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I had a girlfriend who just turned 16 who I was dating for eight months and is starting year 11 this year, I am 18 and just finished high school. About a month ago she broke up with me over the phone of all places and I was and still am devistated. Through our relationship I treated her like a princess, was always faithful and never said a bad word to her. She was my first love and I think I was her second. We were so close and pretty much shared everything together. We were both virgins and I wanted to prove that I didn't just want to get in her pants so I waited to have sex even though we came close sometimes and did pretty much everything else. We made plans for the future and everything seemed unbelievable. She was a year out of another relationship which lasted about 20 months and was still very good friends with her ex which did bother me a lot and would cause a few problems here and there but we got through it. There was also some problems with her parents and I that were soughted out but never felt the same with them. About six months into the relationship I went away with a few mates for a week to celebrate graduation and when I got back its like she was a different person, not so warm and basically seemed like something had happened or changed while I was away. I asked but she said everything was OK. She then told me she had her ex over one night and they were watching movies alone in her room? That brought up the whole ex issue once again and just didn't seem right that she should do that while I was away and totally faithful to her. A month later she went away with her family for xmas vacation and I met up with them in the second week. When I got there she again felt very distant and cold. Most of her attention went to another guy she met there and it was obvious that some sought of connection was made in the first week while I wasn't there. He left early in the second week and I found in her bag a letter that he had written her that basically said he enjoyed her company along with some sappy I saw the moon in your eyes that night on the beach stuff along with his number and address. He also had a girlfriend who was back home. I asked her about it and she denied that anything happened between them and I believed her but the holiday was ruined. We got back home and she basically said she needed time to think so that was that. I would call her now and then to see what was happening and to tell her that I missed her and that I love her but still she needed time. After about a month she called me and said she wanted to meet me, we met and she said she wanted to give us another chance, I was on top of the moon. I soon found out from one of my mates that during the time when she was thinking that she went on a double date to the movies with the guy she met on holidays. Of course I was upset but being madly in love I still couldn't be mad at her. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said because I knew you would get mad. Anyway, we tried again but no matter how hard I tried she continued to be cold and distant and was like she wasn't giving me a chance at all. A week after valentines day she broke up with me. I asked her why and she said that I wasn't happy and that its not working. I said to her that I loved her more than life it self but she said that I won't change her mind. The phone call ended with me bursting out in tears and me telling her that I would always love her. As time went on I would call her and ask for her back but she just said that I was pushing her away. Eventually she told me not to call her anymore and that was it. About a week ago I find out she is going back out with her ex? I'm so confused and in pain. What did I do? What didn't I do? What should I do? I would walk in front of traffic for her.:confused:

You didn't do anything, my dear, at l6 the girl isn't mature enough to take on a serious relationship, let alone know what she wants to do the next day. Move on.

AWWWW... you know a girl like her doesn't deserve a Guy like you... or in this case she's a jerk for making you suffer and putting you through that again.
MOVE ON, trust me with a heart like yours you will find someone who is worth your time... Damm what I would give to have a guy like you in NYC...
.GuD Luck

My girlfriend recently broke up with me after almost 8 months together and its killing me not knowing why. I did ask her obviously but I could tell they were all excuses and not the real reasons. She is one of those drop dead gorgeous girls in High School that every boy dreams of and wants and I have a feeling someone purpously sabotaged the relationship with lies. It all started when I got back from schoolies week on the gold coast, she just seemed like a different person. I get the feeling that while I was away someone's been drumming into her head to break up with me or someone's told her that I was messing around up at schoolies week which is a lie. I didn't once cheat on her. Am I being paranoid or was this time apart just an eye opener for her. It's the worst thing not knowing why the love of your life doesn't want you in there's anymore. Has she been leading me on this whole time? Any advice?

Your problem is she probably knows she is the pick of the crop and can't see herself being with any one guy and on an ego trip. Could be she just doesn't want to commit at this stage of the game and wants to play her options. If she can't give you a good reason then it sounds like she really doesn't know why herself. Move on and maybe later on you two can get together when she is a little more mature and probably not so full of herself.

She obviously doesn't think you're the love of her life so it doesn't matter her reasons for dumping you. Just chalk it up, and move on. Trying to figure out what goes on in the female mind, is a waste of time, especially a young female.

No, I disagree, the problem is that you can't control the bad influences other people allow in their life. You just can't. Some situations are simply unfixable.

Be the best YOU you can be. Stifle urges to punish her in any way, the best revenge is a life well-lived in the face of your rival. So have a good life. Be positive, energetic, attractive personality-wise to others and one of two things will happen:

1) She'll override the bad influences and come back to you because it is better for her to be with you than them (not likely)

2) You move smoothly into your next thing and develop a life away from her, and your success will secretly be regretted by her. (more likely and good for you no matter what)

I am 18 years old and just finished year 12 in sydney australia. I have been seriously dating my girlfriend now for six months who is two years below me in year 10 and I love her very much. My question is:
At the end of year 12 the majority of the kids from the year go on a 1 week holiday called (schoolies week) up at the gold coast. The question is do you think it is disrespectfull to my girlfriend for me to go away without her for a week with my friends to a end of school celebration that has a lot of young people drinking and going to parties and so forth. I don't drink and would never think of cheating on her. I just don't know if its right or not. I would really appreciate anyone's opinion. Thanks.

Ask her how she feels about it, and talk about it.

Thanks for your reply but I need to know what you would do. Ok, we could talk about it and she might pretend it doesn't bother her as a test just to see what I do. I've been with her for six months and have never thought about cheating on her, why would it be any different just because I'm around other teenagers in a social environment 1000kilometers away without her? Its all very confusing and need some words of wisdom.
Thanks

It's not confusing at all. When you CARE about someone, you take their feelings into consideration when making choices. Life is choices. Doing one thing means not doing something else.

The only thing you HAVE to do in this situation is talk to your girl about it. If she says it's OK, even if she only half means it, then it's OK. But you have to measure her response, we can't do that for you.

If you absolutely must have instructions from strangers on this, I'd tell you not to go. How fair is that?

The only wisdom you gain in life is from experience. You gain experience by doing and communicating. TALK TO HER and actually listen.

AFTERTHOUGHT:
Now that you're done with school, somebody needs to point out to you that your putting your life on hold for 2 years waiting for a younger girl to catch up is most likely NOT going to end well. So, this trip decision is the just the first of many problems you're going to have to resolve if you want to keep dating a schoolgirl when you're not a schoolboy any longer.

I'm just saying.

So, this trip decision is the just the first of many problems you're going to have to resolve if you want to keep dating a schoolgirl when you're not a schoolboy any longer.

I'm just saying.

These are some wise words to consider, it won't get easier.

While I think it is "nice" that you ask your girlfriend about this trip to get her opinion, I believe that if you want to go, you should go - regardless of the girlfriend's feelings. When she has the opportunity to do the "traditional" school thing, my guess she would want to do it, too. Unfortunately, you are at a disadvantage, as you are facing this type of decision first. Just be ready to support her if you both are together when she wants to go. You only live once - enjoy what you can (as long as you truly are not going to hurt another - by cheating). Frankly, I would not "ask" her, I would let her know that, hey, I'll be going on the traditional holiday for schoolies week... " Being apart does not have to be a trust issue, either. Good luck.

Ur girlfriend should let u go and not tell u no...
A relationship doesn't mean u get to control that persons life... u should just go
If she really loves u she will trust you

Well, if I were the girlfriend in the situation, I certainly would be sad about you leaving without me for a week, BUT I would want you to be happy and celebrate the end of your schooling as well. I think that you should ask her, and ask her to tell you the truth, if she's all right with you leaving. Then, using her answer, make your decision.

I went for a holiday with my mates for a week and when I got back my girlfriend of 16 told me that my brother of 26 had phoned her while I was away. Before I go on I'll give you a little history on my brother. A few years back my two brothers and my cousin went away for a week on a similar holiday and during that time the brother in question was calling my other brothers girlfriend behind his back and saying that he had been cheating on her while they were on holiday which was a lie. When they got back they were seeing each other behind my other brothers back and eventually they slepped together. Anyway eventually the guilt was too much to handle and the truth came out and all hell broke loose. There has been problems with my two brothers for years now. Back to the present. My girlfriend at the time told me that my brother had called her and that he told her not to tell me that he called but of course she did so that started the bells ringing. I asked why he called and she said she didn't know, she told me they spoke for at least an hour, I asked her what they talked about and she said me, and she also said my brother told her about what had happened years ago with my other brother?? Then she said that my brother cares about me which also made me wonder. My girlfriend asked me to promise her that I wouldn't tell my brother that she told me about the call but I couldn't do that. A few weeks later she broke up with me, she seemed different when I got back from holiday and I can't help thinking that my brother had something to do with it. I confronted him about it and he said that I don't own her and that he can call who ever he wants, I asked what they talked about and he said he couldn't remember.. Am I being insecure? My mind is about to explode, I can't seem to stop thinking about it with all that went on in the past. Why would a 26 year old man call his brothers 16 year old girlfriend while he was away on holidays and then tell the girlfriend not to tell me? I need help

Why? Because he has major issues.
First off, she is a minor... so if he slept with her, he committed rape.
Second, if he has done this before and told you that you don't own her, then for sure is involved. I know he is your brother, but you need to distance yourself from him. He obviously has no morals, doesn't care about you (only himself), and has some other issues going on in his head.

Wow is all I can say.

My guess is that since your girlfriend told you do not tell your brother that you know about him calling and you couldn't help but tell him she sees that she can't trust you with a confidence so she got upset with you for not being able to keep something between just the two of you.
Your brother says he can call her anytime, it is up to tell him otherwise.

I think you're reading this situation completely correct. He called her to inspire distrust between you and her, and it worked. It's actually quite clever.
If she'd kept the secret and he slipped it, you would've mistrusted her.
She told you (good) but in embarassment over the whole thing needed you to not say anything to the brother...the brother knew you couldn't keep quiet, so he made sure she knew you had confronted him about it. Thus, HER trust in you was broken.
It's pretty diabolical.

When you spot diabolical people, there is only one solution - distance. I know he's your brother, but that appears to be a meaningless fact. He is acting like a smiling-enemy. Don't ignore that fact.

Until such time as you can get away from him completely and forever, you will have to warn all your girlfriends ahead of time that if they date you, they may have to deal with your psycho-diabolical brother who has a skill at wreaking havoc in your love life.

I'm sorry, this is bad. I see no easy solution. Just distance.

Thanks for your replies. What do you think is the best way to find out the real truth?

What the real truth is...
He called her to cause a drift as JB said and
Then she told you and asked you not to tell anybody
You couldn't contain yourself from telling what she told you in confidence
You told your brother
It got back to her
She got mad.
Which part aren't you sure about?

Thanks again for your reply but what kind of person would I be not confronting my brother about this and then not telling my girlfriend that I did so? Kind of a contradiction.

I'm 18 and had never had a girlfriend before and was not really looking until this girl came into my life. You know when your young you expect to have a few girlfriends and build some experience in relationships until the right one comes along and then you can make the right decisions at the right time. This was not the case for me, my first girlfriend was the one, the one that I would have liked to of ended up with as a life partner instead of being seen as a life learning step. Ok, she was only 15 when we met but I have seen many high school relationships last into life partners. My problem is the fact that even though I gave %100 to the relationship I feel that I did not have enough experience and maturity to know that I was doing anything wrong. Just little things like being insecure and not trusting her, there was no cheating or anything like that. I also think a big factor was that I did not really have a chosen career path after leaving school and her parents even gave me a job through a family friend which I really did not like and gave up after three weeks. Stupid things like that, that at the time you think does not really matter at such a young age and you do not mean any harm buy. Now that she's gone I do not know how to deal with the fact that the girl of my dreams has left me because her parents did not approve of me anymore after letting me be apart of there family and accepting me onto there house with open arms and I feel that I'm to blame for it all. And the truth is I meant no harm in anyway I was just young, with no experience. How do you deal with the fact that any relationship you now have will just be second best, a second hand emotion and that you are to blame for that?

You can stop allowing yourself to think silly things. I'm not saying your feelings for her weren't as extreme as you say, I believe they were.

I'm asking, "Why in the world would you predict no person ever, anywhere, can be an awesome lifelong match for you? Why? What are you gaining thinking that way?"

You think you're different from everyone else who posts here trying to figure out how to get over their first love? I'm sorry to burst THAT bubble, but you're not different. You're going through the exact same thing all of us went through when our first BIG LOVE relationship ended.

I'm 45 years old and still VIVIDLY recall detailed aspects of my first love (17 yrs old). Crisp and clear. But I didn't make the mistake then of thinking that I needed to get over it. I didn't. I still don't. I never did, in fact. I can still tap those feelings.

And I also didn't make the mistake of thinking I'd never love again. In fact, I realized the opposite was true. I had fallen in love hard, felt it all, and now it was over. I now knew I COULD love like that.

It makes just as much sense to say, "I have loved deeply and will love deeply again." as it is to say what you are... "I have loved deeply and never will love deeply again." Choosing to think the way you are is just that... a CHOICE, and it's a random one.

There is no reason at ALL you can't allow yourself to both be sad and work through the pain of the lost love without feeling like it's the LOVE you're trying to get over. You're not. It's the loss. Keep the memories, refer to them fondly and as often as you deem appropriate.

I was in love 4 times, my first was the STRONGEST I felt, but my last is the best, it's real and lasting and inspires me to do things I would never do myself (including keeping a job I didn't like for more than three week... <wink>).

You're going to be fine. Stop landmining your future though, it's not necessary.

Wow, JB is so awesome.

I too can remember the first time my heart was broken. I am male, and at the time I was 20 or so. However, I wasn't as cool as JB. I didn't eat for 3-4 months, lost so much weight, etc. I never thought I would get over it, but then time healed me, and I was able to finally continue with life.

Which is what you should do. College? If not, what career can you see yourself doing? Moving out of parents house? Want your own car? etc. Lots of stuff you can do. Time to start doing things, handling responsibility, and everything else will fall in place for you.

Many thanks for your replies. You all continue to help

I don't think you can tell this early that a previous relationship is the best. It does take a lot of time to heal wounds but it works.. Things come when you least expect them to and I'm pretty sure you're going to find what you just wrote funny in the next few years when you're in another great relationship!

I am in a situation where, I am almost %100 sure that my brother, and close friend had something to do with the break up of my ex and I. I have held grudges towards both of them ever since, but since I don't speak to my ex anymore, I can't prove anything. Being close to, and seeing both these people a lot of the time makes it difficult to get over her, as it is always in my face. This is making me very depressed and ruining my life. What to do?

Leave it alone. You are probably being paranoid. You have broken up. Maybe they did you a favor.

You need to forget about it. Your relationship must have had some major flaws, or it wouldn't have ended at all.

Did they have reason to split the two of you up? To put a plan together, and execute it, and 'win'? Why would they have done that. Could it have been they thought it was the right thing- for you?

Not saying what they did was right, or wrong, or whether they did anything at all, but the resentment you hold toward both of them, is hindering not only your relationship with them, but also hindering you getting over the break with your ex.

Regardless of who did what to whom, relationships often fail because there is a third party involved, or in your case a possible fourth.

Not at all uncommon either for relationships to just not work out, and people go their separate ways.

The only person who can satisfy your need to know, is your ex girlfriend. If you have only a theory to base the demise of the relationship on, then you are a poor communicator with her. Nobody can break any couple up, unless the couple is not strong together.

If that's all you got, you are most likely still in the dark about 'why'. It is sad really, that you don't have more insight into how you could have possibly contributed, or she could have possibly contributed to the end of the relationship, without assistance from outsiders.

There is usually a reason, and my guess is, it has nothing to do with your brother or friend.

You are saying that the relationship would have continued had they not done what they did, whatever that is, yet, you still don't have a clue about the other end- and that is, your lack of communicataion with your now, ex.

Why not just talk to her, so you can put the conspiracy theory to rest, and realize the truth, so that in the next relationship, you can have more success.

I think you give those people way too much power. If you boyfriend didn't want to break up with you, he simply wouldn't. Healthy relationships with a solid foundation don't fall apart like that.

Forget it and move on.

All threads merged




Quote by yeahrightman on March 20, 2008;
Anyway, we tried again but no matter how hard I tried she continued to be cold and distant and was like she wasn't giving me a chance at all. A week after valentines day she broke up with me. I asked her why and she said that I wasn't happy and that its not working. I said to her that I loved her more than life it self but she said that I won't change her mind. The phone call ended with me bursting out in tears and me telling her that I would always love her. As time went on I would call her and ask for her back but she just said that I was pushing her away. Eventually she told me not to call her anymore and that was it. About a week ago i find out she is going back out with her ex?? I'm so confused and in pain. What did I do? What didn't I do? What should I do? I would walk in front of traffic for her.:confused:

You have been holding a resentment for to long, let it go, and accept what she told you almost 2 years ago. Maybe they did go behind your back and talk crap to your ex, but the decision to dump you and go back to her ex was her choice, and had nothing to do with what they said, and maybe, just maybe, they knew something that you didn't know about her. Close this chapter of your life, and move on finally.