Over the holidays I was asked to house sit for a friends parents, while they visited her in Chicago.

I posted a bulletin on my web page telling all my friends where I'd be over the holidays, and to visit me because I'd be lonely.

Well one of those days my friend was in the area at his moms house, and he asked me what I was doing.

He said he could come over and keep me company for a while, but he couldn't stay long because he had to wake up early to go to long beach with his mom and sister for an early xmas party. It was already late when he came over, so we ended up watching a movie on the couch. When the movie was over, I looked over and he was sleeping.

I gently woke him up and asked him "Where are you sleeping tonight?" and he said "my moms. Her couch is leather, and I stick to it. It's really uncomfortable, I'm soo not looking forward to it"

I felt bad for him, so as he was getting up to leave I told him "You can stay here, there's plenty of rooms you can sleep in" So he agrees to stay.

He set his stuff up in the room down the hall, but hangs out in the room I'm sleeping in because he knows I have a hard time sleeping, so he offers to stay with me for a little while. I turn on the TV, and we both watch it until my eye lids get heavy, and I roll over on my stomach, but I still can't sleep.

So, he ended up massaging my back to help me sleep, even though he had to get up early the next morning to go to long beach with his family.

"Isn't it totally innocent if a guy comes over, because he knows you're all alone house sitting. And massages your back to help you sleep. And doesn't even try anything?"

It is pretty innocent if nothing happens, but massages are pushing it a little, and unless you had prior permission to have him over, you may displease the home's owners.

As long as nothing sexual occurred, its innocent. May not look innocent to others, but its how you feel about it that really matters.

Guess I will disagree, first it gives a lot of wrong impressions to anyone that knew he stayed there. So no matter what you and he say did not happen, those that know he stayed there over night will always assume mre did happen.

So you could basically kiss any current boyfriend good bye.

And the massage passes the line, he was a gentleman, and had respect for you, but I am sure he was and maybe is hopeing for it to go further down the road.

Just one old man's opinion

I agree with all the replies.
It is innocent because you know what you did/didn't do, but to others --a guy and a girl in her bedroom together --all night?

Then too he may be all innocent but often that is just a foot in the door for the guy and eventually he expects more and before you know it he has you wrapped around his finger and taking you for granted. Not that this guy is like that but you have to be careful and make sure it doesn't head in that direction.

It is pretty innocent if nothing happens, but massages are pushing it a little, and unless you had prior permission to have him over, you may displease the home's owners.


Whenever I house sit for my friends parents they tell me I can have whoever over whenever I want.

And since they asked me to house sit over the holidays, and I missed xmas, they were especially lenient with their rules, about who I could have over, and how many people I could have over at a time.

I've gained their trust, and take great care of their old, sick dogs (which include walks, and daily meds twice a day. Dog allergies AREN'T fun =/), and I ALWAYS leave their house spotless ;)

As long as nothing sexual occured, its innocent. May not look innocent to others, but its how you feel about it that really matters.

Thank you SOOO much for saying this. You really made my day. I feel exactly the same about the situation.

How I feel really IS all that matters. Everyone has specific intentions whether they are good or bad.

But what they actually do is indicative of who they really are, and how you perceive them. And if they don't do anything that you find offensive, or misleading, then there's no problem, right? :D


Guess I will disagree, first it gives alot of wrong impressions to anyone that knew he stayed there. So no matter what you and he say did not happen, those that know he stayed there over night will always assume mre did happen.

So you could basicly kiss any current boyfriend good bye.

and the massage passes the line, he was a gentleman, and had respect for you, but I am sure he was and maybe is hopeing for it to go futher down the road.

Just one old man's opinion

I'd like to start by thanking you for your feedback, it's all appreciated. And sometimes it's cool to disagree.

But I will of course have to defend myself, because this IS my post.

So...

First off, people knew he stayed there (guys, and girls), and they thought it was adorable that he was willing to keep me company even though he was busy the next morning.

He wasn't planning on staying the night, it just happened. Some things you just don't plan for.

Secondly, people who assumed anything more happened than what I said happened are perverts looking to gossip about something.
And people who know me (which are the only ones who knew about the situation until now) know how I am, and know nothing more would have happened even if the guy had other intentions.
Which I'm sure he didn't because he's in love with my friend Charlotte, and has been since they dated years before I met either of them.

As far as kissing a current boyfriend goodbye, I'm not too concerned about that. Any guy who is jealous about some guy giving me a back rub in the specific situation I was in would probably be jealous about everything, and would too controlling for my taste.

It's not like we were in the hot tub, boozing it up, and then massaging each other in the shower naked.

It was an innocent back rub, and a kind gesture from someone keeping me company, and being a good friend.

Lastly, maybe he DID want it to go further down the road, but he never made me feel uncomfortable, and he never tried anything.

Like I told Scott, people will have either positive or negative intentions going into something, but as long as they respect you, and don't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, then there's no harm. :)


I agree with all the replies.
It is innocent because you know what you did/didn't do, but to others --a guy and a girl in her bedroom together --all night?

Then too he may be all innocent but often that is just a foot in the door for the guy and eventually he expects more and before you know it he has you wrapped around his finger and taking you for granted. Not that this guy is like that but you have to be careful and make sure it doesn't head in that direction.

I know what you mean, but I feel like with me and my friend Adam, things will never be like that. We understand each other in the sense that even though we may both be attractive people, there's no attraction there.

Yes having a guy over all night in the same bedroom as me is opening up the door for people to ask questions, and want to know what happened.
But people are just nosy like that, and want to know the scoop about all things NOT involving their lives, because it gives them something to talk about.

But this is the 20th century where kids watch cartoons like sponge bob, and where they advertise personal lubricant on channels people watch with their children.

Having someone of the opposite sex over to stay the night, even though you're not dating them, isn't to out of the ordinary, and it isn't naughty unless something naughty is going on. :cool:

My only real point is that even when you tell people that you are not doing anything
They only believe "Yeah RIGHT!"
Maybe it is worth givin' 'em something to talk about :D

Having someone of the opposite sex over to stay the night, even though you're not dating them, isn't to out of the ordinary, and it isn't naughty unless something naughty is going on. :cool:

Sorry, but, that's still out of the ordinary. Enough so that tongues will wag.

I don't know where you've been living, but... where I live there's nothing wrong with having someone of the opposite sex over.

And if they happen to spend the night, and end up massaging your back to help you sleep... it's opening the door for some talking, but no one would know unless I told them about it.

And if I thought it were a problem then I wouldn't have told anyone.

It's really not a big deal.

The problem would have been with the back rub. But nothing happened still... so...

First of all, you still haven't stated your age. This makes a difference.

Second, having a member of the opposite sex stay overnight is not a problem in a supervised setting. But the two of you alone? Even in liberal California, that still enough to make tongues wag.

And if this was no big deal then why did you ask about it? Obviously its something you are concerned about so it is a big deal.

First of all, you still haven't stated your age. This makes a difference.

Second, having a member of the opposite sex stay overnight is not a problem in a supervised setting. But the two of you alone? Even in liberal California, that still enough to make tongues wag.

And if this was no big deal then why did you ask about it? Obviously its something you are concerned about so it is a big deal.


I'm 23 years old. And I was when this happened.

The 411 on this post is that I was talking to a male friend of mine. And this story some how came up.

He argued with me for a good 2 hours about how the guys intentions are what would have made the whole night not so innocent.

And he called me a liar for saying nothing happened, and that even if nothing did, I still shouldn't have called in innocent, because "I knew what his intentions were" (or so he says).

My idea of innocence lies in the fact that nothing sexual happened. I don't consider a friendly back rub to help me sleep, sexual.

I argued that I feel like it was innocent, and I felt others would agree with me.

So he posted a thread on Face the Jury asking people if sleeping in some girls bed and rubbing her back was innocent, and all the replies were negative, and totally what he wanted to hear.

I told him the way he asked led people to answer the way they did. The response you get is indicative of the way you ask the question.

So he told me that if I wasn't satisfied with the responses he got, then I should post my own thread, and see what kind of responses I got.

I generally liked my responses, and he agreed that the outcome was 50/50.

The guy apologized today for accusing me of lying. I thought that was sweet, and all I really wanted. So in the end, everyone wins.

P.S. My little sister is 16, and she stays over at her guy friends houses all the time. It's not like their parents are sleeping in the same room as them.

And no one seems to mind.

So are you saying that it was actually your 16 year old in this situation and not you?
It depends on how old her guy friend is and the state law basically because he could possibly run into problems legally if he ever got accused of anything by anybody.
Second, I realize that it is possible to have a guy friend that is as you are describing because I have had a few through the past 33 years. BUT you are saying your sister 'claims' nothing is happening 'other than' so even you yourself can not really be sure if it is or isn't true and have to take her word on it.

Ok, So my point is confirmed. Lots of people, when hearing a story like this are going to assume that something happened. However, since I presume you both are adults its no one's business.

As for your little sister, if your parents and hers approve, I assume there is some trust factor. But I wouldn't let my dtr sleep over a boys house wiothout knowing that his parents would make sure everything was on the up and up.

So are you saying that it was actually your 16 year old in this situation and not you?
It depends on how old her guy friend is and the state law basically because he could possibly run into problems legally if he ever got accused of anything by anybody.
Second, I realize that it is possible to have a guy friend that is as you are describing because I have had a few through the past 33 years. BUT you are saying your sister 'claims' nothing is happening 'other than' so even you yourself can not really be sure if it is or isn't true and have to take her word on it.


It was me in the situation, not my sister, and I'M loudly stating that NOTHING happened.

I was just giving an example of how things are these days in our modern world. People (at least the people I know, and hang out with. Men, women, children, and adults alike) don't think much of two people of the opposite sex staying the night together in one room.

Especially if nothing's going on.


Ok, So my point is confirmed. Lots of people, when hearing a story like this are going to assume that something happened. However, since I presume you both are adults its no one's business.

As for your little sister, if your parents and hers approve, I assume there is some trust factor. But I wouldn't let my dtr sleep over a boys house wiothout knowing that his parents would make sure everything was on the up and up.

No matter where you go people are ALWAYS going to make their own assumptions about things. Because that's just human nature.

And yes, we both are adults, and well over the age of supervision.

My mom is a single mom of 9 children, and it's really hard to try to keep teenage girls locked up in their bedrooms. Especially when they are manipulative, and conniving.

So my mom doesn't really know what's going on with my siblings, and sometimes she doesn't even know where they're at.

And I honestly think she's to weak, and tired to put her foot down. Because she still has 2 younger children to raise (9 and 12) What my sisters need (16 and 17) is a dad.

From what I have seen nowadays kids look to the other kids, older sisters and brothers and
EVEN parents and have an attitude like well my best friend, all the kids at school, my 23 yr old sister, my mom, or whoever does it so I should be able to too.
My daughter was always a strong stubborn independent kid from the time she could first walk and talk and it was a positive until she got to her teens and then she started acting like she was in her 20's and would not listen to anybody.
Many kids have an attitude that they have as much rights even more because they are the kids and they follow the example they think you are setting and they see it as their justification. I have noticed many teens do not seem to grasp the distinction between an adult a kid any more.

I was just giving an example of how things are these days in our modern world. People (at least the people I know, and hang out with. Men, women, children, and adults alike) don't think much of two people of the opposite sex staying the night together in one room.


The key here is that it's the people YOU know and hang with. Its not the modern world in general. Things are definitely more liberal then they were even 20 yrs ago. But your world, is not the modern world. That's why you come on sites like this to get a perspective from other people, cultures, etc.

That two people spending the night alone together are going to make most people think something happened. People who know you well may believe you when you say nothing happened. People in your immediate circle may also believe. Some people may think nothing of it.

Frankly, I wouldn't be concerned whether anything happened or didn't happen. You both are adult enough to make such a decision on your own. So it would be nobody's business.

Whew, what a posting. That's all I can say.

Where we live there is nothing wrong with having someone of the opposite sex over but that doesn't keep the neighbors tongues from wagging whether you did or did not do anything.
People talk whether you say yeah or nah. But that is their problem, they have nothing better to do than gossip. Like you said people will FIND stuff to say anyway.
The question is are you going to let it bother you what others might say or believe or are you going to just go with the fact you know what did and didn't happen and heck with what anybody else says or thinks!

I would never allow a 16 year old girl to stay the night with a boy, that is inappropriate..

Over the holidays I was asked to house sit for a friends parents, while they visited her in Chicago.

I posted a bulletin on my web page telling all my friends where I'd be over the holidays, and to visit me because I'd be lonely.

Well one of those days my friend was in the area at his moms house, and he asked me what I was doing.

He said he could come over and keep me company for a while, but he couldn't stay long because he had to wake up early to go to long beach with his mom and sister for an early xmas party. It was already late when he came over, so we ended up watching a movie on the couch. When the movie was over, I looked over and he was sleeping.

I gently woke him up and asked him "Where are you sleeping tonight?" and he said "my moms. Her couch is leather, and I stick to it. It's really uncomfortable, I'm soo not looking forward to it"

I felt bad for him, so as he was getting up to leave I told him "You can stay here, there's plenty of rooms you can sleep in" So he agrees to stay.

He set his stuff up in the room down the hall, but hangs out in the room I'm sleeping in because he knows I have a hard time sleeping, so he offers to stay with me for a little while. I turn on the TV, and we both watch it until my eye lids get heavy, and I roll over on my stomach, but I still can't sleep.

So, he ended up massaging my back to help me sleep, even though he had to get up early the next morning to go to long beach with his family.

"Isn't it totally innocent if a guy comes over, because he knows you're all alone house sitting. And massages your back to help you sleep. And doesn't even try anything?"
That is a true friend if you are adults

Thank you!

I know... he is an amazing friend, and nothing more.

From what I have seen nowadays kids look to the other kids, older sisters and brothers and
EVEN parents and have an attitude like well my best friend, all the kids at school, my 23 yr old sister, my mom, or whoever does it so I should be able to too.
My daughter was always a strong stubborn independent kid from the time she could first walk and talk and it was a positive until she got to her teens and then she started acting like she was in her 20's and would not listen to anybody.
Many kids have an attitude that they have as much rights even more because they are the kids and they follow the example they think you are setting and they see it as their justification. I have noticed many teens do not seem to grasp the distinction between an adult a kid any more.

I totally and completely know what you're saying.

Like I said, I have a huge family. 9 siblings, 6 sisters, and 2 brothers.

I'm 3rd oldest, so not only did I practically raise my younger siblings while both parents were out working to support us, but I KNOW how conniving they can be when it comes to the whole "Well she's doing it" approach.

So I make sure not to do things my younger siblings can copy. And if I DO (being as it is I AM an adult, and should be able to do things that teens shouldn't be doing) I'll make sure to keep it from them.

Not necessarily like a secret, but I just don't talk about it. Because it's none of their business, and it IS my life.

To everyone who has responded and taken the time to give me your opinion, thoughts, etc... THANK YOU!!

Now I must tell you what this is all about.

I was having a conversation with a guy I met 2 years ago. I was still dating my ex boyfriend at the time, but the sparks were starting to simmer and die out.

So I was getting bored, and looking for a little excitement. But I never intended on cheating, or causing problems, or anything of that nature (And I didn't).

The background of my dating life is that I was 18 when I started dating my 6th grade crush. We dated for 4 years before we mutually ended it over his decision to put business first. He was and still is my first, and only bf... ex bf.

He's in the philippines now, and has been going on and off for the past 3 years, where he's working on developing his own software programming business. (We've only been together for 4, and he spent 3 of those years going away for months at a time, so things were bound to fall apart).

Back to the story, I talked to this guy I met on aim at least once a day (when I first met him 2 years ago). It was about a month before I finally decided to meet up with him to hang out for a while.

We just talked, and carried on as friends even though we felt more for one another, but knew we couldn't and shouldn't act on it, because of my dating situation at the time.

Well we only hung out once again after that before the reality of me having a bf hit, and things just became complicated, and we stopped talking for about a year.

Well now I'm single, and some how we started talking again.

I don't like him the way I used to... in fact he drives me insane, and I can't stand him at times. But he persists on trying to get me to hang out with him.

Anyways, the story about me and this guy (the back massage guy) came up. And he gets irate, and starts telling me something DID happen. And a back massage isn't innocent, and he just starts carrying on saying I knew the guys intentions before I let him come over, and stuff like that.

At some point he posts something regarding this story in a forum, and has people (who he claims aren't his friends) write nasty things about me. And say that it's not innocent to have a guy over, and this and that.

I'm appalled by his behavior, and ask him what it's going to take for him to believe that that night was innocent. I didn't care about proving it to him, I cared about proving it to myself, and showing him that he was wrong for accusing me of something that never happened.

So we came to the agreement that if I posted a question of my own in a forum (this one), and had people respond positively in my favor, then he'd leave me alone, and apologize.

Well he apologized, but now I'm still having to explain myself to some of you. =/