Me and this guy have been together almost 8 months now. I met him on the bus when I went to Arizona. He gave me his number and told me to call him. I eventually called him and we've been talking ever since. Well he moved across the country to be with me. I love him more than anything. He can make me SO happy. But he doesn't trust me. I don't do anything for him not to trust me. I have lied to him in the past but nothing big. I made a promise to him Id never lie to him again. But he still accuses me of it all the time. I've never cheated on him. Or even thought about it. I haven't even ever tried talking to another guy like that. Hes my world! A lot of girls want him. Every time we fight he threatens to go out and mess with some girl or go to the club. Cause he knows that's what gets to me the most. He eventually came clean and told me he kissed 2 different girls in the same night. But it took him 5 months to tell me and he wouldn't have told me unless we were fighting. Last night he asked me about something that happened 6 months ago. I went 3 hours without talking to him, I don't remember it but he says it happened. I was drinking and partying but I wasn't around any guys, just me and the girls. He thinks I cheated on him and I didn't. I told him everything about that night. He still doesn't believe me. We fight a lot but after we fight we make up and seem so much closer. I don't understand it. Almost every time we fight we break up it always turns into something bigger than what It was. But 10 minutes later we make up. He broke up with me last night after our fight. And tried to get back with me again last night. And I refused to go back with him. And today he's begging me. Then he told me hed go to the club and some girls from work but I still haven't taken him back. Am I doing the right thing? Im so confused. Helpp!

Sounds like emotional blackmale... and with the trust issues going on... very much a rocky road. You two need to forget about the past issues and start fresh with an agreement not to keep rehashing the old stuff... If you solve those things... along with ending the threats of hooking up with someone else every time you argue, then you might have a chance of having a good relationship. Otherwise, you're just going along for the drama without resolving the same old issues.

Yeah. I've tried to start new with him. But honestly, I think he likes to argue with me. I want to let him go sometimes. But I love him so much its hard. He always brings up our past. And won't let go of things that have been done. He makes everything like its my fault. And I do nothing but be good to him unless he's trippin on me.

Ever consider couples counseling to help you both learn better ways of relating to one another?

No. I always thought us talking and expressing our feelings to each other would be so much better. But It seems like nothings working.

Me and this guy have been together almost 8 months now. I met him on the bus when I went to Arizona. He gave me his number and told me to call him. I eventually called him and weve been talking ever since. Well he moved across the country to be with me. I love him more than anything. He can make me SO happy. But he doesnt trust me. I dont do anything for him not to trust me. I have lied to him in the past but nothing big. I made a promise to him Id never lie to him again. But he still accuses me of it all the time. I've never cheated on him. Or even thought about it. I havent even ever tried talking to another guy like that. Hes my world! Alot of girls want him. Everytime we fight he threatens to go out and mess with some girl or go to the club. Cause he knows thats what gets to me the most. He eventually came clean and told me he kissed 2 different girls in the same night. But it took him 5 months to tell me and he wouldnt have told me unless we were fighting. Last night he asked me about somthing that happened 6 months ago. I went 3 hours without talking to him, I dont remember it but he says it happened. I was drinking and partying but I wasnt around any guys, just me and the girls. He thinks I cheated on him and I didnt. I told him everything about that night. He still doesnt believe me. We fight alot but after we fight we make up and seem so much closer. I dont understand it. Almost everytime we fight we break up it always turns into somthing bigger than what It was. But 10 mins later we make up. He broke up with me last night after our fight. And tried to get back with me again last night. And I refused to go back with him. And today hes begging me. Then he told me hed go to the club and some girls from work but i still havent taken him back. Am I doing the right thing? Im so confused. Helpp!
OK 4 real you are doing the right thing, he thinks he has you wrapped around your finger and that as soon as he says some of this stuff then your going to beg him back, leave this dude alone and don't put up with none of the head games cause that's all that is happening!! Be strong and you will get through it, you need someone that will trust you and be there for you, not someone that don't trust you and throws the past in your face!!

I agree. But its not that easy. Every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on and played. I think he's the one guy that understands that and wouldn't do that to me. I want to let him go sometimes. But he texts me and makes me feel so bad!

Sweetheart like I said aqnd believe this coming from another male, all he is doing is playing head games with you and your better than that and you know what he is doing, you ask for advice and its given so now all you have to do is take it and run!!

*before*

Is the good worth going through the bad? He knows how to push your buttons and manipulate your feelings, and that's not a good thing. He keeps you in line, and threatens leaving for someone else, to scare you, and play on your feelings. He MUST have control, or he is a insecure BOY. You have done well to boot him to the curb, as he has a lot of issues that are unhealthy, and he projects them on you. You are much better off without him, and making your own decisions. I also, for as good as he makes you feel sometimes, think he is stopping you from being very happy, in a healthy relationship.

Every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on and played. I think he's the one guy that understands that and wouldn't do that to me.
Sorry, but I believe that his argumentative/unfounded jealousy is a form of cheating. A person who has to be convinced constantlly of things that never happened and has no foundation for believing it the first place... well, that's just wrong all the way around isn't it?


I want to let him go sometimes. But he texts me and makes me feel so bad!
TEXTS can be deleted without reading them, can't they? So it's YOU making you feel bad if you read them. CALLS can be ignored/unaswered. If a voice message is left, delete it as soon as you hear the voice. It's pretty much that simple.

You haven't specifically stated that you're breaking it off, so I'll assume you're not. But you have to take some control back of your own. Just like you can delete a text message, let him know that unfounded accusations on his part coming at you will be deleted, too. You are no longer bothering to even respond to false issues and jealousy comments. When he does it, just say "delete."

If he acts like he doesn't understand why you say this, give him a taste of what it's like:

"You want to know why I won't argue with you anymore about things that never happened? Well, do I bring up the time you spent in prison? Do I harass you for the all the pets you used to torture and maim as a child? I don't go on an on with you about the girls you sleep with every morning as soon as I leave the room, do I? And your 4 illegitimate children with ex-girlfriends, I don't mention those at all!"

"Hey, none of that is true."

"Exactly. How would feel having to fend off crap like that in every argument when it isn't even true? That's what you're doing to me. Let's just be real with each other instead of all that garbage."

It sounds like there isn't much trust between the two of you. And without trust there can be no relationship. Frankly I really don't see any future in this.

I think that the reason he doesn't trust you is because he himself is untrustworthy. He's found someone that he can manipulate, your emotions are all over the place because of him. Let him go and move on, there are guys out there that will treat you with love and respect, this guy is not capable of that.

I trust him. I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to. Hes smart. Really smart. He knows how to get in my head and change the way I feel and make me believe whatever he wants me to believe. Because he comes up with these crazy storys that somehow sound true to me. Maybe they are maybe they aren't. He tells me every time a girl tries to hit on him or get with him. He moved 4 states away to be with me. So I don't understand why he would be cheating or trying to hurt me. He has been through a lot. His dad shot hiself and after that his Grandpa who had raised him his whole life broke down and he passed away, he has no family besides his Grandma. He doesn't get along with any of his other family cause their all crazy. So me and his Grandma are all he has. His Aunt texted me about a month ago and asked If I was his baby's mom Lindsey. I said he didn't have a baby. She's told me a bunch of crazy stories he had a baby and he's 2 years old. They named him David after his Dad and I started to believe it, but I talked to him and he told me he had already explained all that to me. Which he did. When we first got together pretty much. He told me he broke up with his ex of 3 years, she said she was pregnant and turns out he had a dna test and it wasn't his. I believed him a little. I was in the birth room with my sister when she had her daughter. He was like did you see.. blah blah. And I was like yeah then he's like yeah I saw that too its crazy, and Im like who did you see have a baby.. and he went blank. Then he's like oh my mom, I raised my little brother until he was 10. He would have been 10 when his mom had his brother. I don't see why a mother would allow a 10 year old to be in the room during something like that. A couple months later it turned into his sister. I brought it up then it turned into his sister and brother, but he swears up and down he doesn't have a baby. I've looked for his ex to ask her, but I eventually gave up. I know his Aunt is crazy, and starts a lot of drama. She texted me for months trying to get me to quit messin with him. He hates her she hates him. Maybe it was to hurt him. Or maybe she was telling me the truth. I would even care if he had a baby. I let him know that. He still says he doesn't, but anyway. I talked to him last night. After ignoring him all day I decided to tell him how I really felt. He started coming up with this whole he's committing suicide he has nobody but me and his grandma. He is suicidal. Hes tried committing suicide twice since we've been together. He even had his friends telling me he was dead. Him for one should know that nothing any other person should have to go through, especially after he lost the 2 people who raised him his whole life. He promised to me on everything If I gave him another chance he would change. He was crying and it made me feel terrible. He texted me and said..

"I wanna be different please dont give up on me just stay with me and help me I never thought I needed to say it but I need your help and your the only person In my life I dont know what to say but I wish their was a way to erase all the stuff weve been through I mean what Im about to say. This time I am gonna be the person you fell in love with if you give me that chance. I have potiental just help me out and gimme a break. God I was thinkin some real crazy stuff last night I swear its like i needed a complete break down to realize some things first of all id like to tell you how TRULEY sorry I am for putting you through so much. So many things were going through my head last night. I love you "

I'm a guy and we tend to say a lot of stuff to get back in good graces, so just let him stew while you really think about what's best for you, and don't fall for his BS.

A smart guy can use words to control you. The only thing you can RELY on is what he actually does. For that, you have to be together actually DOING things and interacting. So stop the words only communications.

Stop texting. Stop cold, turn the service off if you have to. Use the phone to make date arrangements and such. Everything else is in person or it's ignored. This is your only hope, Obi-wan Kenobi.