I am going to try to explain this in as short a version as possible...

A girlfriend of mine was married for 6 weeks, her"husband" was still sleeping with his former wife. My girlfriend did indeed get pregnant, but they divorced very shortly after the conception. She has met another man who signed all the paternity paperwork, and is listed on the child's birth certificate as being the father. She spoke to the ex husband while she was pregnant, she told him that she understood he had 4 children with his ex wife and if he wanted nothing to do with HER child that was fine and she'd understand. He agreed he just wanted to "let her live her own life and move on". Now all of the sudden she's received a message from the ex husband saying IF the baby is his then he wants the baby to know him, his (ex) wife (whom he's remarrying) as well as HIS children.

Obviously he'd have to petition the court for a paternity test to prove paternity, since the father listed is not claiming the child is NOT his... but what really happens when someone says "HE'S NOT the father, I am " ? And what can she do to protect the bond that her son has with the man who was there during the pregnancy, the birth and who's wanted this child his whole life and is raising him ?

It doesn't seem odd to me that a man would want to have communication with his own child. What does seem odd is asking him to sign off parental rights and asking another man to sign onto them. That makes it appear a bit iffy who really is the father of this child. I don't know any men who would sign themselves on as a biological parent without reason to believe he was just that. I also don't know too many men who would agree to sign off unless he believed he was not really the father.

I think your friend should ask both men to take a paternity test and determine exactly who the father is. The father has a right to know his child and the child certainly will want to know his true father. It is human nature. It could also be immensely important if there is ever a need for organ or blood to be donated. There is also the situation of money. Part of being a parent is the desire to help raise that child...

What's really important here is that the child gets to know his own parent.

I agree with purplewings, she should not take her hurt of the relationship out on the kid.
If he is kept from his father and one day learns the truth it could end up with his resenting mom.

Same post
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/children/biologically-hes-father-hes-not-listed-now-he-says-he-wants-see-his-kid-197324.html

She was pregnant when she met the man who's raising the child, about 20 weeks. There's no doubt as to whom the biological father is, that's not the issue. The biological father wanted nothing to do with the child. The man who's listed on the birth certificate wanted to be listed, signed all the paternity paperwork (as he and my friend were not married) and IS in fact listed on the birth certificate.

The biological father has 4 other children with his wife (his ex, whom he's remarrying). They both stated they had no interest in seeing the child and good luck to her in her new life with someone else. I suspect it is the wife's way of "getting even" with my friend.

The whole situation is completley insane. She up and married the guy after knowing him for 3 weeks, they were married a total of 6 weeks before he movd out, she'd told him she was pregnant and he said "well good luck to you". They got divorced with no problem. She filed adultry charges and he consented to the charges.

As an adopted child myself I know the value is not who shares your blood type, it's who loved you and raised you. I feel terrible for both my friend and her fiancée. I've just never heard of a situation like this.

I also don't understand why all the sudden he'd want to disrupt everyone's live. His, his children's, hers, her children's and not to mention the baby, who knows no one but the family who's loved him since the moment he was born... my friend, her fiancée and her 3 children.

Personally I think she's correct in not wanting him around, he had a chance and the baby is being raised by a man who wanted him and loved him, however that's obviously not the issue.

The question is this... For the father to prove he's the father wouldn't HE be responsible for a petition and a paternity test and such ? And what would happen after that ?

I understood the new dad was not the dad
Even so the new dad is on the paperwork and the biological dad wants a relationship with his son. Why doesn't she work out an agreement for him to see his son? Why does she feel he needs deprived of seeing his real dad?
It will crush him if 'n when he finds out he was deprived of getting to know four half brothers/sisters and his biological dad.
He will always wonder what precious memories were stolen because he was never allowed to have his time with dad.

Sorry I'm trying to clarify everything the best that I can.

My friend, and her fiancée after having seen what the other couple is capable of, feel it's in the best interest of their son to have no involvement with Dad B (the biological father), when he's being raised and loved by dad A (the man listed on the birth certificate.). Dad B has not called, come by, checked up on anything, didn't even know the child was born or what his name was, or even that it WAS a boy, and now all of the sudden claims he wants a relationship.

The suspect is that it's not even HIM writing the messages, but his wife. The wife is a bitter, vindictive , coniving woman who's done nothing but used her husband, AND her ex husband (she got married while my friend was married, and now over a year later they've decided to get back together... I told you it's kind of hard to explain).

Again the question is not what is right and wrong, it is "What would happen, or have to happen" in a situation like this ?

The problem is not "sharing" a child. She has joint custody of her other 3 children with her ex husband, who is now married, and she insists that he AND his new wife see the children. I do believe she's trying to do what's best for the children, and obviously I'm biased (and I witnessed everything she went through with this man, and his wife) however I don't think seeing the biological father would serve any purpose other then to satisfy the wife's need for some sort of revenge at the fact she's NOT the mother of all his children after all. Apparently the father and his wife are trying to conceive ANOTHER child... what do they need with her son, who's being loved by someone who was there from the beginning ?

Again my questions is not being addressed. My question is what would have to be done, by both parties, and then what would happen ?

Please don't think I'm not appreciate of the things that are being said either, I am, I simply don't know what to tell my best friend who keeps calling me in tears...

Since his name is not on the birth certificate all he could really legally do is demand a paternity test and then push for joint custody and pay child support. As long as things are where they are all it is is harassment from him and will not get him anywhere. She could tell him that since he wants to change the agreement then he might as well start coming up with some child support as well. That might shut him up.-->Put his money where his mouth is so to speak

I said the same thing about the child support comment. She's afraid to send any sort of acknowledgment of receipt of the messages, or any return communication in the fear that it will be used against her. Would her best option be to just leave things alone, and if someone comes knocking on her door with court papers then to speak to a lawyer ?

Also I realize normally the situation is reversed. Some guy believes he' the father then think's he's not so he wants a paternity test, and the court orders one to be done. Since the child HAS a father listed, who's NOT denying paternity, could a paternity test be forced ?

Probably and yes he could. He really doesn't have a leg to stand on without court orders for a paternity test.

If the bio dad has enough money to hire a good lawyer then I would put my money on him getting the DNA test. This is because they were married and that is when she conceived any judge could do the rough math it takes counting backward from the child's birthday to the approximate time of conception. Had they never been married I would think differently but because they were he can claim that she didn't tell him right away or whatever and it would probably be believed. Best of luck!

Lets forget the emotions for the moment. Lets look solely at the legality. Depending on the laws where you live, the man who signs the birth certificate and acknowledges paternity is the legal father UNLESS the bio father mounts a court challenge within a statutorily specifed time frame. Since nothing has been said about the age of the child, I can't even guess as to whether enough time has passed. If, according to the laws in your jurisidction too much time has passed then she can block the bio father from gaining any rights.

However, if the time limit has not passed, he can force a paternity test. If he that test shows he's the father, then he will have rights to the child. However, in that case, he will also have responsibilities for that child and she can file for child support. That may be enough to dissuade him from pursuing the issue.

Your friend needs to consult an attorney to see what she can do.

I am going to try to explain this in as short a version as possible...

A girlfriend of mine was married for 6 weeks, her"husband" was still sleeping with his former wife. My girlfriend did indeed get pregnant, but they divorced very shortly after the conception. She has met another man who signed all the paternity paperwork, and is listed on the childs birth certificate as being the father. She spoke to the ex husband while she was pregnant, she told him that she understood he had 4 children with his ex wife and if he wanted nothing to do with HER child that was fine and she'd understand. He agreed he just wanted to "let her live her own life and move on". Now all of the sudden she's received a message from the ex husband saying IF the baby is his then he wants the baby to know him, his (ex) wife (whom he's remarrying) as well as HIS children.

Obviously he'd have to petition the court for a paternity test to prove paternity, since the father listed is not claiming the child is NOT his... but what really happens when someone says "HE'S NOT the father, I am " ? And what can she do to protect the bond that her son has with the man who was there during the pregnancy, the birth and who's wanted this child his whole life and is raising him ?
Very confusing when you post more or less the same question on two different threads - should be consolidated.

Lets forget the emotions for the moment. Lets look solely at the legality. Depending on the laws where you live, the man who signs the birth certificate and acknowledges paternity is the legal father UNLESS the bio father mounts a court challenge within a statutorily specifed time frame. Since nothing has been said about the age of the child, I can't even guess as to whether enough time has passed. If, according to the laws in your jurisidction too much time has passed then she can block the bio father from gaining any rights.

However, if the time limit has not passed, he can force a paternity test. If he that test shows he's the father, then he will have rights to the child. However, in that case, he will also have responsibilities for that child and she can file for child support. That may be enough to dissuade him from pursuing the issue.

Your friend needs to consult an attorney to see what she can do.


I also thought that if you KNOW you’re not the birth father but you sign the birth certificate you are committing fraud. This fraud would enable the birth father to request DNA testing, Statute and waiting periods aside. I suppose if you don’t tell the birth father and someone else signs he never knows and maybe the question never comes up - that is not the case here.

The OP’s thread on another Board asks: “And what can she do to protect the bond that her son has with the man who was there during the pregnancy, the birth and who's wanted this child his whole life and is raising him?” Plenty of children have step parents; that doesn’t preclude the natural parents from loving them - and the children from loving back. This is a whole different agenda.

Also troubled by the statement that the biological father’s visitation wouldn’t serve any purpose other than to satisfy [his] wife’s need for some sort of revenge... “what do ‘they’ need with her son, who is being loved by someone who was there from the beginning.” In any of these cases I have personally seen the “step parent” most definitely does NOT want to child “around” because he/she doesn’t want the reminder of the other relationship in his/her face. This step mother is taking the opposite approach. Maybe the father wants to know and love his child and there is no ulterior motive.

I think this is a little more involved and perhaps the motives are different from protecting the child from... whatever.

And that’s my answer to your what could happen question. Your friend needs an Attorney.

What happens will depend on state law and how old the child is, in a few US states, the bio father will have no rights if he waited too long, in other nations he will have full rights to file a suit in family court.

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