I posted this on the dating secition before realising this was here
Here's my Problem

Basicially I met this girl about 2.5-3 years ago over the internet. For the 1st year-1.5 We were good friends and nothing but that. Well then for some reason (I don't remember) I just quit talking to her... I just stopped. It wasn't about her or anything it just happened.. Well about a year ago we got back into contact. Well then I started growing feelings for her. We've talked over the phone, over messengers, Even Web cam and We both have feelings for each over and I planned on visiting her for the 1st time this summer well then... She got a Boyfriend... and they've been dating for 3 months and I still plan on visiting her. Now she's told me that she loves me but she also loves her Boyfriend.. What do I do? Should I make a move on her While I'm visiting?

Wow. These girls... pssh..

To be honest, I would say... to have a talk with her about her fixing her current situation with her boyfriend before you and her doing anything.

However, to be brutally honest, I'd say stay away from her... why would you approach a girl who's currently (emotionally) cheating on her boyfriend? What if you become her boyfriend... then what stops her from doing the same to you?

I see your point on (emotionally) cheating on her boyfriend... But I don't think she would be like that. And if this helps at all She's just met the guy while I've known her for awile. She's also told me that her BF is having family issues which she helps out on and she's always busy. Truthfully Whenever she mentions her Boyfriend I really get jealous because I can't do anything. I want her to be happy but all the wile I'm being selfish and hope they break up. I was planning on making a move when I visited her but once she told me about her boyfriend sometimes I consider not going because it would be INCREADIBLY Weird. To add to this she'll come to me about advice (actually she comes to me a lot about advice). I usually try to give her advice that helps her in her relationship even though I kind of want it to end. So my question is... Am I doing the right thing?

You said that you don't think she would be like that...

... she is currently BEING like that. It matters little how long she's known you... she is in fact still cheating on her boyfriend while telling you that she loves you and she wants to see you.

I'm assuming that you two live far from one another and won't be able to see each other on a regular basis if you two decide to be in a relationship... do you think she won't find some other guy that's closer?

I know this sounds completely idiotic but if she truly cared then no. It would be a complete miracle and Ever so insane but no... I doubt she realises that she "cheating" on her BF.. should I bring it up with her?. I really don't want to screw up our friendship and I'm afraid she'll get REALLY pissed at me.

I'm still wondering If I should bring it up with her.

Just simply tell her that you don't feel it is a good idea to meet or be anything more than friends because you don't want to complicate her life with her having a boyfriend and you are afraid you might have more feelings than you should for her.

Personally, I think you should. If you don't then you'll never know how she really intends to act. Plus, it may unfortunately turn out that once she realizes it, she will have to make a choice. Maybe not the choice you hope for, but nevertheless, a choice indeed.

=( That's What I'm afraid of

It really kills me inside, Knowthing That I should be happy for her that she's living a happy life and I'm not. Its really depresssing thinking about them 2 having the times of their lives while I'm stuck home everday. I know I shouldn't But I wish They'd break up so I'd have a chance with her. If I to to visit her It'll feel really weird (unless they broke up but I don't see that happening) but if I don't she'll probably never want to talk to me against since she REALLY wants to meet me. So wats the lesser of the 2 evils?

BUMP!

But forreal.AFter about 2 weeks I finally got a hold of her and I brought up 2 things.

1: The fact that I like her and she has a BF and I asked her how were not going to make this feel weird

2) Emotionally Cheating

I'm actually going to show you the convseration (Even though I really shouldn't) we had so U can give me and in depth answer because I'm REALLLLLLY freaking out right now

ON the thing about cheating here it is


Matthew says:
Isn't that techiniaclly "emotionally" cheating on him?
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
No
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I'm not like... cheating on him at all
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Like...
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
c'mon matt
Matthew says:
No tell me
Matthew says:
I've gotten to this state in paranoia that I really need your input
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I don't know how to explain it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I'm not FORBIDDEN to like another guy
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
As long as I don't act on it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And I love *** more
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Its all right

On the thing that I like her and she has a BF

Matthew says:
How so I say this... I'm been worrying about this for awile but here goes... Obviously I've got feeling for u, I know it you know it frekaing Bush and Chewbacca know it, Saying That and knowing that you have a boyfriend... well... idk.. to me its just going to feel weird.. because your like OOh I 'm give you a kiss and to me being the literal person that I am makes it seem like your cheating on him.Then
Matthew says:
He'll get on my case
Matthew says:
And I'm seriosuly overdramitishing this
Matthew says:
But really
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I told *** that I do like you
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
As more than a friend
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And he says he's all right with it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Because he trusts me
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And I asked him about the kiss
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And he said it was OK
Matthew says:
But see.. for some reason
Matthew says:
I just..
Matthew says:
Can't believe that
Matthew says:
I don't know why
Matthew says:
Its not u

Matt.

Stay. The. f. away. From. This. Girl.

... dude, I just read that and the entire time, in my head, was thinking, " is wrong with this girl...?"

... obviously she cares very little for the fact that you like her, seeing as she's telling her own boyfriend that she likes you, and also she's telling you that she likes her boyfriend more. So in my opinion, she's pulling this crap because she likes your attention, and she is pretty firm on not acting on it. I'm sure the entire time she's talking to you about how you like her, she's thinking "yes...you like me...I like that you like me...but so what?"

Only thing I see happening from this is you getting hurt in the end... either by her because she won't act on it, or by her boyfriend because she actually acted on it.

Hey Guy, could you break down the above a bit, I'm not familiar with chat speak and the way chat rooms work, I'm assuming that's how you guys were communicating, the above is a bit confusing for an old gal like me.

My advice to you, I'd just be her friend. If she has feelings for you then she would already have broken up with her boyfriend, she hasn't. It sounds to me like she's afraid to be alone and that's why she's holding on to her current relationship. She's stringing you along, maybe because she really does care about you, but she realizes that if you two start seeing each other, there will be very little actual "seeing". Her current boyfriend is more convenient for her, he lives close by. She sounds confused, and that's not someone you want a relationship with.

Be her friend and find someone that you can see on a day to day basis. I know that you're a great guy, you have allot to offer, but this girl doesn't seem to have allot to offer back.

You know me, tell it like I see it. I hope my answer doesn't make you sad.

Take care.

matt.

stay. the. f. away. from. this. girl.



I second this with a passion... she is obviously messed up.

Save your money, and be friends, and stay home. The distance will drive you crazy wondering what she is doing, and with whom. If you want a g/f, get someone you can actually see, and date. How would you feel being her b/f right now? I really think she is letting you get your hopes up, but has no intentions of anything coming from this, I also think she is just curious, so save your traveling money, for a real date, with a real female.

That's the thing, I don't have a life, That why I'm so emotionally attached to her.SHE IS my life

I've lived here for the past 7-8 months and I've done NOTHING. I don't feel like going into details but here's my regular week

Monday-Friday=Wake up, School, Football till probably 6, Home, and maybe Gym
Saturday Sunday=Music Lesson, Home

I'm never leave my house execpt for school. The occasional grocery shopping, my music lesson, and the gym

I'm 15! This shouldn't be happening to me!

That's the thing, I don't have a life, That why I'm so emotionally attached to her.SHE IS my life

That can change by you getting into clubs, and activities, to not only meet people, and make new friends, both male, and female, but learn new skills, or improve on old ones. Stay active, and busy. Look around to find out what you enjoy.


I'm 15! This shouldn't be happening to me!
Get busy!

I agree with Tal. Guy you have to get up and get out, it's time to take control of your life. Have fun, join a club, meet people in person. You are a great guy. Just go out and have fun, the rest will follow.

Stay away from her mate. You probably live a while away from her so if things worked out for you and you started dating it would probably mostly long distance stuff and see her occasionally?

Matthew says:
Isn't that techiniaclly "emotionally" cheating on him?
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
No

Its not going to work if she has that opinion.
You'll only end up getting upset if you have feelings for her.

She is your life and she will be your ruin just as Isneeze said,
She is telling her boyfriend that she likes you so either she is going to mess with your head or he will.
You should never depend on somebody else for your life and happiness. Take your money and do something more long term goal oriented so you actually have a life.
She is only going to crash and burn you if you depend on her for happiness.

I hate all of you. I'm the girl you have all posted about. And I am NOT going to be his demise... I deserve credit. I love my boyfriend, and I love matt, screw all of you. I'm sorry if I'm not freakin perfect for any of you all right?

*sniff, sniff* troll? ^

If you're not a troll, sign up and stop hiding behind your "guest" status!

We don't care if you hate us all! :D

Well, she-who-must-not-be-named...

Welcome to amhd... here, you'll learn that you're somewhat crazy... and playing with people's emotions.

well, she-who-must-not-be-named...

welcome to amhd...here, you'll learn that you're somewhat crazy...and playing with people's emotions.

Please, Don't

i hate all of you. i'm the girl you have all posted about. and i am NOT gonna be his demise... i deserve credit. i love my boyfriend, and i love matt, screw all of you. i'm sorry if i'm not freakin perfect for any of you alright?
So knowing how our friend feels, you are going to have fun stringing him along for fun and games? And your mad at us? :rolleyes: Why not just be honest and let the guy know he is only a friend, so he can stop the false hope, and go through the expense of trying to have more with you? Don't you think that's selfish?

wow. these girls...pssh..

to be honest, I would say...to have a talk with her about her fixing her current situation with her bf before you and her doing anything.

however, to be brutally honest, I'd say stay away from her...why would you approach a girl who's currently (emotionally) cheating on her boyfriend? What if you become her boyfriend...then what stops her from doing the same to you?
I got to agree. If the girls boyfriend know that she is cheating on him(emotionally) u could be in trouble and so can she. U should talk to her about the boyfriend issue. Imagine u go visit her. The boyfriend found out. Ur summber could end up being a trip to hospital if her boyfriend Is the violant type. Tats what happened to my friend. =.=

Dear Guest if you really are the girl we've been talking about then feel free to tell us your side of the story, then maybe we can better understand what's going on here. We are basing our opinions on your written words and your actions, we don't know what you are really feeling and either does Guy, that's the problem.

If you want to hate us that's fine, but we're only trying to help Guy, that's our main priority here, he's a member of this site and that's what we do, help. He told you what he had written here, and instead of reading it and trying to understand what he's going through you only see the negative comments. Remember dear, I was once a teenage girl too, I know how teenage girls act and the things they'll do, you see I wasn't perfect either.

Guy, don't worry, if this Guest was your friend then you've finally seen her true spirit and nature, this is like a bucket of ice water being thrown on you. Hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong.

i hate all of you. i'm the girl you have all posted about. and i am NOT gonna be his demise... i deserve credit.

... you deserve nothing. You deserve credit for... what? Credit for... um... wait... wait... yeah, nothing.

You obviously are somewhat of his demise as he's down about what you're doing to him.


i love my boyfriend, and i love matt, screw all of you.

Uh huh. In this situation, you're emotionally cheating on your boyfriend, and leading matt on... or emotionally cheating on matt, and leading your boyfriend on. Either way.


i'm sorry if i'm not freakin perfect for any of you alright?

So are we. The thing is, you don't have to be anywhere near perfect for you to even remotely fix this. You could have been a mature human being to simply pick one, and leave the other one alone.

Why do you all have to judge someone? Isn't it possible to like to people? Not like it's a myth all right? I don't appreciate any of this stuff your all saying. And I'm not going to waste my time by joining just to post responses to your rude messages. I'm not emoitionally cheating on anyone. Matt is my best friend. And I believe that as long as he knows that none of this crap is changing how I see him, we'll be fine. I don't do long-distance relationships, they're hard to work with. And idc what any of you say, would you have preferred me to hide everything from matt and my boyfriend, so that neither knew, and eventually I would've had to do something about it, and hurt one of the two. I did the right thing telling matt that I DO love him, but my boyfriend... it's different.

I hope you're all happy.

Why do you all have to judge someone? Isn't it possible to like to people? Not like it's a myth all right? I don't appreciate any of this stuff your all saying. And I'm not going to waste my time by joining just to post responses to your rude messages. I'm not emoitionally cheating on anyone. Matt is my best friend. And I believe that as long as he knows that none of this crap is changing how I see him, we'll be fine. I don't do long-distance relationships, they're hard to work with. And idc what any of you say, would you have preferred me to hide everything from matt and my boyfriend, so that neither knew, and eventually I would've had to do something about it, and hurt one of the two. I did the right thing telling matt that I DO love him, but my boyfriend... it's different.

I hope you're all happy.

Only ANSWER the question on this page here. Do NOT ASK a question.

You are NOT logged in.

Why do we have to judge? Aren't you also judging? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone my dear. You may not appreciate what we are saying, but maybe it's time that you heard it. This is what other people think about what you are doing, you may not believe them, but really, can that many people be wrong?

By telling Matt that you love him you gave him hope that there was a possibility for the two of you to be together, you don't think that's wrong? You can't play two boys at the same time, you should have made it clear from the start that nothing will happen with the two of you, instead you flirted and insinuated and lead him on. That's not right, and it's time someone told you that. Like I said before, I remember being a teen, don't think I'm that old that I've forgotten, and things haven't changed that much since I was your age, I know what you're doing because I did it when I was young, that's before I realized how hurtful and unkind it was. Just a heads up, be aware of your actions, they have very real reprocutions, and feelings get hurt. Just try and listen to what I'm saying, dig deep and you'll realize that it's true.

Dear guest.

Perhaps this is the wrong venue for you to talk in... have you thought about actually talking to matt and seeing how he feels, and actually listening to see what he says, instead of telling him how things are, and seeing if he's OK with it? Try talking to him, see how he feels, and see what he wants.

He came here to ask about what he should do because he wasn't OK with the situation he was in, and he wanted to make things better. Instead of starting fights with people that try to help him, why don't you try to help each other.

Dude, you aren't helping him, you're freaking him out. Which I don't appreciate.

dude, you aren't helping him, you're freaking him out. which i don't appreciate.

Have some respect. I don't know who you were referring to since you obviously don't know how to use this site and didn't quote anyone, but you don't need to refer to anyone on here as "DUDE" No one is freaking him out. He asked a question and we gave our answers. Exactly what this site is for. If you don't like our opinions, don't read them. If something someone said has freaked him out, I'm sure he will let us know.

Let him speak for himself my dear.

Dear Guest,

The only one freaking him out is you. Don't you get that? Why the heck do you think he posted this question in the first place, for a few laughs? He's hurting and he wanted advice, now you're here because for some reason he felt guilty about asking for advice about you and told you to come and see. Well, you aren't doing him any favors by coming here and acting like a child.

So far I've been reasonably nice (I really have) don't make me bring out the mean Altenweg, it isn't a pretty site.

Read what we've said as if you were a stranger that had no idea who the poster is. Think about the advice that you would give if it wasn't you he was talking about. Dig deep, if you have an ounce of humility you'll see why we've said what we've said.

And remember, if you were a member with a problem we would all be there to help you out, it won't always be what you want to hear, but it will be what you need to hear, and you need to hear all of the above.

Take care.

The only reason I'm doing this is for matt got it?
None of you people... would hear this from me otherwise.

My Side: -_-
Yes, I have a boyfriend, almost three months now. I've known him for about 7 months, maybe a little less. I love him dearly. I've known matt for the three years. I love him as well. He's just a friend though. And before I met my boyfriend, I really wanted to be with matt. But after meeting this guy, everything changed. All right? I haven't had the easiest life so far. My dad died 2 years ago, and my mom's dating again. She's trying out this long distance relationship, and after I had one, I'm worried it won't last. If matt lived here, I would definitely be going out with him. But like some of you have made a good point of, he would never be able to feel comfortable, since he can't be here with me. My boyfriend IS here, but that doesn't change any previous feelings I had for matt. It IS possible for some of you skeptics to like more than one guy. I still believe that I'm loyal to my boyfriend, because I don't deliberately flirt with other guys. Everyone flirts, even by accident, and I know I do it, but I try to keep that side of myself under wraps. I really hope matt knows how good of a friend he's been to me. He's let me cry to him, and makes me laugh until I DO cry. And I hope he finds someone else he can do that for. Someone who will be there for him! I don't know what you mean when you say "emotionally cheating"" on my boyfriend, and if I am, then I intend to stop. I said all the things I said out of anger, because being judged by a bunch of computer folk who don't know me for ME... hurts. Especially when everything you were saying had no base of truth. I'm not a cheater, I am loyal, and I do love matt. More or less as just a friend. So I'm SORRY to anyone who I insulted, if anyone, but please understand where I'm coming from.

By the way, no rude answers to this, because I'm trying to be as sincere as I can.

I appreciate your sincerity, and now we are better able to understand and give Matt advice because we know the whole story. I think the problem was that Matt didn't know that you think of him only as a friend, he really thought he had a chance, that's why he posted his question, and we gave him the best advice that we could based on what we were told. Yes, we all said some things that you may have taken badly, but we were only looking out for Matt and his interests, sometimes you have to be mean to be kind, do you understand?

I think that you now have to make it very clear to Matt that you value his friendship, but that is all you will have with him. Don't let him believe that he has a chance at all, even though deep down you are interested in him, you already said it wouldn't work out because of the distance you two live apart. You are right, long distance relationships don't work, especially when you are young. Matt has to realize this and accept this and find a girlfriend that lives closer to him, while still retaining a friendship with you.

You are right, we all flirt, I'm a terrible flirt, but when you flirt with someone that is interested in you that you have no intention of dating, that can be hurtful. It's hard to stop sometimes, there are times that you may not be aware that you are doing it, but it's time to become aware so that Matt doesn't get hurt anymore.

Matt is a really sensitive guy, which is part of the reason he's such a sweetie, but it's also part of the reason that he gets hurt easily. As his friend you have to be aware of that.

I hope you two can work this out. I hope you can find a friendship that is comfortable for the both of you. We can give advice until we are blue in the face, but at the end of the day it's what you both do with that advice that's going to matter. And realize, our advice is just our opinion, but we are all older and have lived through our teens, so maybe, just maybe, we know a bit more about all this than you two do. ;)

Good luck Guy and guest, we're here if you need us, remember that.

Thanks for the sincerity, Guest, and the opportunity for a complete story, but we all agree with Altenweg, and only want to try and help his confused feelings, and now since you know, you can be an even bigger help. AGREED!

It was nice to hear your side of the story 'guest'. It cleared up a lot of things to give us a little more insight. I hope you and Matt can talk and sort out any hurt feelings, so you can work on an honest friendship/relationship with each other.

Good Luck to both of you!

Thx everyyone for all the help, Now I can kind of officially say
"Oh Well, I tried"

Nothing wrong with trying, you just need to know when to give up! :)