well here's the deal


I'm a 19 year old male and I'm a virgin. Its completely my choice(ive turned down sex more times than anybody I know). I'm an atheist so this has nothing to do with any sort of religion, I just want something more than a quick you know. I've only dated one person seriously. She was a Christian so there was no problems avoiding it there. But here lately I've run into a huge bump. I'm in college and I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex and its getting really hard to turn down. And all the girls get pissed when I say no and want nothing to do with me. I'm afraid of throwing away my values, but I'm a guy and my primal instincts are running rampant.
I could go on but it takes too much time so here are my questions

are there any girls left that want to connect instead of and run.
and what can I do to cope with my temptations.
do girls even like virgins.
edit- to makes things a little more clear I'm not apposed to sex at all in fact I want it I just need a bond for me to be comfortable.

I don't know thanks for reading

Your virgininty is one thing no one can take away from you keep it until you feel it is right. When you meet the right girl she will not be bothered that you are a virgin.

The short answer is Yes, those girls are out there.

The counter question is: Where are you looking for them?

I want the same thing as you. I am 21 male virgin but I've not exactly had girls throw themselves at me.

Yes you may be gaging for it sometimes. But I still think you should NOT throw away your values. Anyone that gets pissed at you after you tell them what you want is not worth it.

Question: Are most young women like this? Maybe you need to meet older women.

The short answer is Yes, those girls are out there.

The counter question is: Where are you looking for them?
Got to agree... You might be looking in all the wrong places.


Bars and clubs for one are NOT the right place.

You sound like a terrific guy. Why not look in a more mature age group for an affair(30ish). Lots of women love virgin boys because they are more honest emotionally and learn very quickly. They are very easy to love in a non-physical way as well as a physical way.

In order to meet good women, you have to be out in life, not in bars or in your room. A part time job in a restaurant in a university town would be a good place to meet all kinds of women and practice conversation with older women. Also, participating in co-ed sports that older women play like tennis and golf. I just learned that bowling is making a comeback! Being on a bowling team in a large co-ed bowling league makes for meeting all kinds of people.

Be open to meeting all kinds of women from all walks of life just to get to know women... time to start broadening your horizons and slowly get out of your insular student life to date.

Have a wonderful 2008!

I'm still a virgin and would love to find a guy the same way. So yes there are girls out there. I go to the bars and clubs and would have to say that I'm a party girl but I keep my morals and values about me. No matter how skimpy I dress... thats the most you will ever see of me! Lol. I figure you won't find something if you are looking to hard... it just bumps into I guess. (take for exapmle when you tear your room apart looking for the essay due in a hour and what do you know... it was right there all along) I don't know. That's just my take on it.

i'm still a virgin and would love to find a guy the same way. so yes there are girls out there. i go to the bars and clubs and would have to say that i'm a party girl but i keep my morals and values about me. no matter how skimpy i dress....thats the most you will ever see of me! lol. i figure you won't find something if you are looking to hard....it just bumps into i guess. (take for exapmle when you tear your room apart looking for the essay due in a hour and what do you know...it was right there all along) i don't know. thats just my take on it.


MMMM shorty, I'm not entirely convinced the way you describe your attitude/dress and places that you frequent make me think that YOU are actually looking in the wrong places yourself and sending conflicting messages...

I may be wrong but it is confusing to me.. :confused:

MMMM shorty, I'm not entirely convinced the way you describe your attitude/dress and places that you frequent make me think that YOU are actually looking in the wrong places yourself and sending conflicting messages.....

I may be wrong but it is confusing to me..:confused:Got to agree...

Why don't you get in a serious relationship? If you are around girls who only want one night stands... well what does that really say about what kind of person they are? If you are looking to "connect", it sounds as if you are the kind if guy who needs to be comfortable with who he's with. Why not get into a relationship? Its very hard to connect with girls who don't want the same thing. But you are definitely in the minority! A guy who wants a relationship over sex? Its not common to find a guy your age who wants to stay committed to one woman! That fact alone should draw the right kind of woman to you. Sometimes you have to look for the right one too, when you do, let her know. Its not about sex all the time, sometimes you need to love someone first. Goodluck!

well heres the deal


im a 19 year old male and im a virgin. its completely my choice(ive turned down sex more times than anybody i know). im an atheist so this has nothing to do with any sort of religion, i just want something more than a quick ya know. ive only dated one person seriously. she was a Christian so there was no problems avoiding it there. but here lately ive run into a huge bump. im in college and i get alot of attention from the opposite sex and its getting really hard to turn down. and all the girls get pissed when i say no and want nothing to do with me. im afraid of throwing away my values, but im a guy and my primal instincts are running rampant.
i could go on but it takes to much time so here are my questions

are there any girls left that want to connect instead of and run.
and what can i do to cope with my temptations.
do girls even like virgins.
edit- to makes things a little more clear im not apposed to sex at all in fact i want it i just need a bond for me to be comfortable.

i dont know thanks for reading

If you speak the truth, then the first girl you sleep with will want to marry you.

I feel you man, one-night stands aren't anything special. They've caused more harm and worry than any enjoyment. You won't find many honorable broads in college, as freshman they are sluts, only around the senior year do they get their priorities straight. So if you're still game for waiting, you have another four years ahead of you.

Best of luck.

True that smoothy and xrayman. Maybe that's why I'm still single. Hum... actually thank you. I think I needed someone to point that out for me. Goodness me... now what am I going to do with myself?

I agree with white-rose. You need someone serious... a virgin like you. Take your time to find the right person who believes in 1-1 relationship on the long term (a marriage for example). People with strict good values are hard to find. Keep on and do not fall in temptations.. wait for the right person for you. Good luck.

The girls that would get mad at you for turning them down are most likely shallow and you are better off sticking to your values. Start to get to know some girls that you think you might be interested in and take it from there. It is worth waiting for someone you are happy with than jumping the gun to be with someone that you don't hit it off with.

That's actually a pretty good thing. Maybe your just confused. And yes looking in all the wrong places. You want to be committed to someone before you throw yourself at them. Its good to wait until you love someone until you have sex with them. ;] good luck!

All of this tying virginity to values is a little sickening, actually. Plus you seem to be putting down the women who enjoy your company enough to want you to touch them.

Sex is a part of emotional growth. Not the only part, and not the main part. But it is important in a relationship. I'm not saying jump on every one-night-stand (not that you ever actually said that the women you were dating just wanted one night stands - which somehow I doubt. Heck, maybe you're treating them that way). I'm just saying let it evolve naturally.

Why commit yourself one way or another? If it happens, it happens.

anarchy: disagree:

Values or whatever you/he wants to call it...
something is holding him back from just wanting any girl
maybe he wants somebody he can relate to... whatever
I just picked the values word as a catch all and he used it himself.
I could have added a bunch of other words but assumed values covered things enough.

and if a girl "gets pissed when i say no and want nothing to do with me."
im afraid of throwing away my values,
He used the word himself anyway and it is HIS problem we are discussing!

Yes the girls are shallow if they get pissy and don't want anything more to do with you.
IF a girl felt you were 'the one' she would see it as an obstacle and challenge to overcome.

S0 Anarchy is missing the point where he says let it evolve IF the girls want nothing more to do with you then what is there to evolve?
IF the girls get pissed what is the point of evolving anything!

And who said anything about letting himself get vulnerable?

He said he feels like he might be not that he has.

Anarchy: disagree:

And who said anything about letting himself get vulnerable?

I was talking about the girls who want sex. They are putting themselves in a vulnerable position. Of course they feel hurt when rejected. No one likes to be rejected. That doesn't make them shallow. This guy isn't the only one with feelings.
Obviously if sex is important to the girls he's been seeing, but not to him, then they probably aren't the ones for him.

I think my agressivenes in my previous answer came out of the comment "as freshman they are sluts" (which wasn't your comment I understand, or in the original question - so perhaps I was a little harsh). Made me a little deffensive of the so called "sluts."

We've really got to stop throwing "slut" around like that. There is no need to think that being comfortable with your own sexuality is an immoral thing.

They could be sluts and he could have been making a very valid statement.
To what degree would you call a girl a slut?
Does comfortable with your own sexuality mean jumping from guy to guy without getting to know the guy and getting pissed off if he isn't going for it. And 3 guys later 30 guys later.
I know lots of girls that jump from guy to guy and have been with tons of guys before they even graduate high school. Many girls are not vulnerable to being hurt because they are often the ones seducing and then dumping the guys.
All I am saying is he expects more from a relationship he should look for it then!
You can define or not define anything whatever way you want but if he is looking for something different it doesn't matter how much you sugar coat it.

I wouldn't call anyone a slut. It's a vile term. It takes two to have sex.

Some guys can be sluts too.
It isn't so much having sex but the nonchalant way some go about jumping bed to bed.

well I am 19 also... and I still am a virgin and still in high school believe it or not... lol...

and I also looking for the one that I wan to lose it to.. and trust me that sound corny but lol... watever..

so I can't no give you any advise but I just give you what I am doing right now... that just go hang with your friends and meeting new friends... you don't look for it.. you bump into them.. and it just happens^^ >...

remember that everything start with a friendship...

P.S... dang you are a pimp.. lol.. got girls threw themselves at you ? ^^

I wish I can ddo that XD

I guess I am just use to the word because so many girls where I live go around smuggly stating they... da slut, they... da B****, they... da this and that.

Anarchy42 disagrees: If you make yourself vulnerable and then get rejected, it hurts. That doesn't mean the girl's shallow.

Please review the AMHD policy concerning disagrees... in posts like this, that concern opinion, you should restrain yourself.

Disagrees are meant to be used when the poster is factually incorrect. If you disagree, please first comment on it with your own post within the thread, and not with the rating feature.

To do otherwise is to ignore the site rules.

Wow...

anon-o-mas,
I am the type who thinks waiting until marriage is the most romantic thing.:)

And remember that virginity is not a disease you have to get rid of or that you have to follow everyone else around you who maybe into casual relationships.

Be different and hold onto your ideals,when the time is right you will find the one you want to spend your life with.

That's awesome. I had a friend that was a virgin till 19 years old. I really think you should stick with it. I live in a college town myself. Those girls who get pissed are what you call sluts. And yes there are plenty of woman out there that don't have to have it. Actually there are lots of people in life that go the whole time being a virgin. Although I do recommend doing it once before you die. I would wait and get through school first then you can meet someone who really suites your needs as well as there's. To cope with not having sex masterbate. And I wish you the best of luck you sound like a sweet guy. OH and yes girls do like virgins that's probably why all the college chicks are all over you. I think they are probably hoping they can be the first... not worth it.

I agree, sex is a personal thing... do it when you are ready and because you want, not because someone else is ready or they want, its your body.

well heres the deal


im a 19 year old male and im a virgin. its completely my choice(ive turned down sex more times than anybody i know). im an atheist so this has nothing to do with any sort of religion, i just want something more than a quick ya know. ive only dated one person seriously. she was a Christian so there was no problems avoiding it there. but here lately ive run into a huge bump. im in college and i get alot of attention from the opposite sex and its getting really hard to turn down. and all the girls get pissed when i say no and want nothing to do with me. im afraid of throwing away my values, but im a guy and my primal instincts are running rampant.
i could go on but it takes to much time so here are my questions

are there any girls left that want to connect instead of and run.
and what can i do to cope with my temptations.
do girls even like virgins.
edit- to makes things a little more clear im not apposed to sex at all in fact i want it i just need a bond for me to be comfortable.

i dont know thanks for reading
If a girl gets mad that you don't want to have sex with her,
You explain why you don't to have sex with her... because she might feel
You are turning her down for her appearance.

But searching for a relationship is NOT going to help
Let things happen, the right girl will find you, or you'll find her
But it will be in a natural way




Just with the flow and let things happen
And if your worried about girls not liking virgins, it's the opposite
Most would perfer it.

Lots of women love virgin boys because they are more honest emotionally and learn very quickly. They are very easy to love in a non-physical way as well as a physical way.

I felt uncomfortable with this statement. It seems to imply that all guys a certain age are alike, instead of seeing them as individuals. The point isn't age, but finding someone who is more serious about love and life, I gathered. This statement sounds like the sexist way that some men talk about women. Try reversing and it sounds awful!

Asking

... im afraid of throwing away my values ...
I wonder why nobody so far asked anon what values that are.
What REAL VALUE is there in abstaining from sex?
Why should a personal preference be seen as a value?
;)

Anon,
I say stick to your guns. I'm a 19 year old girl, and though not a virgin, I'm totally sick of the casual attitudes of people our age. It's a very personal thing, and I find the emotional intimacy the most important aspect.
If a guy ever got angry with me for refusing to sleep with him, I'd probably slap him (if not something worse). I don't see why girls are getting away with that behaviour when they'd probably abuse a guy for doing exactly the same thing.
I know a lot of virgins who are older than you, for religious reasons, or just because they want it to be right, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'd seriously like to meet more guys who care about a relationship as much as sex. Good for you!
As for temptation, I guess you could always work on getting a girlfriend who you actually have an emotional relationship with. And in the meantime there's always Mrs Palmer and her five dancing daughters!

Good luck!
Kal

Credendovidis,
I totally disagree! It's a life choice. If he were doing this for religious reasons, you wouldn't think twice about it! Either way, it's a set of moral values that's he's decided are important in his life. I think choosing to avoid promiscuity is a perfectly valid set of values.
I'm a vegetarian, and in the grand scheme of things, that's just a personal preference. But it's a preference that's important to me. Most religious rules are much the same. Christians aren't supposed to have sex out of marriage, Jews aren't supposed to eat pork. But if people are promiscuous, or if a Jew eats pork, or if I eat meat, none of us will die as a result, we'll just not be living up to the standards of morality we think are important. Why should he have to be explaining himself to anybody?

Kal

I just went to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a government that carries out very careful studies of all kinds of things related to health.

NCHS - Publications and Information Products - Sexual Behavior and Selected Health Measures: Men and Women 15-44 Years of Age, United States, 2002 (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/pubs/pubd/ad/361-370/ad362.htm)

Their survey conducted in 2002 says that by age 19, 30 percent of men had not had intercourse. That is, at age 19, 30 percent of men are still virgins. Even those who were not virgins might have had sex maybe once or twice. So being a virgin at this age is NOT unusual. I also don't think anybody should assume that because someone has had sex, it means they have had a lot of experience or are promiscuous.

I respect that you want the first time to be special. That said, here's my opinion. Virgin guys have to learn how to make it special. The first time, or the thirtieth time for you may not be special for her at all. Sex is about two people, not just one. You have a lot to learn sexually. It will not all, magically be acquired when you decide to take that step. Practice being the operative word, you are practicing the fine art of saying no, to sex.

I have the same problem but I'm a chick. I'm 19 and I've turned down my share of guys in the heat of the moment. It's so hard to say no, but I know that when I meet the right guy it will all be worth it. I want the connection that you see in movies and read about in books instead of the guilt that you see in reality. I, however, am a Christian so that is the main reason as to why I am waiting but not necessarily for marriage. I guess why I'm writing this is to let you know that there are girls out there who ARE ready for that connection and some of us DO want to be with a virgin their first time, as well.

Just_Jan, I am just writing this to let you know that this person, in the four years between the original posting and your reply, has probably figured this out. At the very least will never see your response. It is best to keep your responses to newer threads where the person is still potentially reading the responses.