PDA

View Full Version : Is my girlfriend bored of me?


bobpies
Mar 26, 2008, 07:07 PM
hi..
not sure why I'm on here, I'm not sure any good will come of it but I guess I just need to put it out there because its been eating me alive recently.

I've been seeing my girlfriend for just over 3 years now, about 3 and a half.

we started seeing each other in the first year of university. It was a long distance relationship and it was a real struggle to get through as we missed each other so much.
When we did see each other, usually every other weekend of so, it was crazy, we had sex all the time, it was fantastic, every night, every morning, in the afternoon, so much that sometimes it was just too much, but it was so great you would do it anyway.

this went on for about 6 months. Until she dropped out of university to try and get into a university back where we both lived (we were both over in UK mainland at this stage and she went back to ireland) anyway, that left me back in england. So long story short I come home for easter we are completely in love by this stage, and have a holiday booked in the summer.
the sex dries up somewhat back in ireland, she puts it down to the fact that she doesn't want any parents hearing us having sex, but we still did it. As often as we could. Any spare time and we were getting at it whilst possible with no one around.

holiday came and went and the sex was great there too..
back to uni the following year I go and leave her at home. Long distance again but we make it work sex is good when we saw each other. Uni ends and I take a placement back home to be with her for a year. This is where it goes pear shaped.

she doesn't want to have sex just as much, but it was all very sudden. We went from having sex say about 4/5 times a week to once a week. Then once every two weeks. Then once every 3 weeks, now its moved onto just on special occasions, like birthdays, valentines day. Now, let me just emphasize that this was at this point, 2 years to the month ago now.
right now, I haven't had sex for 42 days and counting and this isn't unusual. We've had plenty of chances when no one has been around. Plenty of nights when no one else has been in the house. (live with parents :/) and yes 42 days ago was valentines day, so if it wasn't for valentines day sex wouldn't have been had since before xmas!
and when we do have sex, she wants it over with as soon as she possibly can. She will stop me going down on her, completely skip any foreplay. Because we have it so little she is very sensitive when we do and can handle nothing more than missionary, which completely destroys the mood as I try and maybe spice things up a bit and she disagrees. So it just feels like she is doing it because she has realized we haven't had sex in so long and that she needs to keep me happy. But I would rather not have sex at all than have it with her when she doesn't want to.

she assures me she loves me, she tells me she's still attracted to me, I think she is the sexiest person I know, I get completely turned on at even the thought of her. I love her to pieces I know she loves me, but honestly I feel more like a brother to her recently.

in the past month I've noticed a change in her. Maybe I'm only just picking up on it now, but I feel like I'm just annoying her sometimes, I try to get a kiss from her but I can't even get that without her worrying about her makeup or making her miss something on the TV or I don't know. Just an excuse of some sort. And when I do get one it's a peck on the lips. Nothing more.
I can no longer touch her, she squirms when I do. I tickle her, there is a surface area of about 15cm squared that I have to touch. And its located on her back.
when we are in bed I don't know what to do anymore, it used to just come naturally, we would face each other for a chat, hold each other close. Kiss, and one thing would lead to another. Not any more, she immediately has her back to me in bed. And like I said I have her back / neck and outsides of her legs to accomplish something as I just tickle her otherwise, and 9.99999 times out of 10 she will evade my attempts to turn her on with a stealthy body movement to block off what I've been doing. Add that on top of the usual, I've got a headache or I don't feel well and I'm so tired right before getting into bed. Or she'll even add an obvious snore into the mix, to make me feel like I'm making my advances on an already asleep girlfriend. :(
we've had maybe 2 fights since day one and in both of those fights we have told each other what has been bothering us. For her she mentioned once that we don't do anything, which to be fair we didn't for a month or two, but I immediately rectified that, I buy her trips to london, take her out for dinner all the time, try to suggest places to go and so does she. But both times I have told her that I need more sex in our relationship. And that going for the length of time that we do without it is killing me, but to this day nothing has changed.

she came off her pill for one month, went back on another one the next month. And that is the total of her attempts to regain her libido.
I just feel like she doesn't care that I need sex, that she doesn't care whether we have it or not. In fact I would go so far as to say if I didn't ever try to have sex with her, we would never have sex again. And I mean that.

as a result myself confidence is non existent, for two years I've tried making all different approaches on her at nights, and I get cut down pretty much every time I do.
the trips we go on to london etc. staying in hotels, maybe we have sex, maybe not.
on our last holiday to thailand, we had sex once in two weeks.. in the middle of paradise.

I'm depressed, I feel unattractive, I feel completely useless, I cry randomly sometimes about it when I get so unhappy, she doesn't know, she doesn't pick up on it, I like to think she doesn't anyway, but in some way I think she maybe does, but doesn't want to say anything, as its only going to lead to an argument. Which by the way I'm useless at, when it comes to arguments face to face, I have no words.

this is an extremely long description about the whole thing and I'm sure I'm leaving a lot out too, but long story short, she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, I can't deal with it any longer and I'm just going insane, I'm seriously considering going to the docs to maybe even try some anti depressants. Because I love her so much I just can't leave her, I can't. But I need to do something.

help

N0help4u
Mar 26, 2008, 07:29 PM
She possibly really could feel uncomfortable at her parents house.
You really need to discuss if this is how your relationship is going to be from now on and if she really would rather you do not touch her any more.
Maybe you could take her away for a weekend and see if anything is better.
If not I would say something is bothering her.

Choux
Mar 26, 2008, 09:42 PM
You're post was so full of raw emotion... here is a song that expresses the universal lament of lovers who are not communicating... for you:

"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.
You're trying hard not to show it, (baby).
But baby, baby I know it...

You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh.

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you.
And now your're starting to critisize little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying, (baby).
'Cause baby, something in you is dying.

You lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah

Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you.

If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.

We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday.

So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away.

Baby (baby), baby (baby),
I beg of you please...please,
I need your love (I need your love), I need your love (I need your love),
So bring it on back (So bring it on back), Bring it on back (so bring it on back).

Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling
Bring back that lovin' feeling,
'Cause it's gone...gone...gone,
and I can't go on,
noooo...

Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling
Bring back that lovin' feeling,
'Cause it's gone...gone..."

_______________________________________

You have to talk to your girlfriend in a neutral location... your relationship is at a crossroads and both of you have to be totally honest about where your relationship is going. Her giving fake excuses will make you sick... you can't accept that behavior.

bobpies
Apr 22, 2008, 05:17 PM
Thanks for the replies.
I decided to wait it out a bit longer, she is studying for exams at the minute and I don't want to fk it up for her by bringing this up... what wuld your advice be on anti depressants? Good idea / bad idea? 70 days tomorrow without any sexual contact, could I be any more unhappy.

kp2171
Apr 22, 2008, 06:20 PM
your feelings are real and understandable.

it's a complex situation. But I will say there is a point where sexual neglect means incompatible, especially when young.

we tend to tell young women with lovers who aren't giving to toss the bum to the curb, and then tell young men with lovers who aren't giving to give her time and space. By the way... I'm not implying any other poster who has answered so far is setting up this double standard. You've been given good posts from people whose opinions I respect.

I'm saying it poorly... my point is its OK to wait, but don't sacrifice yourself over and over for her. I've done this myself, when young, and in love.

and I know what its like to feel like you need to beg for a kiss. The kind of kiss that she gave you when you first met. The kind that stops you in your tracks and blocks out the world.

all relationships usually go through some ruts... and some desensitization. I know what my partner of 10 years looks like naked, I know what she smells like, tastes like, etc... some newness goes away in time. But I still crave that kiss I first had with her in the doorway with the full moon lighting her scared are-you-for-real expression. I don't get it all the time, but its still there now and then.

that kiss, that connection, that attention paid to you.

so... OK to give her time to get through the noise. Stress is killer on libido, period. When my wife spends all day "fighting fires" at work, she is drained. I bide my time, and believe that she still wants me... just that sometimes life gets in the way.

so you can give her a pass for a bit. After that, you need to stop making excuses for her. I've been where you are in a relationship with a girl I loved dearly. What I got for my efforts and waiting was a year of frustration... yo-yoing... desperately wanting that kiss back from that girl.

in the case of my first big love, I eventually had to walk away. Thank God I did. It hurt. It sucked. Hated it. But it was needed. I just want going to settle for a complete lack of attention.

long term, you shouldn't either.

germ1290
Apr 23, 2008, 02:27 PM
This is something hard to deal with and I know what it feels like because my girlfriend is doing the same thing to me I don't know what it is but its hard because you can't help it and want to have sex with her because you know that's what feels good but I am going through the samething and the best thing to do is just talk to her and see what's bothering her that's what I did it got better but not the same so just talk to her

Evilspicy2727
Apr 24, 2008, 06:38 PM
If you don't talk to her before or after her exams, its telling her and anyone that you and your feelings don't matter. What I think is she's trying to give you enough rope to hang yourself, and hoping you will cheat.. . so maybe, it would be and easy out for her. And she won't have to break-up with you. I hope I'm wrong. But, it doesn't look good either way for you my friend. Either, way you will be unhappy... Do u want that?:eek:

LoveMaster
Apr 27, 2008, 05:11 PM
David D'Angelo,

You can thank me later... be the MAN every woman wants to chase... it is their nature, don't be a wussy pushover, I know been there it sucks.

Anyway,
TC,
Z

Alexdel10
Oct 31, 2010, 08:47 AM
This sounds exactly like my relationship. I miss that girl I went out with on our first date =( I just want her back. But she doesn't seem to want me anymore. I randomly cry to man. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's human nature. I sincerely hope things get better for you man, I really do. Thanks for this post, it's made me feel less alone in this world.

Good luck man.