My husband wants to give up his parental rights of his son to his ex-wife and her new husband. The divorce was finalized in IL so we have to go by IL laws. Where would I get forms to start this process?

If his ex and her new husband want to adopt, then they need to hire an attorney to do adoption paper work. In the adoption paperwork will be the forms for him to sign over his rights for them to adopt.

If they do not want to adopt, then there is more issues, first he can't sign over rights unless she agrees, and even if she agrees, the court still may not allow it.

Also even if the court allows him to sign over his rights, unless there is an adoption done, he will still have to pay all of his child support

Even if paying child support is hurting us financially, he never contacts his son and his son rarely visits, he would still have to pay child support?:confused:

Now it sounds as if the issue is the Child Support... not the child :(

Giving up parental rights and terminating parental rights are separate things... giving up rights does not stop the obligation to pay support... terminating parental rights does stop the support payments - HOWEVER - a judge will not terminate rights just because a parent asks them to - doesn't work like that.

My heart is heavy because of your statement "even if paying child support is hurting us financially?"... parents that do not raise their children are obligated to help support them! They are not items that can be tossed in a corner - so sad that Dad doesn't even want a connection to his child... watch him grow up and become a man - or have anything to do with teaching him about life - but then... with his attitude, maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't have much to do with him - he certainly won't learn about responsibility from him!

There is no way to stop child support, giving up his rights ( unless the one parent has a new partner to adopt) does not stop child support.

If the amount you are paying is over the proper amount you can go back to court and be sure it is set properly.

So why does he never see the child, he should be.

This 5 yr old boy has been extremely manipulated by his mother about jesus. I don't mind people having religious beliefs, however, she has gone a bit over the edge. His son will never be able to lead a normal life. He saw Passion of the Christ at age 4. Everything his mother doesn't approve of is evil, like batman and superman etc. He can only have the baby toys from McD's and he says that McD's is his favorite. It's not that my husband doesn't want to see his son, it's that he causes quite a few problems when he visits and has ever since they split up(before we got together). Every time his son visits with his 5yr old uncle at my mother-in-laws, he never listens and ends up breaking one or two things. He has told them over there(on many occasions) that his mom says he can break whatever he wants to. There are just so many things that have happened, it would take years of therapy for him to recover. We don't have that kind of money and rather have his son torn between two completely different worlds, it may be best for him just to stay with his mother and stepfather.

If he wants nothing to do with the child, no one can force him to do his moral obligation as a father. But they can and will force him to pay his obligation of child support unless the mother and new partner adopt the child.

This 5 yr old boy has been extremely manipulated by his mother about jesus. I don't mind people having religious beliefs, however, she has gone a bit over the edge. His son will never be able to lead a normal life. He saw Passion of the Christ at age 4. Everything his mother doesn't approve of is evil, like batman and superman etc. He can only have the baby toys from McD's and he says that McD's is his favorite. It's not that my husband doesn't want to see his son, it's that he causes quite a few problems when he visits and has ever since they split up(before we got together). Every time his son visits with his 5yr old uncle at my mother-in-laws, he never listens and ends up breaking one or two things. He has told them over there(on many occasions) that his mom says he can break whatever he wants to. There are just so many things that have happened, it would take years of therapy for him to recover. We don't have that kind of money and rather have his son torn between two completely different worlds, it may be best for him just to stay with his mother and stepfather.


Wow! OK - so son is going to take energy and actually watching him, working with him - spending one on one time with him... It may be best for him just to stay with his mother so dad doesn't have to put in the amount of work it'll take... I would hope there is more to this story than what you've written... however...

My thoughts are - children will eventually learn what's acceptable and what's not no matter where they are. There are rules to live by where ever he is - his mother tells him it's OK to break whatever he wants while there... well - that may be OK at her house, but not at Dad's, Grandma's or anywhere else while visiting Dad. Yes - it's going to take time working with him, there will be consequences to his actions... good actions/good consequences... bad actions/bad consequences... eventually he will learn that. Kids need parents time and attention

Doesn't he deserve the time and attention from Dad - or is it just easier to write him off and leave him with mom? He didn't ask for this situation - he's just in it because of his parents. What he learns growing up and what kind of man he's going to be is pretty much up to the adults that have an impact on his life, one of those adults needs to be his father.

This 5 yr old boy has been extremely manipulated by his mother about jesus..... We don't have that kind of money and rather have his son torn between two completely different worlds, it may be best for him just to stay with his mother and stepfather.Hello N:

Seems to me, that's when he needs you MOST - not least. It's got nothing to do with money. It's got to do with responsibility as parents.

But, having to choose between a Jesus-freak, and a non caring parent, the kid is better off with the Jesus-freak. And, it's STILL going to cost you lots of money. So what? Jesus-freak children eat too.

excon

Where to start first... In my opinion, I believe his son would be better off with a another family completely. Where he would get all his emotional and physical needs met. He's an only child when he's with his mother. He knows the sequence of the judges that are on tv(joe brown, alex etc) and can't even count to 30 without help. His mother gives him material things and has him watch TV to make it convenient for her or he's at his "auntie deb's" most of the time. He's suppose to be being home schooled from his pastor at church. He's told his father and me that his stepfather threw away a toy after warning him not to put it in his mouth and he put it to his lips to spite his stepfather but then his mother turned right around and bought him a new one. One incident, his father and I were taking him back to his mother and we were crossing the Mississippi. His son asked him if he was going to drown him... and then proceeded to say that he wouldn't care if his mother drove into the river and drowned. We had no idea where that came from. However the next time we tried to pick him up with all sorts of hassle, his son said in front of his mother to his dad, "do you remember when you said you were going to throw me in the river?" He manipulates stories or his mother gets him to change them to where it looks like his father is the bad guy and that he's not treated right when he stays here. We have discussed the possibility of going for full custody. This child can only handle one environment not both. His lawyer said it would cost 20 grand up front and then all the other fees that come up. My husband works full time and as much overtime to keep our heads above water. So the time his son spends here, his father is working all the time. My husband cares and loves his son, however, he works himself to death to support our family and pay child support(when he barely get to see his son). I am the primary daycare giver and his son needs a lot more attention than he gets here since he's use to it with his mother. I have a 10 month old girl that takes priority because she's a baby. Half the time his son is getting into something he's been told ten times not to. It's like you tell him something 3 times, ask if he understands, he says yes and then it flies out the other ear and he does it anyway as if you never warned him at all. His son has said(while playing with action figures with his uncle) that he likes the ones with guns because guns mean you're powerful yet he's not suppose to be watching violent shows. He has never heard anything like that from here so where does he get it? He has told his grandma that his mom said she wasn't his grandma because she doesn't have the spirit of jesus in her heart... but she does go to church and believes in god. Why would his mother say things like that? There are several examples that proves she's trying to get their son not to want to come here. She tells him to call his stepfather 'daddy' and I told him that he will not do that when he is here and he doesn't call me 'mom'. He told me that his stepfather would get mad if he didn't call him daddy when he's with his mother. He is so conflicted because of the situation, he's told me before that he doesn't want to go back to his mom's and then we are told he doesn't want to come here because he gets in trouble for breaking things he didn't break. There's much more to it but I'll leave it at this for now.

His lawyer said it would cost 20 grand up front and then all the other fees that come up. My husband works full time and as much overtime to keep our heads above water. So the time his son spends here, his father is working all the time. My husband cares and loves his son, however, he works himself to death to support our family and pay child support(when he barely get to see his son).Hello again, N:

You're not going to convince me you're right, just because the story is even worse than you said. Of course, there's more story. But, in terms of the advice you've received here, the story doesn't matter.

What matters is what you're doing, or not doing. You're not doing anything. THAT is the problem - not the Jesus freaks.

You are STILL putting your parenthood, or lack thereof, on a MONETARY basis. Then you use FAULTY numbers to make your decisions on. I guess, so you can walk away and feel blameless. Bummer for your kid.

If you spent HALF as much time looking for lawyers that won't rip you off, or the other half going to court on your own to FIGHT for your son, then you could actually have an effect on your child's life. But, you'd rather go down the road blaming her for YOUR bad.

Family court IS user friendly!!

I don't like excuses. I don't like parents who act like they're observers. I like parents who ACT like parents.

excon

She tells him to call his stepfather 'daddy' and I told him that he will not do that when he is here and he doesn't call me 'mom'.



The parents need to be the parents... mom and dad need to parent this child. You need to stay out of it... unless you are encouraging your husband to act like a father. Real fathers want to give their children money to eat, buy clothes with etc... doesn't your child deserve to eat and have her father pay for it so does your step-child. Stop trying to help him shirk his responsibilities by playing the blame game. Whether he is a part of this child's life or not the child needs to eat etc...

I am the step mom of a now grown 23 year old . Not once did I ever tell him what to do... but I did encourage my husband to pay every penny he was due and I never got into the mind playing games with the ex. There were a few times that as he got older he would come to me over both his drama mom and drama dad. Kids are smart they figure things out. p.s I made sure dad paid every penny he owed even when the boy dropped out of school. I told him he still needs to eat.

Children play parents... and it sounds very much like he's playing both you and his mother... Have you even considered that his mom may not be telling him the things he tells you she's saying?

He doesn't want to go home when he's with you... he doesn't want to go with you when he's at home. She tells him it's OK to break things while he's at your house... he tells her he gets in trouble for breaking things he didn't break. The kid is telling tales... trying to get a reaction from all of you... and it seems to be working!

Dad giving up his rights isn't going to change a thing... the more he works, the more he pays. This is his child and he has an obligation to support him. Period - you need to come to grips with the idea that this child from another woman is in his life and will be a part of your life for as long as you are married to his father.

Sounds to me like you never see your husband and you have his son more than him - maybe that's what the real issue is - you don't want his child from a previous relationship around... and you don't like sending money to his mother when you want to use it for yourselves/your family.

Perhaps I'm wrong... but it sounds more like YOU have the issue - not Dad.

My husband asked me to look up information about relinquishing rights and the internet hasn't helped me in the least so, I decided maybe somebody on here had an answer. As for where the money goes... he eats junk food and fast food. He doesn't get clothes bought for him over there, they're from a church. He was here for almost two months and she still needed to save up for gas money when she didn't have her son? I want his son to be healthy mentally and physically and it's not happening going back and forth. What happens to the child and what the child does is a big factor in deciding what is in the child's best interest. He will not be allowed to destroy things that aren't his and get away with it. And if he only displays that behavior here, perhaps he should stay with his mother and stepfather.