played... and now I am regretting everyday passes by.. I tell a lie to that person... I AM SORRY... I never meant it to be like this...

I loved you like a true friend... and ONLY god knows about it... and I can't face you with the truth... because I am afraid if I lose you...


it has been now ONE year and a half... we are friends... but he doesn't know who the real am I??

And we spend nights chatting and having fun... but as soon as he is gone... I feel like a f(&(* as^%$#... I DESERVE TO DIE... he is sooo good... and I betrayed him...

I can't say the truth... I can't tell anyone about this... its only me , him , my friend and my niece... and now you people... here in the forum... I need someone to listen to me... I have been tortured everyday... keeping this all inside... I can't bear it anymore... and I am getting deeper and deeper in this s*&(*!!


PLEAS GOD SAVE ME... ITS KILLLING ME... EVERYWHERE I GO... I THINK OF THIS AND I BECOME SAD... AND I HOLD MY TEARS... BUT I CAN'T PRETEND I AM HAPPY... EVERY ONE AROUND ME KNOWS THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG... I am not as I used to be... funny and happy... I am changing...

by telling you that... I feel much more better... at least there is someone share it with me now...

It's OK, honey. The important thing is how you feel about this person right now. May be you did some mistakes in the past. It's good that you acknowledge this and that you are sorry about it. Your actions towards this person now should be a testimonial that you have changed. Next thing that you should do is to forgive yourself. Always remember you can't be that bad especially you're a child of God. Peace!

I don't know what to say to you Lengkyx... BUT your answer made me in tears... I hope he will forgive me after what I did to him... I don't think so? :(

And I can't forgive myself... I would rather burn in hell... than telling him lies again... but I just can't stop... I can't stop talking to him... and I can't stop lying too... because once I do... he will know about everything... and he will hate me...

I AM FORCED TO DO IT!.

And what hurst the most that he trusts me blindly... he even gave me his email password... and asked me to log on with his own...

I WON'T never betray him and do anything to his email... or even to him... but I believe that telling him lies will hurt him even more when he knows about it...

Thanks for your replay... it really helps...

But please don't be that kind to me... I don't deserve it... I deserve insults from every one read this!.

You can say :
You BH... why did you do that..!

You can say :
What the hell are you thinking... its someone's feelings... YOU SICK?!

You can say :
GO TO HELL!!

You can say :
DIE

You can say :
Cry yourself a river... no one will forgive you...

You can say :
May God burn you alive...

You can say :
You are Cursed!!

You can say :
Find a doctor!

You can say : anything that make me feel better...

I really mean it... I MEAN IT O_O...

At least I can feel that there are others who can take his rights... and avenge him...

I think we're going to need more info if we're going to have any luck making any sense of this/giving you some decent advice.

The purpose of this forum is to post whatever you want and not feel judged. Maybe you did something awful, it doesn't matter what we think anyway, we're just a bunch of jerks on the internets.

It'll really make you feel better if you write down everything that happened and how you feel. Then we can go from there. But by the looks of things, you got to learn to forgive yourself, we all do stupid things.

Please make sense for all us poor guys who can't read minds, or broken senseless english. Have you no mercy?

Lol Talaniman I totally agree. I tried reading the whole thing, all I got was something about being fake to a guy.

Well your joke certainly seemed to backfire on you. With that in mind, you'll only continue to hurt if you go on the same way. If you come clean, you'll at least know that you did that. Even if it ends the relationship, and he never communicates again, at least you'll know that you are not continuing the lies, and that you cut him loose from the deception.

I don't know what the secret lies were, but it is possible that it means more to you than it would him, or you may be right that it will make a big difference to him, but it doesn't make much sense for you to continue it with your feelings as they are.

Your post has led me to speculate on something such as you are not female, or you are not single, or you are not the age you told him, or you've had a sex change, or the list could go on and on if I keep speculating, but I won't. I'll wait to see if you post any more information.

GUYS ,….. it's a long damn story … but if you are willing to hear it , then it will be ….

And I am here to share it with you guys …. I swear I'm writing this again …. After I was putting the last lines of my replay … it was all gone … because of a stupid touch pad … was hit by mistake to backward the page …

Any way … I am sorry for being late …. My mistake … and sorry for not being clear …. Because I am totally miserable … and I want to talk it out ….. . but here is the story …

This thing has been going on for a year and a half now … for begin reckless and pre-judging things and people ….. I was so stupid to listen to someone …. And help doing stupid things …. I will tell how this has happened ….

One day …. My niece came to me telling me about some guy who has looked her down and never wanted to help her back …it was all about photo shop and forums …. She loved PS and wanted to learn it by all means …. And she is so smart ….. This guy is a tough TALENTED person on PS … and he was just showing off on people their ….. << one of them was my niece …. Moreover , he made fun of her designs and his replays were sooo tough and harsh …. As if " do you call this a design you don't know any thing about PS … go work on a painter … its better for you!''

She told me all about this …. And she was hell mad …. And even cried …. I was sooo fouirse ….because I just hate when it gets my family … no one touches my family NO ONE!!!

So while I was signing in with my MSN … I wanted to check my chat log !! … so I found one of them was not mine …. I opened it … and there I found it was my niece email on it … and the other one was by that guy name….. and the whole conversation was one line …. She was telling him happy holiday ….. and he didn't even replay back …
I was like……( what the hell …. This girl never learns …. He is that bad and she still sends him greetings …!!)

So I added his email <<< MY LIFE MISTAKE…..
Not to hurt him or to do anything bad to him … But I was just so curies to know how does this guy's mind work!! Why does he look poeple down …. And how does he think!!??
And he got online and we chatted ….. then he asked me "where are you from? "
I said .. I am American …. <<< THE SECOND LIFE MISTAKE…..

But that wasn't for him only …. I NEVER give a guy from my own country my real name, my real location , my real identity << its culture's differences !.....NVM
Btw , it turned out that he is doing somehow the same ….

So …. As an American … I had to fake my daily life ….. how do I spend my free time …. Where do I live … what are my studies … who is my family …. ALL FAKE! ….. I even showed him a pic of a girl << who is not me !!

It turned out that this guy …. Started to believe me and very happy about it, then a brilliant idea came to my STUPID mind ….. I said … why not to go on …. And complete this as long as he is believing it …I will be revenging my niece ..and at the END ,…. I will just tell him that you were fooled …. You have been lied to…. I am not an American .. I thought you would be a smart a%^ to know … but you turned out to be stupid… Why to show off … while you are not worth it … << I HATE MYSLEF FOR SAYING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took advantages of my fluent English << well no that fluent … but good … to fool that guy and make up events ….doesn't exist only on MOVIES !! (don't look at me like that :S)

Still want to know what I did……………………….

I faked my pic

I faked group conversations …………for 6 people << ALL OF THEM WERE I AM….. and that guy!

I pretend to go online drunk!!

He dreams about me ….. and says to me …. You are an angel!!!<< I was soo good to him …actually that is me …. But I was blind by devil!

I made him translate songs for me to English while I knew what they mean … because they were my with language

I had a boyfriend ….. and I broke up with him ……

I EVEN SUICIDE….. and made him shade tears ………<<< well that was meant to be an escape for me to just vanish and never come back ….. but I couldn't …. And I got back to him << I know it was stupid and totally wrong but I want to finish this madness …

I talked to his friends …….. and he was like " hey this is my best friend ……BEST EVER!! "

I talked to his sisters …… and that what kills me …… they are sooo cute and nice ….. but I just can't go back …. To day No.1 and say ….. all that were lies …. I was joking !!

I DID THINGS YOU WILL NEVER IMAGINE!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE …….(don't trust MSN friends)

I knew that guy ….and knew how does he think…. What does he want …. What does he need …. His way of expressing things …. I knew when he has anything in his mind … without even saying it …. And he told me that I am the only one who could understand him out of all his friends ….. he almost got 112 contacts … and he only talks to me !! we talk every night …till morning … for hours and hours …..laughing .. and having fun

I was having fun with this s*** …. Till one day !!

He travelled to somewhere out side our borders …. And he didn't go online for about ONE month …… I WAS WORRIED like hell ….. and even had dreams about him …. I sent him messages …. I was like crazy then I stopped for a while (WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!??) you never suppose to be like that ….. he means nothing to you …. Stop worrying …. But I couldn't ….. ONLY THEN …. I realized that this guy means a lot to me …. And I begin to care about him as I care about not only a friend but a FAMILY …. And I would kill any one tries to hurt him …..

I was so scarred about my new feelings ….. and I couldn't lie to him when I met him after that ….. then he told me " you've changed….. is there anything wrong? … you are hiding something … you know that we can share anything …. If there is anything bothers you …. Just tell me? " …. I almost died ……

So I started to tell lies again … I didn't want him to know I am fake …… I didn't want to LOSE him …. This friend ….. is part of my life now ….. we share secrets … we solve each other problems and issues ….. we are much more than just friends …. He tells me everything …. And I do the same but some how I Americanized it a bit ….. WE ARE ONE NOW ….. he introduced me to his family T_T … I met his sisters …. I HATE MYSELF ….. now I am not lying to one person … but to the whole family …..

LOOK AT ME ….. I can't go back now …. And I am sooooo deep in this ….. I don't want to lose him …. I became addicted to him …. I talk to him every day ….. I even mistaken his name with my family members ….. because I talk to him more than I do to them ….

YES I faked everything ….. but I didn't fake my feelings ….. they are all true!! And I would sacrifice myself for him and give him my all ….. because he is a really true friend …. And I deserve him NOT!!



I AM SORRY !!!!

Please make sense for all us poor guys who can't read minds, or broken senseless english. Have you no mercy??


Sorry for that...

P.S.
Is my English that broken... :confused:... well... This broken English fooled My friend

I wish if he were like you... and finds out that I am fake... I would be released from this sad, heart smasher story...

By the way...
I wrote him a poem... and its about the whole thing...
But I decided to hand it over to him when he finds out the truth... and I will be vanished for ever

Your post has led me to speculate on something such as you are not female, or you are not single, or you are not the age you told him, or you've had a sex change, or the list could go on and on if I keep speculating, but I won't. I'll wait to see if you post any more information.

Yes I lied about my age...
I told him 22 and I am 23

But I didn't lied about my sex... he knows I am a female...
And I am single...

I am ready to tell you guys anything... you just ask... I feel better by telling someone what I felt about it... since I have been keeping it all inside...
Its killing me

First off, tal was being sarcastic with the "have you no mercy??" part.

Second, how old are you?

Third, have you ever met this guy in person? It was kind of unclear.
How long has this been going on?

From what I can tell... you lied to someone on the internet, someone you've never met, I'm not sure if you can have feelings for someone you've never even met... you may enjoy talking to them, but I don't think you can have deep feelings for some internet guy. After all, he may be some 40 year old lady with a sick mind.

first off, tal was being sarcastic with the "have you no mercy??" part.

second, how old are you?

I am 23 but I told him 22 ><



third, have you ever met this guy in person? it was kind of unclear.
I'VE NEVER MET HIM

How long has this been going on?

It has been going for one year and a half... and still going and still lying


from what i can tell... you lied to someone on the internet, someone you've never met, im not sure if you can have feelings for someone you've never even met... you may enjoy talking to them, but i dont think you can have deep feelings for some internet guy. after all, he may be some 40 year old lady with a sick mind

I am the sick one... I just did what you've said..

I know this guy... he is well known in the forum my niece told me about... I never registered to that forum... but as she said.. she told me he is a hell of a person... and he is not lying to me... I am sure of that... he sends me pictuers more than just once... He is real... I am fake.. ihatewestseneca

And YES... I have feelings for him as a close friend... I swear I cry everyday I think of what I did to him... and he goes crazy if I didn't show up on MSN for a long time...

We are REAL friends...

I think if I met him... I might not be as close as I am now to him

And thank you so much for trying to help me... you and the others...
And I am sorry if you looked at me as a DEVIL person... I don't blame you at all...

I just want him to forgive me when he knows about it...
And I won't come back to him if he finds out all about this... I won't be able to face him... because simply it won't be the same...

QUOTE: I am the sick one...

And thank you so much for trying to help me... you and the others...
And I am sorry if you looked at me as a DEVIL person... I don't blame you at all... END QUOTE:

No one thinks you're a "devil person". You did what unfortunately a lot of people do when they use the anonymity of the internet to create a false identity. That is how 12 and 13 yr old innocent little girls get trapped by 50 yr old men, and think that it's a young boy they have fallen in love with, and end up agreeing to meet with them in person, and bad things happen.

He might not even be who YOU think he is. I'm guessing you have never spoken on the phone either? If you are so sure that you know who he is, and what he is all about, then all you are doing is hurting yourself by carrying on this game with him. That's what happens when you start one lie... it snowballs and you can't stop the snowball from rolling down the hill and taking people out in it's path!

If you feel he is a good friend to you, come clean! Tell him that you have something to tell him that has been eating away at you. Tell him it all started as a joke, but then you started to think of him as a good friend, and by that time you had gone too far. Tell him you just couldn't bring yourself to do it, because you couldn't bear to hurt him by telling him that all this time he was talking to a made up person.

He may tell you to go to hell... or he may not, depending on the way you tell him. But, you have to tell him. It isn't fair to either of you to keep up the charade. In fact, it's downright cruel.

Just tell him and deal with the consequences!

You might not want to call it all a joke, but say that it was for your fun, and that you wanted to be annonymous on line so that you would not get into trouble with some basically unknown person on the internet. Then you can tell about you made up life, but that all of the feelings were real. If he still likes the conversation and wants to continue that, then you can... but if he decides to take a long walk, you have to respect that as well. But then you will be able to respect yourself for not continuing the lies.

What started as a prank, grew to have a life of its own. That's life on the INTERNET. I doubt you have real feelings for someone you never met, but your solution is quite simple really. Leave him alone, and chalk this whole incident up to bad judgment, and learn from this experience. Just leave him alone, and don't complicate his life trying to explain, or make it up to him. Simply disappear.

You must have been quite good at convincing him of your lies. What makes you so sure he is telling the truth? He may be as good at is as you are.

*blinks* I want 10 minutes of my life back.

QUOTE: In fact, it's downright cruel.

Just tell him and deal with the consequences!

I know I am that cruel... but I swear it wasn't meant to be like that... and I feel so bad for him and I...

Telling him could be the right thing to do... but words are not like actions...

The thought of telling him the truth kills me when it just crosses my mind... how about putting this in action... I can't tell him I lied to you... he might have a heart attack

He might live with a scar the rest of his life... he appreciate friendship to madness... a friend to him is like God!.

I deformed even his principles and figures of his life... I'll be a curse on him... IF he knew I am a lair...

Besides... I won't be ready to absorb his possibly negative reaction or listen to his bad words... not after he becomes EVERYTHING in my life!

He once said something to me... it was not that bad... and he never meant what I understood... but I just almost died... and he was talking to himself for a while.. because I was crying... it did hurt me like hell... and I was thinking of what he said for a week or something... shedding tears whenever I remember it...

How about taking all his anger... I WON'T BEAR IT...

I know its my mistake and I should pay for it... but now he is my BEST friend... and I can only see him that kind nice boy I usually talk to and open my heart for him...

If he just yells at me... I would die...

If he still likes the conversation and wants to continue that, then you can.... but if he decides to take a long walk, you have to respect that as well. But then you will be able to respect yourself for not continuing the lies.

oneguyinohio thanks for your sweet words...

If that guy knew what I did to him and if even forgave me... I WON'T be his friend any more... and will vanish!! For ever!!

Think about it... deeply... would you be with a girl that lied to you 1 and a half year!?

I don't think so... even if there is a strong connection between you two...

And it will come up one day... SURE it will...
Once you are telling the truth he will think you are not... and while you were lying.. he believed it all... it hurts !

I can't accept his opinion about me being a lair and a friend... it just can't be together!

What started as a prank, grew to have a life of its own. Thats life on the INTERNET. I doubt you have real feelings for someone you never met

Well... this is out of question... YES I have feelings for him as a true devoted friend... or else I won't be in this mess... I would just leave it as you just said... and never think about it again...


Just leave him alone, and don't complicate his life trying to explain, or make it up to him. Simply disappear.


Simply disappear... so easy to say..!

I have spent a life time with my friend... its just so hard to do that... though I believe it's the right thing to do... and I tried it once... I was like one month offline... and I was seeing him going online and offline... I read all his offline messages... and his dreams about me... he was searching for me everywhere... he even watched the news... hoping to know anything about me... or any recently accidents at college...

He googled my name... trying to find anything about me...

I messed with his life... and he needed me to be his friend... and to stay next to him when he needs me...

If I just disappeared he will have hope everyday that I might come back!
I will be placing two wounds rather than one... lies+ forsaking!

When I disappeared... I saw how was he acting, I knew what I meant to him...

I knew that he wanted me back by all means!.
And then I decided to go back... and never let him down... if he wants to end up this... then its his turn to do so...

At least... it will not end up by my own bloody hands!

What makes you so sure he is telling the truth? He may be as good at is as you are.


PEOPLE... you are missing the real lair here... ITS ME...


I know him... I talked to his sisters... his friends... he is not lying... if I have doubts that he is lying... then I won't waste my time everyday thinking of him... and crying...


Any way... thanks K_3... I wish if he is a liar... that will be a relief

*blinks* I want 10 minutes of my life back.


I AM SO SORRY BREAK!! I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE THE AIR I BREATH!!


But I have a believe...

I have a believe that I was sent to him by God... I am there in his email for a purpose... and its HOLLY... no one knows it but God!.

But I believe its for the good of both of us !

I know I am that cruel .... but I swear it wasn't meant to be like that ... and I feel so bad for him and I .......

Telling him could be the right thing to do .... but words are not like actions .....

the thought of telling him the truth kills me when it just crosses my mind .... how about putting this in action .... I can't tell him I lied to you .... he might have a heart attack

he might live with a scar the rest of his life ...... he appreciate friendship to madness ... a friend to him is like God!!! .....

I deformed even his principles and figures of his life ..... I'll be a curse on him ... IF he knew I am a lair ...

Besides ..... I won't be ready to absorb his possibly negative reaction or listen to his bad words.... not after he becomes EVERYTHING in my life !!

He once said something to me .... it was not that bad .... and he never meant what I understood .....but I just almost died .... and he was talking to himself for a while .. because I was crying .... it did hurt me like hell... and I was thinking of what he said for a week or something .... shedding tears whenever I remember it ....

How about taking all his anger .... I WON"T BEAR IT .....

I know its my mistake and I should pay for it .... but now he is my BEST friend .... and I can only see him that kind nice boy I usually talk to and open my heart for him ....

if he just yells at me .... I would die ...

I don't think you are so worried about him here! You sound more concerned with yourself, and how YOU would feel. This is a virtual internet friendship! :rolleyes:

Read all of your "I's"
-- 'I' can't tell him 'I' lied (he may have a heart attack?)
-- 'I' deformed his principles
-- 'I'll' be a curse on him
-- 'I' am a liar
-- 'I' just almost died
-- 'I' was crying --hurt ME like hell
-- 'I won't bear it
-- 'I' should pay for it
-- 'I' would die
-- 'I won't be able to absorb
-- 'I' usually talk to

Now read the things you said about "him"
-- 'He' might live with a scar for the rest of his life
-- 'He' might have a heart attack
-- 'Friendship to him is like God??
-- 'EVERYTHING' in my life
-- 'MY' best friend (if he yells at ME, I would die)

Do you REALLY think that he thinks the world revolves around you? He would have a heart attack if he found out? Comparing your friendship to that of God?

Those are all pretty arrogant statements. Do you really think you have that much power over someone you've met on the internet? I really doubt that HIS world revolves around YOU.

I think you need to spend more time off your computer, and talking to "real" people that you can see and touch... not on a webcam!

Go out and meet yourself some real flesh and blood people, and stop being so loyal to the virtual guy!

You're living in the virtual dream world!

Do you REALLY think that he thinks the world revolves around you? He would have a heart attack if he found out? Comparing your friendship to that of God??

Those are all pretty arrogant statements. Do you really think you have that much power over someone you've met on the internet? I really doubt that HIS world revolves around YOU.

Yeah.. you are right... I concern about myself more... well... it was I who lied at the first place... it was I who made up the whole stupid #$%^ story!.

and at the end... it should be "I" who must regret it...

and I don't think that his world revolves around me... but I talked to that guy... and I know how much I mean to him... he got over than 100 contacts on his email... I SAW IT BY MY OWN EYES!. and he goes online just to talk to me...

and he keeps telling me that I am his BEST friend and the only one who can understand him better... he told me about his friends and how they betrayed him... and how he felt about it... it was awful


You're living in the virtual dream world!

This virtual world has more meaning than the real one... for me
and lots of people get to know each other by this virtual world... and some even got married!! I heard lots and lots of stories...

and mine became a tragic one among them...

even if its virtual... as long as it can affect your life and your feelings then its as real as the real world!

I shouldn't lie to someone!. Its feelings... they are real!

I JUST FEEL SO BAD!.

P.S
We didn't chat by cam... nor by phone... ONLY MSN...

You are way to emotionally, and physically, invested into this fantasy world, to make any realistic decisions. For your sake turn off the computer, and seek a real person, preferably a professional to talk to, and get back to the real world of real people. Please, I beg you.

I believe you that you feel bad. But bad enough to tell him the truth? If you want to keep on lying to him, that is your own choice! Is it going to make you feel better? Probably not. Are you missing out on a 'normal' relationship? Probably so. Will your virtual friendship last long? Probably not. Are you living a fantasy? Probably so.

Give the magic 8 ball a shake and see what it has to say.

Tell him the truth. This is YOUR responsibility. You want to fix things and the way to do it is to tell the truth. What else can you really do? If you can offer an alternative, tell me.

However, just because you are telling the truth does not mean he will forgive you. YOUR responsibility is YOURS. The result is HIS choice, whether you like it or not. You'll have to accept it. At least you will know that you actually DID something right, finally.

You are way to emotionally, and physically, invested into this fantasy world, to make any realistic decisions. For your sake turn off the computer, and seek a real person, preferably a professional to talk to, and get back to the real world of real people. Please, I beg you.
Very well put talaniman

When you say you "talk" to these friends and relatives of this guy, is it "talking" with your voice or is it emailing?
Yes, there are friends who marry someone they met on the net, some success stories. There are many many stories of scams, lies, deceit. I am not saying this is true with him. If you were to ask him he would probably say you were honest.
I agree that you are far too involved with a fantasy world. Talking on the net, meeting people on line is not a bad thing, as long as you keep it in perspective. Until you see someone face to face, spend some time with that person, observe their actions and reactions, you do not know that person. In an online relationship you only know what that person wants you to know. I knew a guy that pretended to be a woman.

Your emotions are way out there on this. You need to tell him the truth and let this be a lesson to you. Lies will always come back and bite you in the end. He may be upset, but who knows he may understand. He may have several emails, several "best friends" that he has given his password to in order to prove his honesty. If not, life is about forgiving, his reaction will tell you something about him.

You really need to get a grip on real life. Please go find a friend or family member and give them a hug, you need a real life reality check.

Ok guys...

So.. I assume it's the last and the only sulotion



...... THE TRUTH.....


Even if that means I will lose him forever...

Truth means end of this wonderful freindship... it means Goodbye forever...

Its so hard to lose a friend like him... he is sooo REAR! And unique...

if you were in my shoes you will know how hard it will be to say the words "I lied to you!"

I just wanted to be next to him... and give him any kind of help he needs... I would do anything he wants... He is my BEST friend EVER!!

But doing this will be hard for both of us...
He will be shoked and hurt... and I will be left alone !

But it's the right thing to do... Since I can't bear it any more... he is a great person! And I can't do this to him... I cry whenever he crosses my mind... because I feel sorry.. and I can't say I am so sorry...


BUT I CAN'T DO IT... its just... omg

Ok... let me at least make it up to him... I want to do something good to him... so when he know about it he will say.. I didn't waste my time... at least I got that thing out of the whole crap!

But I don't know how to make it up to him..!

How to make it up to him... hmmmm. Be honest with him today and forever more. Be honest with yourself, you want to believe this is all about him going to miss you. I believe it is more about you missing him. That is the truth. He may feel hurt at first, but what will he really be missing, a big lie.
You are not only living in a fantasy world on the net, you are also living in your mind. You are guessing he is going to say or do this or that, it is all thoughts in your mind. The more you dwell on it and think, the more creative and dramatic you get. It is not REAL. You have no idea how he is going to react, even when he tells you how he feels, if you do not see him, will you really know how he reacted or felt?

When you say you "talk" to these friends and relatives of this guy, is it "talking" with your voice or is it emailing?

You really need to get a grip on real life. Please go find a friend or family member and give them a hug, you need a real life reality check.

I only chatted with them... MSN... not on phone...

And I want to clear something out... I care about that friend... I love him as a close friend ... its not like what you think... its pure friendship...


What's with the real world idea... I see internet world is as real as the real world... its just so hard to separate them since most of my friends are online contacts!

I did not think anything other than him being a friend. I am sorry if I implied differently.
I am just worried about you. It is OK to have online friends. It is not healthy to have more online friends than friends you see and visit and touch each day. It is too easy to loose contact with reality. I am just concerned about you, that is all.

How to make it up to him........hmmmm. Be honest with him today and forever more. Be honest with yourself, you want to believe this is all about him going to miss you. I believe it is more about you missing him. That is the truth. He may feel hurt at first, but what will he really be missing, a big lie.


Its not a big lie!. My feelings are all real... everything I said about my personality is real... I lied only about the events around me... my environment..!

What you said is sooo right...
Its more about me going to miss him!. yeah.. I believe this is so true...

I am so deep in this now... what should I do?

How about disappearing... I don't want to hurt him!.
But I will go through this gradually...
I won't go online everyday... I'll make it once a week... and so on... till I completely gone

Wow, what an unusual way of writing.

From what I understand, you lied to a guy on the internet about how you look, how then did you meet his sisters??

This story is really unusual and does not make a heck of a lot of sense to me. Provided this story is factual then view it from this angle, IF he lovesyou or confides in you and has come to develop some deep mystical bond between you (fantasy) what should it matter what you look like? Isn't the inner you more important to this wonderful human being you've described. Someone so great cannot possibly be superficial to shun you because you are a little lacking in self-confidence can he?

Also, what's with all the deserving to die talk? Geez, I've done worse things on a bus than this. I'm not making light of it but you are going way overboard with how serious this transgression really is.

I'm still not convinced this story is actually true, I'll wait for your answer about the sisters.

K_3... you are really nice...

Thanks for your concerns and your help... they mean a lot to me...

I am just confused!. and I need to talk it all out...

Thax for listening to me as well

Oh, I didn't even draw attention to the fact he is an internet buddy which you have never met!! Tell him the truth or delete him if you cannot handle telling him. Also, get off these social network sites for your own sanity, you don't seem like a person that is well suited for these things. If your so drawn to the computer in your spare time than you'd be wise to start playing internet hearts (I'm goooooood) or reversi (I can't be beat on a consistent basis), it'd be a lot more healthy for you.

BMI...

What is so weird about my writing... I didn't thought it's that unclear... please tell me if there is anything wrong with it... so I can improve it...

Well,
This story is soooo real... and if you didn't believe it, it will be my pleasure to send you all the chat logs for both of us.. I keep them...

I've post the whole thing... I lied to someone.. I gave him a different identity... not the real me... to take revenge of something he did to my niece...

So when I knew that guy better... I started to change my mind about him being selfish and cruel... but it was too late for me to say I was fake... because we became close friends... and I couldn't tell him I lied...

About his sisters...
He liked me as a good friend... and was so proud of me... and he tells his sisters about me... so one day.. he just got me in online group conversation... with his two sisters... I was shocked!. because I knew that he is now trusted me far more than I thought!

And now his sisters are chatting with me... and becoming good friends to me as well... and that what makes it worse than it was already...

Instead of lying to one person... now I am lying to the whole family!

I hope you got it... sorry for my English !

Oh dear you need not apologize for your writing. I said it was unusual in that the way you break up sentences is something I have not seen before.

As for saying I may not be true, I said that because your story reads that you have never met him yet you met his sisters, now that you have clarified it makes more sense.

All the rest I stand behind. This is not healthy for you at all, it is an obsession over a person in whom you have never even met. You would do well to distance yourself from the online world, its like thunderdome, no rules, everything is different and nobody is their REAL self.

Wonderful article about Facebook personalities I happened upon weeks ago. Although the appearance of the individual and information is correct, the rest is what one WANTS to project. No space for writing your faults and real persona, only space for what you do well or want people to think you do well.

Get away from this situation please.

instead of lying to one person... now I am lying to the whole family!
Either come clean, and be honest, or leave these folks alone. It helps nothing to lie, and then continue to lie does it? Your only confused because you know your actions have consequence. Consequences your unwilling to pay, so either do the right thing, and pay the consequences, or stop giving everyone the impression you're a caring person. Or are you trolling us for attention? This is not a hard problem to solve.

Your only confused because you know your actions have consequence. Consequences your unwilling to pay, so either do the right thing, and pay the consequences, or stop giving everyone the impression your a caring person. Or are you trolling us for attention? This is not a hard problem to solve.

Talaiman...

I am sorry that you understoond the whole thing as trolling you for attention thing!

If you call helping someone in truble and listening to someone who can't bear it all alone.. a trolling for attention then I AM SORRY... I bothered you...

You don't know how I feel about it,. and I am not giving impression I am a caring person.. because I REALLY DO CARE... I don't want to lose this friend... I want to do the impossible not to lose him... and all what you are telling me is to tell the truth... if I did that I will lose my friend... if I continue lying I will hurt myself and him as well...

That's why I seek help... because I couldn't do it by my own... and at the top of that.. I needed someone to know what I did... because I believe it will make me feel better... to let someone knows about it... since I've been keeping it all inside!

About the Consequences!!

Who told you that I am not willing to pay them... you don't know me.. I could do the craziest thing in the world... I swear to God... if he knew about this... I will send him my IP , my email address and my passwords...
And I will ask him to do anything he wants with them... and I will disable the antivirus for a month!! Just for his sake... I want him to take his full revenge out of me...

But I don't think its about revenge... its about a heart I unintentionally broke!

[/QUOTE]Who told you that I am not willing to pay them... you don't know me.. I could do the craziest thing in the world... I swear to God... if he knew about this... I will send him my IP , my email address and my passwords...
And I will ask him to do anything he wants with them... and I will disable the antivirus for a month!! Just for his sake... I want him to take his full revenge out of me.. [/QUOTE]



You need to seek professional help.

I apparently need to seek professional help regarding how to properly quote someone:(

Thanks BMI... I really appreciated it


p.s.
Just don't take out the name of the person you are quoting... and it will work

Lol... people helping people:)

I am unclear as to where you are from. Is English your first language? Just curious. I have to say once again you may be making more out of this thatn there is. Just tell him, get it over with and apologize. Be honest, tell him you started not telling him the whole truth and once you got to know him you found you enjoyed chatting and being his friend. Sorry, but let's go forward with the truth and that should be that. You are driving yourself crazy over something that may not come out that bad. The only way to know is to do it. It really is not the end of the world. Stop putting it off, it just makes you more upset. You really will be fine.

I am unclear as to where you are from. Is English your first language? Just curious.

K_3...
English is my second Language... my first language is Arabic...


Thanks a million for what you are doing... it means a lot to me...

But I want to ask you something... I know this has to be end the hard way!. (we were'n't meant to each other "God's Willing") but I want to reduce its hardship for the both of us!.

So what do you think..? End it by telling the truth... or just Disappearing... what do you think its better..

And either ways I am not going to do it now... he has final exams... and college to take care of... I will choose a right time...

Thanks for listening to me... its much more better now...

Oh girlfriend... just tell him the truth! Quit beating yourself up and wanting him to beat up on you too! If you two are really as close as you say and have deeper feelings for each other, then it won't matter and both of you will be able to move past this and start your friendship FOR REAL without all the lies and deceptions.
Telling him the truth will solve your problem point blank. Either he will be hurt to the point of never wanting to talk to you again... which solves your problem... or he will want to know the truth about you and who you are and you can both grow together... again problem solved.

And once again, as it's been said before in this thread. Get some professional help!

I have sat here and read all of this... and I believe that you and this guy truly care for each other. I strongly feel that you should tell him the whole truth about everything. Tell him what you told us, tell him that you wanted revenge for your niece but you grew to love him, tell him that you are not American.

You have been talking to each other for such a long time, he knows who you are on the inside and that is what you have made the connection with, the person you are is what he bonded with, he didn't bond with your Americanized lies, he bonded with the person you are in your heart.

You said he feels strongly about friends, I think he will be SHOCKED about what you have done, but I think that if you tell him the honest truth then he will realize that it took courage and love for you to come clean with him. Maybe you can start a new friendship with this guy with everything out in the open, with him knowing who you are and what you did. Tell him how you feel, tell him you're so sorry and you hate yourself for what you've done and you cry day and night and ALL of this stuff that you have told us. The other people can say that you need professional help, meaning therapy, but I think that you need to just tell him the TRUTH, the whole TRUTH, and nothing but the TRUTH!!

Don't disappear on him without telling him the TRUTH and don't tell anymore lies, don't stretch the truth, just be one hundred percent honest, but DON'T cut off all contact with him and disappear. Don't contact him either, let him know what you've done and how you feel, but then back off and let it sink in and let him think about forgiveness. Tell him that you showed him the real you in those conversations, your real personality and all that, but you lied about all that other stuff. Tell him your friendship was real and that your feelings for him are real. Tell him how much you care and how painfully sorry you are. PLEASE. Just be honest and kind and understanding.

That is my opinion.

I have sat here and read all of this... and I believe that you and this guy truly care for each other.

You said he feels strongly about friends, I think he will be SHOCKED about what you have done

I think that you need to just tell him the TRUTH, the whole TRUTH, and nothing but the TRUTH!!!

Don't disappear on him without telling him the TRUTH.

Iza, starbuck8 and Azanerd... thanks a lot.. for your help

Azanerd... I am speechless of what you said... you really understood me... I'm totally convinced of all what you said... its all real..

Thanks for the "professional help" explanation << I didn't know what it means..
Again Yes you are right... I don't need a therapy... its just, I feel bad of what I've done... and I want to make it up to him by all means...

So, I didn't know where to go?. or what to do?. I thought that sharing this with you guys might make me feel better... and yes it does...

So, you suggest that I tell the truth... and that's what I will do... lets just hope he won't get hurt or mad and hate me... I swear to God I was forced to lie.. and it kills me whenever I tell one...

He didn't sign on for a week now!. since I started writing my issue here... not him nor his sisters... and I always become worried when he is not online... and thoughts drown me!
Did he know about me?. He must have known and now he is mad!. what if he is really in troubles... what if he needs my help... BUT what if he knew and he is avoiding me...

And lots lots of black thoughts till I see him online and talk to him...

I hope he is doing fine now... I pray for him everyday

I knew what's my problem is... I just can't accept the fact of LOSING him... It hurts!

But every road has an end... no matter how good or bad it is... so I think this is the end of our friendship... I Won't forget it... Ever!. I Won't forget him Never!.

I can't see myself with him after what I did... not after he knows everything... even if he forgave me... I won't forgive myself

I will be Vanished forever... but I will be close if he needed anything.. he will only have to write me... I will be his jenny in a bottle... but not his friend..

I am waiting for the right time...

I don't know why you have convinced yourself that if he does happen to forgive you, that you couldn't be his friend. I think you are playing the martyre. You are focusing on YOUR feelings again, and not on HIS, just as you've been doing all along. You are saying to yourself... oh poor me... I was bad... I lied... I don't deserve to live...

So what you are saying is if he was forgiving enough to listen to your story and still want to be your friend, that you would be willing to hurt him yet again by telling him no? I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it sure as heck doesn't to me!

Again, that is why it's been suggested that you get some help. What?. do you think that you are the only person that has ever gone for help that has a dark secret that they are ashamed to admit? Dr's and therapists deal with those things on a daily basis, and that is what they have been trained to do. If you think that your problem/secret is the worst that they've ever heard then you are being pretty egomanical. The world won't fall off it's axis because Spranza told some lies!

You started in your original post saying that you wanted us to say what we thought. That we could call you anything because you were such a bad person. Well I'm not going to feed into that self pity party that you are throwing yourself. I'm not going to call you anything, and I'm not going to judge you. That is someone else's job. I will only give my observations, and those observations are, once again, that you need to go get help. Maybe if it's said enough times, you will take the advice that you came here looking for.

So what you are saying is if he was forgiving enough to listen to your story and still want to be your friend, that you would be willing to hurt him yet again by telling him no? I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it sure as heck doesn't to me!



Starbuck I will hurt myself not to hurt him... I Won't EVER do that...

But come on! Think... would you like to be with a liar... if just anything ANYTHING happened the wrong way... what he will think... ( she lied once... why not she is not lying again and again... it runs in her blood!)

It hurts to know that when you are telling lies you were looked as an honest person... but when you are telling truth... you will be looking at as a liar!

I can't be his friend with this thought in mind starbuck..! That's IF and only IF he forgave me

If he needed me I will do whatever he want... but being his friend again won't be the same.. Gosh!

Sorry for being dark-sided thinker... its my bad!

Well... and this is assuming that he WOULD talk to you again, getting some help would go a long way in showing him that you want to change your behaviour. Words won't mean squat! It's only your actions that would show him that you truly feel bad for what you have done, and the lies that you've told.

And yes, you are right. Once someone trusted you and find out that they've been lied to, all the truths you tell will be questioned. You can't unring a bell, and you can't turn back time, so you have to deal with what the reality of it is. If you choose to run and hide... well that's up to you. But, if you want to show him that you are trying to change for the better so something like this will never happen again, then regardless of whether he forgives you, at least you are taking some actions for yourself.

I have been in a situation similar to yours Spranza, just a few months ago. I lied to someone about myself and we grew to love each other so much, So I told him the truth, and he was angry, but he forgave me. He does not trust me so much anymore, but we are still close and still care for each other and I do not have so much guilt inside me any more because I became a better person when I told him the truth. I care about your situation because it's similar, but yours is still so much worse than mine, and I remember how difficult it was for me to come clean and how scared I was, but it turned out so nicely and I pray that you're problem works out too. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Good Luck!

I have been in a situation similar to yours Spranza,

He does not trust me so much anymore, but we are still close and still care for each other

I care about your situation because it's similar, but yours is still so much worse than mine, and I remember how difficult it was for me to come clean and how scared I was, but it turned out so nicely and I pray that you're problem works out too. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Good Luck!

I KNEW IT!. its just that you understaand me better...

Thanks for your replay Azanerd... you gave me a great push forward... Thanks a million

I will let you know about it... Promise !

P.S.
I really need your prayers... thank you :)

Good luck, I will be waiting to see how it turns out and I promise you will have my prayers. :)

Hey every one!!

I just want to inform you that I did what you asked me to do, which is telling the truth and take all the risk. Yeah, take all the risk!?
I wish if I can even understand what this word convey to my heart?

Any way folks, my friend left me and I mean forever!! He even asked for wish, which is never to contact him by ANY means... as if I am dead.

I asked God's help for that and I beg Him now to supply me with intensive care as I need it the most, more than any time before. I loved him from the bottom of my heart and I was afraid to lose him, but now he is LOST! Forever... I even can't believe the words I am writing right now

Peace

Hi again,

I just want to state my feelings here because I believe it my help a lot knowing that there is some people out there reading it and knowing what you went through even if they just read. It feels like the world listens to you and you are not alone, it feels like everyone is trying to help, YOu will feel like there is hope in this life that might guide you to a right path even if this path is away from your loved ones! Even if this path breaks your heart but deep inside you feel like it's for your own good! Even though you don't understand this now because you are blind with the shock of your life, but it's always there.


It has been said in my culture, There is nothing bad to its core and even if it shows like it is, you will find a great amount of good in it but you will never know it because you are too busy whining about the sorrows and blaming your luck! << I am sorry if this didn't make sense to you guys, I am sorry that's the best translation I can get out of it.


I am talking now more calmly than yesterday (I guess I'm beginning to believe and live the situation) Or I might pretend to be, I am not sure about myself any more, I swear to God!


I need help now more than ever because I am falling to pieces (literally) I'm study in a computer institution for a while(just month ago) I enrolled for two years studying but I guess I am reconsidering this though I have paid them 6,346$

I can't go on! I went today and I don't know why in hell did I go when I am in such condition. I just don't want any of my family knows about anything. So yeah, I went Sleepless and breathless.

I didn't sleep for two days now! Didn't eat. IT FEELS SICK So sick, I can't get him out of my mind and whenever I try to sleep I remember his words, IT RINGS IN MY HEAD... I read his letter four maybe more times and I memorized every letter in it. It has been inscribed in my heart or what left of my heart.

In my way to the instituation while I was in the car looking through the windows, we stopped at a traffic light, and there was a big building (looks pretty old) with high walls and there were lots of graffiti on it. ONE sentence caught my mind! They wrote a sentence of one of Avril's songs and it just match my heart! I stun and quickly hold my iPhone and searched in my Music library because I have it and I wanted to listen to it. It was like a sign! And as I am listening I shed tears for the flaming sorrows I feel inside me. The sentence was ((When your gone the pieces of my heart missing you.. )) just like they wrote it. I will post a pic of that wall as soon as I go through the same road again. Promise! However, I went to the institution absent-minded totally! I attending classes without knowing what the heck are they saying, I did an exam but I handed the paper plain white! I didn't even bother to fetch my pen. I felt life is so meaningless. I was asking myself why am I here? I talked to registration section about me quitting the diploma, they told me it's okay but we won't give back any money, as if I care!!

I just want myself back, I sat there on a chair waiting for my car but mom called me to tell me that your brother will come late he has a meeting, I didn't mind waiting 4 hours! Because I feel like there is nothing to bother about it now, I have nothing to lose even if they left me here forever. I wish I didn't wait, It was so SILENT!! Everybody went home, Silence killed me.. there was no one in the institution but two reception employees... I BARELY BREATH, I felt like a very heavy rock lying over my chest and I started to breath in and out rapidly the thing that make them notice something weird about me. I got up went to WC washed my face and tried to calm down, I didn't know what to do, so I thought it would I great idea if I prayed and so did I. I prayed and cried asking God to protect my hear and save what remains of it, because when I first saw his message I felt like my heart was ripped out of its place, I felt so cold and shaking. I am in a desperate condition, my friends. I feel like I am really slowly dying, and I can't talk about it only with you guys here. No one of my family knows about this just mom but I even don't have the guts to talk to her about it. I am suffocating suppressing all this inside of me. I wish I can kill myself, I swear to God if it's not prevented I would do it NOW. I want to live peacefully because I hate to hurt anyone and now I am hurting the best person in my life. I can't learn to forgive myself. I tried so many times and I lie to myself saying I am strong! This thing only a bad experience in my life that I should learn from and I even before completing this sentence I start to cry all over again. I wish I have that strong heart of his, I wish I was able to end this from the start, I wish time goes back to correct what I did, I wish I never knew him, I wish I wasn't born or exist in this sick life. One mistake ended up my whole life, how fair is this life? I just can't get it.
Here is what I am going to do! I am mentally disturbed now and I have to set this thing up!? By either both ways. Getting a new life with a new start OR dying in reality but living the memories of someone ONCE lived within me and he will still.

I will cancel the diploma tomorrow morning and I will never get out of this house only for one thing, "a hospital", if needed. I will live within his memories even if he said he will erase me from his life (I wish if I could do the same but I couldn't) he was and is living in every inch of my body, heart, soul and mind. I am infected with a deadly virus called "ShMaiz3r" and I am healing myself by quarantining it. Either this virus continue spreading demolishing what left of me thus dying or my self-defense activate itself and save me. It's suiciding I know but I said before, I have nothing to lose.

My last words for you people in here, PLEASE and PLEASE don't lie about anything even if you see it so damn silly because it might get you killed emotionally. You will never feel anything about it and you think of it like it doesn't even deserve to be mentioned then you feel like oops I did a mistake but you don't find the right time to tell the truth and then you delay it. Eventually, you will get more and more involved that you will feel so embarrassed to say it, as it goes deeper and deeper, you get emotionally involved and you feel like if I say it now I lose the love of my life…and.. and.. and… it's a never ending chain of sorrows you brought it to yourself by your own OWN hands, and believe me NO ONE will suffer this only YOU! You will suffer every and each word you said, you will see your life line tape rolling in front of your eyes and you will feel FULL of guilt. Please don't do it because I know how it feels like.. and I am falling because of it, I just want you guys to learn of this deadly experience as I have learned the hard way…
And yeah, don't put in your head that he or she will understand the truth as long as you are saying it, they might want the truth but as soon as they know, it will be so hard for them to put the pieces back together because you are simply breaking hearts here which is so hard to fix, no matter if yours broken or not.

That's all what I wanted to say, I hope you all long happy life with whom you loved, and I hope God to fix the heart I smashed UN-intentionally and out of my stupidity, the heart which I paid its price by my blood and tears , the heart that I will adore forever and ever no matter what happened, wounds heal scares remain as reminders but they never block someone's heart. I pray God to Fix mine too as it's shattered and broken to a million pieces from my first love which I gave my all to him and he choose to forget! My heart was healing for a very long time but I didn't think (not one in a million) it will open again till I met him and I screw it up but this time it's by my own hands, my own mistake and I have to pay that the hard way. I wish I can have my heart back again, I miss it's wild beating. I want it back to live not to love! Because now I am 100000000…….etc% positive that love doesn't exist only in fairy tales, and if it exist here , it will be short like a dream. So yeah, I am locking it forever and I dare anyone in this life, in this world can get a grip of it. Because the third time will be my death sentenced. I am heartless, emotionless, and empty for the rest of my life. Actually that was my ideal thought before I even know any one of them.. but I don't know what the hell did change me.. I have learned my lesson twice and now I am solid, a piece of rock that never loves or loves back! And thanks for my life which taught me this..
Thank you all for reading, and forgive me if I offended anyone by my words, don't blame a lifeless girl..
Farewell, that's what he said
Farewell

P.S.
If anyone intrested reading the blogs in the space I left for him, here it is:
http://sooxooara.spaces.live.com/

http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg257/goldmish/IMG_0059.jpg
As I Promised!

I don't regret the times I spent with you..
You are always within me... Always deep down within me.