As some of you already know, I am getting married this year. We moved the wedding date up from August to June. I have to mail my invitations very soon as we have people coming from as far away as Japan (I live in Canada). I am having an evening wedding and I am not inviting any children. What is the proper way to ensure people do not bring their kids to the wedding? I don't want to offend anyone, and I LOVE kids but I have been to many a wedding that has been ruined by a crying child. Please help!

Also, my sister is having her first child in the next couple of weeks and I don't know how to break it to her that her baby can't come either... this is a very delicate situation. Any suggestions?

If you exclude children you will offend many people period. Many people first may not be able to afford babysitters, if they are traveling they can't leave children at home.

You would have to at the least provide childcare for all the children during the wedding period.

Honestly many people may decide not to attend if this was the rule.

Now you have the right to decide this, it is your wedding

Opinion very poor idea

Hi,
I agree with Fr_Chuck. If you exclude any children, there will possibly be bad feelings.
When two people get married, it is a union for all to see and be a part of, if others are invited to attend. They will all want to share in your joy.
If you do think hard about this, is it so bad to have a baby cry at your wedding? It's normal, natural, and some day, you might hear your own baby crying.
It is your decision, but personally, I would want to share this day or evening with all my friends and their families. My wife and I did, 28 yrs ago!
I do wish you the best, and please don't get upset if you decide to put in your invitations that no children under age of, say 8 yrs old are allowed, and you get RSVP with "I'm sorry, but we can't attend".
In all fairness, we live in the Great Smokey Mountains in the US, and the culture here is "country", with everyone you see for the first time a "friend" you didn't know you had, and hardly anyone thinks about "ruining" something or a gathering because of a baby crying.
Best of luck.

Actually I good friend of mine had this same problem at hers this past summer. The problem in her situation was that she couldn't afford the catering for the extra children because some people had anywhere from three to five kids. What she did was set an age limit, no children under the age of twelve. And she was just truthful, she explained for financial reasons. Sometimes you have to be honest with people. This is YOUR big day. Most people understand that it isn't anything againts the children but hey lets face it, would they want a screaming two year old or a three year old running up and down the aisles at there wedding? The costs of weddings do get very expensive the more people you invite. Since both my kids are very young Icompletely understood, but she gave people like a six month heads up about the children not being invited. As long as you give people enough time to make sitter arrange ments, which six months was more than enough then its only there fault for not getting the arrangements done sooner.

If there are people who take it personally then that is there problem, This isn't a day for "the kids" this is YOUR wedding day. And if these parents can't get passed that then they are being selfish. That is a stupid reason for not celebrating a day of such importance. And bottom line they have to respect your wishes or just not come.
You do what you need to do. Explain that it has nothing againts the children, but that you would prefer not to have the kids there.And give people enough time to get sitters.

At the same time, marriage and wedding has to do with family. Family includes children. So if you exclude children you exclude family as well. At the same time it is your wedding and you need to do what is right for you. It is a fine line to walk but in the end it is you that is getting married.

While I understand about not wanting children of your friends, aunt, uncles, etc is one thing.

But not allowing your sister to bring her baby? Perhaps that can be an exception you make. After all, she is your sister!

Some people might choose not to come because of this. My parents were invited to a cousins wedding down in the USA and we (the kids) weren't invited. They called them up and said that they could not attend unless they brought us. So they decided to allow it since we were from out of town.

But in terms of people who are living in Newfoundland or can afford a baby sitter, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Although, rethink the one about your sister. It's one thing for a cousin you speak with once or twice a year at most, but your sister, who you are close to and talk with on a regular basis, I think an exception could be made. I am of course assuming you have a close relationship with your sister.

For those that can't afford specific catering and larger wedding for this reason or that reason, one has to be realistic and not plan a wedding so large it will break you. That is why many people have small private weddings with only dozen, a few or no one at them. It is why my lovely bride and I went to the mountains for a priate church wedding since this family member did not want this or that and another one this or that other.

Again it is your wedding and if you where doing a vegas stip club theme I could see no children and I have done all sorts of theme weddings from country westen to island themes. Even hot air ballons weddng.

They should be fun and injoying a great time for all but esp the couple.
It is always the couples choice but starting a new life and making family upset all at one time is not always the best way to start. If you want a invitation only type , you need to keep it very small and speicif to who can come. But it is normally a family time, for ALL family to get together and share in this great event.

And to be honest it is the things that go wrong during the wedding ( and there is always something that will go wrong) that makes it more fun to remember.

For those that can't afford specific catering and larger wedding for this reason or that reason, one has to be realistic and not plan a wedding so large it will break you. That is why many people have small private weddings with only dozen, a few or no one at them. It is why my lovely bride and I went to the mountains for a priate church wedding since this family member did not want this or that and another one this or that other.

again it is your wedding and if you where doing a vegas stip club theme I could see no children and I have done all sorts of theme weddings from country westen to island themes. Even hot air ballons weddng.

They should be fun and injoying a great time for all but esp the couple.
It is always the couples choice but starting a new life and making family upset all at one time is not always the best way to start. If you want a invitation only type , you need to keep it very small and speicif to who can come. But it is normally a family time, for ALL family to get together and share in this great event.

And to be honest it is the things that go wrong during the wedding ( and there is always something that will go wrong) that makes it more fun to remember.
That is a good idea, but may not work in al cases. Like my friend who had the financial problem. She has a large family and so does her fiancée that's not including the kids. Now where do you draw the line? If you keep it small and only include the relatives with the larger families so that there kids can come. Then what about your relatives or close friends that have no children?
That is why I think that you could invite children of a specific age like no child under eight or twelve, wherever you think its best. Besides an older child would enjoy the wedding much more than say a two year old who has no idea as to what is going on, even a five year old who only would find at least for the ceremony, to be a little boring. Sometimes you have to forgo the whole pick idea for something a little more logical.

It's not a financial problem at all, and I don't mind hiring a sitter for the evening for everyone's children. However, the ceremony begins at 7pm, it will only be twenty minutes long and then we will be moving right into the reception. The reception is not an alcohol free event and I don't believe it is a good environment for children. This is NOT a "family" type wedding. It is a party at which I am going to get married. People wouldn't bring their children to the office christmas party. Also, I would not know any of the children involved. All told, not having children invited would perhaps affect four of the couples that I have invited and I will understand if they choose not to come, and I will certainly offer a babysitter.

As for my sister, I have a very close relationship with her. Since this post she has decided that her baby will spend the evening with her in-laws because she wouldn't want a four month old up that late at night. Thanks for all of your replies.

Mrs.pennell, it's your special time and you have the right to decide who should be at your wedding. If you don't want kids to be at the wedding, let it be known. My cousin also didn't want kids at her wedding, so she put on the invitations for people not to bring their little kids. Everyone was okay with it, they all found baby-sitters to watch their kids and attended her wedding. What you should do is have the invitations say it's for adults only, but if you've already sent out the invitations, then you should call the guests up and let them know that you don't want kids at the wedding because it may cause distractions. I really don't think that people would mind. Good luck with your wedding. I wish you all the best.

Thanks, PrettynPetite, I haven't sent out my invitations yet so perhaps I will put that on the RSVP cards. I hadn't thought of that. :D

There you go. :)

You've gotten some good answers already but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents as I just got married last week. Actually I'm currently on my honeymoon in Vancouver Island. We've been having a wonderful time until today, when Alex woke up with a stomach ache. Since he's "indisposed" and we have our laptop with us, I thought I'd come on here. :D

As someone who's having a child soon, I wouldn't be offended at all. In fact, I'm sure I'd be happy to have a break from the baby for a few hours haha. Since you also offered to pay for a babysitter for the evening, the question of affording a sitter doesn't really figure into it either. People shouldn't have anything to complain about. As you mentioned, it is an evening wedding. Little kids will be tired and cranky, more apt to misbehave, and should be in bed anyway. I agree I wouldn't really want my young child at a function where people are possibly getting inebriated. It isn't a good atmosphere for kids. Most of all, this is YOUR wedding and you can have it however you want. People who don't really understand that, are obviously not great friends. It's your day and they should be thinking of you rather than their own needs.

I actually was never invited to attend a wedding until I was a teenager. Lots of people I know have had no children at their weddings. It's not so unusual. Good luck with your preparations, and don't feel bad about it at all!

mrs.pennell,
I guess the no kids at your wedding can work. I personally have been at the other end of the stick, so I know how it feels.

Some people in my family are nuts. We aren't' invited because we are 2nd cousins and if they invite us, then they have to invite all 2nd cousins. Yet they spoke with us far far far more than the others and have a much closer relationship with us, but that's another story.

You're right, Captain Forest... that's a whole other story! I'm inviting all my cousins even though I haven't seen or spoken to most of them in over ten years! That way no one feels left out. And on Sunday afternoon we're going to have a family bbq with the kids. It'll be kind of like a family reunion!

I tried to comment on your post, Orange but I have to spread my reputation around some more! Anyway, thanks for your perspective both from the wedding side of things and the baby side! It will probably be my sisters first real night out since the baby so that'll be great for her! She can relax and have some fun! :D

First of all, congratualtions Orange! Now, my wife and I were married 4 years ago and we didn't invite kids except for my sisters and brothers kids which equaled 5. I think that was understandable and excepted with others (not that I cared, personally). I thought the general etiquette rule is, if if didn't include the kids names or "children" or said "& family" you would either ask if they can come or not bring them. We went to a wedding that was 5 hours away in May. We had a 3 month old and an almost 2. We fought with her parents about not bringing my 2 year old because I thought he would be running around and let's face it we wouldn't be able to enjoy it. We brought our 3 month old because my wife was nursing but other than that we wouldn't have brought him either. I think it is perfectly exceptable to have an age limit or not have kids at all. Like everyone has been saying, the price of weddings are outrageous nowadays, you don't need to add to the cost. Good luck.

Mrs. Pennell,
I think it is perfectly OK for you to keep your wedding "adults only". I am. We are, however, providing babysitters and activities for the young children at the hotel where the out-of-town guests will be staying. I think that is the generous and accommodating thing to do, if funds provide. As for the comments about offending people, well, in my opinion, that is their problem. This is YOUR wedding and YOUR decision. People need to be more understanding and recognize that many people feel that little kids should not be at an evening affair. If you are going out of your way to provide babysitters and other activities for the kids to do, the parents should be appreciative of your consideration, not resentful. I think any parent would enjoy a night away from the kids so that they could enjoy a peaceful evening as adults. Go with your gut and do what is best for you. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. It is YOUR day, not theirs. CONGRATULATIONS!

I have similar problem. I have obnoxious, uncontrollable children in my family and I do not want them to come. The boy on my husband-to-be's side is great. Can we just ask him to be the ring barer or something and say no OTHER kids allowed?

I was so frustrated with the answers provided by some people... albeit, everyone has their own opinions, I can't believe people feel so strongly that someone needs to invite their friends kids to THEIR wedding. I am planning a wedding right now and know that the food alone costs over $250 a plate, whatever the age! People do NOT need to invite children -- alcohol will be flowing and not everyone wants a "family-friendly" wedding. I think the best way to approach it is to simply offer baby-sitting services. This is what I am doing and there hasn't been any issues.

We ran into this problem when we were going to invite my fiance's small church to our wedding. The church has members with children that are very disruptive in a normal service (with a congregation that size... it is probably hard not to disrupt!), and we feared what would happen during our vows.

Here is how we handled our invite to the congregation:

Groom and Bride
Invite the ChurchName Family
To share as witnesses with their family and friends in their vows of marriage

Saturday April 11th at 2 p.m. at Church Name
Cake and punch reception to follow

In respect for the reverence of the occasion, we ask that adults only attend the ceremony.

I will toss in something... My brother was married 2 years ago, My sister-in-laws father spent over $200,000 on the wedding. There was hundreds of people there. The entire wedding was shot on three different cameras from different angles, then put together for an awesome video. I was visiting the other day and we watched the tape... the best parts were watching the kids... their looks, actions, etc... The reason for me saying this, I noticed a few suggestions of an "cut off" age. Well in watching this tape it is obvious that there are 4 year old kids with more respect and longer attention spans then some 14 year olds. I don't think a cut off age would help. If I were you with your situation I would send out invitations stating " My fiancee and I are throwing an adult party at which we will be married, Family BBQ and childrens party to follow on Sunday afternoon"
I would not want to be in your shoes, I do understand, Just Have Fun!!
Mike