At what age to you think it is appropriate for teenagers to date?

At what age to you think it is appropriate for teenagers to have sex? Why and Why not?

I think it all depends on the teen and their maturity level.

I definitely don't think that children under 16 should be having sex, even 16 is a bit young as far as I'm concerned. I would love to say that they should wait until they're married, but I know this isn't realistic. Bottom line is that they should be mature enough to take care of birth control.

I do think that sex should wait until they are in a committed relationship. As far as dating, I don't know, I won't let my kids date until they're at least 16, but once again that depends on their maturity level at the time.

Depends on how you define sex. I do not think ANYONE should have sexual INTERCOURSE unless they are emotionally, physically and financially able to support a child.

However, on the flip side, I think its impractical and unfeasible to expect teens (or anyone) to forego the pleasure of sexual activity (short of intercourse). If it feels so good how can it be bad? But ANY sexual activity is an intimacy that should only be shared by people that care strongly for each other and have come to know each other. Having sex for just the pleasure of the act demeans the act.

Scott - I agree, but I am trying to be realistic. If we could get teens to wait until they are emotionally ready and in a loving caring relationship then we wouldn't be having so many teen pregnancies. It would be great if we could get these kids to wait, but short of locking them up until they're 20 I don't see how we can accomplish this.

The bottom line is that kids are going to have sex, I just hope that they are responsible about it and take precautions.

Personally I think we should bring back the chastity belt.

I think dating could be appropriate for high school aged kids. Again, it depends on the maturity level of the kids.
What age is appropriate for sex? I don't know. Having a daughter, I hope she waits for marriage. Will she? I doubt it - if I am being realistic.
But, I will be talking to her about what a gift her virginity is. That you can only give it to one person and you better make it the right person. (and what better gift can you give your husband on your wedding night)

Dating 16 ish and sex 18 at least.

And that is being realistic, they need to be taught the advantages of waiting.

Fr_Chuck - I agree. The problem is that their little hormones are running rampant and that sometimes affects common sense. I think the main thing is to teach safe sex (if there really is such a thing) and hope that your teachings are remembered when they are in a moment of passion. Heck, just hearing your voice in the back of their head might put a stop to things, it would be like pouring a bucket of ice water on their head.

The other thing is to try and teach them to make good decisions in general. If they are into drinking, drugs, heavy partying, or hanging out with people who don't respect them, it's much more likely that they'll have sex. And with date rape drugs out there, there is even more to be worried about.

Well, from my point-of-view... considering it wasn't too long ago that I was a teenager and lost my virginity. I lost my virginity to the COMPLETELY wrong guy when I was 16 (3 months from 17). We only had sex one time. This led to permiscuous relationship with the COMPLETELY wrong guy again when I was 17. Then I met the man who is now my husband. It never crossed my mind that I would wait until I was married, but I didn't EVER imagine myself losing it to a creep like I did. My husband however, waited for me, and he was 18... I am the only woman he has ever had... and THAT is sexy.

If more women and men could realize that the SEXIEST part of the sex itself is the wait. The wait for that one person, that one moment, that erotic desire that just feels so right for all the right reasons in the all the right places.

I would say that the appropriate age for dating is probably about 14. I mean, the longer you make them (especially a daughter) wait, the more they will be doing behind your back. I think there shouldn't be any "car dating" until age 16. And it's safe to say that the longer a couple is together the more the likelihood that they are having sex. I personally suggest to every parent to put your daughter on birth control by age 14... regardless.

The thing about this subject is that it really can't be any set age... it all has to do with responsibility and maturity.

I would say age for sex is, whenever 2 people are emotionally ready. Sex connects couples and a completely different emotional level. And once it has happened once, it is there forever.

If I could go back and change the way I did things, I wouldn't. I regret nothing about my sexual explorations because with each one of them I learned something about life, love, sex, and responsibility.

My apologies for such a long post.

Being a teenager, I don't think teenagers should have sex at all. At the age of 16 I know I was NO where ready to handle that kind of intimate relationship.

And dating... 14. As long as it stays clean, but that doesn't happen very often.

Depends on the how maturity level of the teenage is? Are you saying it would be OK if a 13 year old had a boyfriend and girlfriend?

@ Altenweg, chastity belts lol... when they bring them back invest in lockpicks. Stock is going to skyrocket.

I think that age 13 or 14 is an OK age 2 date... now sex on the other hand... I don't really think that there's a set age... just make sure 2 talk to them about it and make sure they know the consequences.

Am I really that old? I think that they should still be playing with their dolls and thinking that the opposite sex is icky at the age of 13.

Personally, I have never met a 14 year old that is mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. Dating at 16 is pushing it as far as I'm concerned. I remember what it's like to be a teenager and I'm taking those experiences and learning from them. I will try my best not to let my kids make the same mistakes I did.

Having said that, I am also realistic. I can't be with my kids 24/7 and therefore I want them to be informed, that way they will know the consequences of their actions. Hopefully my teachings will come through and they will abstain from sex until they're older, but if not then I hope that they use protection.

Covering a gun shot wound with a band aid doesn't work, better to teach gun safety and prevent the shot in the first place.

I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 16. I was 15 when I got my first kiss. Teens are having sex and fooling around much earlier these days. That's just a fact. They have these role models that they see on t.v. and in movies wearing these tight fitting, revealing clothes and have piercings and permiscuous sex... they think that's the way it should be. And then there's the peer pressure to smoke, drink, have sex, and be a "carefree" teenager. If parents don't talk to their kids and raise them to be the kind of people they want them to be then they just might give into those temptations. I was raised with values, and today it seems like most of our society is lacking that concept. People having babies out of wedlock and not knowing who the fathers are and getting married 4 or 5 times... what kind of message does that send your child. I will always feel that a child needs a stable home with a mother and a father to grow up in. Without that, I think the child will get confused.

anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is, it is not us that can choose what the proper age is. But it is us that can set the proper example for them to follow and then they get to choose what they are ready for.

To answer the questions first:

Dating starts when the teen has proven a responsible mindset in other areas. This means for some it would be fine at 15, others not until their mid-30s.

Sex starts when you're ready to deal with parenthood.

There, those are my answers. They aren't THE answers, they are mine.

Now, here's the rub - people are going to what they want. Smart or dumb, they do what they want. The only HOPE of helping someone is to help with their WANT. To do that, you have to stop letting them use words that don't mean anything.

What do I mean? Well, don't let anyone EVER get away with using a term like "safe sex." That term means nothing. It's false information. They mean "be sure they know how to use contraception". That's not safe sex, it's informed hygiene, nothing more.

MOST of the pain experienced by early sexual experiences is mental/emotional. Contraception helps ZERO with that. STDs aren't stopped by contraception, only reduced... some. Pregnancies aren't stopped by contraception, only reduced.

Both of my children (wonderful grown children, BTW) were conceived while using contraception, and using it correctly. Life will find a way, and sexual intercourse leads to life.

So, the only useful conversations to have with people are to help them commit on their own to standing for something THEY want. That has a hope of happening. There's little to no hope of them living up to our code/expectation, it has to be theirs.

Talk to them about what they want. Talk to them about how they will get that. Talk to them (and let them talk to you) about situations they could get into that would NOT give them what they want but could likely happen if they aren't careful. Let them do the talking, just ask the right questions. They need to get there ahead of you to believe it.

"A man convinced against his will is not convinced." - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Wouldn't it be great to go back, I mean way back to the time when: Teens were expected to have sex, that is their nature. A woman with a successful pregnancy or two under her belt was marriageable material. Children were considered a wonderful addition to the village and were raised by all?

What are kids? Are they expensive things that we add to our lives when we are mature enough to emotionally and financially support them? Then (as mature adults) we can take them out on the town where few places even acknowledge they exist, beyond providing a highchair that is. Aren't they noisy and in the way? Perhaps we should, all but the most beautiful and intelligent few, be sterilized at birth.

The above paragraph is sarcastic and a thinking tool. It was not intended to elicit patriarchal criticism of the writer. It was written to make you think. It's a JOKE! If you wish to be critical, please do so in a way that does not point fingers, 'cause, we are all in this together.

My daughter came to live with me at the age of 15. She was already skipping school and involved in drugs, drinking and sex. Her dad had given up on her. She continued her wild behavior (I homeschooled her for a year) when she came to live with me. My rules were, I want to know where you are, what are the values and personalities of the people you're with, what drugs you are taking and how's the sex. She talked to me about (nearly) everything. I rescued her from scary situations. She told me why it was scary and we discussed how it interacted with who she wanted to be. I took her to get birth control. We talked about how it was not a 100% safe thing. We talked about what we would do if she did get pregnant, or got a disease. The only time I got mad was if she didn't call and tell me what was up.

Happy ending. She refuses to drink or do drugs. Works and goes to college as scheduled. She gave up sex for two years to see what that would feel like. Too bad all girls aren't that easy to turn around. We rarely see eye to eye but she's willing to tell me why she disagrees with me in a respectful way. Her insight into the behavior of her ten year old sister is invaluable.

Our society does not really value children. We are no longer living in the 1950's either. Moms and dads are both gone to work, not raising kids full-time. Kids need adults, they can not raise one another. So often, they must because their parents are working to make the house payment and pay the credit bills. Unless a teen is locked up, he or she is going to experiment with sex. What should we do?

Being a teen myself, this is interesting to read from the parents' point of view.

I think it largely comes down to maturity levels. If you try to stop your kids from doing something, obviously they're going to want to do it all the more.
Kids shouldn't be dating before high school, but realistically, if a primary/elementary school child says they have a boy/girlfriend, chances are it's the boy/girl they think they like and occasionally smile at across the classroom. Hardly a dangerous influence.
Dating is a lot about experimenting with feelings, and can be pretty harmless. But then, a lot of teens do get into sex early. If you allow teens to date, but give them curfews and only let them date teens the same age, they'll be pretty restricted in what they can get up to. Once they start driving... it gets a lot more difficult to manage.

In my country, the age of consent is 16. I think it's an appropriate age (I lost my virginity at 16), but I know that plenty of others from my school at the time wouldn't necessarily have been as aware of issues like birth control. I also know that quite a few started having sex younger than that, several were quite promiscuous and didn't use protection, and more than one got pregnant before they were able to cope with it.
As long as kids are educated it's fairly safe. And sure, I wouldn't have been financially able to raise a child when I was 16... if I'd gotten pregnant while in school I'd have had an abortion... theoretically at least. I have no idea if I'd have been able to go through with it (I know a lot of people on here are against abortion... I'm not entirely sure where I stand).
But then, when is anyone EVER sure they're ready for a child?
At 16, I had a good understanding of the risks, a good awareness of contraceptive options, and was in a stable long-term relationship. Maybe I was a bit young, but I was responsible, which is the most important thing.

Holly, I agree with most of what you said, but I disagree that all 14-year-old girls should be put on birth control. For one thing, that can cause a lot of physical and emotional upheaval. For another it shows a lack of trust. And thirdly, it means that girls who would otherwise be worried about getting pregnant might start having sex younger, or even not worry about secondary forms of contraception and might be more exposed to STDs.
If a teenager wants to be put on birth control for medical reasons, or even if they just want to be safe, then it's a good choice. But putting them on it just because of their age doesn't seem right to me.

Right... sorry for the rambling.

Kal

There is no "right" answer to this question. Dating... not so awful in group settings in public places. I think the key to knowing what is right and when is really knowing your child. That begins EARLY on. You must develop a sense of trust and the ability to communicate openly without shame or punishment. Words are only words, after all. To help your child, you must be able to guide him/her. Sometimes this means just listening with truly open ears. If you instantly reject a subject or attack your child's perspective, you seem over-bearing and less credible. You must begin early to pick your battles. Allow your child to make some choices despite your distaste, but only those that are harmless. This allows your child to see that you are flexible, and fair. You make your disapproval known, but ultimately accept the decision they make. Why? Because when they discuss something you are adamantly opposed to, your view is actually taken under advisement. Not every kid will make the right choice each time. Be prepared that whether you try to "lay down the law" or try to be "new age" with your kid, they won't always listen or get the message. Too strict, you have a rebel to deal with. Too relaxed, you haven't taught your child to make wise decisions. Sex is not determined by age. Talk to your child about the benefits and consequences. Ask tough questions about how they would feel if... if they became a parent? If they caught a disease? If they became infected with AIDS? Be candid, be honest, and accept that no matter what limitations you try to forcefully impose, a child will find an escape. Your best bet is to try to make every effort to reinforce your family values with a message of hope, understanding, and brutal honesty about possible outcomes.

Study finds 1 in 4 US teens has a STD - Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_he_me/teen_stds;_ylt=Ao6BdZLSKziSdC.F1blNRnJI2ocA)

Nuff Said!

Study finds 1 in 4 US teens has a STD - Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_he_me/teen_stds;_ylt=Ao6BdZLSKziSdC.F1blNRnJI2ocA)

Nuff Said!

I saw this on CNN yesterday and it shocked me. Where is the modesty and respect in these girls?

I knew people who had lost their virginity at the age of 11. Gee, at 11 I was climbing trees, making forts, dressing barbies up, taking care of my pets and being the innocent little girl that I was.

Sex may have surrounded me in my teens but it sure didn't influence me. We all have urges but there is a time for that.

SHEESH!

Eleven! My son is nine, do I really have to worry that he could be having sex in two years?

I'm buying a padlock for his bedroom, heck I'll get two, one for my daughter as well.

This scares the cr*p out of me.

ABC News: John Stossel Special: The Age of Consent (http://www.abcnews.go.com/2020/AgeOfConsent/)

Those of you in the USA, please check this out. Probably will be very informative. I thought it would be in relation to this topic, among others. I believe it's airing Friday night (March 14, 2008), but that's here in the midwest.

Should be interesting.

TJ

ABC News: John Stossel Special: The Age of Consent (http://www.abcnews.go.com/2020/AgeOfConsent/)

Those of you in the USA, please check this out. Probably will be very informative. I thought it would be in relation to this topic, among others. I believe it's airing Friday night (March 14, 2008), but that's here in the midwest.

Should be interesting.

TJ

I watched all of it and that is absoulely ludacris! Even after the 'sexual assultor's' girlfriend said she wasn't raped, is now married and has four kids with this guy they still won't take him off the list? The laws the law but there are murderers out there who are getting off the death sentence. That guy needs a super good laywer. He needs justice.

I watched all of it and that is absoulely ludacris! Even after the 'sexual assultor's' girlfriend said she wasn't raped, is now married and has four kids with this guy they still won't take him off the list? The laws the law but there are murderers out there who are getting off the death sentence. That guy needs a super good laywer. He needs justice.

Yeah, I can't actually watch it here at work, but it will be airing on Friday, so I will get to watch it then.

I'm sure it will be quite interesting.

That is insane. I can't believe that this guy is still registered as a sex offender and that he has no way to get off that list. It just goes to show that the real issues aren't being dealt with and taxpayers money is being spent on things like this. Ridiculous.

Where I agree that the system is flawed - with this case in point - it is a good law. There are flaws in every system. I guess you take the good with the bad. IF someone moves in next door to me that is a true sex offender - I want to know.

I feel for this guy and think something should be done, I am still thankful that this registry is here and available.

I agree that the registry for sex offenders is a very valuable tool, I don't want to get rid of it. But honestly, this guy isn't a sex offender. He had to get permission to take his own kids to the park. He had to live in a mobile home and not with his family because his sister was only 12 and he's considered a sex offender.

They know the facts and still won't take him out of the system, that is an awesome abuse of power. He has to register as a sex offender every year and his married to his supposed victim. They should spend tax payers money catching and monitoring the real criminals, not guys like this.

I totally agree. The system is flawed. There should be something on the books for cases like this. Especially since kids are having sex at a younger age. I have to wonder though, is this a special case or the norm? How many people is this happening to?

I don't know if this is the norm, I hope not. Obviously it is a problem otherwise they wouldn't be doing a show about it. It would be interesting to find out how many men are actually being accused of rape just because the girl isn't the appropriate age.

The thing that bugs me is that the women in this case is the one that initiated the sex. Yes, she was only 15 and he was 19, yes he's older and should be wiser, but she is the one who initiated it. Maybe there should be a law that also prosecutes teens that have sex under that statutory age. Maybe then teens would think twice before having sex at the age of 15.

The point is that it was consensual sex, they are married today and have 4 children of their own. The fact that he is still considered a sexual predator is ridiculous.

You are completely right, the system is flawed.

Well, see, there's the rub. Yes, she consented. But in that state - it doesn't matter, because she wasn't old enough. She had to be 2 years older to say she wanted to have sex, legally.
So, a law was broken. Yes, I understand that they are now married and have kids, etc. But at that time, she was underage. It was against the law for a 19 year old to have sex with a 15 year old. A law was broken.

Now, could they or should they be able to take this man off the offender list? I think so. I do agree that this is ridiculous. Totally! But, if you start making exceptions because a girl came in and said she asked for it, regardless of her age, what happens next?

What I'm saying is that she also broke the law. She wasn't old enough to have sex therefore she should be charged too. It's a ridiculous idea to charge her, but no more so than charging him.

By the way, did you notice that we each have three signatures and that they are all the same color in the same order? Twilight zone.

Okay, no, I did not notice that, but now that you have pointed it out - weird :)

I am playing devil's advocate here - so bare with me.

Did she really break a law? I mean, they are saying that she isn't old enough to consent. She isn't mature enough or whatever. So, since she isn't legally old enough to say what she wants, is it up to the person (who is of age) that she is having sex with to put the breaks on?
I guess because she doesn't meet the age requirement, she doesn't know what she is saying? Therefore since she isn't being held accountable for consenting - did she break a law?

I don't know if this is the norm, I hope not. Obviously it is a problem otherwise they wouldn't be doing a show about it. It would be interesting to find out how many men are actually being accused of rape just because the girl isn't the appropriate age.

The thing that bugs me is that the women in this case is the one that initiated the sex. Yes, she was only 15 and he was 19, yes he's older and should be wiser, but she is the one who initiated it. Maybe there should be a law that also prosecutes teens that have sex under that statutory age. Maybe then teens would think twice before having sex at the age of 15.

The point is that it was consensual sex, they are married today and have 4 children of their own. The fact that he is still considered a sexual predator is ridiculous.

You are completely right, the system is flawed.

Great point!

Well, if you want realistic... sex at 13, dating around 17...

... that, at least, seems to be the trend nowadays... I overheard my brother's friends (age 15) talking about what his other friend did last weekend with a girl at a movie theater... and when they talk about relationships, their feelings on it is that they're "too young" for a girlfriend.

... what's the world coming to?

I started dating when I was a sophomore in high school...

It seems that a lot has gone by while I was typing that answer. For shame.

well, if you want realistic...sex at 13, dating around 17...

...that, at least, seems to be the trend nowadays...I overheard my brother's friends (age 15) talking about what his other friend did last weekend with a girl at a movie theater...and when they talk about relationships, their feelings on it is that they're "too young" for a girlfriend.

...what's the world coming to?

I started dating when I was a sophomore in high school...

I got my first kiss when I was a freshmen in high school, then the dating started after that. So I was 14, going to be 15 then.

Honestly, Isneezefunny and I completely agree with you, I don't know what this world is coming to. No.. no.. no.. it's the society not the world.

Okay, you'll all be surprised that I feel so deeply about teens and sex. I'm not going to tell you the age I was when things happened, but I definitely wasn't a good girl. I did learn from my teen transgressions, and I always, ALWAYS, used protection.

I think it bothers me more that teens aren't being responsible about sex, not that they're starting young. Although 14 and 15 is really young.

I saw this on CNN yesterday and it shocked me. Where is the modesty and respect in these girls?!

First, these girls aren't having sex all by themselves. And, the sad truth is that girls from homes with an absent father are more likely to have sex at a young age, looking for male acceptance and love. So the divorce rate may be fueling some of this.

I don't know if this is the norm, I hope not. Obviously it is a problem otherwise they wouldn't be doing a show about it. It would be interesting to find out how many men are actually being accused of rape just because the girl isn't the appropriate age.


Just an fyi: Several years ago Parade magazine did a story on this situation. Alabama was looking at changing a law about allowing sex offenders to live within X feet of a bus stop, which was going to force a young woman out of her house. She was on the registry because she had consensual sex with her 15 year old boyfriend when she was 17. So it goes both ways on this.

Even more frightening... if a child is sexually abused, they often act out by abusing other kids. There are states where these kids can be put on the sex offenders list for life because of that if it's brought to the attention of police. Which makes some people think that there are sexual predators that are not being caught because the parents of their victims don't want their kids to have to deal with that for the rest of their life.

Eleven! My son is nine, do I really have to worry that he could be having sex in two years?

I'm buying a padlock for his bedroom, heck I'll get two, one for my daughter as well.

This scares the cr*p out of me.

You want to be scared... I have read (in Ladies Home Journal, if I recall correctly) about two 12 year olds who ran an after-school business where they would hire out friends of theirs to go to kids at the school's parties and perform oral sex. And no one (the kids who performing the oral sex, the kids hiring them out, or the kids receiving the services) thought that there was anything odd or bad about this. "It's not like we're really having sex" seemed to be the common opinion. They really didn't get why the cops were getting involved and everyone was so upset about it.

And if you want to be really scared... kids are having sex at the age of nine. So worry about it now, not in two years!

And some final thoughts about kids dating:

If you are going to allow your kids to date, you probably should sit down with them and ask what they expect the dating to accomplish. Why are they dating? Hopefully, at 13, 14, 15 they are not looking for a partner to get married to. But if they aren't looking for a spouse, why are they dating? Do they just want company to go to the movies? Are they trying to learn how the opposite sex thinks? Learn that, and then you can figure out whether they are mature enough to date, and what sort of dating is appropriate. Group dates at the movies, yes. Going steady at 13, no. And so on.

Even though my son is 9 years old, he still thinks that girls are "icky". I have had the talk with him, and I'm continuing to keep the lines of communication open between us. It's just scary as heck that 9 year old are performing any kind of sexual activity whatsoever. Where can I get a padlock and a chastity belt?

When should teens date? Depends on the teen, the parent and the situation. Kids need to talk to their parents, a lot.

Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon. Woman became able to bear children around the age of 17 too. (I was told these things) Does that mean that we are affected by electricity? Sure, in more ways than one. Now, humans are reaching sexual maturity at younger and younger ages. They have access to the internet and education that would probably be restricted if both of their parents were not working.

Perhaps kids are mentally maturing faster too. Have any studies been done on that?

Women in the South, where there is more sunlight seem to reach maturity sooner than women in the North. I don't know how true that is. When I spent a summer in Egypt, my breasts were amazing (for me) C cups. They returned to their normal triple A couple of weeks after I returned to the cold, cloudy and rain-soaked place where I usually live.

Our ozone layer is being depleted. Maybe kids are getting more UV radiation and that is affecting their early sexual maturity?

When should teens date? Depends on the teen, the parent and the situation. Kids need to talk to their parents, a lot.

Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon. Woman became able to bear children around the age of 17 too. (I was told these things) Does that mean that we are affected by electricity? Sure, in more ways than one. Now, humans are reaching sexual maturity at younger and younger ages. They have access to the internet and education that would probably be restricted if both of their parents were not working.

Perhaps kids are mentally maturing faster too. Have any studies been done on that?

Women in the South, where there is more sunlight seem to reach maturity sooner than women in the North. I don't know how true that is. When I spent a summer in Egypt, my breasts were amazing (for me) C cups. They returned to their normal triple A a couple of weeks after I returned to the cold, cloudy and rain-soaked place where I usually live.

Our ozone layer is being depleted. Maybe kids are getting more UV radiation and that is affecting their early sexual maturity?

How is that possible? I need to go to Egypt and soon!

Ummm, 30. Just kidding.

30 actually sound good to me at this point. The cabin in the woods with no neighbors for miles is looking better every day.

... yeah, that's when the kid starts talking to his "friends" and start doing things his "friends" told him to do...

And some final thoughts about kids dating:

If you are going to allow your kids to date, you probably should sit down with them and ask what they expect the dating to accomplish. Why are they dating? Hopefully, at 13, 14, 15 they are not looking for a partner to get married to. But if they aren't looking for a spouse, why are they dating? Do they just want company to go to the movies? Are they trying to learn how the opposite sex thinks? Learn that, and then you can figure out whether they are mature enough to date, and what sort of dating is appropriate. Group dates at the movies, yes. Going steady at 13, no. And so on.

The trouble is, most kids don't have much of an idea of what they're looking for. For them, it's the beginning of a whole lot of feelings that they don't know how to deal with. Half the drama of the dating world is just practice to help maintain more functional relationships in older life.
As I said before, if you raise your kids with a strict sense of morals, and set in reasonable restrictions like curfews, your kids won't get much of an opportunity to experiment with their sexual sides. You can't always mistrust your kids. It's showing now faith in them, and also no faith in your ability as a parent.
The majority of teens just want to get used to the idea of partners, so while it's reasonable to restrict your kids, refusing to let teens date is just going to cause a lot of frustration.



Before electricity was commonplace, 99% of women had their period on the new moon.

I think you might have misunderstood something somewhere. Periods used to be referred to as moon cycles, moon's blood etc. But that is because the length of a woman's cycle is approximately 28 days, the same length of time as a moon's turn, NOT because the bleeding always came on the same day for all women!

Eek, here I go, jump in feet first.

I am an only child, my parents tried for 8 years to have me. When I finally arrived they were naturally very protective, I was their only child, they weren't taking any chances.

They talked to me about sex, the importance of waiting, I had a curfew and they were both very active in my life. They taught me morals, I loved and respected both of them, they always knew were I was going and when I'd be home. That didn't stop me from experimenting with sex.

I won't say how old I was when I lost my virginity because I still really want to send a message out to the teens having sex right now. I will say that I was young. I will also say that I always, always had safe sex. Just because you have great parents doesn't mean that you will wait, I didn't and I can't say it enough, my parents were the best.

Well, since alty's sharing her story... I might as well...

I am a 22 year old asian college student.

Coming from a traditional asian family, my parents never talked to me about sex, nor did they ever want to broach the topic. My mom, to this day, wants to believe that I have yet to hold hands with a girl... and will marry the first girl I date. Sorry mom.

However, like alty's parents, they taught me strict morals, and we still have a great relationship... one of the closest parent-son relationships I've ever seen. I won't say when I lost my v-card as well... but yeah. I experimented.

Thanks Sneezy.

Bottom line, kids will do what kids will do, good home, bad home, it doesn't matter.

I think that our main concern is to teach safe sex, that's the most important thing. Also talk about abstinence and hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears.

I agree with Altenweg. I think the only thing we really can do is educate them in safe practices and diseases and trust them to make the right decisions.

When is it appropriate to talk to them? My daughter is 7 and I look at her as very innocent, and think at times it is to early.

But then, there are kids in her 1st grade class that know way too much about sex and always feel like sharing.

I think I had a couple more years...

Here is a story,

My friend has a daughter the same age as mine (her's is in 2nd grade - same school)
While her daughter's class was at music one day, they had some free time. Her daughter was sitting on the lap of a little boy. When class was over, the boy informed my friends daughter that they just had sex.
Her daughter came home, told my friend and wanted answers.
She was a little shocked and at a loss for words, what does she say? I mean, we all know they DIDN'T have sex - but how do you explain this to such a young child.

Another child in her class tells her that his parents make out every night, that they think he doesn't know, but he does.

Shouldn't they still "hate" boys? My daughter has come home and told me there are boys on the playground that tried to kiss her, my advice is to punch 'em. :)

I know you have to talk to your kids and I try - but what age is appropriate? How do you explain this to a 7 year old with out scaring her for life? I guess I imagined talking to my 11 or 12 year old about this, when her brain could process what I was telling her.
I want her to be informed, but can she handle the birds and bees right now?

I am liking the chastity belt idea more and more...

At 6-8 I would simply explain that this is part of the adult world. That it's a complex topic that she will understand better as she gets older and that you will explain in more detail at that point. But at her age it is inappropriate for anyone to be talking to her about it (except you) and is way inappropriate if anyone tries to touch her in certain places. Starting at 9-10, I would further explain adult relationships in terms of caring for and loving someone. How, when you find someone that you care deeply for, it becomes appropriate to share things that should be kept private until then.

After 10, you start discussing the physical process and deal with protection.

At least that's my opinion for what its worth.

Scott - I agree. Another good rule of thumb, if they ask then it's time to tell. At the age of 7 they don't need the full blown version, but the toned down one. "Mommy has an egg, Daddy has seeds etc. etc."

The most important thing is to talk to your kids, let them know that they can come to you with any questions, no matter what. If you start now then they won't be embarrassed to talk to you when they are 13, 14 and so on.

At least that's what I'm doing.

And make sure if they ask, you understand what they are asking. You don't want to go through the birds and bees only to find you child wants to know whether he came from Cleveland or Cincinnati. :D

Scott - Not fair, I was drinking coffee, it came out of my nose.:p

Yes, I have found that I often elaborate too much, when all my son really wanted to know was something simple. That's when he looks at me and says, "Mommy, really, I wanted the short version, not the book."

At least he's informed, and he's talking to me, I hope that continues.