Hi,

I was with my boyfriend for a year. We were very close friends for about 4 years before he told me he liked me. I had a crush on him for a long long time, ever since high school! Being with him with was basically a dream come true for me. Everything was great for about 10 months. He told me he loved me and gave me so much attention.

Then we began arguing about petty things. He told me that these arguments scared him. They were issues we could easily sit down and work out but he would choose to avoid doing that. I was the one calling him, he hardly called me anymore. I was falling for him harder and harder at this point. Eventually he decided to take a break from me because he needed space and wanted to think about what he wanted. After three weeks, he calls me and I told him how felt and how happy I was to be talking to him. He came over that day for couple hours. He acted very normal. After he left, I called him and he tells me that maybe we should go back to friendship and build from there. I was okay with that because I figured maybe that will help our relationship. The next day, I called him to chat, and he got frustrated and flat out told me that we can only be friends and there is no possibility in the future that we will get together. He seemed adamant about that decision. He reassured me that there was no girl involved, but it was because of our "differences" that he didn't see a future with me. I asked him to lets talk about it and work it out but he didn't want to do that. I told him I had changed and wanted to prove myself to him, but he wouldn't give me a chance. I was very very hurt because 1) I wasn't expecting him to be so straightforward and insensitive 2) he did it over the phone 3) he basically threw away 4 years of memories in a second without a proper explanation. He wasn't very nice to me when he told me and I feel as if I don't have proper closure. I was very mad and upset.

I have been depressed since then. He said he wanted to be friends and said he would call me. It has been over a week and he still hasn't called me. I'm trying so hard to get over him, but I keep missing him. I keep recalling all the memories we had together. I can't erase them out of my head. I know I can find someone that will love me and be more sensitive towards me but I still find myself missing him. My friends tell me that he didn't treated me right, but I feel like I messed up somewhere to bring that out in him. I read that you should give yourself time, but its just so hard. I'm just very hurt right now. Do you guys think there is a possibility for us later? How can I get him back? Should I move on, if so how! Its so painful and heartbreaking to go through this. Any advice would help. Thanks!

First of all, it doesn't sound like you did anything to make him act that way and you can't blame yourself. It sounds like he just got scared or tired of the relationship and wanted a way to get out. Guys can be stupid or mean when they want to end a relationship... usually they don't do it very well, which leaves us girls with a lot of questions and insecurities. But the fact is that it seems he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, at least not now. You should try to walk away and rebuild your life. It hurts, but hoping that he will change his mind and want to get back together will just leave you more hurt in the end if it doesn't happen. In fact, if there is one way to increase the chance that he will want you back it is to move on with your life and show him that you didn't need him anyway. Good luck!

This will just take time hun. I would not accept his phone calls because all it will do is give you false hope in getting back together. As hard as it may be you need to have no contact with him until you heal.

I'm so sorry you are going through this but everyday will get a little easier and then you'll backslide into an emotional mess...

Try to get up and get on with your life. Spend time with friends and family and try to remember that you are a whole person outside of the relationship I'm sure there were good times but what about when the times weren't so good? Try to focus on that, trust me it helps. Every time I would remember some great time or some amazing thing my ex said to me I'd then counter that with a time he was a real jerk. It helps.

Don't beat yourself up and let yourself be sad. Let yourself wallow in chocolate cake and Lifetime movies until you feel ready to pull yourself up. (and we are always here on this board for you! )

I was with my ex fiancé for about 5 years. When she broke up with me again I was just like how you are feeling rite now. And believe me I know how your feeling. You are going to hurt for a long time. I'm in my 6 months since she broke with me and TRUST ME when I say this once you LET GO and DO NOT CONTACT HIM or if contacts you leave him alone. I contacted my ex 2 months after she broke up with me and I went rite back to square one. If you keep contacting him you will never heal. I am healing because I let go of her and you will to when YOU decide to do this. And as Glinda said cry when you have to don't hold back your emotions and in time these will start to get better.

If he does call me and I ignore him, will that not leave a negative impression, especially if I'm wanting to fix things?

To be blunt, there is nothing to be fixed by you. He left you need to realize that you cannot do anything to get him to come back right now unless he wants to.

Part of no contact is that you don't humiliate yourself by begging him to take you back it also forces you to deal with how you really feel and allows you to heal.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to but if you look at all the other posts about breaking up nearly everyone has the same advice. No contact, shift your focus and try to get on with your life.

Look forward and concentrate on you from now on. Staying busy and improving your life will help a lot... in time. It's best to stay in no contact to let the emotional dust settle. Who knows what the future holds but it's best to get healthy first before reconciliation. Learning what went wrong etc etc...

Please look at past threads and issues bought up on the forums here, they may bare some similar traits to yours. All the best.

Thank you guys for your advice. This is a great way to get support.

I have one problem: I have to see him every weekend at church. It was very hard for me last weekend, but I got better as the week went on. I don't think there is a way to get around that but how can I be stronger when I do see him?

Does time also take away the feeling of wanting to get back together?

I'm at a point where I can't even cry anymore even if I'm sad. I guess that's considered some progress. I still miss him though.

Time will melt that away too... I remember I wanted to get back together with my ex so badly until I cut off contact then after about 60 days I find myself going what was I thinking?

Well at church just try to avoid him. Stick with your family and friends and if you see him be polite but don't let him engage you in conversation. Remember, you are a strong, confident woman and he is the joker who let you go. You can feel sorry for him but not for yourself ;)

Sometimes people get rude and short when they break up because they get frustrated that there is no way to lovingly break up with someone they love and they get agitated... I doubt he was mad - he was just trying to get a space he'd had on his mind.
And he felt bad.

He loves you and cares for you, but wants space, and he is going to make it clearer every time you circle back... So, how do you survive?

Surround yourself with people that love you and get REALLLY busy for 3 months at least.

Also, Some people have found this helpful: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

You are right Ash123.
He did want space and I think I didn't allow him too have that space during his "break" because I texted him twice. I don't think he liked me very much after that.

I'm willing to give him space. I hope that allows him to clear his mind and heal the pain he went through as well. Hes very stubborn so I don't know if that will change his mind though. Who knows. Its just hard for me because I've liked him for so so long. I hope time will take care of everything.

You are in love.
That is a tough thing... when it is unrequited!

Now is it to your soulmate? Only time and trusting life will tell.

**All I can say is that you may be surprised that someone else who you may love even more is nearer than you think...

Keep your (probably blood shot right now) eyes open. Life isn't always as cruel as it seems...

Actually it sounds like he was being pretty honest and straightforward with you. For that you should be thankful, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It's actually more kind than if he had strung you along, making you think there was something there when in fact there wasn't. It would have come out sooner or later and it would have been all the more painful and difficult when it did. If the two of you are simply not compatible, and it certainly seems that that's the case, then accept that fact and move on.

I feel sometimes we aren't compatible but most of the time we were. It was the last two months that things started going bad. I don't want him to judge me based on those two months. He was straightforward with me but I think we could have made it work if he wasn't so scared by arguments and was willing to sit down and talk about it. He came over the day before he broke up and was acting normal. He even made plans to see me in couple days. I called and something triggered him to end it the next day. It was all so weird and confusing. How can someone that loved you so much just not like you instantly? I know he wanted space, and I'm giving it to him now. I just hope he has a heart and misses me as much as I miss him. I still want to make it work.

Your feeling are so normal after a break up and everyone who has responded understands your pain oh so well so you are not alone at all. Get busy focusing on things and people who make you happy WITHOUT HIM. It gets better, just read the stories of those who have gone through your situation, and get busy. You just need time to heal and learn to handle all those fresh emotions.

I agree with you and everyone else that has posted. He was my first love and my first crush. Its just hard after so many years of liking him to just try and forget about him. I see him every week and that doesn't help because that only makes me want him even more. I hope I can be strong and get over this because I hate feeling this way.

Thank you all for your support.

Hey guys,

I have some developments that I need advice on. He called me and I caved and talked to him for a little bit. I talked normally, not giving him any notion that I'm sad or still in love with him (which I don't know if I am anymore at this point). Well now he wants to get together later this week. He has been texting me a lot. I do not respond to his texts but he still texts me random stuff (like what he had for lunch! ). I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

Hey guys,

I have some developments that I need advice on. He called me and I caved and talked to him for a little bit. I talked normally, not giving him any notion that I'm sad or still in love with him (which I dont know if I am anymore at this point). Well now he wants to get together later this week. He has been texting me alot. I do not respond to his texts but he still texts me random stuff (like what he had for lunch!?). I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

Yeah nothing new here. He probably does miss you, but this doesn't mean that he wants you as his girlfriend. He could even miss your kiss, but would rather "choose" to be without you all the same.

Remember, even if he is texting you, or even if you guys get together and sleep together, don't forget what sort of "choice" he is making. Don't be surprised if he is telling you how he missed you, but that the same choice is there, "where he is just not your man anymore".

Be the smarter and wiser one. This does not mean that you should be rude or mean to him, but it means that you should maintain a good hold over yourself and not for a second give yourself to someone who is not making it "plain" and clear about whether they "truly want you" or whether they just "really miss you". You don't want anymore heartache and you want to get strong, but becareful because an ex usually is going through their own sorrow and will come back to feel an upper (like make sure that you are still there waiting) all so they themselves can "more easily move on".

Your job is to show him you have an excellent life despite of him. Guys don't want girls that have great lives and happiness with them, but they want the girl who is even happy and has a great life without them. Now there's a woman!

I feel like he's feeling the void now and feels lonely. What should I do now?

You may be right, and he may be just making a friendly overture. You did say he wants to be friends.

How old are you all?
What sort of schoool/career pressures do you have?
Is this your first break?

I'm 24 and he's 25.
Im in medical school so I have plenty to keep me busy.
This is not my first break but it is my first serious break from a serious relationship.

I agree with what you guys have to say, but should I see him this week?

He's either protecting himself, missing you and confused, or wanting to ease the tension and see what's next.
I would guess that he's missing you, but the old problems remain.

BE CAREFUL. A breaking of NC does not a relationship make...

I would trust your gut... tell yourself you're going to meet up with him and see how you feel about how it will go. If you listen to your gut, and it says take a couple days and get your head together - do it... You have spent a lot of time so I KNEW he would not stand NC for long... the thing is - if you see him- are you OK with it?

You are in control now. Think about what you want and how much life potential you all have and then meet once you are comfortable and address the space he needs and find a way to accept that... he may find it's not all he dreamed that space would be, but it may be good for both of you... RELAX, he's not going anywhere today.

It does seem like I have some control now.
I don't want to seem weak and let him walk all over me again.
I'm going to be strong and not seem so available all the time for him; give him a taste of his own medicine sort of.

I'm still thinking about meeting up with him. I'll have to weigh the pros and cons.

If you reread your original post, he wants to be friends, and doesn't see a future with you, and he was adamant about it. Not good, that you took the blame as he walked away. Now his texting has you confused, as to his intentions, and your holding hope that he has changed his mind, so of course your more than happy to get with him, and work things out. If you find out he wants you as a friend, you will not only be devastated, your healing will be set back even further. He broke up with you, for whatever reason, and those issues are on the table still, and unresolved. You should focus on you and see things more realistically, before you decide to give him another chance to bring you misery and pain. Don't be in a rush to jump back into the frying pan, while your still confused and hurting.

Like I said in beginning of your post I contacted my ex after 2 months. I told her I still wanted us to be married she said no. Not only did I move back to square one I was also hurt even more because she did she didn't want to marry me. So I agree what Tal says. Heal then if you want to see where you stand then go for it. Although I still miss my ex I see her for what she is, and I will never take her back or speak to her again. That's because I am healing and the emotional dust is now settling.

Hey Guys,

My ex and I have been broken up for about a month now. We met once and he told me still likes me but is still confused. I tried the no contact but we do text once in a while. We don't really converse over the phone much anymore. His confusion ends up confusing me. I had told him that I'm fed up with his confusion and that he needs to figure things out before even trying to talk to me, but he ends up texting me like nothing is wrong. I still want him back and I feel like things can work out if we hang out as friends. What do you guys think?

Thanks.

Ruby,
Sounds like he is trying to lead you o, Cut the string, I don't really think he is interested in your true feelings, if he did he would respect you enough to not make you confused. You are better than that. Move on honey.

Good luck,
Mel

I think that its best to just not respond to him or just tell him you want him to leave you alone because he's going to just keep trying to talk to you. Unless you're the one going to him. Then you need to stop. Its harder to get over a person when you still talk to them

If you cut the contact you will be less confused. Leave him alone and move on with your life.

Hi,
I'm in need of more advice!

After a week and a half of breaking up with me, my ex contacts me and tells me he still likes me but doesn't know what he wants. Ever since then we have been in touch with each other. We talk once in a while, but not as often as we used to. Our conversations are great and we act very nice toward each other. I guess you can say we are friends. We avoid talking about the relationship. I want to start new and show him how I have changed for the better. I do slip sometimes but that will take time to change. It has now been two months, and I want to get back together with him but do not want to rush things. What should I do from here? How should I act? Please guide me!

Also, lately, I have been getting in touch with my ex more often than he gets in touch with me. I know that's a big NO NO, but our conversations are good and he makes me feel comfortable contacting him. However, he said he would call me Saturday, but never did. Last time I stopped contacting him, he would text/call all the time. Last week, I was the one texting and calling, he never called me unless to respond to me. Should I stop contacting him to get a response out of him? To the guys: How does this game work!

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you guys!

Woha slow down. You have changed in a week? No I don't think so, unless you have been through some life changing traumatic event I doubt it.

This relationship is over, he's confused and wants you on the back burner. I suggest you go no contact for your own sanity. Or the ongoing pattern of confusion and game playing will prevail over your emotional health - Which is not good. Trust me Ive been there. Ex confused but still 'likes you' or perhaps you're the safety net and habit.

Time to move on and put this one down to experience. In time with No contact, you will move on and he will be a fading memory. No contact means deleting his number, myspace, Facebook, email and blocking him and all memories away!

If you fail to do this you will be back here, maybe? - time and time again. You will fail to heal and your emotional and maybe physical health will suffer.

Concentrate on you now, what you want. Ever wanted to do something? Do it, go travelling, book a holiday, start yoga, go out and party, see your friends more, read a book, learn a little every day, but whatever you do don't break NC. Your be stronger at the end of the day and your ex would have lost out in his own confusion not yours.

Maybe you will be friends one day but not until the emotional dust has settled. Let it, I advise you!

Sounds like your in quite a predicament here... if your heart can handle it, I would just take it day by day and go from there. It looks like the two of you are opposite ends of the scale. You want more and he is unsure of what exactly what he wants. If you force the relationship issue with him you will certainly drive him away by pressuring him and causing undo stress. Like I said if you can handle just being friends for now, I would with that... if you can't your going to have to walk away from him until he figures out what he wants. If it was meant for a second time it will happen... just let it happen naturally...

I think you need to just leave it alone. If he wanted you back, he would have said so. He may have no problems being a friend to you, but it appears that is all he wants.
I think you either need to accept that or just stop talking to him all together. The fact that he is not the first to call you, should tell you something.

Is there no possibility that this can be a SLOW start to getting back together? I feel that we needed this "break" and time to value each other more.

Also, its been two months, not one week.

If this is what you have after two months, this is all you're going to have. I would think that he has moved on, so should you.

MAKE HIM WORK.

Geez, what are you his hired phone friend?
If friends is OK, keep going... if not, consider this:

You are still on his mind, but you are easy to have as a friend.
If you want to be more than friends, he MUST contact you.
And you don't have to answer... At your age (how old are you? )
Relationships cannot be expected to last forever. So, he is doing what's normal.

But if you all have any chance left, it's going to take you being a bit more... busy!
... go on a trip, a date, a movie night. Try a month of no talking and see what kind
Of messages you get - you may be surprised. I hate games - but today, I'll share that.

Just know that games are for kids and relationships are for adults.

I agree with you Ash123. We did avoid talking for a while and he contacted me a lot.
Once I started contacting him, he kind of just responded back to my messages and calls.

I am 24 and he is 25. I feel that with time and friendship, maybe we can see where we stand with each other. Maybe we will value each other more as time goes on and learn from our mistakes we made before, which is why I keep in touch with him. But I'm going to try leaving the ball in his court this time. I'm trying to take it a day at a time.

Leave him Alone. If he wants to be with you he will let you know.

If he does not then you will know.

Don't contact him anyway, be prepared to lose him befopre hen will come back, this is the only way.

If you only want to be friends, then keep doing what you are doing and calling him cause adventually he will not want you in any way...

Hi Guys...

I'm not contacting him anymore. You all were right. No matter how much I will try to better myself, he won't change. I am going to try to get over him by not contacting him. Hopefully he'll feel the void.

If he does contact me, is it okay to ignore his calls and texts? I've never done that because I always considered it rude, but I feel like I really need to stay away from him. It's the best thing for me. I just don't know how.

Please advise.

Yeh ignore him! Hes in your past. Leave it there for your own sanity. Don't be his safety net. Nc

Remember HE gave you up... you owe him NOTHING! Walk away now... do you really want to be 2nd best in his life? No one deserves that... move on...

If he does contact me, is it okay to ignore his calls and texts? I've never done that because I always considered it rude, but I feel like I really need to stay away from him. Its the best thing for me. I just dont know how. Please advise.
It's perfectly OK. There's nothing rude about it. He doesn't own you and you don't have to drop everything at his beckon call and answer to him. If he knows you're willing to do that he'll actually lose interest and stop pursuing you because he'll know that you'll always be there. You need to be too busy to get back to him right away, if at all (or at the very least make him think that you are.) He needs to know that if he wants quality time with you then he has to make that time and if he doesn't then he loses out. That's the real trick to keeping him around.

I for one would never ever want to be my ex's friend. It's all or nothing in my opinion, If he doesn't want all of me then he gets none of me!!

Hey guys,

So I was happily doing my no contact for about two weeks and he texts me. I was afraid this would happen. Its like he has a radar that tells him whenever I'm happy for once, to contact me. I responded with a quick response, but why is he doing this? I'm going to try to stay busy so I don't talk to him every time he tries to get in touch with me. I'm just sick of his tactics.

Yep, this is a good move. Remember, he broke it off with you. You are just now coming to accept it. Leave him alone and you will heal.

Hey Guys,

An update... He wants to try our relationship again after 2 months. I don't know if it was the no contact that made him come back, but I'm not sure what to do. I want him back and I want to try again but I don't think he has changed. It will take a lot of work. It seems that my feelings for him are stronger than his for me at this point. I need to be patient and not get too emotionally involved just yet. He said he wants to take things slow. I'm sure that's a good idea considering how many disagreements we had before, but what does that exactly mean? What is the best way to go about this without messing things up again?

He is thinking he can get you back. Leave this guy alone. You can get through this if you'd stop anwering his calls and responding to his texts.
If you mean business, act like it and stop responding to him. He has no respect for you at all.

MAKE HIM WORK.

Geez, what are you his hired phone friend?
If friends is ok, keep going...if not, consider this:

You are still on his mind, but you are easy to have as a friend.
If you want to be more than friends, he MUST contact you.
And you don't have to answer....At your age (how old are you??)
relationships cannot be expected to last forever. So, he is doing what's normal.

But if you all have any chance left, it's gonna take you being a bit more...busy!
....go on a trip, a date, a movie night. try a month of no talking and see what kind
of messages you get - you may be surprised. i hate games - but today, i'll share that.

just know that games are for kids and relationships are for adults.

"See what kind of messages you get, you may be surprised..."

Well... Ok? :-)
Anyway, yes, A respectful silence after a long relationship can bear fruit and sanity.
Bit, I would take my time if I was you and listen to your gut. You are in control at this point...
Don't be vindictive, but explore the reality of your respective expectations and what -if anything - he has new to say... same ol' - same o' - can only lead to same ol' - same ol'... at the least he did some personal soul searching.

One day at a time...

I got back with my boyfriend 4 weeks ago after a 2 month break up. He wanted to try again and go SLOW. I am very emotionally attached to him, but it seems that he isn't where I am just yet. He knows that I am a few steps ahead of him. He claims he is working on it. He told me he's half way there to committing 100% to me. He also told me he doesn't feel the sparks we had before. I don't understand what he means by that because we have a great connection when we are together. I didn't think its suppose to be this complicated. I tried to step back emotionally, but its so hard because I am in love with him. I don't want to lose him again. What should I do? Please help.

Try to hide your feeling for him and take it slow... you need to give it some time

I got back with my boyfriend 4 weeks ago after a 2 month break up. He wanted to try again and go SLOW. I am very emotionally attached to him, but it seems that he isn't where I am just yet. He knows that I am a few steps ahead of him. He claims he is working on it. He told me hes half way there to committing 100% to me. He also told me he doesn't feel the sparks we had before. I dont understand what he means by that because we have a great connection when we are together. I didn't think its suppose to be this complicated. I tried to step back emotionally, but its so hard because I am in love with him. I don't want to lose him again. What should I do? Please help.


I was dumped by a girlfriend 2 weeks ago and found she was pregnant 4 days ago. (she is now almost 6 weeks pregnant).

I really want her back, and I want her to want me back, but that is not happening. I think the problem is she knows how bad I want her, so maybe she has to see me move on.

But I don't want to, especially now she is carrying my baby.

Won't there be a tme when she re-considers. She is going to be lonely without me there to support her 24/7.

My only mistake in our relationship was to not give her enough space.


That is complicated huh!

I see that a common advice is to give him space. But, is that okay and healthy when two people are in a relationship? Shouldn't we be working on it together? I guess its more complicated than it sounds.

For d sake of yourself worth, take it slow and he will cherish u more as time goes by

I am currently in medical school. My boyfriend has a great job in business. Now, he wants to quit his job and own his own business because he will make more money that way. He is very ambitious when it comes to money so there is no doubt he will work hard, but deep down inside, I know he will hate it and regret quitting his current job. One thing that concerns him is my career path and his will not match. He says his isn't as prestigious. At first I agreed with him and tried to dissuade him from owning his own business, but it just backfired on me. Now I told him I will support him in whatever he does. We recently got back together after he broke up with me, and he is still unsure about us he says. That hurts me a lot even after showing him that I support him no matter what. Did I do the right thing by showing support? Should I find someone of my caliber even though for some reason I still love this guy? He hasn't put me as a priority ever since we have gotten back together. He hardly calls or texts me. He does make an effort to see me once a week though.

You'll have to make your own decision on this. We can't make it for you. If you don't feel that he is adequately vested in this relationship then it may be time to call it off. I think the whole job/business thing is just a red herring and has nothing to do with the real issues here.

I may be wrong but you've described a perfect NE-ern mind set and if I'm wrong I appologize.

The concept of education as it relates to one's social and/or intellectual tier remains strong within certain regions of this country (USA) but a far greater portion of our population has been able to clearly define that concept and in the past 20 years we've witnessed a growing sense of awareness as it relates to one's success in and out of the "mainstream."

We are more aware of the fact that a Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakof produced music without a book of instructions and you can be the Governor of California and lack any formal education.

A physician was pedestal-ized (psst-held on a pedestal) into the 4th quarter of the 20th century in much the same way a priest, rabbi, airline pilot, film actor, poet, artist and a whole assortment of magnates, scientists and authors might have been. Today that list has "normalized", becoming far more realistic.

Relegation; the ability to provide quality health care has become far more reliant on non-physician "types" due to advancements in both technology and pharmacology not to mention scores of non traditional care givers and the exponential rise in personal health awareness. Often one's signature out perform personage.

The faint hint of success or intellectual superiority based on societal norms would be cause for any bright person educated or not to seek refuge. As a witness to this man's response the very last thing needed was a 180 but there are regions in this country where 180's are a way of life and a way to find social and intellectual acceptance.

To me it doesn't sound like you are showing support you are only giving him lip service. I mean you already know he is going to hate owning his own business how you already know that is beyond me I guess they have course you can take in medical school that gives you the power to tell the future. And to be so pompous to say that he is not your caliber but you love him anyway is just wrong!! To be honest you should break up with him and find someone in medical school that is developing a God Complex like you are. It shouldn't be to hard.

Well my question is, why did you break up with you?

It seems to me he has his plate full. My ex dumped me to figure out his life, like his mind was spinning and being in a relationship only added to his confusion. I would give him some space.

I'm in quite a dilemma. I'm very confused regarding my boyfriend. We broke up and got back together. Its been 2 months since then and I still feel so distant from him. He wanted to start things slow, but He hardly calls me. I used to do a lot of calling and texting, but I felt like I was the only one making the effort. We had talked about how important it is to communicate and call each other. He had told me he would call me at least every other day but that doesn't happen. When he tells me he will call me, he never ends up calling me. I'm not asking for much, just some attention from him. I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Am I? He doesn't realize the value of who he has. I have very strong feelings for him and I can't break up with him for some reason, even though I know that's the best thing for me to do. Is there anyway to win him back? I have recently stopped calling or texting him. I don't know what that will accomplish but I feel like I'm the only one giving and making an effort in this relationship. Its not fair so I'm stepping back. Is that a good idea? Please help..

Hi ruby,

I have a few questions...

Are you two seeing each other every day?
If so, why is it so important to you to text or call on a regular basis just to get confirmation of the relationship.
Do you live aparat and see each other only a few times a week?
If so, what do you do with the time you have? Just go to bed and get on with it, or talk about what interests you share and what your future plans are, and what you plan on learning about each other.

Most men think it's being too easy to text and call every day, they consider this 'not manly' and it can become a 'chore' to them, especially when they have other things on their minds.

So, let me know exactly how you see your relationship, what you really want from it, OK.

C.U. soon ont this forum.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)

Dear Ruby...
My PM basket is getting fuller and it is hard to communicate with the fear of not getting the message because it's too full, so I am going to be as discrete as possible on this post.

It is my belief that he has had his cake and want's to continue to eat it too. You are like money in the bank to him and he no longer feels he needs to pay the interest.

I too have had my experience with medical school and I know how hard it is to study and find someone who is compatible and caring enough to deserve the time that I did have to share with someone else.

Honey, you deserve someone who understands your needs, is ready to reassure you in the relationship, and gets over his insecurities. This dude sounds like he's looking for a free ticket but does not want to reveal exactly how inept he is at committing.

You are young, still have a lot of serious studying to do, and you deserve to have warmth and comfort when you want it, and not the other way around. It is your turn to choose how you want to spend your free time, and I'm sure it's not attempting to call or text someone you are not certain will return the gesture.

Girl, tell him to find someone else to play with, you are not his toy. No man is that good in bed to compromise all your free time and energy for, well maybe there is, but he's not the one...

I doubt very much he'd be willing to place himself in your shoes for more than a few minutes because he will not be able to keep up with you and your chosen world. Don't give up on yourself to make him the center of your universe, he's not worth it.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)I'm 56, and have met all kinds, so you can safely take my word for it.

We will be here to help you through the transition and assist in regaining your strength.

You deserve it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNfox000)

I'm in quite a dilemma. I'm very confused regarding my boyfriend. We broke up and got back together. Its been 2 months since then and I still feel so distant from him. He wanted to start things slow, but He hardly calls me. I used to do alot of calling and texting, but i felt like I was the only one making the effort. We had talked about how important it is to communicate and call each other. He had told me he would call me at least every other day but that doesnt happen. When he tells me he will call me, he never ends up calling me. I'm not asking for much, just some attention from him. I feel like im being taken for granted. Am I? He doesnt realize the value of who he has. I have very strong feelings for him and I can't break up with him for some reason, even though I know thats the best thing for me to do. Is there anyway to win him back? I have recently stopped calling or texting him. I dont know what that will accomplish but I feel like I'm the only one giving and making an effort in this relationship. Its not fair so im stepping back. Is that a good idea? Please help..

Yes you are making the right decision. Actions speak louder than words. His actions say that he is not interested. So, be strong and believe in yourself. You definitely deserve better. Someone who is interested in you. Get involved in yourself and take care of yourself. Leave this boyfriend and don't look back. He won't change. Just like the color of his eyes, he won't change. Get on with your life and don't waste anymore of your precious time on this person. Take care.

I do not plan on breaking up with him just yet because I want to be mentally prepared for that and want no regrets after I let him go. Will backing off a little bit and not calling him anymore help me? I feel like if he likes me, he should make the effort to make this work; if he doesn't, then I know where we stand. I guess if I'm not around for him like I was before, he'll come around if he really does want to be with me?

I do not plan on breaking up with him just yet because I want to be mentally prepared for that and want no regrets after i let him go. Will backing off a little bit and not calling him anymore help me? I feel like if he likes me, he should make the effort to make this work; if he doesnt, then I know where we stand. I guess if im not around for him like i was before, he'll come around if he really does want to be with me?

I think you know it's over. You are right, you have to be ready to let him go. Sometimes life is just difficult. But look at his actions. That tells you the true story. Do yourself a favor and don't take this situation personal. Feel good about yourself and know that there is somebody a lot better for you. And yes, don't call him at all. Why? Get on with your life and start preparing for somebody a million times better! Think of that. Somebody that really cares about you will want to be with you all the time. Wouldn't you like to be with someone like that?

I understand that he not treating me right and that I can do much much better. Why is it then that I am so unable to let him go?

I think you're doing the right thing. He doesn't seem very vested in this relationship. I can't believe that you're happy with the way things are. That being the case I think you should step back and explore other options. If you give him less attention he might start giving you more.

There are no guarantees in life.

Go on with your's as planned, and don't give up anything for him. He might just 'grow up' in a few years and wind up being the right one, but don't go into the 'hoping and waiting' zone. Go out with others and see what they have to offer to prove to you that it's possible to be happy. Just remember, the only person you can change is yourself.

If he changes and wants you back it will be on him to prove that he deserves you.

Take care dear, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

My boyfriend has been ignoring my calls and texts lately due to him being super busy. He said he doesn't have few seconds to respond to my texts. It made no sense to me. I talked to him for two hours, crying my eyes out, explaining to him how I need just a little attention and I need to feel somewhat important in his life. He doesn't want to let me go and neither do I want to let him go right now. He told me he would call me the next day, because I was too emotional, to explain his side, but it has been 3 days and I haven't heard from him yet. I'm not sure if that scared him or if he doesn't like me anymore. All I know is that I'm hurt, confused, and everything makes no sense. What should I do? Please help, I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night.

If you read through the threads in this section you'll see that one of the biggest, in fact probably THE biggest turnoff in a relationship is being overly needy and clingy. It's good that your boyfriend is busy and has a life of his own. You need to do the same. If you continue to be overly needy and clingy you'll end up losing him and everyone else who comes into your life. Ignore him for a while and get involved in other activities. If you make him start to miss you by not always being there for him I guarantee he'll start paying more attention to you. Try it and see.

I don't ask for much though. I ask for a calls once in a while and I ask for him to not ignore my calls and texts. It just makes me feel unimportant. That's all. I don't think that's being overly clingy.

What should I do? Please help, I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night
Stop crying, and start living your own life, and learn to make yourself happy, instead of being miserable, and making him miserable. Question, what do you do, beside cry, do you work, and have hobbies, and friends?? Stop calling him, and let him call you. If he doesn't?? If he does, shouldn't you be busy with your own life?? Return his calls later. For sure you need to focus on yourself no, matter what he does.

Yeah, it's true... she seems needy... but if the boyfriend doesn't call for 2 - 3 days in a row, or even texts, I sense problems. Now, if you guys are just dating, then no communication for 2 - 3 days isn't uncommon. If you guys are actually in a relationship where you two have been talking to one another, no communication for 2 - 3 days... is a warning sign to me.

I'm in my 20s... I am a full time student, I volunteer, and I have a part time job, but I make sure to call my girlfriend (when I had one) at least once a day, and if I'm too busy to do that, I at least text just to say hi.

Listen to tal. Do your own thing. Quit waiting by the phone. Go out with your friends. If he calls you, great. But once he calls you, DON'T go back to waiting on the phone. Keep doing what you do. Find a good balance. If he doesn't call... guess he just doesn't care as much anymore. And you'll be better off.

It sounds to me like you are being kind of needy and this could possibly pushing him away. You say that you only ASK him to call and you ASK for him not to ignore you. You're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to ask. By asking him to do this he thinks that you are being needy. And by crying on the phone trying to explain your side and how you feel, that didn't help. Cos now he might think you're a little unstable because you couldn't communicate your feelings in a adult manner. By letting the little things in a relationship get to you, it often ends it. Give it a few days, go have fun with your friends. Don't call him, don't text him, just go do something for YOU. I promise he'll be calling because he's not getting this attention from you. It might snap him back into the boyfriend you want him to be.

Thanks guys, I agree. He has texted me like 3 times already and I didn't respond to them.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I got mad at him and he said he can't deal with it and that Im crazy. I was seriously upset about something I heard. He was like this isn't making him happy. He told me he can't be in the middle of this and hung up on me. He was obviously mad. I called back and left a message telling him that I trust him and if he respected me he should call me back. He never did. Next day I texted him regretting how I approached the whole issue and how I shouldn't have just attacked him like that. No reply. I haven't gotten any response for him. He shuts off when he's upset with me.

Hes going out of the country for few weeks, where we will be in no contact. I'm just confused because I feel he always turns the problem around on me and I feel guilty. He never apologizes because he feels its never his fault. Should I not contact him before he leaves? If he doesn't contact me before he leaves I will be upset. Im so confused and hurt. I just want to be happy. I can't let him go. It hurts. Should I call him before he leaves? I feel like he won't respond to my texts and calls if he's mad. We all have arguments but I don't know why he hasn't forgiven me and called. What should I do? Help.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I got mad at him and he said he can't deal with it and that Im crazy. I was seriously upset about something I heard. he was like this isnt making him happy. He told me he can't be int he middle of this and hung up on me. He was obviously mad. I called back and left a message telling him that I trust him and if he respected me he should call me back. he never did. next day I texted him regretting how I approached the whole issue and how I shouldnt have just attacked him like that. No reply. I haven't gotten any response for him. he shuts off when hes upset with me.

Hes going out of the country for few weeks, where we will be in no contact. I'm just confused because I feel he always turns the problem around on me and I feel guilty. He never apologizes because he feels its never his fault. Should I not contact him before he leaves? If he doesnt contact me before he leaves I will be upset. Im so confused and hurt. I just want to be happy. I can't let him go. It hurts. Should I call him before he leaves? I feel like he wont respond to my texts and calls if hes mad. We all have arguements but I dont know why he hasnt forgiven me and called. What should I do? Help.
Really quick what was the topic that was approached? Not knowing the topic I don't really know what to say; but, if he did nothing wrong and he had nothing to hide and was being completely honest about it then he wouldn't turn the tables and make you feel like you are the bad person.

It's kind of like, if a partner accuses the other partner of cheating - they are usually actually the cheater, type of thing, not always true, but a lot of the time it is.

Men are always embarrassed to admit when their wrong and they like it when the women begs for their attention... It makes them feel like their in control. I have a boyfriend now and whenever we argue its always my fault... I learned that sometimes you have to let them come to you for once... All you should do is try calling him one more time and if he doesn't pick up leave him a voicemail telling him how u feel about him and how much u care and love him then send him an text message saying that u left him a voicemail and that u hope u listen to it and tell him that he can take all the time he needs to think and you will always be there waiting

If he is this guy,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2269804
Then enough is enough, time to leave him alone, and deal with yourself.

You already contacted him. You've left messages and texts telling him what you feel. Leave it. Take these next couple weeks when he's "out of the country" to really examine your relationship. Good luck! :)

I have thought about letting him go very seriously, but its too hard for me to do it. My mind says to get rid of him, I can do better; but my heart is too fond of him. I don't know what it is that keeps me wanting him: comfort? Attachment? I don't get any attention from him and I know I'm not his priority right now. Everything he does to me, I forgive him. I haven't heard from him this whole week, despite saying I'm Sorry. I don't know what to do.

Its Friday night. Get some of your girlfriends together and do something that will take your mind off him. Hit Blockbuster for some major chick flicks, go to a movie, hang out and make cookies (!), masque up your face and drink lots of cucumber water while painting your toes, whatever you decide to do - but make it a night all about you. You've done what you can (in the form of text, messages, voice mails, etc.) with your guy, now focus on YOU!! Really, it will be worth it.

My situation is similar to HurtingALot but I'm not as strong as her. I found out that he was "looking" for another girl through the grapevine. I called him and over-reacted maybe. I trust him though for some reason. And now I feel guilty that I approached it wrong. Maybe I should have been calmer. He had broken up with me before because we argued a lot. I think this one scared him because he realized I didn't change. I feel I have the right to be angry, but he didn't understand. He just hung up on me and never contacted me. I don't think he wants me, but why keep me around? I was so close to breaking up with him, but I didn't have the heart to do it. I know I deserve better, why do I keep keeping him around? I've had to ask for his attention and I told him all I want is to feel a little important. I texted him today saying I'm sorry, but I haven't gotten any response. I don't know what to do.

I agree with Skyprincess and HistorianChick
Guys that turn the table are most often doing it to be defensive because they do have something to hide. They have so many tricks for turning the table to make you feel guilty so you back off.
Most likely you could have handled the situation different but it is done and all you can do is wait it out to see what direction it is going to go.
In the meantime do as HistorianChick said and go out with girl friends and have a good time. Do things to take your mind off him. BUT don't bother with guys for awhile until you see where it is or isn't going with him and you get over him a bit.

When I have to bring something up to a guy that I know they will try and deny and turn the tables I catch them off guard with a comment in a joking way like "ahhhha so that your new gf" and catch their reaction rather than their words.

I think if you falsely accused him of something then you should give him all the time he needs. If afterwards there is still hurt feelings then move on. You can't go through life crying.

You have been attached to this guy for a long time, and depend on him to be happy. Break this cycle, and leave him alone, as he has left you, and start loving yourself enough to be happy, without him. Chasing , begging and pleading is not love, so give yourself a chance at life, and move on. See the links to the sticky's on this forum, for some good suggestions on how to heal, and build a life that you enjoy. Click and tell us what you think, and if it fits your situation.

I will be very hurt if he doesn't call me at least to say "bye" before he leaves, especially after apologizing. I will try to be okay, but knowing that fact will hurt and confuse me a lot. I don't want to feel that way. What should I do?

Thank you guys for the input. Its helping me get through this.

If you acted on hearsay then I certainly understand his anger and frustration. And if this has happened before then I'd say you're coming perilously close to losing him for good. For now I'd just lay low and not call him. If he doesn't call you before he leaves then wait until he returns. I'm sure he'll think about things while he's away and will probably call you to discuss things when he returns. Things may not turn out the way you want but at least you'll know where you stand.

Again see the links in my signature, if you want to know what to do.

He is leaving today, and he hasn't called to say goodbye. I'm hurt but I know he won't contact me before he leaves. I know most people would say this means its over, but it won't mean its over to me till he tells me himself. I'm not ready to let him go without knowing what all this means. I may sound crazy right now but I guess that's what love does to you. I should have approached him more calmly. I'm so confused and nervous. I just wanted to hear from him before he left. Should I try to contact him after he gets back? After not talking for weeks, will he come back and contact me?

Thank you guys for your advice. It helps me going.

I'm sorry I keep posting on here; I just feel so down and depressed that I feel like this forum is the only way for me to vent. Any help will be appreciated. Thank you!

I have a new problem...

We had an argument and I confronted my boyfriend about something I heard about him. Out of anger I told him that its over and he hung up on me. I called back and told him that I do trust him and that I'm sorry. He didn't call me back. I didn't mean to say its over. I apologized but he has not responded back to me. I have texted him twice apologizing. He is out of country for next 3 weeks. We will not be in touch with each other during these weeks. He didn't even say goodbye before he left. He could be busy packing or he could be venting. I learned my lesson though. I just blew up because he hasn't been giving me attention I need and deserve, so this argument just made me mad and say its over. I know guys may take it seriously, but I apologized sincerely. He had broken up with me before because of arguments and he came back to me even after I told him I don't want anything to do with him. I'm hoping that this will blow over and he will call me. Will he be cooled off by the time he returns? What should I do? I want to think positive, but its hard to when people are telling me that he took what I said seriously. I hope that's not the case because I apologized and Im sure he didn't want to end it with me either. Please help me!

Given your history since last year,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2280514
Your having a very weak moment and will pass.

I have to ask, how old are you? And how old is he?

It is a very weak moment, but its not passing. I have not been happy lately. I feel neglected. I always blame myself for whatever happens because he hates it when we argue. My friends believe I deserve better but I still love him. I don't know what to do now because he hasn't contacted me even after I apologized twice. He left and didn't even say good bye to me. It depresses me and my stomach is in knots at the thought of him coming back and not calling me. What should I do? Will he call me after he gets back? Will he cool off over the few weeks? I'm just very confused and nervous. I hate this feeling. I'm so unhappy right now. My stomach is constantly in knots and I feel very depressed. I am in grad school and am very stressed and busy with that but he is constantly on my mind. I need advice. Please give me positive advice. Please help me.

First, you have to take a long hard look at how you react to situations and plan accordingly. Don't do anything until you do this... cause the last thing you want is to be back with him and get into your "comfort zone" again and start blowing up at random stuff.

I'd call him, and talk to him very nicely and politely. Tell him you realized what you did wrong and that you will make sure things like that won't happen again. Tell him how much he means to you and how much the relationship means. Say this all calmly and confident...

Keep us updated

I did text him telling him that it will not happen again and that I'm sorry. What do I do if he doesn't pick up when I call? I don't know how I can talk to him in person assuming he doesn't pick up or call back.

All you can do is try... but try once or twice (you already texted him so give it a day or two)


DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT! Chase him... you will only burn your dignity and any self esteem you have.

He got the message, if he doesn't call move on.

Hi Ruby. You mentioned you had posted here before so I went back and took a look at your relationship diary. I got light-headed just reading it. So bear with me.

From your posts, it was abundantly clear to me that your relationship wasn't working, and it just got messier and messier and it is what it is today.

In my opinion, since you two got back together after the two month split, he was just going through the motions and didn't want to be there. He was emotionally absent. No matter how angry, mad, upset you are at your SO, if it's a healthy relationship you don't just ignore them by not answering, not calling, etc. This leads me to believe that while officially he was in the relationship, he had checked out a long time ago. Now, why someone would do this is beyond me, there could be a whole number of reasons, but they don't really matter now.

I think you know exactly why he's doing what he's doing, but it's too painful to accept, largely because I think you feel responsible for it. It's not wrong to disagree with someone's career plans. But changing your mind just weeks later, is suspect and doesn't sound right. It is not wrong to ask for more than they are able to give. But not knowing when to cut your losses and keep banging someone over the head until they do is immature and naïve.

This the main difference between men and women. When a man finds a woman he wants, he keeps her, and doesn't try to make her change to fit his ideal. While we women, do the opposite: we find someone who is %75 there and go about trying to change them into our usually-warped and unrealistic expectations of an ideal mate. This backfires every single time, and then we wonder why.

So don't go trying to call him and apologize for breaking up because you already have the answers you need. He's not going to provide any clarity. Give the guy a break. Even if he does call you back--which I think is highly unlikely because I think he's just too exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster ride he's been on--you should do both of yourselves a favor and move on. This relationship was over a long time ago, and he has realized it. Now its your turn to do the same. You're in medical school, so obviously you're smart. Let the professors keep you busy. And, let logic triumph over these crazy emotions/reactions you're having right now. Once you think about it really hard, I think it'll all be clear.

Hi guys,

I'm back and its pretty serious.

I have been very depressed and down for past few months. After having a serious conversation about our relationship, where we both agreed that we want us to work, I feel he doesn't seem to show me he wants to work on it. He hasn't called me in over a week. He texted me few days ago to tell me to have a good day, but its so generic I didn't text back. He could have easily called me instead. I'm not sure if he's just keeping me around until something better comes along or if he really wants to work this out but take his time. I am so down and confused. To make matters worse, my parents don't approve of him now. They want me to stop talking to him. I will be getting a grad degree and he doesn't have a grad degree. It really doesn't matter to me, but it matters to them. And they realize that he shows no interest towards me. They are worried sick about me and it makes me worry about them. Im not going to fight for him if he's not worth it.

I feel no one knows what's between us except us. I'm confused. When he's with me, he's perfect and says the perfect things, but when he's not around me, I hardly get phone calls. He wants us to work but I don't know what's going on. I don't know if its because he found out that my parents don't approve so he's freaking out. A big part of me wants to let go of him but my heart won't let it happen. I do love him a lot but I feel its one sided. I just don't know what to do. I want to be happy again, but I can't let go of him. Its too hard. Its so frustrating to be so conflicted. Its so hard to break up with someone you like so much but you know isn't making you happy. It's a crucial time in my career (I'll be a doctor) and I need to be content with my life to get through it.

I'm so tired of being down and depressed. Its affecting me and my relationsihps with my friends. Myself worth and confidence has gone down. I want to snap out of it, But at the same time I can't let him go. If the best thing for me is to let him go, I need a lot of encouragement and support because I will fall apart. Should I just wait it out and see what happens?

Most of you know my history and it has been a roller coaster. I have turned to you guys to help me get through this. Please help me.

Thank you so much.

Oh, sweetie, you sound so consumed by sadness. I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this again.

Sometimes it is time to let go. Sometimes you need to simply dry your tears and decide that you can't do it anymore. Sometimes for your own mental/emotional health you just have to stop fighting and walk away.

This is the hardest thing to do. I've gone through a variety of heartaches but have found that letting go is the most painful. But if you need to do it, you will have the strength to get through.

Have you talked to him about your feelings? Have you told him all that you said on this post? You said that you have talked and that you both decided that you wanted to try and make it work... but have you talked - really talked - to him since? Does he know that you are feeling like this?

Hon, you said your life is a roller coaster... don't I know!! I posted a comment on the last page of my quotes thread yesterday about the roller coaster of life. I've also talked with a dear friend of mine and we have concluded that yes, life is a roller coaster, but you do have the option of getting off.

The roller coaster is unpredictable. It is often exciting and mysterious. But it is also emotionally gut-wrenching because of the ups and downs and the constant "will he call," "will he choose me," "will he be there for me," "am I his One," and on and on. One minute, you'll be flying through the air and the next you'll be crashing to the bottom of the world. The coaster is uncontrollable.

But hon, there is a porch swing sitting right there. Its waiting for you. It is sitting there in all of its controllable loveliness. On the swing, you can sit with a good book, a good friend, a steamy cup of coffee, and watch the roller coaster from a distance. Its all up to you.

The key is reality vs. perception. The reality of your relationship is always the same. But are you going to view it from the roller coaster or the swing?

We're here for you - keep your chin up. And remember that your tears only create your rainbow. You're worth the best.

Hi Ruby07:

We share a lot in common. I too, am in a similar situation. The difference with me is that my ex husband wants me back and I am really hesitant about it. What's even more interesting, is that I still have love for my ex boyfriend too. Ugghh... it all sucks no matter how you look at it.

But here's the thing for you, and this holds true for me, if you are suffering more than laughing, than you have your answer. From your post, it already sounds like you made up your mind.

Look, you seem like you are a very bright person and you have your head on straight. You are going places and you can't stop now. This crap is just holding you back. Believe me, I had this same dillemma come up for me around my ex boyfriend. I was totally in love with him like no kidding!! He just wasn't interested in a committed relationship even though everything he said sounded like he was. I gave him chance after chance to work on things and he chose the later.

We always feel like no one else will come along for us but they do. You will meet so many people (I am sure of that) you can't see that but it will happen. For me, I'm probably much older than you or at least by ten years or so; which makes dating for me harder than it would be for you.

Why would you want to be in a relationship now anyway? You are on your way to bigger and better things. But to be compassionate for you, I do really get where you are at. It's tough (believe me). Love never discriminates. We can't help who we fall in love with but if this guy isn't aligning with your life, don't spend more time with him. Believe me, the pain will be there a while!! But everyday things get a little bit better. Stop the intimacy and you will see that the emotional stuff will eventually dwindle.

Lastly, allow yourself to CRY!! Cry, cry, cry and start changing your thought processes around like look at why you are better off without him. You have to use reverse psychology too.

All the best...

He has no idea how depressed I am. If I tell him how upset I am, he usually says I'm being dramatic and not to be dependent on him. I have told myself to let him do things on his own. I'm okay with that, but not responding to my texts and not calling for over a week worries me. When we talked last, everything was perfect. I don't know what went wrong. I'm tempted to call him and find out, but maybe I shouldn't?

Things have never been perfect, and you and this guy fizzled last year, but somebody, maybe both just can't let go. You are far more emotional, than he is and he is far more independent, than you are. Hey this ain't happening between you, so take a long break, and leave him alone, and do not contact him. I really can't believe you haven't dumped him a long, long time ago. You don't need encouragement, you need a rehab, because your addicted, and not in love. That's right, you don't love YOURSELF, enough to do what's best for you, and haven't for a long time. End this. No more excuses.

The best thing is to let him go and you CAN let him go, but you are choosing not to do so.

You have to decide that you are more important than him or your relationship. You can do this. You can move but you have to decide to move.

Right now you are deciding not to decide. You can choose to move on. Turn it off and move on.