I am a 19 year old girl, faced with a lot of onfusion. I have been with my boyfriend almost 20months and everything started great. I was full f confidence and didn't mind the fact that he used to be a ladies man.

however in the lat few months this has been catching up with me. I hate the fact that he has more girl mates than guys, I know I can't change this about him but I just wish he could understand how it makes me feel when he gets a drunken text or call in the middle of the night. For some reason I know I could accept it if it was a bloke but I can't get over the girl friend barrier. To me it's a bit weird. I'm paranoid every time he texts or talks to a girl whether online or even just in town. He never goes out with them its all based on technology. When we have a fight he turns to these "friends" for advice. He says they are just friends, but girls can be right es and very clever and devioius and I'm just worried their waiting in the background ready for something to go wrong, or ready to manipualte a situation their way. I know this sounds completely ridicuous. He is a great bloke, but I just wish tat when he tells me I'm his only girl I could believe him. I have tried talking to him about it and it just ends up with him making me feelbad for not loving him the same then I just feel guilty and still my worrie aren't solved. This of course is doing cra thigs for myself esteem, I no longer feel like the girl that he first met but someone who he could do aot better then with emotional baggage that has come out of nowhere. I have no idea what to do but I know I can't carry on like this.

any help wuld be most welcomed x x

It sounds like you're having a big problem trusting him; it's hard to say if it's his fault or yours. Just because he has a lot of female friends doesn't mean he's not trustworthy.

If he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, then why do you? Is it just that you worry he's going to cheat, or has he had shady relationships in the past?

It sounds like you're having a big problem trusting him; it's hard to say if it's his fault or yours. Just because he has a lot of female friends doesn't mean he's not trustworthy.

If he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, then why do you? Is it just that you worry he's going to cheat, or has he had shady relationships in the past?

This is the thing, he never has done anything to make me think otherwise its me thinking I'm obv not good enough so he is obv eventually going to look else where and he has got endless amounts of offers so must be v tempting. I hate thinking like this. Its not me I'm not norm like this

It's normal for you to feel like that. I've done it to myself numerous times.

What you need to realize, and start telling yourself over and over again, is that he won't risk losing you by cheating. And if he does, then he wasn't worth your time anyway. You are someone special; there's nobody else exactly like you. If you're not what he wants, then he's not the one for you.

As harsh as this may be the problem here is you, not him. You're insecurities are causing you to lose trust in him when in fact he has done nothing to lose your trust. There is nothing wrong with a guy having a lot of female friends. If you continue to use this against him you are only going to destroy the relationship.

Moreover, the fact that he goes to women for advice when you two have problems is not a bad thing. I have plenty of female friends, and whenever I had arguments with a significant other I would often go to them because I wanted a female's point of view. Maybe you should see this as a good thing, he is obviously trying to see things from your perspective.

Also, I agree that some women are devious and manipulative but a strong person can easily see through those things. Personally, I feel that women are far more easily influenced by their friends than men are with regards to relationships (just my opinion based on my experiences), so I wouldn't worry about anybody trying to take advantage of bad situations.

You need to re-develop your confidence. Once you do that you won't worry about him talking to lady friends. He seems like he is doing his best to make you feel comfortable. The fact that he never goes out of his way to talk to them or hang out with them is a very good sign. Trust is very important in a relationship, so trust him until he gives you a reason not too. This may sound like you are risking your heart, but all relationships are in fact a risk.

I'm a girl and I can completely understand you,I wouldn't be comfortable either.
Did you try to make him see things from your point of view?
I mean,ask him how would he feel if you had lots and lots of boy-friends who would call you when they're drunk or to whom you'd turn whenever you two have a fight?
I bet he wouldn't be too thrilled about it... I don't know,I could be wrong,I don't know him,maybe he would handle it well... but the point is you don't,so there's a problem.he needs to help you come up with a solution
Then again,this is a girl's point of view.

I think you have developed a few issues with insecurities, and if you don't get a handle on them, they will destroy this relationship. Maybe talking to his female friends, would allieviate that feeling, or reasure you, as your living together, and there is no reason not to know his friends, whether male, or female. That's the subject you need to talk about, getting familiar with the people in his life. I think that the fear of the unknown has you doubting yourself, but try and keep it real, and not assume, or jump to any outlandish conclusions.