Mr-Blank
Mar 28, 2008, 09:18 PM
For those who don't know the story (found here:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ex-gf-msging-me-again-what-her-motives-169687.html), she broke it off about 7 months ago out of the blue - I originally stayed friends with her but I wasn't moving on, so I went to NC. In between now and then we've talked briefly a few times, I deleted her number a little while ago and its been NC since. She's tried to get me to meet up with her for coffee a few times but I told her I wasn't ready.
This week one of my mates was in a serious car accident, in a coma etc so that's been tough. To add to it, the ex called me to ask about him.. it was a surprise to hear from her, I'd deleted her number so when she called I had to ask who it was, so she then knew I'd deleted her number. Anyway I told her what was going on and she asked if it was OK for her to call in a few days for an update, which was fine with me.
I'd been thinking for a few weeks that I'd was mature enough and ready to see her so when she called for an update a few days later I told her I was ready to meet up with her, so we met yesterday for coffee.
To my surprise, I wasn't nervous on the way to meet her. Previously I've been really anxious, so I guess that's a sign that I'm OK with it all. So we met up, hugged and sat down. She's changed a fair bit, doesn't care about her appearance as much as she used to which is good, she used to be obsessed with how other people saw her. So she tells me I've changed for the better and when I asked how I've changed, she said "i'm not gonna tell you - if i keep it from you, you might actually let me speak to you if you want to find out" - meaning that I'd bug her to find out.. but really I don't care that much...
It was good, I was being my old happy self, cracking jokes, making fun of her and her hangups - not the serious type I started to become when it was just me and her. I think I surprised her with how relaxed and open I was.
So towards the end of the meeting I asked her if she's got a boyfriend - she said she has, he's 8 years older than her. I knew she would have found a new boyfriend, she's the type that cannot stand to be alone. I called her on it, I said something along the lines of "even before we started going out, i knew your ex's and i knew you couldnt stand to be alone, you jump from relationship to relationship". She agreed and said it's because she's not strong enough to be on her own and needs someone there for support (she was insanely needy when we were together). I had a bit of a joke with her saying she wasn't going to get stronger by relying on someone else constantly. I told her how good it was being single right now because the time alone is helping me appreciate what me and her had, and that when I have those feelings with someone new, I will appreciate it so much more and I won't take it for granted. She seemed to agree with that logic, and kind of went quiet after that. It sounded like the relationship that she's in right now isn't very exciting, but I didn't want to get into the details.
Throughout the meeting I did notice the little things I don't like about her. We talked about Laguna Beach, the MTV show with all the hot chicks in it... she said something about "you only watch it for all the semi naked s*uts", the way she would say it in her jelous rage when me and her were together...
So as we were saying our good-byes we hugged and both said the same thing to each other at the same time... she stepped back and was like "whoa that was weird"... I was laid back about it and said something like "im comfortable with it, we did spend every day together for close to 2 years, its natural". It kind of seemed like she didn't want to leave, but I was in a massive rush to go to the dentist, so I had to rush off. I said something along the lines of "if your lucky i might add your number back in to my phone", being my normal smart- self...
So yeah not exactly drama filled but I wanted to see what people thought. I think I'm still on the right track to getting over her but once in a while I still get the depressing thoughts about what me and her had and how bad I miss it and want it back... I guess those thoughts will fade to nothing when I share those feelings with a new girl, so I'm just taking my time, not rushing into anything, just trying to find the right girl for me.
I thought I'd share that with you all in case others are reaching the same stage as myself...
This week one of my mates was in a serious car accident, in a coma etc so that's been tough. To add to it, the ex called me to ask about him.. it was a surprise to hear from her, I'd deleted her number so when she called I had to ask who it was, so she then knew I'd deleted her number. Anyway I told her what was going on and she asked if it was OK for her to call in a few days for an update, which was fine with me.
I'd been thinking for a few weeks that I'd was mature enough and ready to see her so when she called for an update a few days later I told her I was ready to meet up with her, so we met yesterday for coffee.
To my surprise, I wasn't nervous on the way to meet her. Previously I've been really anxious, so I guess that's a sign that I'm OK with it all. So we met up, hugged and sat down. She's changed a fair bit, doesn't care about her appearance as much as she used to which is good, she used to be obsessed with how other people saw her. So she tells me I've changed for the better and when I asked how I've changed, she said "i'm not gonna tell you - if i keep it from you, you might actually let me speak to you if you want to find out" - meaning that I'd bug her to find out.. but really I don't care that much...
It was good, I was being my old happy self, cracking jokes, making fun of her and her hangups - not the serious type I started to become when it was just me and her. I think I surprised her with how relaxed and open I was.
So towards the end of the meeting I asked her if she's got a boyfriend - she said she has, he's 8 years older than her. I knew she would have found a new boyfriend, she's the type that cannot stand to be alone. I called her on it, I said something along the lines of "even before we started going out, i knew your ex's and i knew you couldnt stand to be alone, you jump from relationship to relationship". She agreed and said it's because she's not strong enough to be on her own and needs someone there for support (she was insanely needy when we were together). I had a bit of a joke with her saying she wasn't going to get stronger by relying on someone else constantly. I told her how good it was being single right now because the time alone is helping me appreciate what me and her had, and that when I have those feelings with someone new, I will appreciate it so much more and I won't take it for granted. She seemed to agree with that logic, and kind of went quiet after that. It sounded like the relationship that she's in right now isn't very exciting, but I didn't want to get into the details.
Throughout the meeting I did notice the little things I don't like about her. We talked about Laguna Beach, the MTV show with all the hot chicks in it... she said something about "you only watch it for all the semi naked s*uts", the way she would say it in her jelous rage when me and her were together...
So as we were saying our good-byes we hugged and both said the same thing to each other at the same time... she stepped back and was like "whoa that was weird"... I was laid back about it and said something like "im comfortable with it, we did spend every day together for close to 2 years, its natural". It kind of seemed like she didn't want to leave, but I was in a massive rush to go to the dentist, so I had to rush off. I said something along the lines of "if your lucky i might add your number back in to my phone", being my normal smart- self...
So yeah not exactly drama filled but I wanted to see what people thought. I think I'm still on the right track to getting over her but once in a while I still get the depressing thoughts about what me and her had and how bad I miss it and want it back... I guess those thoughts will fade to nothing when I share those feelings with a new girl, so I'm just taking my time, not rushing into anything, just trying to find the right girl for me.
I thought I'd share that with you all in case others are reaching the same stage as myself...