My boyfrind kicked meonce years ago and apologized profusely. In china for our anniversary he dragged me throughba club and slapped me repeatedly. A week later I was trying to get away from him and the hotel I was almost out the door crammed between the doorway and the door with him pushing it so I couldn't leave. I fell and was impaled by the pointy door handle it went in2" deep and along 5" down from my armpit I had to unhinge myself all the while without knowing what happened he still pulled me in. I had to wait 6 hours for emergency surgery. Now I'm the one with the anger mgt issues. I now curse at him and times I've been drunk and upset I bring it up and have scratched at him. He hasn't laid a hand on me the shock of seeing me bleed so much faint and have a chunk of my arm missing. He thinks I'm a loser because its been 12 years and I have no degree. I think I'm a loser too. He flirts so much with other women. He owns a multi million $ company and has what he calls "really hot girls" who he pays salaries upwards of $200k some 300k. Always telling me how smart they are. All I feel I have are my looks but I'm not perfect. What does it matter anyway when he's so impressed with how "hot"everyone is. We had a non legal wedding ceremony and I thought it be would good. At least for my almost extinct self esteem. He is legallymarried they stay because of two kids I have no worth. I am nothing no education don't own anything. I can only work in a mall store no benefits while he hires hot girls to run his 200million dollar company. He hates me he loves me as you would anything that's Round long enough. I have a fun personality. I'm smart I get only A's when I take classes I'm attractive. I'm kind. I'm going to counseling for anger mgt and childood sexual abuse. I feel so hurt and broken. Just worthless I'm trying not to hate myself

I really am starting to question the truth behind some of these posts. I mean if you prove me wrong about it, I do apologize and will be happy to help. But some of the things coming onto this forum these days is just mind blowing. Does anyone else agree or think this is a worthy post? If it is, I will try and see what I can do to help

Torigirl - You are better than this. Why are you letting this guy treat you like a dish rag? He doesn't love you, otherwise he would support you emotionally, all he does is put you down. I think he does that so that he can keep you exactly where you are, with him. He's afraid you'll leave so he tells you that you're worthless, that you will never amount to anything, it's gotten to the point that you actually believe him. But guess what, you aren't gone yet, you still have some fight left in you, how do I know, because of this;

"I have a fun personality. I am smart I get only A's when I take classes, I'm attractive. I'm kind."

So stop sitting around letting him push you down, stop thinking so little of yourself, you know what you can do, you've just been told that you can't for so long that you partly believe it. Well, I believe in you, and I think that you have allot of self worth. You don't need this guy.

Will it be hard to make it on your own? You bet it will, it will be extremely hard, and you will do it, and you will make it and one day, you will look in the mirror and see a strong confident attractive woman who deserves to be loved by someone who is going to treat her right.

Take care love, and think about it. It's not to late to make a change.

In answer to your original question: Is this abusive? YES!

But since you know what he's like, that you have no real future with him and that your self-respect is buried deeper than 6 feet under, the abuse is coming directly from YOU!

You are letting him control your emotions, thoughts and feelings, so you need to get away from him before you can find yourself.

It is your choice, all it takes is that one step - and your therapist will tell you the same.

Scratching him and getting angry at him is only your surrogate way of fighting all of the other wrongs done to you in the past. Get rid of him, work on your anger - one issue at a time, get closure on all and then start building a life you can be happy with. Set some positive goals.

Good luck, and keep us posted. We will help where we can, but seriously think of personal professional help.. you deserve a break now and it's about time you reached toward it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) You need to start believing in yourself, and if you don't like what you see when you look in the mirror... do something about it because only you have the power to change you!

I really am starting to question the truth behind some of these posts. I mean if you prove me wrong about it, I do apologize and will be happy to help. But some of the things coming onto this forum these days is just mind blowing. Does anyone else agree or think this is a worthy post? If it is, I will try and see what I can do to help

Romefalls..
Whether the poster is 'for real' or not, is not for us to judge - at least not at the first post...
We all do this for free because we either had similar problems and/or want to help those lighten their pain from diverse experiences. I do give them the benefit of doubt until I read more between the lines. And if you've read some of my other posts, you can tell that I do not hesitate to express myself either way. We should not vote on whether we take a post serious - it is a choice we can make to answer or not. So, until I find evidence of wrongful posting, I will give the poster benefit of doubt and wear his/her shoes accordingly.
And, I don't judge the individual as that is not my right to do so, only the circumstance.
So, dear, give it a try and see what you would do for a poster like this..

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This must seem unreal I guess. I cheated on him a few months before our trip. He was very understanding and supportive. I had a messed up childhood and love and sex are something I will always battle with. The incidents happened when we were both drunk. We don't get drunk but in the rare occasion he gets. Belligerent and I get irrational. He is a kind man in every other respect. Now I'm the violent one. He believes in hard work and he gets frustrated when I am passionate about doing something but then interest wanes. School has been hard after so long. He pays for dinners and trips and going out but he didn't help me with school. If he could be the sweet caring gentle person all the time. But I am hurt that I'm not good enough. He loves me. But I don't feel he likes me. I am the only person he's ever hit in his life. Am I so horrible? When I had my accident which I suppose I could post a picture (as proof! ) of my reconstrucive scar. It was my accident because he was scared I would run out into the street. I was like a caged animal hysterically escaping. How were we supposed to k ow a door handle could go into you? I have hit him since then I an jealous I don't trust him I don't do nice things for him I resent him. I don't care about the lifestyle. I am now against alcohol because it can create a monster out of anyone. I think he needs to go to therapy with me. He forgets that I am already severely damaged and I something's I do and some reactions are exaggerated. I wish I could just go to school full time and get it done with his support. But he calls me spoiled and brings up all the successful women who work for him how they worked in tough fields while ear ing their bachelors and masters. I am trying very much to set little goals so I have some accomplishments. He's an arrogant stubborn man but he's also very sweet with me and supportive. I just can't believe we got to this point. I am 29 and my life as I imagined it is out of reach. For the person who doubted my post maybe is was the money that threw you off? Money brings a fast life sometimes its seedy and about power. I don't have money. I lost my mall job my store closed. I have debt. He has money he works very hard for. Ill take a normal life and a loving husband over that any day.

Do you realize that you already have the answer? Re-read your post, you know what to do. You love him, but you don't, you think he loves you, but you don't think he likes you. He shoves these successful girls in your face, but he doesn't want you to succeed.

You are right to feel like a caged animal, that's exactly what you are, a little pet that he can play with and manipulate, and because of that, because you've been caged for so long and deep down you don't like it and you know it's wrong, you are fighting back. The only way you know how to fight is to get physical, that's what you've been taught, want to guess who taught you?

Sweetie, allot of people have troubled childhoods, I'm one of them. It's not what's in your past that matters, it's what's in your future that counts. You have to get up and stand on your own two feet, until you do you'll never feel good about yourself. Really, it's true.

You deserve to be loved for who and what you are, but you don't even know who that is. Go and find her, you've still got a long life ahead of you to make your dreams come true, but first you have to find a way out of this nightmare.

When you are with him, with all he has, you feel like you have nothing and are nothing. Why stay?

Yes, he is abusive... physically and mentally.

Its no fun to start again, but you can't choose to stay and be a victim. There's no good ending in this relationship.

I know you are scared, you feel like you've wasted time... yours isn't the only relationship to fall apart at this point in your life, and you can pick up the pieces and make a better life for yourself... one that you own, you control, and that you take pride in.

torigirl
Your past is telling me that you don't know what real love is, and that you don't really care about sex because is was something that was 'forced' on you when you were not ready. You will allways have an aversion to it if you don't get therapy - believe me, I know what I'm talking about as I was raped a few times in my life - and by my husband too.
He might need therapy too, but not together with you - that is something you want.. someone to hold your hand and someone you want to see all the wrong that has been done. But it does not work that way. You have to come to terms with your past monsters and get well, then hope that your partner understands why you 'freaked' so many times. But, the first step is your's to take, and alone. This is also the reason that your passions and interests wax and wane, you cannot stay focused. You have way too much on your plate and juggling them around will not do - it will only frustrate you more, and then load more crap ontop.
As far as dinner and trips, YOU think these are the price for sex and good behavior and will resent them more if you keep thinking in the way you are now. You are not a dog that should get rewarded for wagging your tail right, or looking pretty... and sometimes you think that's all you are worth.

So, please get professional help, and yes - do stay away from alcohol. This will be a hard journey to take, but I promise it will be worth it.

Don't worry about him.. he will take care of himself as he's allways done.. You need to concentrate on #1 now, YOU. Then, and only then, will you have the capability to truly share and trust yourself with another in any relationship.

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You cheated on him trust is gone it does not sound like a very healthy relationship on both sides leave him.

And try to be more wize in the futuer.
And yeah its abuse if he hits you

No guy should hit a women, even if they really hurt us

Please love yourself enough, to get out of this abusive situation, and on a better path, that brings you some real happiness into your life. Get help to find out how to get on that path, if you need it.