I think there is a curse on all women including me from my mother's side of the family. I have been born in a Middle eastern country, I felt I never fit in that culture and the minute I got out of high school I married and left my country cause I could not live under an oppressive, Islamic regime anymore. I never loved my husband and he knew that. We had three kids. I got a divorce four years ago but since then I have been in terrible relationships with four diff men. They have mentally, physically abused me and wiped off all my savings. People say I am beautiful(blonde, green eyes, fit,. ), very well educated,well travelled, fun to hang out with giving but I don't see that. If it was not because of my 3 kids I would have diff finished my life. I have been through a lot, sexual abuse, verbal abuse,physical abuse, 8 years of war, many heart breaks and my heart and body can not take it anymore. Last relationship I had was with a cop. He promised me the world. I was too hurt to trust him but he was upset that I didn't. He was very insecure specially wherever we went I would turn a few heads and he knew that. A few months ago I was visiting him and he came home crying saying his Ex GF killed herself. Since then he totally changed and eventually broke up with me. I got some emails that he used to be very abusive towards her while they were together and the eventually dumped her. I know I am lucky in a way not to be with him. But at the same time I feel so lonely and still in shock. I feel like that was my last chance at love. Since our breakup, I can not sleep or function well. I just started a new job which as a single mom I am very much dependent on the salary I make from that job but I can not concentrate. I keep getting sick and have to spend days at a time staying home. I am going through many episodes of anxiety attack during each day. I am still so mad at that cop for MAKING me believe in him and that he is the one for me. There were no red flags. I gave up on living and had turned into a zombie.

Listen, I'm on break in a relationship I'm having right now, but I've never treated a woman like that. It's not your fault you encountered s. There is someone out there for you, someone who will treat you right. You have to believe that. I know he deceived you, but that's over with. Don't spend anymore of your time being upset about his deception, that only means that he's deceiving you further. I really am sorry for you, and I hope you find love again. Please don't let him bother you anymore.

Not to be harsh, but your whole post is about guys you seem to be dependent on, to make you happy, and when they don't you are devastated. May I suggest some counseling, to guide you through the process, of learning to love yourself, and your kids, enough to build a happy life, without a relationship. You are responsible for your happiness, not a man.

I agree with Tal about the counselling, it will help you re-affirm yourself worth.

Remember that being in love isn't life, it's only part of it. I know many happy single parents some of who were in a situation not unlike yours, but there's one difference. They live to love their kids, not a partner. Let them be the light of your life and you may well find you'll seldom need anything else.

I am still so mad at that cop for MAKING me believe in him and that he is the one for me. There were no red flags. I gave up on living and had turned into a zombie.

Nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do. You have to create your own life and stop being dependent on others to make you happy or rescue you. Work through your grief and all your trauma and create a life.

Go to counseling, go to support groups, read books and go out into the world and be your own person without depending on a man.

I've been through my own trauma and have done this while raising 3 children. It's do-able. You can do this.