Hi everyone this is my first time, this has a lot to do with my relationship and personally myself. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months the start of our relationship was great I tried not to get too but fell in love and gave everything to him if you no what I mean. Anyway I'm not an overly social person and like to keep to myself preferring to hang out with family and rarely go out with friends.
For a while during the middle of my relationship my partner and I kept to ourselves spending most time with each other and neglecting our friends, this brought us so much closer and in turn made me very clingy and dependent on spending most of my time with him.

When all of his friends came back on the scene he made an effort and started going out a lot more without me. I was reluctant to go out with friends as I still wanted to spend all my time with him. This caused me to constantly call and text him wondering where he was and who he was with as I have had trust issues with previous boyfriends, and this relationship started with him cheating on his girlfriend at the time with me.

So fights started to occur and I would get very angry and upset when he would go out with his friends especially one who I knew wasn't a fan of me. 5 months later this is still going on I have to admit I am getting a little better but still can't shake the anger and tears when he goes out with his mates. And I am still not socializing very much with friends, I have just started uni and am making more new friends but have never really had the closeness of a best friend really ever constant in my life. I also find that I get very obsessive with it and tend to think that if he is having more fun with his mates he will forget about me and in turn leave me.

In the last couple weeks he was at an event and actually came home and admitted that he had had temptations to pursue another girl as they were interested in him, and by telling me this I feel that my issues have slightly worsened but I am actually trying not to care about him as much so I too don't get hurt when my emotions roar up. This also made me feel that I can't trust him as much.

Lately I have come to think of reasons I could be like this and have realised little things that may have contributed to the reason that I am like this;
- I have lost a couple of very close family members at a young age which I think may have contributed to the fact that I'm scared to loose him as I love him dearly and we are so close
- I never go out and I think I may be jealous that he has friends but I no its my fault that I don't go out, but I just don't have the motivation or even want to call people to go out.
- The fact that as I only had one parent I was extremely close and he was very overprotective and I hardly ever socialized as a child.
-I have also been diagnosed with minor depression although don't see a pshycologist anymore as I believe he made my emotions worse and I never felt comfortable talking to him.

I really need someone's opinion because my partner and I have been going to break up for the last couple months as he's had enough and so have I. I just need advice on ways to stop being so overprotective and obsessive and ways in which I can help myself beat these emotions
I'm sory that its so long but with more info it may be more effective to relate or give more informative advice for my situation thanks this is my first time and feel as if its my last resortt. :(

The title of this thread leads me to believe you are at least being honest with the problem. That's good. You see, the problem is you and I know that you know it. If you own that, you're already halfway to being past it.

Whatever guy you date/court/marry... whatever, they cannot be your ALL. Anything even remotely close to that is disaster, as much for him as it is for you. No, you both need to be fully functional independent people.

That means he has REGULAR friends and REGULAR times he's with them. He needs his guy friends. Just make sure they're good ones.

You need friends and hobbies separate from him, too. Regularly. If you can't do it for yourself, don't you DARE squelch him totally, that's just rude. And you already know it's obsessive... so admit you're doing it, laugh it off, hug him and wish him well when he goes to be with them.

He admits he's drifting and thought of another girl briefly, then DIDN'T do anything and told you about it instead. You choose this moment to say that it causes you to NOT trust him. You're nuts! He's trying, and you're missing it. His NOT telling you would have been better? Really! I didn't think so.

If you can't become trusting person, then his trustworthiness will be irrelevant. You need to lighten up, a lot!

You know it takes two people to fight. If you stop fighting with him and then the fights stop, then it was YOU starting all the fights. Wouldn't that be good info to have, too? If he tries to start fights and you don't fight back, he'll get the point.

Winning an argument and losing a relationship is no victory in my book. A wise old grandpa once said "You can be right, or you can be married...you won't get both." Funny, but true. A real relationship isn't about who is right/wrong, it's about understanding the people you love and meeting on loving common ground.

You can do that, can't you?

Oh my god you are the same as me I can't help but text my boyfriend all the time either but he doesn't go out with friends anymore its his family he would rather spend his own time with I don't have any best mates anymore really I've always put my boyfriend first we stopped going out with friends and I was like at his everyday sleeping because I was always welcome but his mum and dad told him we were together too much and since then he stopped seeing me everyday but I still couldn't stop myself texting him and every now and then he will have a right snap at me saying I'm well too clingy and that I don't trust him and I do I just like contecting him when I am not with him, its well hard to cope with when your used to being with him all the time because your used to it. Id say more but going to bore you I think maybe we can talk on msn what's your addy mines [email protected] add me if you have it. Sadly I can't give you advice on this because I'm in the same situation and have posted a similar problem sorry

This relationship and any future relationship you have will be doomed if you don't make changes in yourself.

But yes it does sound that you see what your issues truly are and that is the first step to solving them. I would concentrate only on yourself right now.

I'm the same way too... I always felt like if he was going out with his friends or doing things without me, it meant he didn't really like me. Stupid! Cause it's really untrue. Everyone is entitled to living their own lives and having their own space. Not really sure how to overcome those kind of damaging thoughts... still trying to figure it out myself...

You should try to do and enjoy things even without your better-half... do things that will make you busy so you won't think of him 24/7... and when the urge comes to text or call him, remind yourself not to be obssesive.. as you know it is not good for your relationship.. instead try to reconnect with your old friends by texting/calling them or maybe hang out with them rather than spending all your time worrying/thinking what he might be doing, because you know it yourself that you LOVE EACH OTHER... Both of you just need all single person needs, I mean, even married couples must have their own private time... And it will also be healthy to your relationship for it will make you miss each other.

Ohh... I wish I can ALWAYs do this.. :(... coz I have the same situation... been trying to apply this and it does really work, but sometimes I just can't help myself...

But I know, I'M ON IT.. GOOdluck to everybody who reads this.(probably you got the same problem too) :)