My son is a senior in high school. Here is my dilema. My oldest son is graduating high school and has developed an interest in being in a local band with his friends. Something he has dreamed of since he was very young. His father is very upset about this and wants him to go to college. (Something my son does not want to do right away after graduation.) My son wants to be in his band after graduation and have a job, live with his buddies and try and follow his dreams. I approve. I am divorced from his father and his father feels I am not being a good parent because I won't discourage my son from following his dreams.

My ex husband told my son to stop playing his video games so much and develop an interrest. Well, that's exactly what he has done! And now his father disapproves of his interrest.

Am I wrong for encouraging this?

:confused:

You are right to let your son decide what he is interested in. Anyone who is "forced" to go to college will not have the right attitude to excel and get good grades. If he wants to take some time off so to speak and do his own thing, then I would be behind him 100% but if this does not develop into anything that he can actually make enough money to properly support himself say after 5 years of doing his own thing, then after the 5 years he should decide to do something else. Your ex does not have to push college right now. He can surely save his money and use it when sonny is ready to go.

You are right to encourage your son. As long as he's not getting involved in drugs, and he's still getting an education and after a job. He's on the right track as long as all he wants is a gap year.

If he's after a job, he understands that his band is a hobby not a living and will prioritize it as second when he has to make important decisions in his future.

His father obviously doesn't understand the situation completely.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

I am split on this, if this "band" actually has gigs and is making money, great, if they are still practicing in the buddies basement and making 50 bucks on a Saturday night, this is what you do on the weekends when you are in college. Many college students can be in a band also.

And to be honest what is the 10 year goal, most bands will never be discovered, ( some are) so at 50 he is working for tips at a local bar or is he a engineer who can spend his own money on fancy equipment to play for tips on the weekend at a local bar.

Does the band have a booking agent, are they playing regular gigs, is the answer to those are no, college or tech school is not wrong either

I agree with both you and your husband. I would tell my son to play for a year, but consider going to college next year. It sounds so wonderful to pursue your dream and become that next hot band on MTV, but those are far and few between. He can get a college education and still play in a band. Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones went to college. Education is always a good back up and will give him a way to support himself.
Don't allow him to get caught up in playing (not just music) his life away and then it be too late. On the other hand he may not like school. College is not for everyone. Our country has need for factory workers, bartenders, car dealers and many jobs all of whom do not need a college education. None of which one should be ashamed to work at.

I agree with the others. There is always time to go to college. I think it is good to take a year or two after graduation to enjoy and figure out where you want to be in 5 to 10 years from now. What is the point of going to college and getting bad grades and then realizing you wish you had gone for computer art instead of brain surgery. Many people go to college and only end up with a job they could have done without a degree.
I went for paralegal and these places claim they guarantee to help place you in a job after graduation but their guarantee is worthless. They told me, "They couldn't find a job so apply at the McDonald's at the bottom of my hill at least it will be some income."

BUT your son should not put all his hopes in his band either, Like the saying goes
'Don't quit your day job'.

Sometimes the best lessons are learned in life, not college. Your right to encourage him, but its his decision in the end, so maybe cutting the apron strings, and letting him learn his own lessons is the way for you to go. I also understand his father's point, as his future is tied to his education. I think a compromise is reasonable, as you can encourage his music, while pressing upon him the need to further his education. He CAN play his music, and take a few classes, and work, but its all his own decision. Be behind him no matter what he chooses, and that goes for Dad also.

Maybe he can strike a balance and agree to take a music class or two at the local jc for a bit and when he's done with those if he still doesn't want to go to school anymore than so be it. I he takes a class his father won't have much ground to complain about but if it's a music class he might enjoy it and he might learn a few new things to contribute to the band.

You are right to encourage your son. Your X husband is wrong and he should not take away your son's dream, you Son has the right to choose what he wants to do with his life, not his father.