Hi,
I am new to this site and this will be my first post. I am the mother of 2 (ages 8&15) and have a 'significant other' going on 15 years now. I have went through quite a lot over the past 20 years, losing my first husband and child in a horrible tragedy, losing my mom, then going through the devastation of Katrina and losing 4 more relatives just within the last 2 years. Since all my tragedy, I have truly tried to accept things and make positive changes within myself, I have done a lot of soul searching, praying, researching, reading, and studying all types of 'self-help/growth' articles, but over the past year, I have once again started to suffer from depression. Sometimes it is short lived, other times it lasts over 2 months. I have had points over the past year where I felt really good, secure with myself, my life, my spirituality, etc... but then I just 'lose it' and feel empty, sad even angry. And on spirituality, I do not belong to a church and practice no one specific structured religion any longer, I am simply what I refer to as 'spritual'. I believe in one God and I ask for help/guidance straight from Him, thank Him for the many blessings I do have, etc... So seeking pastorial help is really not an option. What can and should I do? I can not stand going through this yet again. I am no help to myself or my family when I become this way. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
2Sad

Please, go see your minister at once. This is a really unhealthy situation and needs to be addressed soon.

Sweetheart, you've experienced way too much loss and heartache. No one person should have to deal with so much. It truly breaks my heart to read of your heartache.

I once asked for a "magic heart mending elixer" on my own question here on AMHD. One of the wisest people on her said, "Oh darn, no magic elixer." Basically, he told me that there is no magic potion, just simple, human understanding, fortitude, and will.

Yours is a life of brokenness, loss, and pain, but want to know something? A glass has to be broken before it can be fashioned into a breathtaking mosaic. Before the artists of ancient Byzantine created the beautiful mosaic murals that adorn the most beautiful churches in the world, they had to break the pieces of glass and melt them into place.

Your life is a mosaic - a stunning representation of your fortitude and your will. You must look at it this way. If we focus on the heartaches and trials, we never fully appreciate the sunrises and rainbows of each day. Every day has a shining moment. Every circumstance has a shimmer of the positive. It is a choice to dwell upon the dark, but an even greater decision to make your moments shine.

Don't lose hope, don't lose your way, focus on the mosaic beauty of your life and your personality. Your amazing strength. And go on into your unwritten tomorrow searching for your rainbows. My signature is for you today.

Dear sadisme...
You have really come to the right place. I can personally tell you that you have opened the door and entered a safe, wonderful place full of people who really care about the way you are feeling.

You have been through so much over your short life and I'm so sorry for all that you have lost. I often wonder why some of us have to endure such painful losses and brokenness throughout our lives. I have felt so many of the same emotions you have. And to be honesty I'm still under construction.

So many wonderful people on here have suffered and lost in familiar ways. They have learned how to let go, share a shoulder or simply listen with a kleenex ready. I think it's common to want to label a person depressed and medicate them. Maybe that is something you need but it's not something I believe in. Maybe you simply needed to reach out like I did.

It's scary to open up a painful part of your life and share it with people you do not know. Let me be the first to tell you that doing just that, has changed my life. It really has sadisme. I encourage you to open up and share whatever is on your heart. I think you will be surprised that you find comfort and peace, in the most unlikely place.

So welcome to a place made for the weary, the broken, and the sad. I hope that you begin to see this place as a wonderful, safe place to heal and pick up the pieces one piece at a time. Here, I just lifted one piece off the ground and I'm reaching it out to you, please take it.

Let me help you pick up all the pieces that lay at your feet, okay?

I have been through a lot in my life and there have been plenty of times that I have felt I can not go on any more.
I haven't got an ounce of strength left in me. I was so weak that I felt I was no good at dealing with my kids or my problems but you take one day at a time and do the best you can. You have a spiritual side so that is a plus, but even with that you go through trials, up and downs, mountain tops and valleys.
People were always telling me they didn't see how I managed with so many problems to deal with.
I think that going through everything makes you stronger. I see people who have lived a "normal" life with only the typical problems and some of them can't even cope with the smallest issues because they are use to everything coming easy to them.
I like the saying Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

You are a survivor and you WILL survive.

You could try an Assembly of God Church that is where I feel most at home at. I rarely get to go to church
Because my vehicle is always broke down or I don't have gas money or one problem or another but it is good to go when you are able.

Howdy!
I know where you are coming from! Let my lack of years be of no impediment to your judgement of this answer. You should really see someone. I didn't for a while and it was the worst thing I ever did. I went through something similer to you and because I didn't say anything I ended up in a bad place and tried to take my life twice.

In the end I spoke to someone and now see everyday as a blessing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck! If you need help I'm here :)

I truly sympathize with you and hope that things get better and remain well as soon as possible for you and your family.
You said an important thing which is that you are no help to yourself or family in this state of mind, recognition is a very important step!
If there is any way for you to get counseling please take advantage of it... I can't say that I don't know exactly how you feel because I've never experienced so much death in my life but I have dealt with other degrees of devastating events... for this I was able to seek counseling and just talking to someone (and knowing that I wasn't being judged) really helped me! For you this may be helpful if not they can certainly do more to help you.
I will not impress religious counsel upon you, I am not affiliated w/ any religion and consider myself an agnostic deist which honestly gives me a sense of control over my life because I don't pray to an imaginary guy in the sky to help me, I help myself or seek help from others ---I think that's the greatest part of the human experience--- to show love and be loved!
Anyway I really hope that you are able to find help for yourself and get better for you and your family!
***best wishes***

Hi

I am a Life Coach, and although Im not sure how much I can really do for you, I would like to offer you some assistance,Coaching is not religion based and I myslef do not follow a specific religion but GOD himself, Coaching is based on the belief that everyone has within them all resources that they need to cure and lead a life of fulfillment and purpose.

Through a specified method, we teach a person how to break limiting thought patterns, break limiting beliefs, values, rules and all in the same note enhance and create new ones,It is also very goal orientated, so at all times you know where you are & where you headed, giving you an immediate sense of comfort and stability.

Wishing you all the best.

Zaheera
Life & Business Coach

You have had a lot of very close losses, and they can take the starch right out of us. Start small, I would suggest, with a simple doctors visit, just to make sure the hormones are balanced, and there is nothing major going on, from there, he may have recommendations, or a referral, for the depression. As we get older, men and women experience changes in our body's that need to be addressed, and our lives, and the things that happen in them, can have profound physical effects, we may not be aware of, so that's a good place to start. He may also give you some very good suggestions, for someone to talk to, if that's what you need. Good luck.

I have to say that when I made my 1st post here yesterday, I was so depressed and down I felt I would never get back up. This is a very neat website and people here are very helpful and being a good helper is what I have been missing in my life. Even though I feel I need a lot of help too, I now feel that I can also be of help. That is a big deal to me, to be appreciated by someone by helping in some small or big way. I have found sites like this before and I would post a thing or 2 but I never posted as much as I have been on this one.

Here is a story I pulled from another thread on this site.
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
When I read that It made a lot of sense to me on how I was feeling. I have been feeding the evil wolf! It is time for the evil wolf to go on a diet.

Hello Sadisme

I know just where you are coming from, we have a gene in the family that is passed on through each generation, where several members of my family have died without warning suddenly and very young, the most recent being my Mum and my brother (bless them) nothing the medical profession can do, it could be any one of us next as it is undetectable.

Reading your post reminds me of myself... spiritual,believing in one God etc... depression is a dreadful thing, like you I dip in and out, not to mention sleeping pills and alike.
Yes as everyone has said in the previous post, go and see someone, but me personally found it was more difficult reliving what had happened, everyone says you have to talk about it,in my case I couldn't my tears would have drowned the whole country by now.

So I decided to return to work on a phazing in process, the most difficult thing I have ever had to do... face the public... but they were very good once I told them I can't talk about it and I still can't face to face, that's just me, anyway it did get a little easier.
The pills were ruling my life so gradually I reduced them and in fact I've only just 2 weeks ago come off them, at least what I'm thinking is real thoughts and not some kind of unreal existence.

I do get very very bad days,when if I can I go to Mum and Dads resting place and fill them in on the latest gossip whether it's a TV soap or just what's been going on in general,I feel so much better afterwards. Most days I'll chat to them like they are next to me and I swear they give me their opinion on things, as strange as that may seem I believe they can hear me ,no one could convince me otherwise. Please try it if you can it really does help.

THe thing I find most useful is to keep your mind occupied, if you find yourself drifting into that empty hollow space, say out loud... no I'm not going there I know my loved ones are safe and with God, they're only next door... then go and make a strong cup of tea or what ever your preference, this is what I do, most of the time it does work.

You don't have to go to church, God is where you are, your church can be anywhere you choose.. even in the bathroom...

Many people offer sympathy at a time of loss but what we really all want is a pill to make it better again,like you I know that doesn't happen, you don't get over such a loss you just learn to live with it the best way you can,. trust me when I say it does get better, but you have to put the pills down in order to deal with reality, which eventually does get easier.

MY initial reaction on reading your post was to rush round to yours and give you a hug,
Until I remembered your not round the corner but in another country, so I'll just send you a big HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG across the miles... Godbless