Hello,

I posted a question here about three weeks ago and I got some really great advice back, it was with regards to my ex-girlfriend, we had been out of contact for about two months after trying to be friends, I thought I was never going to hear from her again, and to be honest I was slowly getting use to that fact, then low and behold I heard from her again. Only now I only seem to be more confused, I was really hoping that someone or someone's might be kind enough to give me some independent advice as I feel that's really what I need, I only hope I explain this right.

To give an explanation. My girlfriend and I are 23 and 25 respectively, we had been dating for three and a half years, in which we had been travelling together for a year, we have been through many emotional rollercoasters together, some good some bad. My ex, as some might remember from my last thread has what you might call baggage, she suffers from manic depression, bulimia and anorexia. Which has plagued her for almost half of her life. When we broke up it wasn't because either of us cheated or anything like that, it had just gotten bad.

I felt I had never really gotten closure from the relationship and I always found that really hard to bear. Well a day before my birthday, she started texting me all of a sudden, wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how lost she has been without me, and that she doesn't know who she is without me, and that she loves me. After a long think, and probably weakness I texted back. We talked and eventually met a few times, I kept it very cool and uncomplicated I waited for her to initialize things and tried to show her that I had changed and was getting on with my life, we went for drink, cinema, drives and it was amazing. Although it kind of felt like we were glossing over things and weren't talking about the nitty gritty and I really felt myself going backwards again from within, the way she ended it last time really hurt, and I really wanted to avoid going through that pain again. I decided I would rather take pain now than much furher down the line.

So I sat her down and asked her what she meant by those messages, she said that she really missed me and wanted to hear from me, I asked her does she want friendship or more. Her response was that she is so messed up at the moment that she needs to sort herself out first, try and make herself happy again before she can even think about going into a relationship with anyone, she just couldn't handle a relationship in her current state of mind, which I do kind of agree with. I had to be honest with her and tell her that I don't think at the moment I could just be her friend without having motives towards a relationship, I was scared that I wouldn't be any good as a friend to her, and that it would lead to me being all messed up in the head again. Which I was. We cried, hugged, and told each other how much we loved one another, and that was it I walked away.

Next day, I couldn't go to work every time I spoke to someone I just burst into tears, I text her and told her how I was feeling and she said she was exactly the same, and that she loved me so much and was so confused, before going to bed I received this message from her

" i HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. IT'S SO HARD. I BLAME MYSELF FOR ALOT THAT WENT WRONG IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. THE WAY I AM. I WANT DESPERATELY TO SORT MYSELF OUT. SO I'M NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT HURTS! I NEED TIME - EVERYTHING IS STILL SO SAW AND PAINFUL. WHATS MEANT TO BE WILL BE. BECAUSE I CAN'T IMAGINE EVER WANTING TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE. X X"

I haven't replied. What does this mean? What should I do? I love her but it could take months and then she might change her mind, this is so hard. Please help.

Hi, Pistol,
I am sure you will get many answers for your great question. You explained it very well.
As you said, your ex has many problems.
"My ex, as some might remember from my last thread has what you might call baggage, she suffers from manic depression, bulimia and anorexia. which has plagued her for almost half of her life."

You have to ask yourself a very important question, and that is "Do I want to be involved with this again?"
At 25 yrs old, you and your current girlfriend have been together for 3 1/2 years. I am sure by now that you have built a very good relationship with her. Do you want to now stop it?
My own personal thought is that if you get back with your ex, problems are going to start all over again. This girls has many issues, that you tried to deal with before, and it didn't work. I don't see how it will work out now.
It's your decision, but why get more involved when you know how she is. Stop communicating with your ex, and move on with your life. I do wish you the best, and if you talk with your current girlfriend about this, I am sure she will support you in moving on with her. She must be a wonderful lady for you to like her so well.

Sorry I thbink I may have confused you there, when I spoke about girlfriend, I was referring to my ex, there is no new girl on the scene.

HI,
Sorry I misunderstood.
It really doesn't matter though, if there is no new girl on the scene.
Fact is, do you really want to start up a relationship again, risking being hurt even more, with your ex? She needs help with her issues, and cannot have a good relationship until they are cleared up, if ever.