My husband & I have been married for one year. For two years, we dated long-distance. He's from the Northeast & I live in Chicago. We originally planned for me to move to NY to live with him, and about a month and half before our wedding, he told me he'd rather move to Chicago to be with me. I was thrilled, since I never really had my heart on leaving. During the time we were "dating" we'd fly back & forth each month to see one another. I was introduced to all of his friends, and their girlfriends/fiances. Everyone was really nice and I was excited about the idea of moving there, because I so wanted this "new life". We talked about how we would do this, that, and how we'd live near his family. Well, before that could happen, my husband's best friend/half-brother, let me know exactly how everyone supposedly felt. His girlfriend did not like me, for whatever reason she can come up with it, and we exchanged a few words from time to time. Looking back, I feel like an for even stooping so low, but I was immature and let her get to me. The thing is, they are all from NY. And they've all formed a bond, and I was the "outsider". As high-school as that sounds, I couldn't describe it any better. I was never around, and besides, I had an awesome life in Chicago that I was really enjoying. But over time, the girlfriend of his half-brother kept persisting with her half-witty comments on everything from my weight to how I dress (via MySpace, how sad?). I retaliated and said things back to her. The problem really started when HE (the half-brother) interfered. He actually emailed me and told me off. Numerous times. And said everything from me being mentally retarted, to a b****, to the notion that his family really does not like me, and basically disrespected me. I said things back (looking back, not a good idea). Time went by. I was irritated that my then-fiance continued to maintain such a close relationship with someone who'd speak to me, his future wife, like that. My fiancé kept telling me, "I have to deal with him, we're family. We have the same circle of friends." And I had no choice, who am I to tell someone to terminate a relationship? I don't have that right. But I was a little bit hurt because maybe a small part of me would want him to do so. He did not. About a month before the half-brother's wedding, the brother basically blew up on me once again, because his fiancé pulled some more nonsense out of her behind, and started drama for no reason. He emailed my husband and was so rude and spoke down to him. My husband did nothing. All these times, he let this guy disrespect me. He says he "laid him out", but I just don't get that feeling. I did not go to their wedding, because I felt it wasn't right for me to be there on her day. My husband went, without me. His own friend said afterward, "Why the hell would you let your brother talk to your soon-to-be wife like that? And he went with no reservations??"

At our wedding, I told my husband I did not want them there. He kept pushing the issue aside, and about 4 days before, he told me he had to invite him or else the family would be upset. What could I say to that? Greek weddings are family affairs. He came with his wife. By the end of the night, he had started a fight with my cousin, and well, the wedding was over. I cried my eyes out on my wedding night, I hate even looking at the pictures. My husband knows this. After that episode, I told him I did not want him speaking to him anymore, enough was enough. He looked me in the eye and said he would not because it was "wrong". Fast forward a few months, we have seen the brother a few times since the wedding, only when we go to visit. My husband is always chummy with him, although he tells me he won't speak to him. It makes me sick, to see someone with such a lack of pride. Come on man. Just yesterday, we were talking about the situation, and he was saying, "I cut him off because he shouldn't have acted that way toward you." I asked him when he last spoke to him, he made this face and said "it's been mooonths.." Tonight, I checked his phone bill. I had checked it once before, when I discovered he was basically cheating on me (while we were engaged, and he swore it wasn't physical and I thought he had changed). I checked from Oct - Now. And realized that he still calls his brother regularly. HE is the one who made the majority of the calls. And he last spoke to him about a week ago. Just yesterday he gave me that BS story, and he was lying the entire time. It makes me sick. Nothing bothers me more than a liar, especially someone I am so close to. Just this week, I learned a few things about him, his past, who he really is. I'm really starting to think I'm going crazy here. He has no respect for me, what I expect of him, or how I would like to be treated. I just do not get it. Last year, we had an issue with him making calls to a "friend" which he had denied for a year, before I found out. And looking back, I really do wish I had just walked away then. I'm so tired of being disrespected. What the hell? Is asking your husband to at least stand up for you when someone is attacking you too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable?

I just re-read what I wrote. I don't think I was clear enough. The reason I'm so bothered is because he lied to me. He looked me dead in the eye and lied to me. Basically, all of the hurt that I felt when his entire family dissed me because they listened to his half-brother bad mouth me (which is lame in itself), all of the hurt I felt on my wedding night, that means nothing to my husband. Nothing. As long as he is content, who cares? As long as his relationships are good, it's OK. And that is frusterating. If his brother means so much to him, he could talk to me and be honest. It's something we can totally work out, we're all adults and I have a strong want to make this work. But I am so frusterated right now. His lies, I cannot stand them. He lied about this, he lied a year ago about a "friend" he was calling late at night. It's not even as if she was someone he just hung out with, she lived in California. What reason did he have to call her? And he lied to me about it for a year. Even made me feel bad for asking when I felt suspicious. He then lied to me about dealing with his brother, before our wedding (I later found out the brother was at his bachelor party). He lies about little things, whether he drinks or not. He lied to his own mother about graduating college. She still believes he has. I just don't want that kind of person in my life. I cannot deal with someone who feels the need to lie. Is it because he's made himself out to be something he's not in his head, and when he's confronted with the truth, he lies? I'm so frusterated. I can't even say I'm as hurt as I am angry. For God's sake, he married me, I should stand for something. I was completely disrespected many times from this guy. My husband let that happen. And he continues to want to maintain a relationship with him. I can't stop that. I can't make him feel anything. I just really really wish inside, that he would want to not talk to him, at least for a while, until he realized my husband was upset. Maybe then I'd get the respect I should have gotten from day 1 from this guy. I just refuse to be disrespected anymore, especially from my husband. I'd rather be alone than be so disregarded. I'm disgusted with him. I want out.

Tell your husband that you two have to have a very serious discussion.
Don't push for a specific time, but have a talk with him within a week.
If he refuses or delays beyond that date make in his presence a phone call to a marriage counsellor and make an appointment.
You have to get trust back into your relationship, otherwise it will fail soon.
In that discussion let him know how and why you feel the way you do.
Make prior to the discussion a list of all the points that are important to you.
Keep to that list. Keep also data on telephone calls, and any other important data, to support your views (just in case he denies).
.
Make sure you two come to a firm understanding. If spouses do not support each other, you have to deal with that, no matter how unpleasant that may be.
Worse than dealing with that is having to deal with divorce. Because that is what you are heading towards, as far as I can value it...
Success!
:rolleyes:

I just re-read what I wrote. I don't think I was clear enough. The reason I'm so bothered is because he lied to me ...
Know that you were clear enough about that! You realize that the lack of trust between you two is undermining your marriage, and that it has to be restored, if you want to continue your relationship.
Success!
:rolleyes:

Not a very good start to a long and happy life. You had fair warning though, and you still went in with unresolved issues. You and your husband will have to work together though, and come up with a compromise solution, to this family problem, or else it will tear you apart. Just curious as to how your family deals with this mess?