My boyfriend broke up with me last night. His reasons didn't make sense and it was obvious to me that he has no interest in me or the relationship. The past 1.5 years has been horrible. I have had to beg for attention and I was hardly ever happy because he never acted like a boyfriend. I feel it might be the best since I didn't get what I wanted out of it. I have been okay but I keep getting these waves of sadness and loneliness. I want to move on and have fun in my life for once. I loved him a lot and I wanted us to work so much.

Please help. What can I do to get rid of the waves of sadness? Everything reminds me of him.

Click on the links, in my signature, and let me know, if they help you.

You've experienced a death, the death of a relationship. Mourn it but also celebrate yourself and your freedom from what had become a stranglehold.

Be sure to click on "List of things to do after a breakup" above on tal's post.

Stay in touch with us and keep us up-to-date on how things are going.

When he told me yesterday, I was very strong and didn't cry or anything. Probably because part of me wanted it and part of me was expecting it. But I loved this guy even though he didn't love me back. I was miserable yet I was so attached. I'll try to be happy and focus on myself. It will be hard no doubt, but I hope time can fix that.

Don't fake happy. Be sure to mourn. Scream and cry. Pound your pillow. Write him a letter and tell him how you feel, keep it in a private place, reread it for a couple of days, then finally burn it while repeating the mantra, "I'm going to be ok without him".

And you will be.

I think I made a huge mistake. I texted him asking him if we can re-discuss things more calmly. I stated that we made a rash decision. I really really regretted doing this because I knew the outcome subconsciously. I have no patience and I just went with my gut feelings. He didn't respond. This really upsets me. My feelings keep fluctuating. I thought things were getting better but he ended it just like that. Now, I am missing him a lot. I want him to miss me and think about everything that went wrong- for that I would need to give him some time right? I don't know how to take back what I just did. I am very mad at myself.

You know you were with him for 1.5 years so apart from mourning the relationship there's the breaking of the habit and I think that second part is the harder thing to do.

Everyone is right, it hurts embrace it, mourn it then let it go. But then you're used to having him around. He has become a habit like smoking. When you need a fix, you light up a cigarette. In the case of a relationship, when you're feeling alone and lonely, he's the fix. But then you're not alone, you're just unattached. Try to connect with friends. Cry on their shoulder if you have to but try to enjoy activities with them. Go out have fun.

Sounds like your better off without him :)


Enjoy the single life and wait to you meet someone that loves you back

By your own admission you were not happy and you use the word loved, not love, interesting no?

These feelings are strong because its been 2 DAYS!! You must come to grips with what has happened and the above posts are spot on. It's a change from the norm, it sounds as if you were not happy but you were comfortable, that's what is off. Contacting him will accomplish nothing as you yourself are not sure you even want him back, so what's the goal?

I think you'll begin to see the situation clearly after a little while, sounds as if you were settling with the relationship, give it time and space, your not yourself right now.

You guys are right. I am too comfortable even though I'm miserable with him. I hope I can break through this sadness. I get them in waves. I'm strong one minute, and extremely hurt and confused the next. I hope time will heal everything.

Read some of the post here, and you will see your not alone, we have all felt that same confused sadness, in our guts and a few of us have went nutsy-bozo, for a while. Hang in there, your in some very good company.

Hahahaha "nutys-bozo"

Tal is right. We're all on this site for the same reason. Just imagine how many more people are going through this.

The one thing you can't do is FORCE yourself to get over someone. It takes a lot of time and you just need to let it happen naturally. One way you can make the whole process go smoothly is to just realize why this relationship didn't work, so you can make the next one that much better. And just go out and start doing things that make YOU happy.

Once you do that, you won't have to be with some guy for a year and a half if he makes you miserable, because you'll learn to be happy on your own.

You are so right DMBacoustic.
You can't force him to love you regardless of how much you love him. Force = Push. The more you force the further he will be pushed away. You have just gained some experience in life... I'm sure you know what to do when you meet your next boyfriend... Good luck.

When I look back, I realized that I was NEVER happy when I was with him. He never treated me like his girl nor did he make me feel important. He ignored and avoided my calls nor did he return them. He never called me. I had to beg for his attention. He was very hard to read and emotionally unavailble. Despite all this, I loved him a lot. We were best friends for few years where he was the sweetest guy. After we started dating, we had a rocky relationsihp with lots of ups and downs. He didn't like that and thought I was dramatic. He even thought I was dramatic for askign for a little attention. Today, I was very angry at myself for letting someone be so mean to me. What I don't understand: Why do I still want to be with him despite him being extremely mean and unavailable to me? Why do I still love him so much? How can I get him off my mind forever and not take him back if he does come back?

For that my dear, you simply must learn to love yourself. People who love themselves, simply don't take that kind of abuse, from any one.

He broke up because he thinks his career won't match up to mine-i will be a doctor. He assumed my parents would not accept him, when its not the case. I tried to get him to talk to me about it so I can clear things up but he won't respond back. Its confusing because I wasn't happy and now that he broke up with me I'm not happy either. I feel like there were multiple reason to end it since he didn't show me much attention as it is. He told me he was unsure about the relationship even when he told me he wanted to work on it. Its just confusing. I don't know what's keeping me attached to him. I just miss him and I still love him. Things can work out if he's willing to have an open mind and talk it out. Career shouldn't be an issue. I miss him a lot and for some reason I want him to miss me as well. I want him to realize what is missing in his life. Will me not contacting him accomplish that?

confused2345] I want him to realize what is missing in his life.

My dear this is something HE must do he needs to realize it, and there is nothing you can do or say that will make up his mind. The whole career difference/your parents in my opinion is an easy way of saying I don't want this relationship. How can he forecast your parents reaction without giving it a try, why is he being insecure about your profession.. The question is Do you really want someone who can't hack that you want to be successful? It sounds to me that he may be a little insecure about your career choice, and he can't deal with that.. Take this a RED flag let him decide things on his own... You need to stop contact with him, because obviously he doesn't want this relationship at this moment, let him sit and think about his decision to be without you. The truth is if someone wants you nothing can keep them away, if they don't want you nothing will make them stay.

Missing him, confusion, sadness, anger, grief are all normal parts of a breakup... but they won't last forever...

Thank you.

I agree. He is very confused and doesn't know what he wants. I am not contacting him because it seems the more I try, the further he goes. I want to give him time to miss me. I'm just leaving him alone. I get waves of confusion and questions- which hurts me a lot. He was my first love. Sometimes I don't know what to think because nothing makes sense.

He was my first love


First love but not last romance... Don't allow because he was your first love to be a reason and look beyond the fact he can't accept your career, don't regret your past and don't fear your future, take it one day at a time.


Sometimes I don't know what to think because nothing makes sense.

It makes sense, you just don't want to imagine your life without him, you associated all your happiness with him, you allowed him to be your happiness, almost like an addiction, now you must wean yourself off him. Be happy with who you are and understand that people come into our lives for a reason.

You are right. My happiness did revolve around him. When he didn't call me I was miserable and when he did I was on cloud 9. I feel like he knew how much control he had over me. It truly was an addiction because I wasn't the happiest with him, yet I yearned for him more and more. I hope with time I'll become more independent and find happiness in other things and myself. I'm definitely not used to that so I hope I can allow myself to find that happiness.

I hope with time I'll become more independent and find happiness in other things and myself.

YOU will! Don't say I hope say I WILL BE more INDEPENDENT and be HAPPY. Say it that way I will be happy with myself, I will do the things I like. Keep saying it to yourself.


I'm definitely not used to that so I hope I can allow myself to find that happiness

Well this is a perfect oppurtunity to make a change, the way you were was not working for you or your relationship, so maybe its time for you to rethink your strategy. Be happy with yourself, that way your not jaded by the validation of your partner(s) happiness.. Trust me it will get better, day by day.. Trust me..

We as people take a lot of comfort in our routine. He has been part of your life for more then a year making him a very predominate part of your life during that time. So, it will take a bit of time for you to get used to not having him around. It's always sad at first. Seems to be unbearable. With a little time you will be happier and better off from the sound of things.

I realized this is going to be harder than I thought.

I wake up every morning so confused.
He broke up with me because of our parents- which can be fixed, but he won't even pick up or return my messages. He told me he wanted to work on the relationship and he told me even after all the ups and downs, he was still here with me and wasn't going anywhere. I don't understand how he let go so easily. Then there's the part where he made me feel so insignificant in his life. He wouldn't call me and the only time he showed me any attention was when he was with me in person. He didn't do anything romantic. I wasn't too demanding and I never asked for anything. I'm a simple person who just wanted mutual love and effort from him.

I'm really confused because I still love him like crazy. I don't know why I do. I don't understand how I can love someone that has been so mean to me. I want us to work and at the same time I don't want to keep getting hurt. I want him to realize how great I was. Will he realize that? I want to clear things up with him but Im afraid of contacting him.

Please help. I'm so heartbroken. I thought I was strong, but I'm not. I hate having these emotions every single day.

Anyone?

Anyone?


Read this https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ck-187766.html

The article is very true. I'm just finding it so hard to let go. I'm taking it a day at a time and I'm not contacting him, yet I keep thinking about him.

The article is very true. I'm just finding it so hard to let go. I'm taking it a day at a time and I'm not contacting him, yet I keep thinking about him.



That is natural, you can't just forget about him over night, but don't loose focus as to what he is telling you and what is more important, that is your hapiness. As long as you refrain from contact with him when he clearly doesn't want to be in this relationship. Its normal to have him in your mind, day by day will get better trust me, I've been where you were...

It will take time, and action on your part. You can't forget what you've had for a year, overnight, and we all know what your going through. You are not alone at all, and sorry I can't spare you the pain of rebuilding the hole in your soul. Please read the links in my signature, and then you may see what you need to do, to get down the road. Read them all, and you'll see how others have done, what your trying to do.

Its been 2.5 weeks. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. I wrote out a long email about how I felt. I didn't ask him to come back but I just told him how he made me feel over the years. I was honest in the email. I want to send it to him but I don't know what the consequence would be. I don't know how he'll react, but it bothers me that he hasn't contacted me. When should I send the email?

Any Advice?

I don't know how he'll react, but it bothers me that he hasn't contacted me. When should I send the email?


NEVER!! Keep no contact.

I did exactly the same thing as you did.. except I actually sent the e-mail to my ex. Even stating that I wasn't begging her to come back and how she made me felt and how I have to move on now even though part of me wants to be with her.. It was a letter I wrote over the days, and even though it wasn't sappy it was emotional enough to make any stranger cry or feel something..
I sent it and then would sit around my computer and refresh my inbox in hopes that she would reply.. she never did.. this made me even angrier, how a person who was so passionate about us in the past could simply turn cold overnight.. She talked to me on msn about a week later but made no mention of the things I said in the e-mail or anything, it was as if I never sent it... I insisted though and tried to talk to her about us only to find out that there was no hope left in her for us at all..
So from my experience Im agreeing with talaniman as I always do and I suggest against sending it.. It will only make you anxious about when he replies if he ever does..
He doesn't need to read an e-mail about how you feel for him to regret his decisions.. It will only make him more assured that he can have you back when he wants so he won't think about things at all... Don't contact him and if he regrets his decision he will contact you some day.. But don't hold your breath, try your best to move on even though its difficult.
I'm in your shoes as well, take one day at a time and we'll both be all right don't worry about it.

I know how you feel. You just have to let them know your feelings. Well he didn't care about them in the relationship so why would they care when it is over? Also contacting them is a sign of weakness (a stronger person wouldn't be upset). I am not trying to act strong, I had to learn the hard way.

I agree with you guys. I know for a fact that he will not respond to the email so I wouldn't even anticipate it. I have thought about the fact that if I did email him, he won't think things through as much or he'll feel I'm still waiting around for him. I want him to miss me. I miss him a lot and want things to work for some reason.

Its been about 5 weeks and I haven't talked to him. Its getting so hard as my birthday is approaching. I am not going to lie to myself and say that I don't expect him to call me. If he doesn't I will be hurt. I'm still down and a day doesn't go by where I don't think about us. Why is this so hard and painful?

Obviously you won't have a hard time moving on, because you'll find a better guy right away.. . right? I think you wanted it to work so much and now its over and that makes you sad, but at least now you don't have to waste your time. And honestly mabie you'll miss cuddleing or after 1.5yrs you'll miss the constantness of a compainion... wait he didn't give you thoes thinigs in the first place... why are you sad?

I'm sorry I'm a little harsh and biasted right now but you don't have it that bad you hadda boyfriend, so get rid of him its not that hard... I'll stop now or else I'll make a pity post haha

Thank O'Trouble.

I feel like I need to hear the harsh truth. I know it but I'm in denial. I think it was the comfort and attachement for so many years. He was perfect in person, but he didn't give me any attention when he was away. That hurt the most because he knew I needed that. I know I'm better off without him, but I wish he wasn't the way he was- I have no control over how a person is.

As for finding another guy, I find myself just wanting to be alone- I don't want to date or look for any guy. Please say all you have to say regarding this... I would truly appreciate it. My mind knows I'm way better off without him and his emotional abuse, but my heart just can't stop missing him.

I'm going to make this short and sweet. If you lived with a guy and were engaged and he dumped you and you still loved him and he cleared you out of his life in 4 days how would you feel (p.s. he was such a sweetheart) depressed sad lonely missing his touch OK so I get where your coming from on the other hand do you want to be in my shoes? Id gladly trade I wouldn't talk to that , I wouldn't want him back id go find myself as a single hot women and upgrade men! Lol my situation sucks just as bad as yous but I'm still moving on better then you are. As fer finding another guy if its to soon OK have a girls night have fun find yourself do things https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html I personally am going voulenteering for 2 months to the rockie mountans... that sounds better then mopping around doesn't it. You'll know when you feel right to date again... all the luck in the world girl!

Its tough now because your used to him, to SOMEONE being with you. What you are doing now is common post break-up, romaticizing the relationship, making it seem like it was great and the loss is so unbearable. It is a very important time right now, it where you can learn a lot about yourself, grow stronger through the hurt, or let it pass and do nothing but try with him again. It's akin to an addict or alcoholic beginning his journey as a sober person. At first it is the most difficult, you feel terrible, you hurt, you miss your "friend", the substance it the only thing that will take away your pain, but it is bad for you, and it will not make you happy, it will only bring you down. So you can either choose to fight the urge or give into it.

Re-read your post and single out the part about the last 1.5 years being horrible, multiply those 1.5 years by the rest of your years and you may very well have an insight as to how the rest of your life will be with this guy providing nothing has changed. Not a prettty picture.

Thanks BMI and O Trouble,

I have my ups and downs. I know that he's not the best guy for me. But we grew attached for 5 years. I guess the most hurtful part is that he doesn't care about me anymore. He did just take me out of his life like I didn't matter to him.

You guys make me feel so much better. Everything you say is exactly how I feel. I really appreciate your help and advice. Please keep them coming. I had a big Low point last night.

Seriously did you check out the link I sent you? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html
Also whens your birthday because mines coming up in less then a week to and I'm pretty sure all your thinking is what a horrible birthday gift from him to dump me, or all I want is him back well how about an animal. Depending on your situation it will take up your time and love. Or again that link there are some crazy voulenteer oppertunitys out there or books to read or places to party. So get away from thoes low points just remember everyone on this thread has your back!!

One more thing to add, I notice you mentioning he does not care and that he took you out of his life with ease. This is soooooo not true, its just what it appears to be in your view. Example, I was chasing an ex not so long ago and I decided it would be best for me to go cold turkey on her A$$. Knowing her she thought that it meant I couldn't care less about talking to her and that if I really cared I would feel the need to speak to her. In reality I cared a great deal, I just didn't show it, I didn't call, message, wish her happy b-day, nothing over nothing. It would appear I was over her, I was not even close, I thought about her everyday, fought myself to not call, I missed her, hoped we'd get back together, but never called. To this day she still probably thinks I pay her no mind, again its not true.

What WE think and what is actually happening may be entirely different.

Is that right though? If you care, why not show it?

BMI doesn't know what he/she is talking about. He/she is applying a story with a different set of facts to your situation. Playing hard to get in the relationship is different than treating someone like garbage for 1.5 years. NOBODY who cares for you makes 1.5 years miserable. I know it is hard. But think of it like this. Their identical twin is out there and they will treat you so much better! Seriously

Yeah ignore BMI (no offence) but after 1.5 years he wouldn't have ended it so swiftly and heartlessly if he wasn't a huge... F****R pardon my french... BMI u have a different situation I get what you mean but I don't think this situation is quite the same

Actually BMI has said a lot as very few relationships end swiftly. The dumper generally has been thinking about ending it for some time, and the dumpee is in shock at the sudden turn of events, while the dumper has had plenty of time to emotionally detach from the whole situation. Many times they have already either moved on, or have another interest they are free to pursue.