I would like this on an index card; thanks.

I would like this on an index card; thanks.


Lol... well get to writing..

Awww I like this

Excellent thread you have started. Maybe ask to make a sticky.

Geez, I've been saying the same thing for years, but your version is so much more eloquent, than "move on, love yourself". Thanks

Excellant thread you have started. Maybe ask to make a sticky.


I don't know how to make it a sticky... can you help?

You have to have a moderator or administrator to do that, scroll down to the bottom of the page to see who is who and PM them. I was going to just put your link in my signature, as it will save me a lot of typing LOL.

You have to have a moderator or administrator to do that, scroll down to the bottom of the page to see who is who and PM them. I was going to just put your link in my signature, as it will save me a lot of typing LOL.


Thanks for the help, will do that... I appreciate your help

Thank again jolie, that's was great advice will try to take it to heart... 1 more vote to sticky!

thank again jolie, thats was great advice will try to take it to heart... 1 more vote to sticky!!


Thanks for reading... :-)

Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back.


Actually I was reading this to find out why Jolie would be asking that question and thinking "Why the heck would she want someone who didn't want her?! ). I should have known... ;)

Actually I was reading this to find out why Jolie would be asking that question and thinking "Why the heck would she want someone who didn't want her?!?). I should have known... ;)

Ha I got you.. lol... actually I do want someone who doesn't want me.. that is TOM Cruise.. lol

Hmm.. He's too short for me. I'm 5'8".. so that poses a problem.

I hope your able to get a sticky and I put a link to your thread on my signature.

Hmm.. He's too short for me. I'm 5'8".. so that poses a problem.


Hey I am 5ft 8 too, but I can bend down lol

I hope your able to get a sticky and I put a link to your thread on my signature.


Thanks a bunch! Really appreciated it

Great thread... too bad sometimes you have to "Trojan Horse" good advice on people.

Very good thread, would love to see it as a sticky :)

I can't say anything more that these other people have already said. I had a lot of heartache in my relationships, and wanted to get them back, but as it turns out I moved on and found the man of my dreams, and now I have a beautiful son and home with him.

I can't say anything more that these other people have already said. I had a lot of heartache in my relationships, and wanted to get them back, but as it turns out I moved on and found the man of my dreams, and now I have a beautiful son and home with him.

That's so wonderful... we will survive.. . That's what I try to tell people, that a failed relationship brings you one step closer to the one you are destined to be with...

Best wishes to you and your family...

Just to let you know I put this on my pda phone so eveytime I'm bored at work and think of her I whip out ma phone and read this page... I still think of her but your post helps to calm me down to a degree that I feel better about myself

just to let you know i put this on my pda phone so eveytime im bored at work and think of her i whip out ma phone and read this page ...i still think of her but your post helps to calm me down to a degree that i feel better about myself


Good for you... glad that I can help someone... she may have been your first true love but she definitely won't be your last romance...

I think your post will help a lot of people I wish id red it years ago,I tryd to win afew people back,back then but it didn't work and I'm glad because it wouldn't of worked anyway. I've found areally nice fella he's great with me and mykids,I thort id never meet anyone being asingle mum with 2kids its hard to get out and meet people so I joined adating site it started as abit of fun to pass the time chattin to people,then I started chattin to myfella we've everythin in common we never watch TV lol except the football but most of the time we sit up talking allnite,he takes me out for dinner and spoils the kids but he fills the hole in myheart and makes me feel complete IT WAS WELL WORTH ALL THE HEARTACHE N PAIN IVE BEEN THROUGH OVER THE YEARS JUST TO GET TO HIM

I had to post this question as I find it astonishing that many people want to get back with there ex regardless of how it ended. Besides the answer "because I love him/her" because unfortanetly love isn't enough to hold a relationship together as we already discovered this. Love is only one ingredient and unfortanetly has no warranties, guarantees, or return policies. So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex and why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life after they disappeared and left you in the cold. If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?



After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others reponses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...

So feel free to post your answers I would really like to hear it..

I more or less just answered this question in my most recent post in 'does this guy have a personality disorder or what?'

I'm still not sure if he broke up with me or if I broke up with him, but I DO know I felt very frustrated and at my rope's end when I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

After a few weeks of not having him in my life, I wonder if I really explored all of my options before I just pulled out and walked away... I wonder if I acted too hastily, out of sheer frustration... I wonder if I've made a mistake, and have possibly lost something that did have potential...

So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

The effortless conversation. Her scent. Her ability to surprise.


why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life

Forgiveness. Understanding - mistake? Peace of mind.


If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?

Relieved, burden lifted while simultaneously very sad, physically sick, depressed, gutted, empty, guilty, dead.


...not find these qualities in someone else?

Perhaps, but how, where, and have I the energy to sift through 999,999 to find one?

I more or less just answered this question in my most recent post in 'does this guy have a personality disorder or what?'

I'm still not sure if he broke up with me or if I broke up with him, but I DO know I felt very frustrated and at my rope's end when I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

After a few weeks of not having him in my life, I wonder if I really explored all of my options before I just pulled out and walked away...I wonder if I acted too hastily, out of sheer frustration...I wonder if I've made a mistake, and have possibly lost something that did have potential...


I just read your other post, and I know how you must be feeling, I think you still have that question "what if" because your breakup didn't really have any closure, as you stated you had no idea who broke up with who, and the way it was done was hastily because of your frustration, so you regret the break up, its totally understandable, but understand that one day if he continues, you will get so fed up and tired that you will have the closure you need, that eye opener that this is not going to work... and you will leave the relationship and be comfortable with your decision... In the end no one can advice you what path to take as you know your partner better than us all, and I am pretty sure if he was on this forum telling his side perhaps he could have seen a different you, than you care to share because of course we always like to think we do everything right all the time...

Maybe when he cooks for you the next time, sneak behind him and hug him or kiss him show him you appreciate him. Perhaps instead of waiting for him to make a move, you make the move, maybe he seems distant to you because you are not inititating sometimes, stroke his ego every now and again when he does something... Men like attention too! Don't always wait on him to make a move.. Maybe you do this already and I don't know then disregard this comment but if you don't see how that helps your relationship...

-So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

His excellent,fine taste in everything... his sensuality.
If he knew a thing or two about respect,then he could become a gentleman
The rhythm,the music he made my soul create,listen and dance to.I felt close to God when I was close to him,when we were close.I swear.this is the best memory of my life and I don't believe there is anything that could compare.and I don't believe there is anyone who could take my spirit
Even higher.
Dad thinks I've been brainwashing myself,I am sick and I need help.I think he's never experienced Happiness which leads me to believe that what I had is,indeed,rare

I miss feeling close to God.

This is a really nice post, it resumes quite well what everyone has been telling me about my heartache as of late. Unfortunately, not all of us are able to a) let go and move on and b) think of ourselves first.

I was told to be brave and work on myself, and it isn't really helping. I fear the love of my life is gone forever and I can't quite get myself to let go.

But I have all the respect and admiration in the world for those of you who can.

Thank you for the post.

I fear the love of my life is gone forever and i can't quite get myself to let go.


We all have that fear but the reality is that if you LOVE them and truly LOVE them, I know what I will say may sound cliché, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy.. That includes and should include with or without us... Unconditional love, accepting their decision to not be with us is an unconditional attribute..

I know we get selfish because we want to be the only ones that can make them happy but the reality is that if we are not making them happy, and they feel they are much happier than without us, we MUST let go..

It hurts of course but.. it is apart of life it's inevitable we all must face some disappointments and let downs at some point, that's why it's learning. It makes us stronger prepare us for the road ahead.. This could be the best thing that happened to you.. You got to love a great person, it just wasn't meant to be... If you allowed yourself to love you already gained something..

We all have that fear but the reality is that if you LOVE them and truly LOVE them, I know what I will say may sound cliche, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy.. That includes and should include with or without us... Unconditional love, accepting their decision to not be with us is an unconditional attribute..

I know we get selfish because we want to be the only ones that can make them happy but the reality is that if we are not making them happy, and they feel they are much happier than without us, we MUST let go..

It hurts of course but.. it is apart of life it's inevitable we all must face some disappointments and let downs at some point, thats why it's learning. It makes us stronger prepare us for the road ahead.. This could be the best thing that happened to you.. You got to love a great person, it just wasn't meant to be... If you allowed yourself to love you already gained something..

Beautifully said Jolienoire. I can understand. I feel like I may never love again and all that, I loved my ex good and bad. But I would rather her be happy with someone else, then miserable with me. Even if it makes me miserable to be without her.

A quote from one of my favorite movies "Vanilla Sky"
"The sweet isnt as sweet, until you've experienced the sour."

This was awesome diary ,that tells the story of evryone out here ,everyoone among us has been through... lovely type up (write up)

On a particular sad day today, Day 1 officially of breakup, this really really helped. Think I'll be reading this everyday for a while now to remind just how awesome I am.

On a particular sad day today, Day 1 officially of breakup, this really really helped. Think I'll be reading this everyday for a while now to remind just how awesome I am.


You are awesome allowing yourself to love another uncondtionally explains a lot about your character, some people never have the oppurtunity to love like this.. To truly know what it means to love, and be loved.. You experienced it, you have changed someone's life whether you like to believe it or not and to be able to say those THREE words and mean it, are truly special... I hope that each day would get better for you, and who knows you can reconnect again at some point later in life, just don't make any hasty moves to destroy that give the space they ask for. I know I am with an ex 10 years later... I would have never in a million years would have imagined us to be together again.. but here we are whether we make it or not for another 10 years I am so thankful to love him again... We were able to rekindle our old flame because of the way we left each other...

Nice post. Wan print it for when Im feeling down. Hehe

I just treat my situation in a manner where I still love my ex (for who she was) but not who she is now.. I still love HerName version 1.. But now HerName version 2 has taken over..
I see them as two completely different people..
Is that weird? :/

P.S: she died her hair shortly after dumping me so its kind of easier to envision them as two different people anyway.. I've never talked to red haired HerName

I see them as two completely different people..
Is that weird? :/



Absolutely not, if that is helping you to get over her.. Everyone has their own way of getting over someone.

I would add to this, you have to "practice the fundamentals" and always make it fun and challenging. Once you let the relationship become stale it dies and you are probably to far in to see it coming. You must see what is going on with your logical mind and steer it and not the let the emotional one cloud it or make decisions for you.

You're jesus, ha.

Awesome stuff, great post. I've read a lot of this kind of thing recently, and I'm starting to realise that it all gets back to one single phrase. All the advice you need, in two words.

Love yourself.

It's all there.

Love yourself.

So I do all this typing for nothing?

Seriously, your right!

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Thank you so much. I'm trying to completely let go of someone who has been pulling me along on a string, wants to date other women, but doesn't want to give me up.
I guess the hardest part is thinking that me leaving him probably won't affect him that much. How could it if he was willing to knowingly jeopardize the relationship?
I know that shouldn't be my focus right now, but it is the focus of my ego.
Should I email him and tell him never contact me again, or just not answer his emails and phone calls?

Don't Awnser His Calls Or Emails He's A Using B**t**d AND DON'T EMAIL HIM OR CALL HIM AT ALL

Do you think he'll even care even I never speak to him again? Right now he's away at a dance festival that he had originally asked me to, but then lied and said there were no more tix.
When he found out I knew he lied, he got all flustured and said he wants to go away with me sometime, and see me the next day, etc. then after major questioning, he admitted he wants to date other women, but is not looking for another lover. He's there right now without me, I'm sure not even thinking about me.
He always says he would be "sad" if we weren't friends anymore and has never wanted to cut things off completely with me. Why not if he doesn't love me?
I'm sure he thinks I'll be here waiting for him when he gets back, just like usual.
Do you think he'll care and be upset if I'm not there for him at all?

It's also hard to admit that someone who I've made my life and been there for thick and thin has no feelings for me.
How can that be?
Am I that delusional?
What was all that?

dancerwriter, it's also hard to admit that someone who I've made my life and been there for thick and thin has no feelings for me.

His feelings aren't enough to sustain a relationship with you.


how can that be?

people grow and change, we all do.

am i that delusional?
what was all that?

No just caught up in the middle of those growing pains, that we all go thru. Painful? Yes!! The end of the world? No far from it. You just have to learn to cope with your feelings and deal with life on it's own terms.

To tell you the truth, these posts are helping me a lot tonight. I've been wanting to leave him for so long because of his not wanting to commit, but haven't felt strong enuf to. For some reason, I feel responsible when I start sleeping with someone and find it hard to leave, and I had a major crush on him from the start.
I guess I just don't want to go through the initial loneliness and giving up. esp. when I think he doesn't care at all and doesn't feel the same way. It's humiliating.

It's hard and it sucks.. It's only been a month in my break up and I've slept with three girls,gone on several dates,been staying with friends the whole month so I don't think about things- but I still do.. I don't like being alone, I want to be with her, but I can't.
When "they" don't want us anymore we shouldn't sniff around and hope and plead, we stop talking to them but we hope that they do.. and it doesn't make sense how they could change, but they did.. and there are two things you can do. You either drain your brain with trying to find the logic behind his/her decisions. Or you say "right..something went wrong, what did I do wrong in this, what can I learn from it" - and you move on.
It shouldn't matter whether he cares or not.. its in the back of my head as well thinking "it would be great if a month later she calls me up in tears and says shes sorry and she regrets everything e.t.c".. but the raw reality of things shows that this happens to 2% of us..

--to add to this, though I love her and want to be with her I wouldn't allow myself to take her back. She's been a b*tch to me and incredibly immature during our break up.. and to be honest she doesn't deserve a second chance after the way I've been treated.

Don't bother trying to get him\her back they are not f**king worth it
They are just wasting the time we could be spending with are mr\mrs right

Forget them and move on

What if the person you broke up with IS Mr/Mrs right. Is it really better to just move on? A little hope is never a bad thing

Well, day 7 in my no contact with him. He's called once and left an email, both which I didn't respond to. Last night was hard because we take this swing dance class together, which I love, and I didn't go. I love dancing with him. We have fun. It's romantic.
I miss him. But I know that going back, it'll be the same pain, different day.
The saying, "if you love someone set them free, they'll come back if it's meant to be" , something like that.

What if the person you broke up with IS Mr/Mrs right. Is it really better to just move on? a little hope is never a bad thing
What if they aren't, and your spinning your wheels wasting time, when you could be out there for the real Mr/Miss Right. The point is you never know what tomorrow brings, but you do know that you want to be happy, and healthy, so at least when that person shows up, they will be attracted to your positive, and not see a sad pathetic person, who is waiting for permission to be in someone's life, who has dumped them already. :eek:

I've been told you have if woman 3 great men in your life and if you're a man then 3 great women
Weather this is true or not I don't know but its nice to think it is true

If he was sooo bothered about you dancerwriter then he wouldn't of asked you to go to a concert then lie and tell you their was no tickets left
I think he just wants you to be his fall back when he can't get it no were else he'll come sniffing round you to see what he can get then if you won't give in he'll spin you the I love you crap so he can get what he wants then leave it a day after you give him what he wants and give you we shouldn't of done that crap

You really need to forget about him he's just giving you a load of bull s**t lines to get what he want but [how many other girls is he giving this bull to] if I was you if you didn't use any protection id get myself checked you don't know how many girls he's been sleeping with

In the end it's not what he/she say or promise, its about their actions. I have learned from my experience that thinking too much about tomorrow, and the future you loose sight of the present TODAY.. Basically the only thing we can do about tomorrow is to begin preparations TODAY. By taking it one day at a time. Sometimes we shouldn't ask 'How can I find the right woman/man for me?' We shouldn't, worry about finding the right woman/man but concentrate on becoming the right man/woman.

Thanks for the great advice... but so many people thinking of the revenge first in that case... but I think the greatest revenge is to ignore them and improve yourself..

It's hard and it sucks..It's only been a month in my break up and I've slept with three girls,gone on several dates,been staying with friends the whole month so I dont think about things- but I still do..I dont like being alone, I want to be with her, but I can't.
When "they" don't want us anymore we shouldn't sniff around and hope and plead, we stop talking to them but we hope that they do..and it doesn't make sense how they could change, but they did..and there are two things you can do. You either drain your brain with trying to find the logic behind his/her decisions. Or you say "right..something went wrong, what did I do wrong in this, what can I learn from it" - and you move on.
It shouldnt matter whether he cares or not..its in the back of my head as well thinking "it would be great if a month later she calls me up in tears and says shes sorry and she regrets everything e.t.c"..but the raw reality of things shows that this happens to 2% of us..

--to add to this, though I love her and want to be with her I wouldn't allow my self to take her back. She's been a b*tch to me and incredibly immature during our break up..and to be honest she doesn't deserve a second chance after the way I've been treated.
I feel you on this one brother, you need to step back from the situation evaluate what caused the break up and move on from it. When someone says they need time to see what they want , u need to try and give them space. It is hard to just stop evrything and try and forget about it , but sometimes that's life and you have to grow with change and hope everything will be allright in the end

We should transform this forum into a dating service that would be awesome me thinks :]
Tal's probably going to be the most desirable bachelor though

tal's probably going to be the most desirable bachelor though
Thanks for the very kind words, but I have to ask my wife how eligible I am.

Hey tal, what brought you to this website and what sustains you being here? Just curious.

Love the people, and I came here with a question, and just stayed. I got hooked. Honestly those PM's thanking me for being able to help make my day.

That was so true, but its so hard letting go of someone who you love and have been with for so many years as I have.

Reading this gives me guildlines to stick to but its so hard to let go and finally move on.

We all realize how hard it is to move on, plenty of pain involved for sure, and it sucks. But you will feel much better going through the pain, and learning how to cope with your loss, than running away, and never learning your lesson. Your in the right place, with the right people, so hurt and heal, with the rest of us.

Well said. Kind of hits home for a lot of people. :)

Hiii Jolie Noire... G T Ds Une Relation D'amour Avec Un Mec Ke J'aimai Bcp Mais Il M A Laisse Tombe Car G Fais Une Grande Faute... si Tu Peux Entrer Ds Mon Profile Et Lit Ce Ke J'ai Ecrit Et Repond Moi Stp

Yeah that was a great post! I needed this. Like poster #1 said... I am going to need this on an index card!

Everyone should study these wise and fruitful words of truth. I don't know about the rest of you but copy/paste into MS Office, then print will do me just fine. It's going on my wall tonight! Many thanks jolienoire!!

We were able to rekindle our old flame because of the way we left eachother....


Joli, this one statement speaks volumes!

Yes! Sticky it is. Wow. You just wiped out any and all questions I had about which one to choose or who to take back, etc. etc. I don't need all that! Ill be me!

Yes! Sticky it is. wow. You just wiped out any and all questions i had about which one to choose or who to take back, ect. ect. I dont need all that! Ill be me!


Your quote: True or False, All is fair in Love and War??
My answer is yes. By any means.;) if the outcome is worth the battle. Go get 'em.:mad:

jolienoire,

You have given great advice and insight to how we have or are feeling after the breakup. I with flip back to this often as I continue my healing and take these word to heart. As much as I would like to have hope that there is the possibility of reconciliation, I have to believe and expect that it won't happen. Maybe one day, I won't want to anyway.

She left me, now I have to leave her.

Thank you.

jolienoire,

You have given great advice and insight to how we have or are feeling after the breakup. I with flip back to this often as I continue my healing and take these word to heart. As much as I would like to have hope that there is the possibility of reconciliation, I have to believe and expect that it won't happen. Maybe one day, I won't want to anyway.

She left me, now I have to leave her.

Thank you.


Powerful statement! I think part of why break ups are so difficult is because the choice is made by one, generally and the other person feels they had no choice. Your statement allows good emotional health because too many times we choose to remain (in our hearts and in our heads) in a non-existant relationship.

Good for you and thanks for sharing that.

U said everything I needed to hear! Now I have a lot to do in my lonliness and thank the man who has hurt me for he gave me the chance to get my 'lost' self.Thank you!

Glad that I can help and sorry for the delay in response I was on vacation, We all have been heartbroken but it's a break up not a break down... these feelings will fade.. and you will look back and be thankful that they happened it's the only way we will ever learn..

Yea, my girlfriend broke up with me 1 month ago and started dating another guy two days later. I realized the kind of person that she is and it helped me a lot. Now, I'm just focusing on myself and wanting what's best for me. If I can better myself and learn from my mistakes, women will want to be with me instead of me wanting to look around.
As somebody said before, if you love yourself, others will love you. Plus if you are really meant to be with your ex, it will happen. Why bother controlling fate/destiny if it's not in your hands?

All you can do is live your life and enjoy every moment as if it could be your last. Life is too short to think about the past and hold onto something that may not be there.

Yea, my girlfriend broke up with me 1 month ago and started dating another guy two days later. I realized the kind of person that she is and it helped me a lot. Now, I'm just focusing on myself and wanting what's best for me. If i can better myself and learn from my mistakes, women will want to be with me instead of me wanting to look around.
As somebody said before, if you love yourself, others will love you. Plus if you are really meant to be with your ex, it will happen. Why bother controlling fate/destiny if it's not in your hands?

All you can do is live your life and enjoy every moment as if it could be your last. Life is too short to think about the past and hold onto something that may not be there.


Well said! Seems you have learned from the ex...

Well,

I have reread this post several times and come to one solid conclusion...

If you are trying to get someone back, don't bother. The result is usually the same as before and you will go through it all over again.

Is he/she worth it?

Think about that for a minute. What is it that you really miss? Do you miss the relationship? The comfort of companionship? Or how about the reasons that it ended?

Relationships end because one or both parties have given up on it. That being the case, instead of trying to get them back, get yourself back so that you find someone who won't give up on the work that the both of you have put in.

"Transition is not because
Something is wrong.
Transition is because
Something is over."

Sometimes people grieve over an ended relationship beating themselves up emotionally and mentally over what they did wrong. They assume if they can figure that out, then they can fix it. I think the quote above is helpful if that is what one is going through in their mind.

Very nice post.

I agree totally with you jolienoire.

- To get something back you have to let it go first
- Is it worth to keep wanting the ex back ? If yes go for it with a plan
- Remember and re-discover things you liked and didn't do for decades
- become the admired person again you where when you start dating (your ex)
- go out, enjoy life and date again, even if you want to get back with your ex
- people love to get what they can't have or what is difficult to get, so don't run right away back to your ex if he/she call, let him desire you and wish you back.

You have to LOVE yourself in first place, before you can love anybody else.

G.

And if I can add just one thing I have learned:

"You can only love others to the degree you love yourself"

If you are involved with someone and they just always seem to come up a little short of what you need emotionally, it doesn't always mean that they don't love you, they probably love you as much as is within them to love anyone. But even so, if they don't meet your emotional needs, it is probably a good thing that one of you ended the relationship.

Sometimes we feel we have messed up something when it is actually just that the other person at a young age, was not given what they needed and therefore didn't learn to love to any great depth. Just realizing this, helps somewhat to see it could not work, no matter how much you work at it. Sort of gives you a release from feeling YOU can fix it. It just isn't always fixable through no one's intentional fault.

Thank you so much Jolienoire... absolutely beautiful. The tricky part for me, at 39 years old, is trying to love myself... I never have... too much insecurity. But what you wrote is lovely :)

Thank you so much Jolienoire...absolutely beautiful. The tricky part for me, at 39 years old, is trying to love myself....I never have...too much insecurity. But what you wrote is lovely :)


Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.. That usually works for me.

I also know that low-self esteem and lack of confidence comes from us looking to others to validate us. And all the hope and time we put into them can be taken away with a blink of an eye. Then we loose all hope. I think my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me because it was never really the best thing for me in the first place, but it took me time to recover and get use to the fact that I would be a divorced single mother of two beautiful children. Years ago I wouldn't picture me at this point in my life where I am as strong as I am. But I am here, and Now I am helping others who are where I was 4 years ago.

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Hello everyone,
here is a list I've compiled that helps me ground myself. Hope it helps. :)

Rules to live by in a relationship

• Don’t live by someone else’s standards, only your own.
• men love men that give off a devil-may-care quality and have an edge.
• A dreaman won’t kill himself to impress anyone.
• A nice girl/boy makes the mistake of being available all the time.
• get back to him when you are free
• see him when its convenient for you
• has no clue where the relationship is going and leaves it like that
• A man will always want what he can’t have.
• hold yourself with dignity and pride
• believe you are a catch
• trying too hard gives the impression you are desperate
• don’t be mothering
• Love yourself and don’t want anyone that doesn’t want you.
• Ignore him and he is intrigued; make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.
• When you don’t pay attention, his more intrigued and chase you even more
• If you don’t make him feel locked down, he'll come your way.
• If you try to corner him, he'll bolt
• fun equals freedom
• give the appearance that he has plenty of space; will drop his guard
• If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so.
• Men are attracted to someone who can speak their mind.
• Begin a relationship with a voice
• Space is very important. Makes you look proud rather than desperate. You remain a challenge, because you choose to be w/ him, you didn't need to be.
• Independence rather than dependence.
• That you can hold your own
• demand treatment as if you are worthwhile
• be slightly standoffish
• be sexy, don’t try to be sexy
• play by your own rules
• Be unpredictable.
• Reassure in 2 areas: 1.that he is sexually desirable to you and (2) that he sees that he’s still in the game
• give kisses that are sexy and sensual
• smile allot, be happy
• Compliment him; let him know he’s desirable to you. Tell him he looks great
• don’t be needy
• Be secure with yourself, that he doesn’t feel like he has 100 a hold on you.
• Eliminate these words: “we need to talk”
• Tell it like it is in a matter of fact way.
• Be relaxed, secure and happy with him or with out him. Be happy go lucky
• he should always feel free to go
• leave some questions unanswered
• don’t stop going to the gym or your lifestyle to accommodate him
• don’t stop spending time with friends and family
• don’t check messages too often
• focus on work
• don’t check emails constantly
• don’t stop moving at your own rhythm
• do not abandon your routines
• don’t put pressure him so that he’ll want to be around you
• value your priorities
• stay boss of yourself
• act as your own guide/boss
• you don’t need his approval for anything
• Have more confidence, some else’s mood doesn’t have much impact on you.
• Only give when reciprocal
• When a relationship starts lightning speed, at some point someone will pull back to regain the need for space.
• Stay in control
• The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
• Once you lose your rhythm, you lose your psychological equilibrium an you become needy.
• Power is the control you have over yourself.
• When someone is being too cocky, they are trying too hard to convince that they are stronger that they really are.
• When treated with disrespect and you take it, they begin to loose respect for you.
• Prioritize yourself over melting into someone else. “No” means no.
• Be clear and direct of what you need without second-guessing yourself
• Don’t wait more than ½ hour for anyone. Leave and you will get respect and it won’t happen again. Remember, you are a prize!
• Know who you are and what you will or will not accept
• Having self-control because true power is the control you have over yourself
• When you have control over yourself, you don’t need to be emotional all the time. – stay the boss of you.
• People get spooked by too much sappy emotional talk, particularity early on in the relationship.
• Do not send tear-jerker cards early on.
• Don’t pout or whimper when you don’t receive calls. Make them wonder every now and then what you are doing and why you are not together. When you regulate the timing, it keeps them wanting and it charges up the batteries.
• Never call more than once in arrow or too much.
• Don’t leave mushy messages; keep the messages friendly, short and sweet.
• Don’t email more than once in a row or send emails about feelings, issues and what you need that you are not getting. Don’t respond to emails immediately every time.
• Don’t stop eating, socializing, sleeping and exercising.
• Avoid last minute dates because you miss him
• Don’t walk in the door, check your messages or call right back. Settle in, eat dinner and relax, move at your own rhythm and then call back. He has to know you have a life.
• Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a call.
• Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him.
• If ignored, don’t try harder to get attention.
• Stay focused on your life. Stay sassy, perky and happy.
• Stay ever so slightly just outside a persons reach, because it charges up the batteries.
• Don’t be governed by fear of losing a man, because a real price to pay is when you loose yourself.
• If you feel you are going to resent something after you give, don’t give it.
• Give only what feels comfortable to give.
• It’s better to give and receive
• Love yourself first
• Never say, “We never spend time together” this is a sign to person that he/she has a right where he wants you. Don’t be needy.
• If taken for granted, pull back a little with no explanation, it catches the person off guard and gets their attention big-time.
• Avoid being a “mother”, transition back to being a “lover”
• Win him back by acting as though you can take him or leave him.
• Treat him casually as though your friend and he’ll come your way because he wants things to be romantic and he wants to be the pursuer.
• Alter the pattern that has become convenient for him; pull back without an attitude and without warning.
• Don’t be a , be kind and strong.
• If it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a compliment in disguise. He wants you so much that he doesn’t want to appear too obvious about it.
• When you act as if you don’t care, it will scare him.
• Get creative and don’t be predictable talking about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one.
• Never sit home waiting for a call from a guy or that he’s your whole life. It’s like waiting for water to boil.
• Live by your own rules.
• Move to your own rhythm instead of moving to the beat of some else’s drum.
• Decide how you want to be treated.
• Choose what you will or will not tolerate.
• Discreetly leave if you don’t get what you want.
• No one person should be doing all the giving.
• Don’t give too much
• Getting a life will make it seem like you are no longer impetuous, or impatient. When you are relaxed, you’ve take the “need” out of the equation. You no longer appear needy and strong, which immediately changes the dynamic of a stale relationship.
• If you want to renew the challenge, it is imperative to continue the activities you did before he came to the scene.
• When you will not drop everything to be with him, your appear as though you have more going for you.
• Never stop living you life. You are happy with or without him, this will keep you just outside his reach.

Jolie, I swear I read and read this thread and I am just in awe of you and what you have started. I almost disagree with the title about getting someone back, I say these 8 pages are about finding yourself, the other person is secondary.

Jolie, I swear I read and read this thread and I am just in awe of you and what you have started. I almost disagree with the title about getting someone back, I say these 8 pages are about finding yourself, the other person is secondary.


Chuff you and I both know that if I titled that people wouldn't dare read it! Lol.. They got to this page because they googled how to get him or her back.. I know I was there once.. lol

Chuff you and I both know that if I titled that ppl wouldn't dare read it! lol.. They got to this page because they googled how to get him or her back.. I know I was there once.. lol

... and that is why I am in awe of you. You are 100% correct. People want the answer to get them back that is "out there somewhere" when in fact the answer is with in each individual, you just have to accept it and apply it.

False Advertising!

It was nice but what if you can't let him go?

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Best relationship adice I've ever seen. You are literally a life saver.

it was nice but what if you can't let him go?
No such thing as can't, be honest you don't want to.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-if-220600.html

it was nice but what if you can't let him go?


You can let him go as tal said you don't want too. Nothing can keep someone who don't want to be with you, Not marriage, not children, not sex, money, not even all the love in the world.. Etc.. Nothing. Especially when in this life we have so many options.. Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. People throw away what they could have by insisting on holding on to something in which they cannot have or something that is not healthy for them and looking for it where they will never find it that is happiness in another.. because the reality is no one I mean no one can ever love you as much as you love yourself. So you see why it is very important that you get to know yourself and be happy with the fact that being alone is not bad if you can find what makes you happy, and not look for it in others because we are all human and in life there will be disappointment it is inevitable, you may not always get everything you want. But it is about what you need that is essential and that is self-love and confidence..

jolienoire

Your advice is simply awesome for people who need some help with this.

In a nutshell people have, and will understand when they read this thread the very basic of happiness.

It's loving yourself the way you are, in the situation you are, with what you have.

And this is the simple truth, regardless of money, job, status, relationships, friendships, education and other stuff.

The proof for this is all around us. How a simple, poor fisher man somewhere in the world can be happy having close to nothing while a high paid exec in New York who has all (money wise) is deadly unhappy with his life.

It's the LOVE for what you are and what you have who makes the difference.

You have to treat all monetary issues, relationships, friends, a good job etc. as a REWARD you will gain when you make all correct to DESERVE it.

NEVER chase something that you not really want just because the other has it, and only try to get things that complete your life. Wanting unnecessary stuff is only a waste of time - YOUR TIME, which you should spend for the important things in life :

BEING HAPPY.

So the circle did close again. We all are only a few years on planet earth, so we must try to make the best out of it.

My post is fading away to all other things you can imagine in respect to your life, not relationship connected. But you can see by yourself that people who are simple and happy with what they have are as well happy with all other around them, including their relationship.

Take this as a general rule to improve your life, you will see that you will be a happier person if you start to think this way.

G.

jolienoire

Your advice is simply awesome for people who need some help with this.

In a nutshell people have, and will understand when they read this thread the very basic of happiness.

It's loving yourself the way you are, in the situation you are, with what you have.

And this is the simple truth, regardless of money, job, status, relationships, friendships, education and other stuff.

The proof for this is all around us. How a simple, poor fisher man somewhere in the world can be happy having close to nothing while a high payed exec in New York who has all (money wise) is deadly unhappy with his life.

It's the LOVE for what you are and what you have who makes the difference.

You have to treat all monetary issues, relationships, friends, a good job etc. as a REWARD you will gain when you make all correct to DESERVE it.

NEVER chase something that you not really want just because the other has it, and only try to get things that complete your life. Wanting unnecessary stuff is only a waste of time - YOUR TIME, which you should spend for the important things in life :

BEING HAPPY.

So the circle did close again. We all are only a few years on planet earth, so we must try to make the best out of it.

My post is fading away to all other things you can imagine in respect to your life, not relationship connected. But you can see by yourself that people who are simple and happy with what they have are as well happy with all other around them, including their relationship.

Take this as a general rule to improve your life, you will see that you will be a happier person if you start to think this way.

G.


Try to give you a greenie but have to spread the reputation. These are very wise words, and we all should live by everything you said its right on the money and so very well put. Keep up the good work!

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
This helped me so much I nearly cried - thanks from the bottom of my heart this is what I needed to hear.

this helped me so much i nearly cried - thanks from the bottom of my heart this is what i needed to hear.

I am so glad it helped!

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
In the context that you probably meant for this to be written, I agree with you. This is not true for everyone though. My boyfriend and I met at work. We became best friends. We were friends for 1 year then he asked me out. I was crazy about him. I said yes. One month into the relationship we started saying "I Love You" and talking about possibly getting married sometime in the future. He got scared off I guess even though he was always the one who started those conversations. After 3 months he asked to go on a break for "school and work". He said that he just needed some time to focus on school more. Then 2 days later he said that he actually didn't want a relationship at that time. Then 2 days later he started dating some girl from our work. Yet when we talked, he would always say I'm still In love with you. Basically he was really confused. At first I did try to win him back. I was so in love with him. I was his "friend" yet he would tell me "I Love you". It got WAY too confusing for me and I told him to leave me the hell alone! He was dating some whore from our work yet telling me he still loved me! I didn't speak to him for about a week. I hated him. I cried, ate ice- cream, chocolate, worked out like crazy to forget about him. It didn't work. Did I mention he was my boss at work? Well he was. It was absolutely HORRIBLE working with him at those times. Anyway, because of all the stress and drama of the situation I was late... About 3 weeks late. I felt all the symptoms of a pregnancy. I was SO scared. There I was a broke college student living at my parents' house working retail. I HAD to tell someone so I told my best friend. That didn't feel like enough. I thought about it over and over and over again in my head "Should I tell him I think I'm pregnant?". Then I would think "But I don't even know if I AM or not yet." Ultimately I decided to tell him. If I was going to take the pregnancy test I wanted to take it with him. He NEEDED to know. So I called him and asked him to talk. I drove to his house and right when I got there he gave me a letter apologizing for everything he had done.Asking for forgiveness for his stupidity. Asking for forgiveness. Telling me how I was the one. Basically asking me to take him back. I read it and cried. I could tell that his words were sincere. I told him I would forgive him if he broke up with the other girl, never spoke to her again, and promised never to do anything like that to me ever again. He agreed. I didn't say I would get back with him just yet though. I told him about the pregnancy thing. He reacted shocked and scared but also kind of happy at the same time! At first we both started to cry. And he held me in his arms for a long time. Then we sat on his bed and went through the notions of watching TV. The whole time we were both just thinking. Then we decided that we would go buy a pregnancy test the next day after work together. Then he started to rub my belly! And started "talking to the baby" by the name that we had discussed in the first couple of months. We talked about what if I was pregnant and kept the baby. He said that he would marry me IF I still wanted to be his wife. I was completely surprised! The next day I got up and surely enough, I got period. No need for a pregnancy test. I called him and told him. He was happy yet a little bit disappointed. After that we started talking more and more. He broke up with the girl he was dating and we started hanging out again. By December it was like we were back together. Christmas Day he gave me a necklace with a diamond heart and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Since then we have grown, changed, yet stayed completely in love. In fact, we believe that we might be even more in love now than ever before. We are planning to get married this summer and this is all because he WON me back. :)

In the context that you probably meant for this to be written, I agree with you. This is not true for everyone though. My boyfriend and I met at work. We became best friends. We were friends for 1 year then he asked me out. I was crazy about him. I said yes. One month into the relationship we started saying "I Love You" and talking about possibly getting married sometime in the future. He got scared off I guess even though he was always the one who started those conversations. After 3 months he asked to go on a break for "school and work". He said that he just needed some time to focus on school more. Then 2 days later he said that he actually didn't want a relationship at that time. Then 2 days later he started dating some girl from our work. Yet when we talked, he would always say I'm still In love with you. Basically he was really confused. At first I did try to win him back. I was so in love with him. I was his "friend" yet he would tell me "I Love you". It got WAY too confusing for me and I told him to leave me the hell alone! He was dating some whore from our work yet telling me he still loved me! I didn't speak to him for about a week. I hated him. I cried, ate ice- cream, chocolate, worked out like crazy to forget about him. It didn't work. Did I mention he was my boss at work? Well he was. It was absolutely HORRIBLE working with him at those times. Anyways, because of all the stress and drama of the situation I was late... About 3 weeks late. I felt all the symptoms of a pregnancy. I was SO scared. There I was a broke college student living at my parents' house working retail. I HAD to tell someone so I told my best friend. That didn't feel like enough. I thought about it over and over and over again in my head "Should I tell him I think I'm pregnant?". Then I would think "But I don't even know if I AM or not yet." Ultimately I decided to tell him. If I was going to take the pregnancy test I wanted to take it with him. He NEEDED to know. So I called him and asked him to talk. I drove to his house and right when I got there he gave me a letter apologizing for everything he had done.Asking for forgiveness for his stupidity. Asking for forgiveness. Telling me how I was the one. Basically asking me to take him back. I read it and cried. I could tell that his words were sincere. I told him I would forgive him if he broke up with the other girl, never spoke to her again, and promised never to do anything like that to me ever again. He agreed. I didn't say I would get back with him just yet though. I told him about the pregnancy thing. He reacted shocked and scared but also kind of happy at the same time! At first we both started to cry. And he held me in his arms for a long time. Then we sat on his bed and went through the notions of watching TV. The whole time we were both just thinking. Then we decided that we would go buy a pregnancy test the next day after work together. Then he started to rub my belly! And started "talking to the baby" by the name that we had discussed in the first couple of months. We talked about what if I was pregnant and kept the baby. He said that he would marry me IF I still wanted to be his wife. I was completely surprised! The next day I got up and surely enough, I got period. No need for a pregnancy test. I called him and told him. He was happy yet a little bit disappointed. After that we started talking more and more. he broke up with the girl he was dating and we started hanging out again. By December it was like we were back together. Christmas Day he gave me a necklace with a diamond heart and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Since then we have grown, changed, yet stayed completely in love. In fact, we believe that we might be even more in love now than ever before. We are planning to get married this summer and this is all because he WON me back. :)


Well so happy for you that he came around, but as you stated you went a week without talking to him, this whole article was written in the context of "loving yourself" and not trying too hard to change someone else mind.

Basically this article was written so that you don't wait around for someone to figure out if they love and want to be with you when you have no control over their emotions, the only person you can control is yourself. Once you understand that you can be stronger for whatever the outcome is whether you get back together or not. Once you master the art of self-love and acceptance then you will be ready and understand that you don't need someone to validate your happiness. That is what this article is about.

Conclusion: "I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”
Theodore Isaac Rubin

Great that you guys are back together. Try to do all it takes to make this relationship a happy one, it's worth.

First, when I read through your post I thought that you spoiled your chances at the point when you go after him and begged him to come back. Your boyfriend (well, may I say husband) needed a strong hand at that time as he was obviously not very clear about what he wanted.

So there you could have been tougher and take the lead, but in stead you made the common mistakes, which are just normal by the way as there are emotions who rule our minds and not some rational reasons.

Important is only the fact that in your case, things did work out. So don't look back, only to keep some mistakes in mind to avoid in the future.

I have written a post where I offer a plan about how to get your Ex back, you can see it here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/get-your-ex-back-have-plan-221562.html

But your story is a good example that there are no 100% fool proven plans. Such a guideline only serves to know what you should, or shouldn't do, and never will be the same for all. Each single situation is different, so is the solution to it.

Jolienoire mentioned it, and that's very important for you from now on into the future. In your relation and the love for each other, there always should be as well the love for yourself. If you went over the whole post here you understood what this means.

Again, I'm happy for you both.

G.

Well so happy for you that he came around, but as you stated you went a week without talking to him, this whole article was written in the context of "loving yourself" and not trying too hard to change someone else mind.

basically this article was written so that you don't wait around for someone to figure out if they love and want to be with you when you have no control over their emotions, the only person you can control is yourself. Once you understand that you can be stronger for whatever the outcome is whether you get back together or not. Once you master the art of self-love and acceptance then you will be ready and understand that you don't need someone to validate your happiness. That is what this article is about.

Conclusion: "I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”
Theodore Isaac Rubin


Thank you. The time that I spent not talking to him was the hardest yet I think the best throughout our time apart. It put ME in control of my emotions. I decided when to be mad, sad, or happy. Before, when we were still talking and he would tell me I love You I would get so emotional. I would cry in front of him. I would ask him if you really love me then why is it that you are dating someone else? And he would just say I don't know. Finally I realized the damage that that was doing to me and decided to stop. He would call and I wouldn't answer. He would look at me and I would look away. I would avoid him at all costs.

So I hope there are some of you out there that can give me some insight on the ex issues. My ex and I split up the 3rd week in April. After we spent some limbo time together (me begging her to stay with me) trying not to be the couple we were but not fully split up. She officially ended it over the phone, stating she could not see me, in the 2nd week of May. During this limbo time we both agreed we had made mistakes in the relationship, this is both our first serious long term relationship (9 months), and for me the first girl I have ever truly been in love with. In love to the point I was blinded that the relationship had its problems. I did not realize how much I was emotionally leaning on her and I don't think she realized how her outgoing and flirting behavior drove me crazy and damaged my trust in her significantly. Throughout this limbo period she said many times she is confused and scared both in person, texts, and e-mail. Basically the message I got reads loud and clear I AM CONFUSED AND Don't KNOW WHAT I WANT. But at the same time she is a very strong girl and is dedicated to many activities in her life, so I don't mean to make her look weak. I know we both still have very strong feelings for each other, I think it is still love, but I really am not sure at this point.
Anyway since the official split in May it has been 26 days. Since then I have been heart broken but continuing on with life. I work full time, starting working out, have gone back to school, and tried to hang out with friends and family and be social at the bars/clubs. Everything would appear to be working its self out however during this 26 day period we have had 8 separate times where contact was made between us. She has either called or texted me, I have called her once just over 1 week into the break up or we see each other at the bars. During each of these meetings at the bars, totaling 3, she is all dressed up trying to impress me or some other guys. With exception to the 1 call I have made she has been the one doing all the contacting. Yet she never comes out and says she misses me or asks how I am doing. We have many common friends so we both knew it was going to be a weird summer since we would be seeing each other constantly. This past weekend however was very strange. I was at the bar in the back room where I never hang out and she walked right in front of me, turned around and claimed not to recognize me, then offered to buy me a shot, which I denied and walked away. The next night she sent me a text asking what I am doing. It was late, after the bars let out and I know she had been drinking so I did not respond. Then the following day she repeatedly called one of my good friends, which she has called maybe a handful of times in her life, to see what he was doing. He and I talked about how weird it is that my ex is trying to get in with the "crew" of my good friends and how hard she is trying. He even said he felt like she was trying to hang out with them to maybe bump into me as they were all lounging by the pool and I guess there was a possibility of me hanging with my good group of buddies on a Sunday afternoon.
In my opinion she is trying to get some emotion out of me. Every time I have seen her at a bar she is all dressed up trying to attract attention to herself, yet she still looks at me with loving eyes, in my opinion. From the first time we saw each other after the split I have thought she was trying way too hard; I mean it is very noticeable difference. Since these events of last weekend I have not seen or spoken to her at all, she had not tried to contact me either, but here we are another Friday and I think there is a good chance I will see her again sometime over the weekend. I am not sure if these are signs that she wants me back or just a really confused person that does not know what they want. I think she is trying to play games.
I think it is also worthy to note that during this time apart, however short it may be, I have really begun to see the part I played in a failed relationship. I have learned a lot about myself and how to act in a new relationship. Am I crazy for wanting to get back together with a person who treated me poorly and broke my heart to show them we can have a great relationship together and that everyone needs some time to learn from their mistakes?

Sorry for the length of this post I know it is kind of long. I just wanted some outside opinion. Thanks for any responses.

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Yes.. But I still can't find how to get them back? :(

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Love it thanks a lot .I really like what u said they are truly words to live by

Hello guys,

Need your opininion before sending this.

Should I call 1st?
Should I send an email?
If she doenst answer, should I follow up again or move on?
Am I making a fool of myself?
Any suggestions?


Draft

Dear Maria,

I know I was the one that broke things off with you but I never wanted to break things off. I really cared about you and I still do. I think about you all the time and have missed you to say the least.

I made a mistake becoming so angry with you that day in front of door step. For that, I am truly sorry and I sincerely regret that. I was really looking forward to seeing you that day; we hadn’t seen much of other at that point. I was so disappointed. I realize now I should have taken a different approach, I made a mistake, what can I say. I’m sorry if I hurt you, I never meant to. I didn’t break things off because I didn’t care about you, only because wanted to see more of you. Looking back now, I don’t thing our problems were such that we couldn’t working something out. I would like to try it again if you are willing. I don’t know if you still care or are interested at this point, but I really would like to see you again. Will you let me take you out for dinner one day? Just talk. As you see, I have taken a brave 1st step.

hello guys,

need your opininion before sending this.

should i call 1st?
should i send an email?
if she doenst answer, should i follow up again or move on?
am i making a fool of myself?
any suggestions?


Draft

Dear Maria,

I know I was the one that broke things off with you but I never wanted to break things off. I really cared about you and I still do. I think about you all the time and have missed you to say the least.

I made a mistake becoming so angry with you that day in front of door step. For that, I am truly sorry and I sincerely regret that. I was really looking forward to seeing you that day; we hadn’t seen much of other at that point. I was so disappointed. I realize now I should of taken a different approach, I made a mistake, what can I say. I’m sorry if I hurt you, I never meant to. I didn’t break things off because I didn’t care about you, only because wanted to see more of you. Looking back now, I don’t thing our problems were such that we couldn’t working something out. I would like to try it again if you are willing. I don’t know if you still care or are interested at this point, but I really would like to see you again. Will you let me take you out for dinner one day? Just talk. As you see, I have taken a brave 1st step.

Question how long ago did you break up with her? How much time elapsed since the fight? The good thing about this letter is that you are expressing yourself, I think you are doing it more for closure if that is the case and you feel like you need to say it to her then say it, I would suggest you call her first, she may or may not want to talk to you, then if she answers let her know you would like to talk to her IN person maybe over dinner. If she declines then you have to respect her wishes, if she agrees then you tell her exactly what you wrote so that maybe she can see the sincerity. Make sure you bring her some nice flowers too! You may feel a little hurt if she rejects you, but then from there you know where you stand and can effectively move forward, don't be too pushy, and be respectful.Remember you broke up with her,and she probably feels a little upset with you that you couldn't work it out, so when you see or talk to her have patience as she may even be distant to protect herself from hurt again.

Do you want to know how to win a man or woman back? If you still love your ex boyfriend, but you don't know how to win back his love back, then read the six easy ways below to win a man back. These are tried and proven tested ways to get ex back.

- Instead of running after him by calling him, texting him and emailing him, give him some time to think things over. Time heals hurts and he will finally see how much you mean to him when he has time to think about it.

- Don’t get into a confrontation or a blaming game. This will defeat the purpose of getting back with your ex. Find something interesting to talk about if you find the conversation is going in the wrong direction.

- Let him know how much you have missed his company. Notice, I did not say “miss him,” but “his company.” This will let him see that you enjoyed being with “him,” and not just for the sake of a relationship.
- Don’t try to take revenge. Even if revenge works, your relationship will not last if it is on those grounds. You have to have a relationship of trust so forget about making him jealous. Flirt with him instead. Men have egos and like to know that they have an impact on you. Make him feel that way, but of course, you are going to mean it too.

- Never seek to start another relationship unless you have resolved this relationship. You have to close one chapter of your life first before you open another. This is why you are going to try to mend your current breakup to see if things will work out.

- Patience is a virtue with everything and this is no different. You have to give it time. Feelings are hurt and time is what will heal it. In the meantime, try to improve yourself and be a better person. Find out from your ex what he did not like about the relationship and ask for his honesty. When he tells you, don’t be offended. Instead use the information as a starting point to improving and changing those behaviors.

These are tried and proven tested ways to get ex back.


Did they work for you??

Did they work for you?????


Good question,

I don't agree with you all because you all are consoling each other.The things that we cannot get we should understand that its god will and nothing else.And about life its moves on with past experiences,time is the main factor .Love ,Life,feelings practical life all re based on time.


Hope you all enjoy and think in a different way after reading this.

I don't agree with you all because you all are consoling each other.The things that we cannot get we should understand that its god will and nothing else.And about life its moves on with past experiences,time is the main factor .Love ,Life,feelings practical life all re based on time.


Hope you all enjoy and think in a different way after reading this.

I don't agree with you. I think if you read what Jolie has wrote here, and most of the following posts, the subject matter is not really directed at getting the person back that left, it's about getting the person back that matters most, that being yourself. Relationships tend to change people, and when they are over the confusion and void create a lot unsettling emotions. This post if you read is clearly about getting yourself back, the other person is secondary... if even relevant at all.

I really liked that. It is awesome and so true.

I don't agree with you. I think if you read what Jolie has wrote here, and most of the following posts, the subject matter is not really directed at getting the person back that left, it's about getting the person back that matters most, that being yourself. Relationships tend to change people, and when they are over the confusion and void create a lot unsettling emotions. This post if you read is clearly about getting yourself back, the other person is secondary....if even relevant at all.


I think that is the most important thing. I read the title of this post and I got curious. I even laughed a little when I read the title. I could never understand the reasoning for a person wanting to get back with an ex. They are your ex for a reason, but if that is what you want then here goes. If you want to get back with an ex the only thing you need to do is move on. Don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring, stop dreaming that this person will realize that they made the wrong decision, start loving yourself (you should have never stopped in the first place) Realize that no one but you determines what is going to happen and decide if you are going to be happy, because when you try to get your ex back you are saying that they get to decide your happiness. I have had my fair share of relationships where I have broken up with someone and someone has broken up with me and every time a relationship ends I think to myself oh well that happens and that is what life is all about. It makes you a stronger person and you should learn a few things. And I evaluate the past relationship and take it only as a lesson. And I am going to tell you more times than none they always come sniffing back, but by that time it is too late. I don't see the person the same way anymore because I have moved on and that person is no longer good enough for me. And if I did decide to get back together with them then who's to say that it wouldn't happen again(and yes nine times out of ten the relationship ends again). So I don't go that route. When it's over it's over. And that is how anyone trying to get an ex back should feel. They are your ex for a reason and it is not your job to get them back if they truly wanted to be with you they would have not ended it in the first place.

Good Post. Great treatment for one who fall and feel because of love. Am one of them..
Heartily thanks

:(
How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

I also know that low-self esteem and lack of confidence comes from us looking to others to validate us. And all the hope and time we put into them can be taken away with a blink of an eye. Then we loose all hope. I think my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me because it was never really the best thing for me in the first place, but it took me time to recover and get use to the fact that I would be a divorced single mother of two beautiful children. Years ago I wouldn't picture me at this point in my life where I am as strong as I am. But I am here, and Now I am helping others who are where I was 4 years ago.

I just joined this site tonight while looking for information regarding how to handle the two ira accounts that I have received from a recent divorce. I thought this was strictly a financial planning/investment site. Lol

Quick synopsis: married 12 years, 2 young kids, separated last year, not a single tear shed over the lost marriage. I don't think we ever truly loved each other and remain friends.

After the divorce I met someone. He wanted a commitment, I didn't at the time. He pushed and I fell for him. HARD! I had never been treated better or felt so incredibly loved and accepted. The chemistry was amazing as well. He ended up moving to my city with his daughter to be closer. He and I had our future planned.

One day out of the blue (it seems to me) he broke up with me. I have never experienced this thing everyone calls brokenhearted, even in regards to the divorce. Until now. I am devastated. I know logically what I need to do but emotionally I just can't move on.

I wonder if a big part of my feeling so utterly broken and lonely is because I have never been alone and now I am. I completely lack self esteem and have made a few choices that were pretty immature for my age.

I don't know why I posted this, lack of sleep can make one delirious I guess. Sorry for rambling.

I've just posted a question

Is she playing a game?

And jolie?. it scares me how much of what you said is what I did. But with me, our relationship seemed pretty solid after the first break up. I could kind of understand if she cheated on me if our relationship was stale and declining, but right up until the day she left on holiday I thought we were so in love!! She certainly gave that impression. Guess that first 12 hours pretty much summed up what the relationship was... a total waste of time, money and effort.

After the divorce I met someone. He wanted a commitment, I didn't at the time. He pushed and I fell for him. HARD!

I'm sorry but something about that seems strange. Men don't generally push for relationships to begin with and then to push for one with someone who just got divorced almost makes me believe something else was going on there. It sure comes off like he had something else in mind, what I don't know but it doesn't sound like it was in your best interest, whatever it was.


I had never been treated better or felt so incredibly loved and accepted. The chemistry was amazing as well. He ended up moving to my city with his daughter to be closer. He and I had our future planned.

He moved for you and had your future planned, why?


One day out of the blue (it seems to me) he broke up with me. I have never experienced this thing everyone calls brokenhearted, even in regards to the divorce. Until now. I am devastated. I know logically what I need to do but emotionally I just can't move on.

I'm going to throw this out there, but I think your devastation was actually from the divorce and this "relationship" afterwards was a distraction from the true loss you were facing. The brain kept you busy with the new guy who may have done some new, different, and exciting things from what you were accustomed to but he was a temporary fix for the actual loss you were feeling. Once he was gone, the loss came back but now you've attributed it to him and not the divorce.


I wonder if a big part of my feeling so utterly broken and lonely is because I have never been alone and now I am.

Very possible. You don't seem to have a self identity, which is very important if your going to date. It stops guys from picking up girls who have been recently divorced and planning there own future with them. I say that because if you look at the bigger picture, you seemed like you were vulerable and he took advantage of it. It's now to time to reclaim yourself without anyone in your life so you know who you are and what you will put up with for the future guys you date.


I completely lack self esteem

Build it back up. This site offer great ideas and links, bluerose has a lot of great links for you on this very topic. I also recommend you listen to Tony Robbins, people can think what they want but he offers you some great insites on how to think positive and even reprogram your brain for positive results. Keeping yourself esteem up is like working out, you can't do it for a week and expect lifetime results, you must practice it for a lifetime and love the results.


and have made a few choices that were pretty immature for my age.

Well you must be the only one who's ever done that. So what, so has everybody, it can't be any worse then any hollywood celebrity who's on the front page of a magazine at the check out line. Put it into perspective, and laugh it off.

a total waste of time, money and effort.

WRONG!! This attitude writes off the relationship as you have wrote it... "a total waste of time, money, and effort." Your attitude needs to be, "This relationship ended as new ones will come, but what positive things did I learn and can I take for the future." If you keep telling yourself this was a waste of time, you do not give yourself the benefit of getting something for the pain you now feel. Pain is going to happen in life, that's the reality, what you get from that pain, that is YOUR reality. Make the pain worth it and get something from it for your own good.

I'm sorry but something about that seems strange. Men don't generally push for relationships to begin with and then to push for one with someone who just got divorced almost makes me believe something else was going on there. It sure comes off like he had something else in mind, what I don't know but it doesn't sound like it was in your best interest, whatever it was.



He moved for you and had your future planned, why?



I'm going to throw this out there, but I think your devastation was actually from the divorce and this "relationship" afterwards was a distraction from the true loss you were facing. The brain kept you busy with the new guy who may have done some new, different, and exciting things from what you were accustomed to but he was a temporary fix for the actual loss you were feeling. Once he was gone, the loss came back but now you've attributed it to him and not the divorce.



Very possible. You don't seem to have a self identity, which is very important if your going to date. It stops guys from picking up girls who have been recently divorced and planning there own future with them. I say that because if you look at the bigger picture, you seemed like you were vulerable and he took advantage of it. It's now to time to reclaim yourself without anyone in your life so you know who you are and what you will put up with for the future guys you date.



Build it back up. This site offer great ideas and links, bluerose has a lot of great links for you on this very topic. I also recommend you listen to Tony Robbins, people can think what they want but he offers you some great insites on how to think positive and even reprogram your brain for positive results. Keeping your self esteem up is like working out, you can't do it for a week and expect lifetime results, you must practice it for a lifetime and love the results.



Well you must be the only one who's ever done that. So what, so has everybody, it can't be any worse then any hollywood celebrity who's on the front page of a magazine at the check out line. Put it into perspective, and laugh it off.


Thanks Chuff! I especially took note of your comments about the new guy being a distraction. Maybe it really if the divorce that I am "grieving" Displaced emotions so to speak. Good point. Your adivce was great Thanks

-M-

My girlfriend break up with me on MSN about 2 weeks age since then I have send few sms to her wanting her back. I truly love her. After two weeks now she is coming to pick up her things from our place and moving to another town.. I really want her.. I have reflex on all the things that went wrong and I am even willing to move to the town that she is moving. But what can I say to her when she comes to park up her things.. I really want her back !

I'm not trying to get an ex back but have very good friends who are having major marriage issues. Wow, you really have some heart and soul not to mention an amazing talent to express it into writing. I'm going to forward the advice to my married friends and hope that it helps them out with some of there issues. This is what I call beautifull. Thank you so much for sharing because of it I have gained some empowerment as an individual and could and will help someone else. Thanks

How do you go about getting back on track when you are living together but are apart emotionally and physically?

I just saw this

Thank you

I am always so troubled with what I already know is true

You would think I was naïve but I am just heartbroken.

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
Wow damn
I never really looked at it that way
I was told to, but in this way
This is cool
Only if I could have this in some way I could read it more often to get me on track when things get hard
Good word choice

The Apostle Paul said it best:
1 Corinthians 7 (New International Version)


1 Corinthians 7 - Marriage

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?


26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.[b]

39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.
What do I tell her

Know what Jolie Noire your right. For the past 4 days I been desperate to get my girl back. But now I see that instead of getting her back by texting her and caling her I'm probably just pushing her away more and more. Thanks for oenig my eyes!!

Have anyone ever hooked back up wth their ex

How long did you go without no contact?

Thanks for posting this! Hope it is OK if I printed it off and post it where I can read it all day long...

I need to boost my selfesstem

This was wonderfully written... I love it

Thanks

People are scared of looooong term relationships eh??

People are scared of looooong term relationships eh??

I don't agree with the read

Its simply great

There all things I tried but nothing else

This is exactly what I need to do. I hope it isn't to late

Wow I really like what u had to say. U inspired me.


Thanks

I am trying so hard... my husband of over 20 years started to text his x from all those years ago when we were going through some what stale times. Total neglect on both parts. This emotional affair went on for two weeks when I knew something was wrong. I took this up immediately an he denied anyone else was the problem . To cut a long story short I found out about the texting which by now was 1 months every day thing. ( No sex involved due to distance ) . We discussed separation but this didn't happen and we agreed to try harder. The little spark came back and things were better than ever. At least I thought so unti I found out he was still texting. I was devastated. Did all the things you shouldn't do, ran after him , spoiled him etc etc. Pleaded my complete love. In other words I couldn't stand losing him. I feel ugly, unloved and dirty. I still can't leave, I just can't bring myself to do this.
He told me last week that the contact was over and I believe him. But he seems so distant, even though he doesn't want me to leave. However, I need to be held , told that he cares, but he won't talk. The only thing we do together is train ( run 10km etc ) and hug at night. I know I some of the problem was caused by me but I am worried that he now thinks more of her than me. She dumped him twice before we met and I know he loved her then. Wha should I do I am so confused, sad and scared. I should also mention that when I met him I moved to a foreign country, had to learn the language to fit in. This was hard ut it taught me to take control of my life. The one thing he dislikes about me is that I have to have control, know everything and etc etc. This is not true as I always try to do things he will like. I have just learned to take initiative. Right now I hate myself and don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?

I am a male 21 years old who has cheated on my g/f while she was out of town then realized that it was a huge mistake and didn't tell her then she found out by seeing old messages from the girl in my email I didn't want to tell her because I knew it would hurt her and now I'm scared she's never going to come back she says she loves me enough to let me try to do nice things for her to get back in her good graces I feel like just pouring my heart out but she is so mad that she inturupts it with venting which she has every right to vent her anger on me for the thing I have done, what is something I can do that's quick and not much talking that will show her I really do care and love her more than any other human being on this earth ? She likes to read and I just bought her a book from Amazon for christmas this girl,
If I lose this girl I'm am an idiot she is really something special she goes to school makes a's in colledge and is a very well driving individual please can someone help me

Of all the things I have read, trying to find my mistakes, trying to find a way to mend all that is broken in my love life. This is the best I have read. It is christmas, I miss him, he hasn't called, but reading this just made me heart sing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You just made my day, my year

The reference to Obama was nonsensical.

This is great... I wish I believe more in myself rather than follow and go with my heart that lead me to what doesn't matter and someone who don't care about me (which I can clearly c) look at my story and tell me what you think and honest opinion. I honestly cried after reading this... one min I am mess and don't know who I am and the next minute I force myself to be strong and to look ahead and think of myself but I keep being miserable and feeling so much hurt and pain inside - Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who know what I am going tru... Truly I can't even thinking straight - I think I am messing my own life and I don't know what else to do.

This is a really nice post, it resumes quite well what everyone has been telling me about my heartache as of late. Unfortunately, not all of us are able to a) let go and move on and b) think of ourselves first.

I was told to be brave and work on myself, and it isnt really helping. I fear the love of my life is gone forever and i can't quite get myself to let go.

But i have all the respect and admiration in the world for those of you who can.

Thank you for the post.


TALKING About SPEAKING WHAT I feel... u just took the words of my mouth... honestly everything that I feel, u just wrote in simple English. Whatever I been going true I feel like I am the only one experiencing such pain... I have to learn to let go but I don't know if I am fully ready... I know it's the best thing yet I don't want to accept it.

Hey I really need help I have not been in a relationship for a while and I have known this girl for about ten years. She does not go to my school but I see her like 3-4 times a month. I did not really have any feelings for her until this year because she started to flirt with me a lot. She does however have a boyfriend. Sometimes she ignores me and sometimes she flirts with me. She drives me nuts. I just had a crush on her but then I started to have very strong feelings for her. I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because I don't want her to think that I am weird and have our friendship be awkward. It really hurts me to think that someone else could be with her because I want to be with her. I really can't tell if she has feelings for me because of her on and off flirting. Should I wait to tell her how I feel or should I tell her the next time I see her?

I had to post this question as I find it astonishing that many people want to get back with there ex regardless of how it ended. Besides the answer "because I love him/her" because unfortanetly love isn't enough to hold a relationship together as we already discovered this. Love is only one ingredient and unfortanetly has no warranties, gurantees, or return policies. So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex and why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life after they disappeared and left you in the cold. If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?



After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others reponses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...

So feel free to post your answers I would really like to hear it..




After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others responses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...


I truly agree with you, your are smart and know how to wear your head up, think positive and be enthusiastic about life. I wish I could think and be more positive like you - Only if - Then I wudn't be in my situation where I think I am suffering a lost. I honestly did so much for my boyfriend, spending time, always thinking about him. I feel ike I have invested more in to this as he did - because I would be the one to always ask him to go out and to do things, he used to be the one who always wanted to c my in the beginning, phone call, text message and everything that I wanted - cards and romantic stuff - then I was the one always asking... We have date night, movie nights and I think I miss and would miss and that's what I want back - sometimes I feel like I was so comfortable with him, being around - I would be me but sometimes. - because cuddling being around him and having him near me. He always told me (even after the break up) he told me its my fault and I am the reason because I screw things up. I don't kow if he ever cheated on my but I know I found out stuff of people whom he was talking to, he said the reason he didn't tell me is because I get mad and don't want his to have any girl for friends (which is true), nevertheless I find it hard to truth him. I am not going to lie, he did so pretty romantic stuff and amazing memories we had together but at the same time we had really rough times, things I hated.

I think the hardest thing is for me to 4get/let go of the memories. I know 3++ yr don't seem that long compared to other relationship, but for me I had invested so much... I also lost so much out of the relationship -including myself esteem. I would be the only to always call him and want him to send me text and lovey dovey stuff and he just don't sometimes I would feel like he doesn't care and when he don't do it I would think maybe he's talking to someone else. :confused:

Sometimes I wonder if he would miss me, because I know I was so emotional attach to him... I know he know that but yet he tell me ( I don't know y) he would say that I don't love him and he know I don't care because if I love him he I would want him to be happy and leave him alone... Last week when I call ( just for satisfaction of hearing his voice) he ask "who are u, I don't kno what - DON'T CALL ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH U..." but then on Facebook he put his status as "IN A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP".

HE TEXT ME and this is what it said "Don't stop calling me, telling me and keep txt me the rude msges because thats wut keeps me away and is gonna help me out of this HELL HOLE. When u don't do all the stuff u enjoy doing. I am gonna forget all the u put me tru and start missing you and start thinking of all the good times. So Im just asking for one favour, just keep doing what ur good at. It shouldn't be too hard 4 u keep treating me like , because thats wut u do best" ----------------- That was his text to me (he thinking I am treating him bad and its my fault for the break up because he said I always been "suspicious and accusing him" when he doesn't even do anything. And I feel the opposite and I ask him to make sure he's not doing anything...

What do you think about the text?

I could go on 4ever but I don't want to bore u... so reply and let me know... THANK U!!

This was perfect, thanks for this awesome thread!

jolienoire, thank you so much for your thread I really needed to read it now I can start the process.

That was awesome Jolie! So glad I joined this website!! It is so hard to change one's self let alone trying to change someone else!! You ROCK!

Eafa

Hi
My boyfriend and I been living together for 3yrs been having lots of poblems don't seem to agree with him. His a good person to a limit but lately been staying out drinking too much. I told him did not want to leave this life either he change or leave. He decieded to live his stuff is still there. I really love him we have a baby I want him back


Thank you
Elva

Marble, you should start a new thread.

-So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

his excellent,fine taste in everything...his sensuality.
if he knew a thing or two about respect,then he could become a gentleman
the rhythm,the music he made my soul create,listen and dance to.i felt close to God when i was close to him,when we were close.i swear.this is the best memory of my life and i don't believe there is anything that could compare.and i don't believe there is anyone who could take my spirit
even higher.
Dad thinks i've been brainwashing myself,i am sick and i need help.i think he's never experienced Happiness which leads me to believe that what i had is,indeed,rare

i miss feeling close to God.


I feel so similar to you. I loved every single thing about my ex. She was beautiful, inside and out. The touch of her sent the craziest sensation down my body, and I'm pretty sure no one can give that again. Physically I can't look at other girls. They don't have the gorgeous face, or any of the amazing features she had. No one tolerates me the way she does, because I'm always obnoxious but in a good way. She loved me for who I was, and even when we fought we stopped right in the middle and laughed and kissed because it was just so stupid to do that. Time stopped when I kissed her. We had a routine of our goodbye kiss when we would leave each other, and the connection I made when I kissed her forehead gave me the tingles, and all of that stuff and made me feel as though I had reached complete happiness. She's an angel, and I love all of her imperfections. I felt on top of the world when I stared into her eyes and felt nothing but love.

I don't know how I'd ever love again. I'm 17, ready to go to college and was ready to work through those 4 years through my apple laptop video and sending her love cards, and visiting her once a month. I wanted to get married at like 23 right after college. She's going to be a psychologist and I'm going to graduate from Villanova with a business degree, hoping to hold down a career. I saw my life laid out with her, the perfect girl. And she saw herself with me.

I think about her everyday, the moments we spent, the times we had, the feelings we gave each other. It's a shame it had to end, because I'm so scared of life, of girls, of relationships, of death, of my future, of who I am. When we were together I had no fears, no cares, no qualms of anything. True Love is amazing, and I don't know if I can find it again.

I can honestly say, I don't miss anything from my ex. I think the people who posted here about missing them are still fresh from the break up cycle. Once you've been through the emotional dust and re evaluate the relationship in clear 20/20 you will see all the flaws that were actually there. My ex had to have a say in everything I did, made me make choices and give up things that I wasn't ready to give up. After we broke up I made a list of things my next girlfriend would have to have because I was not going to settle for less than what I deserve. I think a lot of the long term forum members will feel the same. The ones that come to mind are ISneezeFunny and KCTiger, take a look at both their stories and see how far they have come.

Why do I want my ex back?:

Well, there are times when I feel really good about myself, and it is those times that having my ex around would balance that, and she would bring me back down to feeling like a total idiot! You know the ole' saying, if you don't have anything bad to say about yourself, just call my ex...

Got to have balance in your life! :D

You know, it is sad to say, but I truly think for 90% of the people that miss their ex, or really want them back, they are living in the clouds and don't value themselves enough to believe that you can make it through this... things will be all right... you will overcome... and you DO NOT need your ex.

As for what Rome said, both Sneezy and I have come a LOOOONNNNGGG way. I was the guy in the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshal" crying in the fetal position, stupid stuff like that. Now, I can honestly say, I am over her. What a rush of freedom it is to be able to say that!

Honestly, the things I miss from my past relationships are the "good days."

You know, those days when you feel on top of the world, the days that he sends flowers to your work "just because," those mornings that you wake up and you don't know if you're still dreaming because of the way that you feel... those days...

What I don't miss are the lies, the emotional punches in the gut, the "where were you?'s", the mistrust, the unforgettable fear of being stalked, the despair at realizing your fiance' disappeared without an explanation, the cops, the police reports...

I miss the good days, but only seldom... to me, those "missing moments" are more of a scent on the breeze, a wafting pleasantness that only reminds me that "I'm good." and "I'm going to be ok." and bring a smile to my face.

That is how I remember my relationships. I choose to remember the good days, not the bad.


So, if I had a choice? Never. I'd not take them back.

I don't know how I'd ever love again. I'm 17, ready to go to college and was ready to work through those 4 years through my apple laptop video and sending her love cards, and visiting her once a month. I wanted to get married at like 23 right after college. She's going to be a psychologist and I'm going to graduate from Villanova with a business degree, hoping to hold down a career. I saw my life laid out with her, the perfect girl. and she saw herself with me.

Jman: First of all, you are heading off to college single. I cannot tell you how much more FUN you will have being single, trust me. College is just way too much on your plate to put a full time girlfriend out there as well. You have a ton to look forward to, and I know that a few months down the road you will look back at your posts here and realize how far you have come. A genuine smile will pop onto your face, and you will start to catch yourself having fun, without a care in the world (besides the usual 1am drunken pizza order, trying to figure out which place to call).

Plans like that rarely work out. Villa will be a great experience and you will enjoy these years. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what you have, a great chance to go to a great school and have a ton of memories that very few people ever get the chance to experience. Live it up dude! I feel like an old man now, and I promise you these years fly... enjoy them while you can...

A lot of people try to remind us that there is a good chance that we are missing the concept of a significant other, and not so much the ex. We miss the companionship, the intimacy, etc.. But not necessarily that person.

Well if I had to list a few things I miss it would be.
-The trust. We had an unbreakable trust and could be 1000 miles apart and would never lie/cheat/deceive each other.
-The intimacy. We were very comfortable with each other. Trying new things together with little to no inhibition. Very active, and very attracted to each other. Physically & mentally.
-The true love. Having her look in my eyes and telling me how much I mean to her. How much I've helped her grow, and become a better person. How much she loves me and would never leave me. (ironic isn't it). Always knowing that when she said "I love you", it was real and genuine.. no hidden agendas.
-The stupid fun things we did together (which yes I am sure will happen with someone else as well). Being dumb in public- people always told us "only you two could do something like that".
-Just holding HER. There is something about holding someone that has given their all to you. Their heart, their trust, their love.. and knowing it was REAL. This isn't something that a lot of people can say, or ever have the chance to do... and I want it back more then anything in the world..
-Her body, face, skin, sex appeal, eyes, dimples, hair, everything about HER. Her distinct marks (freckles, etc) that made her HER.

I could go on forever, but those are a few..

Jman: First of all, you are heading off to college single. I cannot tell you how much more FUN you will have being single, trust me. College is just way too much on your plate to put a full time girlfriend out there as well. You have a ton to look forward to, and I know that a few months down the road you will look back at your posts here and realize how far you have come. A genuine smile will pop onto your face, and you will start to catch yourself having fun, without a care in the world (besides the usual 1am drunken pizza order, trying to figure out which place to call).

Plans like that rarely work out. Villa will be a great experience and you will enjoy these years. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what you have, a great chance to go to a great school and have a ton of memories that very few people ever get the chance to experience. Live it up dude! I feel like an old man now, and I promise you these years fly...enjoy them while you can...

kc, I know I'll make it through, I know I can. But I just don't know how any one can replace her in my heart. Everything that thumper just said I could say for me and my ex. The only downfall was I deceived her after 3 years. She is really the most beautiful girl I have personally known, with amazing physical features, and the most amazing personality. I know I shouldn't compare people to her in the future, but it's inevitable.

I had plans that may have been farfetched and maybe even silly because of the experience I could have in college single. But I currently attend a different school and I have my own group of friends and so does she and I have just as much fun when she was my girlfriend and when she was not. I don't enjoy random hook ups, they are meaningless. I wouldn't care if I didn't kiss another girl ever again, because it will never make me feel the way she did.

That's just what I needed to hear!! Thank you!!

I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.


I love that line!
Accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead!

Very powerful.
It's very true. I thought my girlfriend was motivating me to success, but I was wrong. She was not motivating or supportive, she was the opposite, taking my time and energy and consuming me. Not healthy.

Alone may equal being lonely, but I feel I can be more successful because it will push me to be the best I can be and doing it for me, not for her.

http://www.popularpersons.org/luigi-pirandello/luigi-pirandello0.jpg

Thank you...

I truly want to follow what this post is saying. I have made many mistakes where I made my exboyfriend the center of my world and missed out on the experiences with friends, family and my own. The problem is that he always encouraged me to do these things and I never listened to him. I let myself get so wrapped into him that he got tired of it.

He was my first real relationship, and we managed to make it to 4 years. We are 23 and he is now turning towards his career giving it 100%. He tells me that he is not looking towards other relationships until he has reached some goals. But he also said that if he finds someone he clicks with he has to take the opportunity and so should I.

Unfortunately for him, he has commitment issues because of his parents' horrible divorce and on top of that I pressured him too much. I have made many mistakes and he broke up with me three days ago. I keep hearing that I need to move on. But its so hard since its so recent.

We have had contact since the breakup, and will go to his college graduation (with my family, too, we were together so long, my parents loved him like a son, even helped him to get a loan for school. So we feel to see him fulfill his dream of graduating is just as joyous for us) but after that, I plan on not calling him or texting him to give myself time to work on myself to make friends, go to the gym, focus on school and work. Also, to give him time to think and decide if he is better off without me or with me. I still love him and I may always have a special place for him in my heart. Ideally, we would be able to work things out, but I will learn over time to not hold on to this possibility, since it may not happen. We decided to remain, not really friends, but aquaintences, meaning we will say, text or call every once in a while. But I have decided on my part that I will not initiate contact. I will let him be the one to come to me. And only time will tell, if we were meant to be, then it will happen. But I do love him and this will be one of my hardest battles in my short life.

I'm just glad that I came across this site because I need to vent somewhere until I make the friends I missed out on. I am making progress, though, I'm not standing still. I already got a gym buddy (female like myself) and we will be working out together. I am also reuniting with some friends I neglected because of my dependene on him, and spending a weekend with her. Maybe the next time we run into each other (after his graduation) I will knock him off his socks! Hopefully for him, it won't be too late.

Anyway, God bless you all, and may you all reach your goals in self-fulfillment and growth like I am trying to do.


~Kdomi002

I'm so speechless right now.
Wonderful.

There is a difference between being controlling and being in control. There is a difference between being dominant and being domineering.

The main problems with many break ups is that they focus on power and control, not unconditional love and compassion. These derive from unhealthy common paradigms of what relationships are about.

The problem with many relationships and the common ideas and phrases we use about them is that they are based on controlling or manipulating people or owning them. They refer to a lack of self-control and focus on controlling someone else or being controlled by someone else. "Falling in love" or "my better or other half" implies a lack of control and low-self esteem.

Women want a man who tells it like it is and has a stronger reality than them and when your reality is based on LOVE, not neediness or control, men will make women far happier.

Relationships are a one day at a time thing. We get into them with the intent of the long term or to see what we can learn from one until it is no longer appropriate with that person. Relationships are a learning experience and if they become no longer appropriate, we need to accept the other person for who they choose to be and how they choose to live their life. We need to wish them well and let them go. You can still be friends with them.

When we get "hurt" by break ups it's because we are choosing to be and it usually boils down to a low self-esteem, confusing neediness as love, being insecure or having other beliefs about relationships that imaginary and false. You get your security from self-love and self-acceptance.

Unconditional love means accepting people for who they are, but having enough love and dignity for yourself not to put up with people's games or abuse. People who are abused repeatedly, won't use their personal power to stop the abuse and won't leave a relationship because "they love the other person" are confusing neediness for love and do not have enough love for themselves to leave.

When we break up with someone, they deserve to know why, in case they want to learn something. Someone who doesn't tell you or avoids you, is usually scared but if they are too cold and manipative to tell you, they are doing you a favor by leaving you.

Thanks. This site is definitely opening my eyes.

Ur comment was not only great but one of the missing positive smash to my literary concerns.I hope you can be more forth-coming on my future posts?
U are a very patient person.
Thanks for being there.

How can I upload my pix for you to see how I look?
Have a great week ahead
God bless

Hi guys, I been falling back into regretting the breakup and been trying to think of ways to try to get her back. I realize I should not do this.

Just by reading this thread, it's helping me to don't fall back into the trap. Keeping No Contact and just putting the past behind. Be strong and live your life happy even being single.

How to get him/her back..


Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to.
I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling.

I love these, thank you .

You are awesome allowing yourself to love another uncondtionally explains alot about your character, some ppl never have the oppurtunity to love like this.. To truly know what it means to love, and be loved.. You experienced it, you have changed someone's life whether you like to believe it or not and to be able to say those THREE words and mean it, are truly special... I hope that each day would get better for you, and who knows you can reconnect again at some point later in life, just don't make any hasty moves to destroy that give the space they ask for. I know I am with an ex 10 years later... I would have never in a million years would have imagined us to be together again.. but here we are whether we make it or not for another 10 years I am so thankful to love him again... We were able to rekindle our old flame because of the way we left eachother....

I think that's awesome , to return with your ex after 10 yrs. Were you both OK when you first broke up? Were you in contact during those years? Tell me a little bit more about it , please.

I think that's awesome , to return with ur ex after 10 yrs. Were you both ok when you first broke up? Were you in contact during those years? Tell me a little bit more about it , please.



When we split, it wasn't any hard feelings, hurt yes because we loved each other but I just knew I couldn't wait for him, and I knew he wouldn't wait for me no contact for those 10 years. He got married, and I got married. I had two beautiful children from that marriage, and he had none. Long story short, we both got divorced.

He was living in NC, and I am in NJ, never would have thought we would ever see each other again. He moved up here to NJ for a job, and we pretty much ran into each other, been together ever since. We are married and we just had a beautiful son on April 11. I love him more now than I ever did before.

When we split, it wasn't any hard feelings, hurt yes because we loved eachother but I just knew I couldn't wait for him, and I knew he wouldn't wait for me no contact for those 10 years. He got married, and I got married. I had two beautiful children from that marriage, and he had none. Long story short, we both got divorced.

He was living in NC, and I am in NJ, never would have thought we would ever see eachother again. He moved up here to NJ for a job, and we pretty much ran into eachother, been together ever since. We are married and we just had a beautiful son on April 11. I love him more now than I ever did before.


That is awesome, do you think a couple could get back together even after having a hard break up? Do you think that after so many years there could be flame form that relationship?

That is awesome, do you think a couple could get back together even after having a hard break up? Do you think that after so many years there could be flame form that relationship?

Anything is possible, as we can change and grow as individuals.

However, if the relationship was bad to an abusive point of view, I would hope no one wants to get back into any relationship of that nature whether it is verbal, or physical.

After time passes, not all goodbyes are forever. I do feel that people shouldn't wait though, or live their entire life wanting the person to come back. As I told you I moved on with my life after my divorce and after my break up.

That is so true, I think we're both very young still, I mean my ex and I, he was my first true love and I vented horribly with him after the break up, I just couldn't undertstand why he kept telling me that he loved but the we couldn't be together right now, that made me really mad and upset, because I always thought that when you truly love someone you at least try to make it work, and he just broke it up just like that, he tried to explain to me a million times that he loves me but that he can't be with me right know, we saw each other on weekends because we live around an hour away form each other. He said that it hust him not to be with me more time than that, and that's why he had to ended.

Here is my thread. I wold love some advice form you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/so-mean-him-after-break-up-feel-horrible-373374.html

Besides the NC I'm going through, I'm following your advice as well jol. :)

I love this.. Great piece of writing.. Really meaningful..

Great advice, I just got off a break up and I needed to hear this, but it is so hard to implement all this, how do you make them sink into your heart and mind?? For one to survive

Thanks jolie 4 your great advice I'll try 2 love myself more and know myself better

Well what if you change for the better, and yet they still dislike you? I changed but BECAUSE I became a better person she doesn't like me. Her own pride is getting in the way of accepting me now. Now what happens? Your screwed that's what happens. People need to move on, life is way to short to be gloomy for 5 months over a break up. Im having to deal with a break up too, and it was the best relationship and days of my life (at the start it was). I have to follow my own advice and get over the break up (no easy task).

lol... well get to writing..

Great insight!

This was good. Its hard but eventually better for you in the long run :)

Great insight and an incredibly deep subject. "getting your ex back" You (meaning me) are the one that have departed from yourself. Work on your own life to get "you" back. It is only then that you will be able to love again and be the person your partner needs.

My 3 year relationship was great up until the last 6 months. We spent too much time with each other and neglected to care for ourselves. We were constantly trying to change each other into what we wanted the other person to be. People need time and space. I believe in fate and that if something is truly meant to be yours for a lifetime, then it will be. Have to learn not to force anything. That just causes misery and what is that saying? Misery loves company? I miss her company to this day and it has just about been 2 months since the split. I violated the NC in the beginning but have been sticking to it for the last 3 weeks. Thanksgiving was really rough and Christmas is going to be even tougher. Stay strong my friends. You are blessed and highly favored!! Everything happens for a reason although you might not see it right away. This too shal pass

Lol great advice. He dumped me I find myself again, I now thank him for giving me the best moments of my life and letting me find myself again. He said he loved me for who I was, not for who I was pretending to be

Thanks for the information

The fact is, it is human nature to get very comfortable with someone, and dependent on that person, so when suddenly you are faced to go it alone, of course you're not going to go quietly. You act and do things that to someone else, you are insane. If you're a woman, you cry a lot, spned time with friends, and tell yourself that your ex is all to blame. If you're a man, you call, text, beg, grovel, whatever you can to get back together cause you really miss the convenience of the sex, and everything else. Ultimately, the woman has the advantage because most men will do anything for that little bit of pleasure that women provide. Women like the romantic happy ending in life, men like the uncomplicated, easy chase so they can concentrate on more important things like football, poker, and drinking with their buddies.

I really want me ex back is because:
1. she smells real good although she is not the prettiest
2. she is really understanding until the breakup that she kept to herself for so long
3. she's the kind of girl that if I love u, ill love you more
4. she kept our financial really strong with proper plan
5. she hang out with all my friends and I didn't really join her friends
6. I asked for break 4 times although I'm not serious and she endure that and call me back
7. I blamed myself for not treating her good but 1 thing I can't understand that why she can't sit down and we discuss over this after 4 years but she have a new guy right after we broke up.
8. she's not materialistic. We can't afford luxury and good food, she will understand.
9. gosh, I misses her and I love her.
10. I would definitely want her back if possible but I'm trying to move on.

2 serious relationships in my lifetime.. current one is still in dilema stage (although with great help from people here plan B is laying itself in place nicely) but once he is gone there is absolutely nothing that I'd like back from either.

Neither one made me feel like I was special. The first made me feel more like a welcome/exit mat and for 6 years I put up with 'alot' of physical and mental abuse, wish this place was around back then.

The current, is comfortable. Though I have lost my identity. I spent 4 years after my first relationship 'finding myself' again. Found it and then consequently lost it again because I was to happy to please my current. In doing so he had everything he wanted while I feel I've had nothing in return. Because on your 10th yr anniversary a hug saying 'cant believe we lasted this long' solidifies the love and devotion you've had for such person.

Perhaps one day I will find that someone who will make me feel like Im worthy. Then, god forbid it end, I'd then have something I could reminisce on as having an ex I wanted back.

I'm sorry but if they are an ex there is a reason for that so they can't be that amazing.. It is obviously feelings that are clouding your judgment to mislead you into 'idolising' them.. As time passes you will see that they are not that great... :)